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Author Topic: Boasting Challenge  (Read 31378 times)
Dr cornelius quack
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Arrant Carney. Phmebian Cultural Attache.


« Reply #225 on: September 26, 2009, 08:53:24 pm »

Both Boasting threads have been combined to one thread to keep it organized.

And it's worked so well!!
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Such are the feeble bases on which many a public character rests.

Today, I am two, separate Gorillas.
miststlkr
Officer
***
Canada Canada


Neophyte Fabricator


« Reply #226 on: September 26, 2009, 09:10:13 pm »

Two weeks ago I broke my arm, had surgery to piece it back together three days later, missed but those two days of martial arts training and an now back to work.. all without taking any painkillers or getting a cast.  I know, I can't compete with the slayers of gorgons and krakens we have here.. but hey, I'm only [mostly] human and I'm rather proud of that feat. [or arm, as the case may be] Tongue

Ja, you ah all puny veaklink, girly men!
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This space for rent
Athena
Guest
« Reply #227 on: September 26, 2009, 10:54:56 pm »

Here's one.

Played softball (catcher), broke my nose, went to the emergency room that night. Never cried, never yelled, just kinda angry that I was that stupid. Next day went to practice in 100 degree heat, day after that went to take my ACT test. I would pull on my nose just to hear the scrunchy sound it made, and my mom would have to reset it every time.
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akumabito
Immortal
**
Netherlands Netherlands


~~Blast from the past~~


« Reply #228 on: October 02, 2009, 12:19:27 pm »

I stubbed my toe this mornign and only slightly yelped..
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Dr cornelius quack
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Arrant Carney. Phmebian Cultural Attache.


« Reply #229 on: October 02, 2009, 10:18:44 pm »




But really, that is NOTHING compared to the time you ended that territorial dispute in Liechtenstein with the help of the Grecian All-Men's Nudist Choir. How did that happen again?

Total fluke, really.

We were halfway through our concert when the insurrgent forces launched a surprise attack. Being a somewhat rustic millitia, the make up of the army was a rather strange one and our choice of song had a most disrupting effect on group morale.
The 'Nymphs' seemed quite ammenable to the suggestion, but the 'Shepherds' took it very badly and went home in a huff. (Well, most of them did.)

This unexpected result should have been enough to win us the gold medal at the festival, had it not been for the fact that at that very moment, an Austrian naval officer and his family turned up and pipped us at the post.
It was ridiculous. They looked as though they'd been sleeping rough on a mountain somewhere and their costumes were just made out of old curtains.
Mind you, the song they sang did have goats in it.

That always goes down well in Lichtenstein.

But, none of this resolves that thing about why you always count to seventeen when you see an Aardvark!



« Last Edit: October 02, 2009, 10:57:50 pm by Dr cornelius quack » Logged
Anders
Snr. Officer
****
United States United States


Obtainer of Rare Antiquities


WWW
« Reply #230 on: December 05, 2009, 08:19:55 pm »

{Hello, good sirs and ladies.  I have returned from an involuntary sabbatical of all things Steampunk and have resolved to resuscitate one of my favorite threads on this site.  I was majorly disappointed to see that the two threads were merged, especially since the confusion in style has seemed to kill most activity here.  However, I would like to continue in the fashion of the one thread, and if the other has any merit and spawns interest, then perhaps the moderators would look kindly on its re-creation as a separate thread.  Thank you.}

Aardvarks...
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

Ah, yes, the wretched creatures!  Well, maybe I shouldn't be so hard on them.  After all, it was the horrible Doctor Von Brotundbutter who originally dreamed up this mad experiment.  You don't remember?  Well, then I shall recount it as best I can.

It was in the fall of '96 when I received a letter with several pre-paid ship and train tickets and a mysterious invitation to Schloss Unheimliche in the post.  At the time I thought nothing of the name, being not accustomed to working in that region at the time.  The letter stated that the Doctor had heard of my exploits in the previous year in connection with the Pope, the vampires, and that dashing young Librarian from Rome and wished to consult me on certain details of my exploits, which he was including in a compilation of similar stories in the hopes of creating an authoritative work on that field of study.

