"THE HAT"

[AlexGray]

As anyone who knows me, either well or not so well, can tell you ; I enjoy wearing headgear. At odd and often inappropriate times.

Like my Nazi hat on ANZAC Day. But that is a completely different story and I assure you I meant no disrespect. Apart from any disregard to wiggas, fascists and stupid people, which is an umbrella that covers the above mentioned.

ANYWHO. Today I decided to wear my bowler hat on my trip to the corner store to pick up some cigarettes. This lead me to discover a few things.
For one it seems that 'The Hat' has some sort of unearthly power over 'normies' (aka sheeple or regular people) that causes confusion and inexplicable distress, driving them to an unintelligible, confused mass, fearful and huddling in their caves, brought back to their Neanderthal beginnings of that thing that they simply, cannot, understand but seems to be leering and demanding cigarettes from them as foam drips from it's rabid mouth!

'The Hat' stops traffic, causing drivers to slow to an almost standstill as they stare wide eyed in confusion, and often scream things from passing car windows such as 'Oi Mate! Go back to Broadway!' and "Are you Mary Poppins' son?'.
I entered the store and asked the clerk 'Do you sell Camel's?' to which he replied after a moment of thought 'camels?', 'Camels.' I replied with the univeral sigh of smoking. 'Oh! he said, I assumed you meant the animal...you know...big camels.' gesturing either at an invisible dromedary or the height of his IQ.

I ended up settling for Marlboro red. Which I bought down the road, I didn't want to be served by a man that dabbled in dromedary erotica.

My conclusion is simply this, 'The Hat' is either an alien device used to confuse people not attuned to its wavelengths, or host to some sort of unearthly, arcane magic used to confuse and astound people.

I think I'll be wearing it more often.

[rogue_designer]

huh.

I've never had such a commotion caused by any headgear I've worn.

Maybe Chicagoans are a tougher breed.

Or maybe it's not the hat, but something about you that drives regular folk batty.

[Klynt Mahryd]

Ok, I laughed at Dromedary Erotica. And the fact that the clerk though you were asking for real camels.

People in general tend to be very stupid creatures. They generally don't expect the unexpected, even something as simple as a bowler hat.

I do think that there should be shops that sell real camels at every streetcorner.

[Magister]

I cannot help but wonder what links a bowler hat to any creature of the animal kingdom. I never have that problem while wearing my fedora, which is ironic considering its resemblance to the hat of Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones Jr. who depending on circumstances might inquire with a shopkeeper about purchasing that sort of camel, or some other beast of burden for venturing into deserts and such. Very odd indeed.

[CapnHarlock]

ummmmmm.. may not be the Hat, but the idiots who get certain jobs....

Years ago, my oath-brother and I drove to North Carolina with another medeievalst, a severe diabetic and ...ummm.... "picky" in food tastes, so we ended up at 4 different McDonald's, over the weekend.  Our friend always ordered the same thing "A hamburger with no onions, and milk."

Four out of four counter personnel, shocked,  said "You want milk on your hamburger???" It became something of a private joke.

In the US. at least,a high school diploma is no guarantee that one can think.  (which may explain why I prefer talking here to dealing with my neighbors)

[Klynt Mahryd]

Four out of four counter personnel, shocked,  said "You want milk on your hamburger???"

[InsanityBites]

Huh. I never have such problems with my trilby. Then again, they did become somewhat fashionable here (about a month after I started wearing mine, heh), so maybe people don't see it as abnormal.

[The Infamous Red Bixby]

It does seem that fedoras and the like are coming back into some sort of style here in the States (at least in my area). I have been wearing my "short" top hat for about 6 years running now so maybe I am ahead of a fashion curve...

AlexGray, judging from your use of words I would guess you to be from England or possibly Austrailia which strikes me as odd, as I would think people with these types of hats would not be so out of the norm there. Of course, I am only guessing of your nationality and so if you are based in the States as well, then it makes perfect sense.

-Red Bixby

[AlexGray]

It does seem that fedoras and the like are coming back into some sort of style here in the States (at least in my area). I have been wearing my "short" top hat for about 6 years running now so maybe I am ahead of a fashion curve...

AlexGray, judging from your use of words I would guess you to be from England or possibly Austrailia which strikes me as odd, as I would think people with these types of hats would not be so out of the norm there. Of course, I am only guessing of your nationality and so if you are based in the States as well, then it makes perfect sense.

-Red Bixby

Good guess my man! I'm from Australia, though English is my 2nd language.

[AlexGray]

ummmmmm.. may not be the Hat, but the idiots who get certain jobs....

NO NO...it was "The Hat."

And even if it wasnt, the effect it has on stupid people lead me to ponder on a world domination scheme.

[Sir Nikolas Vendigroth]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I agree with the hat! 

Sorry, couldn't resist. I started it, after all.

[Flynn MacCallister]

Thing is, I'd do that, or something like that, quite deliberately to anyone buying cigarettes from me, just because I hate smoking. (Please forgive me my gripe: I'm a severe asthmatic, and I'm sick -- both literally and metaphorically -- of the miasma of cigarette smoke in so many public areas. What am I meant to do? Wear a respirator? Just give up on attending uni, and never venture into the city again?)

It's also quite possible that, if he was a non-smoker, the guy just had no idea what you were talking about, hat or no hat.

It does seem that fedoras and the like are coming back into some sort of style here in the States (at least in my area). I have been wearing my "short" top hat for about 6 years running now so maybe I am ahead of a fashion curve...

AlexGray, judging from your use of words I would guess you to be from England or possibly Austrailia which strikes me as odd, as I would think people with these types of hats would not be so out of the norm there. Of course, I am only guessing of your nationality and so if you are based in the States as well, then it makes perfect sense.

