Poll

How do you feel about fruitcake?

I've never tried fruitcake.
I can't stand fruitcake.
I have regifted fruitcake.
I like fruitcake.
I do everything in my power to reduce the world's supply of fruitcake.

Author Topic: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?  (Read 9315 times)

Prof Marvel

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #50 on: December 06, 2021, 08:26:56 pm »
I want another real fruitcake....
But the supply chain is kaput.

I am too busy trying to make gluten free vegan blah blah bread that is edible to try to make a fruitcake.
My last experiment, making sandwich buns from Green plantains, then yellow plantains plus tapioca flour
Ended up waaaaaay too chewy and .. dense... And icky...

I dare not try fruitcake yet.

Without a way to make this dough rise, I endup making inedible bricks.

At least I can make pie crusts and biscuits from Gluten Free Bisqwik !
Thank you Betsy Crackers! Thank You!

The principal at Betty Crocker, btw have Celiac offspring, thus their interest in offering decent
GF vegan food stuff.

Experimental baking is a real pain in the butt for a poor old dumb retired software engineer.
I was never good at chemistry in the first place! Every time the local temperature and barometric pressurechanges,
My baking efforts come out "different" .

At least pie crusts and cobbler crusts don't need to rise...

Yhs
Prof I am not a Baker but I try really hard
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Synistor 303

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #51 on: December 06, 2021, 11:16:13 pm »
I want another real fruitcake....
But the supply chain is kaput.

I am too busy trying to make gluten free vegan blah blah bread that is edible to try to make a fruitcake.
My last experiment, making sandwich buns from Green plantains, then yellow plantains plus tapioca flour
Ended up waaaaaay too chewy and .. dense... And icky...

I dare not try fruitcake yet.

Without a way to make this dough rise, I endup making inedible bricks.

At least I can make pie crusts and biscuits from Gluten Free Bisqwik !
Thank you Betsy Crackers! Thank You!

The principal at Betty Crocker, btw have Celiac offspring, thus their interest in offering decent
GF vegan food stuff.

Experimental baking is a real pain in the butt for a poor old dumb retired software engineer.
I was never good at chemistry in the first place! Every time the local temperature and barometric pressurechanges,
My baking efforts come out "different" .

At least pie crusts and cobbler crusts don't need to rise...

Yhs
Prof I am not a Baker but I try really hard

Well, I can make a recipe for you if you want? We have a Celiac or two in the family and we do Christmas dinner GF, so know what needs to be done. My fruitcake recipe barely has any flour in it as it is - it is mostly fruit (glued together with minimal cake-substance). It would not be too hard to do GF. It starts with 5 1/2 cups of mixed dried fruit, which has been soaked in whatever booze you have at hand for 4 + days, if you want to get a start on it.

2 more cakes down... a HUGE one and a smaller one. I added copious quantities of ginger in these ones just to see how they go. I reckon I might be half way through the fruit mix now...




J. Wilhelm

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #52 on: December 07, 2021, 02:07:04 am »
I want another real fruitcake....
But the supply chain is kaput.

I am too busy trying to make gluten free vegan blah blah bread that is edible to try to make a fruitcake.
My last experiment, making sandwich buns from Green plantains, then yellow plantains plus tapioca flour
Ended up waaaaaay too chewy and .. dense... And icky...

I dare not try fruitcake yet.

Without a way to make this dough rise, I endup making inedible bricks.

At least I can make pie crusts and biscuits from Gluten Free Bisqwik !
Thank you Betsy Crackers! Thank You!

The principal at Betty Crocker, btw have Celiac offspring, thus their interest in offering decent
GF vegan food stuff.

Experimental baking is a real pain in the butt for a poor old dumb retired software engineer.
I was never good at chemistry in the first place! Every time the local temperature and barometric pressurechanges,
My baking efforts come out "different" .

At least pie crusts and cobbler crusts don't need to rise...