It was just turning to November, I believe, when I arrived at the castle.  Dark and foreboding it was, but I chalked it up to the poor local economy and lack of funds for repair.  Doctor Von Brotundbutter greeted me and had a servant (with a pronounced hunch back) carry my bags up to my room.  We retired to the Doctor's sitting-room and talked of business, and of the weather.  Von Brotundbutter mentioned that a storm seemed to be coming up that he predicted would close the narrow road to his castle for several days or more.  I was dubious, but he put off my questions by promising to show me his observatory later.  (As it turns out, there really was a blizzard rising which closed the road for two days.  I learned this after the fact, and remarked to several acquaintances that despite being thoroughly evil, Von Brotundbutter was truly an expert meteorologist.  Considering his experiments, he had to be!)

Von Brotundbutter poured us some drinks and we continued talking before the fireplace.  Suddenly I felt my fingers go numb; then the sensation spread up my arms and from my toes up my legs.  I tried to ask the Doctor what was going on, but I found my tongue intractable.  Then I passed out.

When I awoke I was strapped to a table.  Looking around, I found myself in a stone dungeon which had been retrofitted with all manner of mysterious electrical and scientific equipment.  Another table a few feet away contained a rather panicked-looking aardvark...
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
with similar electronic equipment nearby.  The Doctor walked up to me with a dreadful smile on his face.  I asked what was going on, and what was the meaning of this, and all such questions one is obliged to ask when strapped down to a mad doctor's table.

He answered that he was going to "electronically" transfer my brain into that of an aardvark...
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
and that of an aardvark...
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
into mine!  I declared him mad on the spot and tried to break free, but no amount of struggling could free me from my bonds.  I thought for sure that this was the end of my adventuring career.  And what a way to meet my end!  I had thought for sure I would manage to go out in a flash of brilliance, such as an airship explosion or the time-portal briefly created by that famed adventurer Zebulon Smythe.  No, instead I was to live out the rest of my days as an...  Well, you know.

The Doctor cackled madly and threw the switch!  I closed my eyes tightly against the electrical sparks flying off of the equipment.  Somewhere I heard a pitiful, high-pitched scream.  I can only assume it was the hunch-backed lab assistant.  It certainly wasn't me.  I assure you.

When I opened my eyes, I expected to be looking out from the body of... a certain creature.  Instead, I was still my normal self.  I looked over at the... other subject just to be sure, and there it was.  However, I felt a strange compulsion to begin counting quickly.  I counted to seventeen and finally relaxed.  I looked away and back, and counted to seventeen again.  All the Doctor had managed to do to me was install a strange idiosyncrasy in my mind.  The Doctor sighed at his apparent failure and instructed the hunchback to loose me.  Von Brotenbutter apologized, and I told him to think nothing of it since there is certainly a dearth of... such creatures in adventuring and it would not prove any especial inconvenience.  I was offered a carriage ride back to town, which I politely accepted. 

The hunchback and I were nearly out the door when we heard screams coming from the lab.  We turned to see that the Doctor had released the... animal, and it was attacking him.  The experiment was not a total failure, we saw, since my martial arts skills (acquired on previous expeditions to the Orient) had been transferred to the... animal.  Von Brotundbutter was horribly mutilated, and once finished with him the creature came for us!  We made good our escape by closing the heavy wooden door, which even those sharp claws would take time to get through.  Later I would wonder whether this strange compulsion was random, or whether the transfer of some of my knowledge to the... animal was related.

I came out of the experience with a little more wariness for strange invitations to mysterious castles, and my friend the hunchback apparently took another job with a family in the next province... Frahnkenshteen, I believe was the name.  That's why I always count to seventeen when I see an aardvark...
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

Oh, blast!