-Red Bixby

Good guess my man! I'm from Australia, though English is my 2nd language.

(Uhm, I've probably asked before, but whereabouts? XD   )

[Lily]

Maybe Chicagoans are a tougher breed.

I'd bet it has more to do with the number of Chicago-ites(?) going about armed. It's like that in Baltimore. You think twice about mouthing off to someone, you just might get shot.



I think anything unusual throws most folks off. Like that scene in "Ants" when everything stops because a leaf fell in the path,. *gasp* Something was different! Everyone panic!

Personally, I find that sort of thing tremendously amusing. I live to drop leaves in paths. Congratulations to you and your hat.

[cybele13]

I like bowler hats on people, so much so that I even named my cat "Derby." But, is it me or do they remind anyone else of a Clockwork Orange?

I'm going to drink moloko with me droogies...

[Lady Lavinea Dreadful]

i've had similar reactions to my aviator cap. every thing from a young girl yelling in the mall "I found amilia!" (to which i jumped behind my husband and yelled back "you did not! you saw nothing you know nothing!" to the thunderouse laughter of all involved) to one man telling me i was insane and to get out of his store. its quit fun!

[Lady Penelope]

I was holding up fine until I got to the "dromedary erotica" bit....   

Reminds me a little bit of the time when my parents visited an SCA event with SteampunkBuilder and myself up in rural North Alabama.  My folks were in normal clothing during the trip up and back, but Hubby and I had already changed into our medieval garb.  A few miles away from the event site, my dad (who was driving) stopped at a gas station.   He filled up while the rest of us shopped for snacks, we paid the cashier, and drove off.  Nothing unusual happened.

But later, my dad stopped by that same gas station, whereupon he was reportedly cornered and asked, "Who were them A-rab folks you was with this morning?"   

(And no, neither of us was wearing anything that looked even remotely Arabic, unless one knows absolutely nothing of costume history and thinks that anything ankle-length and involving a headcover must be Middle Eastern in origin!) 

[Klynt Mahryd]

But later, my dad stopped by that same gas station, whereupon he was reportedly cornered and asked, "Who were them A-rab folks you was with this morning?"   

(And no, neither of us was wearing anything that looked even remotely Arabic, unless one knows absolutely nothing of costume history and thinks that anything ankle-length and involving a headcover must be Middle Eastern in origin!) 

I think my palm will be permanently glued to my face for this entire thread.

Wow, just, wow.

[Lady Penelope]

Well, come to think, we were wearing sunglasses.  I suppose we could've passed for Kuwaiti billionaires who just happened to be driving through the mountains of North Alabama wearing 15th Century French and 14th Century English garb....   

Perhaps we should've thought to ask about Camels.   

[JingleJoe]

Thats all very strange
Maybe, and I'm serious here, well sort of, hats acctually block brainwaves with which humans communicate subliminally
Briefly;
My theory is that humans use brain waves or some kind of mental/psychic oscillations to communicate without realizing it, for example you think of someone then they phone you, someone you know walks into a room and you knew what they were about to say and lastly I've noticed some brothers and relations can say totally incoherant phrases to each other and understand thier meaning, for example;
Brother 1-"whats the thing with that erm vegetable"
Brother 2-"oh you mean pikmin on the gamecube?"
Brother 1-"yeah thats the one"
Maybe they had previously been refaring to pikmin as vegetables but even in situations where they haven't I've seen this circumstance and resulting comprehension of meaning from total incoherance.
But I'm rambiling now;

My point is that certain hats block brainwaves with which humans use to "comunicate" with each other subliminally and subconsiously, not receiving these waves because of the hat, knocks out chunks of vital information and definition conveyed by these waves causing people to act irrationally or unusually towards the wearer of the hat.
Also the wearer not receiving interfereance from other's waves can think more clearly and see how stupid you* all can be.

Rambiling yes, but you gotta admit I might have something there, eh?


*You as in "normies" I like that word gotta add it to my vocabulary

[Vienna Fahrmann]

     There actually was a "Camel Erotica" cigarette campaign in europe some years ago.  I think I got a photo of the fetish camel poster.  (That and the goat dressed as Ludwig of Bavaria were classics).

     Vienna

[Lady Anne]

If hats blocked out brainwaves, we'd all be a lot better at understanding each other than we were back when everyone wore hats.  Alas, I believe this is not the case...

[Marcus Bell Of Ulm]

huh.

 

Maybe Chicagoans are a tougher breed.

Quite... Though goggles always get a comment/bewildered remark...

[Brasslok]

First, thank you you for a truly humorous thread! (I needed this today!)

Second, everyone knows it's aluminum foil that blocks brainwaves, and or the mind control waves from TPTB (Alien Overlords)!  

Third, world domination through Bowlers? Count me in, I just recieved mine in the mail a week ago! Just astoundingly stylin'!

[LizPf]

It's not a steamish hat, but I'm famous in these here parts for wearing my off-white broad-brim Tilley whenever I'm walking on a sunny day.

I'm usually the only hatted person in sight — I refuse to include baseball caps on non pros in uniform as hats.

When my beloved Tilley gives up the ghost, in about 40 years (the things are indestructible), I'll have to find something with a steamier style to replace it.

[JingleJoe]

If hats blocked out brainwaves, we'd all be a lot better at understanding each other than we were back when everyone wore hats.  Alas, I believe this is not the case...

Ah but did you notice how varied and rich language used to be in the days of victoriana and hats? Now days we're cutting out vowles everywhere and talking like buffoons because our unhindered-hatless brainwaves are filling them in for us