I must get my mind off of... certain wildlife.  Do tell of the time you assisted Charles Babbage in that tumultuous adventure involving the clock tower at the Palace of Westminster!
Logged
Vagabond GentleMan
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United States United States


Clockwork Sepia


WWW
« Reply #231 on: December 06, 2009, 12:54:44 am »

I wasn't born, I sprung fully-grown and fully-armed with a Grizzly Adams beard, screaming and covered in blood from the mighty left hand of King Kong.  That's how I came into the world, and that's how I plan to go out.  I manifested in the future, and age backwards through time.  I don't eat salad, I force-feed canned spinach to tigers, then eat the tiger's souls through the medium of a steely gaze.  If I want to speak to an equal, I have to talk to myself.  I can cook 30-second brownies in five seconds.  I can't wear a condom, for there is no protection from ME.  My muscle is so dense that a single pound of it weighs a thousand pounds.  I went looking to fight a worthy foe, but finding none, I had to settle for kicking my own butt.  Finest beating I ever took...face was pulp, guts were pierced, ribs all mashed up...but when I came to finish me, I couldn't look myself in the eye.  I let me live, for I wanted me to live in shame, so I cut out the eye that looked away and sent it to myself...I woulda cut them both out if I could have fought myself blind.  So I rose up with a full heart and buried myself in my own blood.  In King Kong's hand.
Logged

Well that wolf has a dimber bonebox, and he'll flash it all milky and red.  But you won't see our Red Jack's spit, nug, cuz he's pinked ya, and yer dead.
Rev.Hammer
Gunner
**
United States United States


Fighting sanity every day!


« Reply #232 on: December 06, 2009, 05:48:29 am »

I can whistle in 4 languages.


So there, take that!
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S.Sprocket
Administrator
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United States United States


Industria Proficiscor In!


« Reply #233 on: December 07, 2009, 05:21:39 pm »

This thread was apparently combined to no effect.  Therefore, this thread will be moved to textual for the longer boasting.  And the OP will be making a post in off topic for the other form of boasting.  Game on.
 
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"It's what a cove knows that counts, ain't it Sybil?  More than land or money, more than birth.  Information. Very flash." -Mick Radley

"Teaching boys to bake cakes? That's no way to maintain an industrial empire." --Fred Dibnah
Maj. Clive Hathaway
Snr. Officer
****
United States United States


Gentleman Adventurer & Darklantern


« Reply #234 on: December 07, 2009, 06:53:34 pm »

Quote
I am CuChullan!
IF you have read The Tain you know that means I killed a wolf hound when I was five, that I killed my king's enemies when I was seven, that I got a woman pregnant when I was ten, that I then disemboweled my seven year old son (who killed everybody that attacked him) with my BARE HANDS, that singlehandedly I defeated the armies of Connact, Leinster, Munster and Meath. While standing in a flooding river I fought a guy in single combat using my sword in my right hand, in my left hand I used my sling to break the ribs, leg and gouge out the eye of the Morrigan, GODDESS OF WAR!!!!
I leapt from county to county with a woman on my back and killed three hundred men and then took her virginity ALL IN THE SAME HOUR!

Oh you! Don't you have some cattle to go steal??
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"Death is the last Great adventure."

Lurk the Good Lurk.
Anders
Snr. Officer
****
United States United States


Obtainer of Rare Antiquities


WWW
« Reply #235 on: December 09, 2009, 02:27:59 am »

Attention, all boasters in the "storytelling" version of this thread!

Due to a considerable disparity in the styles of the "boasting" threads which were merged, the administrators have consented to allow these threads to be split up once more.  Please continue telling us about your adventures in the new Recount Your Adventures thread!

To all those who wish to boast, please keep your flat-out boasting competition in this thread, but do feel welcome to join us in the other thread and perhaps share a story or two.  One can never have too many good adventure tales!

Sincerely,
Anders
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Acheron
Zeppelin Captain
*****
Sweden Sweden


Bastard Man powers, activate! Form of Freud!


« Reply #236 on: December 09, 2009, 03:41:57 am »

Once, after having bedded a totally sweet broad I went up in my underpants and into the kitchen to get something to drink. She followed and watched me in no innocent manner while leaning on the door frame at the entry, then said that I 'looked as though I were made of wood'.

Offended, I stared at her for a moment, then headbutted the metal-case refrigerator. The magnets on it dropped off, and I caught one in my palm.

Turning, I looked at her, and then pressed the magnet to my temple, where it stuck. And then I said:

'Bitch, I am made of steel!'
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'The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously.'

   - Henry Kissinger
cremorne
Gunner
**
United Kingdom United Kingdom


« Reply #237 on: December 10, 2009, 11:50:57 pm »

I invented the female orgasm -and boy how you  guys have screwed that one up!:)
Ladies - you know:)
And actually Brian Blessed is a personal friend of mine... no, really.

(btw guys - calling women bitches is never a smart move)
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Lucius Voltaic
Snr. Officer
****
United States United States


I need a cup of the brown stuff, shade of an acorn

LuciusVoltaic
WWW
« Reply #238 on: December 11, 2009, 08:47:45 pm »

Once, after having bedded a totally sweet broad I went up in my underpants and into the kitchen to get something to drink. She followed and watched me in no innocent manner while leaning on the door frame at the entry, then said that I 'looked as though I were made of wood'.

Offended, I stared at her for a moment, then headbutted the metal-case refrigerator. The magnets on it dropped off, and I caught one in my palm.

Turning, I looked at her, and then pressed the magnet to my temple, where it stuck. And then I said:

'Bitch, I am made of steel!'

That's hilarious.  Cheesy

And actually Brian Blessed is a personal friend of mine... no, really.

That could be an instant win right there.

Someone should make a Brian Blessed emoticon or smiley.
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"The man who is clever and lazy however is for the very highest command; he has the temperament and nerves to deal with all situations."
--General Baron Kurt von Hammerstein-Equord
Rockula
Board Moderator
Rogue Ætherlord
**
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Nothing beats a good hat.


« Reply #239 on: December 11, 2009, 09:50:28 pm »

I've just found out that Abney Park consider me their fan with the coolest name.

Although, they were uncertain as to whether I was male or female. Actually, that's a boast as well. Grin
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The legs have fallen off my Victorian Lady...
OhtheIrony
Guest
« Reply #240 on: December 15, 2009, 07:44:30 am »

This is how it’s done chaps:
I was born in my prime, in the middle of an electerical storm. I promptly devoured my evil twin and asked my mother if I had any mad Uncles for dessert! I am so fast I run around the planet and stab the back of whatever is chasing me! Whenever I walk past spiders shrivel from the heat I put forth. The last man to touch me is now the prime attraction in Melvin Grobitz's Cavalcade of Freaks! The only other man brave enough to chance his luck fainted from the raw, sensual energy I emitted.
    I giggled sweetly in the face of the Chimera of Berkeley, who jumped into the lake to avoid my steely gaze! I faced the dastardly Dr. Hargen and his Legions of Mechanical laser sharks in the eye of a force 10 hurricane! I snapped off their mechanical limbs and lasers to leave them floundering before they could set off a single blast!
    I have braved the tightest of corsets and the chattiest of dinner guests. I have turned down no challenge, declined no enemy daft enough to face me, For I am:
    Amelia Werther.
    Woman extraordinaire.
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Mad Maudlin
Snr. Officer
****
United States United States


Defenestratrix


« Reply #241 on: March 13, 2010, 03:49:37 am »

I wear hats.
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To Hell with ponies, I want an Airship!
"...If I ever see anyone in a ‘sexy clockwork automaton’ costume they picked up off a supermarket shelf I’m going to beat them to death with their plastic cog mini-skirt..."
-Dylan Fox in issue 7 of <i>SteamPunk</i> magazine
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