Yhs
Prof I am not a Baker but I try really hard


Fruit Tamales  ;) No Gluten. What? Someone has to try... Why haven't I seen alcoholic fruit Tamales yet?  ;D
« Last Edit: December 07, 2021, 02:08:49 am by J. Wilhelm »

J. Wilhelm

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #53 on: December 07, 2021, 02:25:08 am »
OK. They do exist. Made from candied fruit and raisins.

https://peopleenespanol.com/recetas/8889-tamales-de-coco-y-frutas-cristalizadas/

Made with dried fruit

https://www.mexicoenmicocina.com/tamales-de-dulce/

With pineapple

https://www.cocinadelirante.com/receta/postre/receta-de-tamales-dulces-con-fruta

I figure they can take the alcohol as well (as an experiment)  ;)  This is entirely doable!  :o

Prof Marvel

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #54 on: December 07, 2021, 11:08:48 am »
I want another real fruitcake....
But the supply chain is kaput.

I am too busy trying to make gluten free vegan blah blah bread that is edible to try to make a fruitcake.
My last experiment, making sandwich buns from Green plantains, then yellow plantains plus tapioca flour
Ended up waaaaaay too chewy and .. dense... And icky...

I dare not try fruitcake yet.

Without a way to make this dough rise, I endup making inedible bricks.

At least I can make pie crusts and biscuits from Gluten Free Bisqwik !
Thank you Betsy Crackers! Thank You!

The principal at Betty Crocker, btw have Celiac offspring, thus their interest in offering decent
GF vegan food stuff.

Experimental baking is a real pain in the butt for a poor old dumb retired software engineer.
I was never good at chemistry in the first place! Every time the local temperature and barometric pressurechanges,
My baking efforts come out "different" .

At least pie crusts and cobbler crusts don't need to rise...

Yhs
Prof I am not a Baker but I try really hard

Well, I can make a recipe for you if you want? We have a Celiac or two in the family and we do Christmas dinner GF, so know what needs to be done. My fruitcake recipe barely has any flour in it as it is - it is mostly fruit (glued together with minimal cake-substance). It would not be too hard to do GF. It starts with 5 1/2 cups of mixed dried fruit, which has been soaked in whatever booze you have at hand for 4 + days, if you want to get a start on it.

2 more cakes down... a HUGE one and a smaller one. I added copious quantities of ginger in these ones just to see how they go. I reckon I might be half way through the fruit mix now...


Oh My Dearest  Synistor !

I would LOVE to correspond with you regarding baking recipes, please stand by!
My Lovely Spousal Unit does not care for fruit cake so it is not that important.

Our dietary limits can best be summed up as
Diagnosed Celiac, so Gluten free, Vegan ( ie no milk, cheese, or egg etc) but add back in any meat and fish.
also, no tree nuts, corn, or soy.

So Far I have only been able to make soft biscuits using Bisquick,
pie crusts using Bisquick, and cookies using a recipe with rice flour, coconut flour, sugar, apple sauce and coconut based margarine.

I cannot get anything to rise in the oven, but have left out yeast for 3 (Ior 4)  years due to suspicions.
turns out yeast is ok, so I am planning to try Pamelas GF bread mix and see what happens.

Several attempts at GF bread, cake, and brownies using box mixes and "substitutes" have ended in edible or unchewable
brick-like substances that even the birds rejected. 

I can make "fry bread" which doesnt rise, or india flat bread crackers which dont rise, but take so long they are not worth the effort....

and trying to follow other peoples written recipes has always ended in failures that are so depressing I quit trying.
it is not very useful to ask a bokk "what went wrong" ....

Having a live person I can query with "OMG this happened, any ideas? " would be  a godsend...

yhs
prof mumbles

Synistor 303

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #55 on: December 08, 2021, 02:41:46 am »
If you have trouble getting things to rise, add a level teaspoon of Baking Powder (not Baking Soda!) to your dry ingredients. Even when there is a rising agent in flour, cake mix etc, it tends to lose potency fairly quickly, so adding more should help solve the chewy/brick-like problem.

I know our Celiac family members always had trouble making decent GF bread, but they have found a GF bakery that makes quite a decent loaf. They are not Vegan, though, so it is a bit easier for them.

If you are making savoury things, I would try substituting Besan (chickpea) flour for most of the Tapioca flour, as the Tapioca may be way too starchy to rise and be 'light'. Besan flour will fry up beautifully too, if you are looking for a batter.
 

MWBailey

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #56 on: December 10, 2021, 01:07:32 am »
It's great for twefthnight projectiles.
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Banfili

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #57 on: December 10, 2021, 10:21:47 pm »
I have a lovely, moist, golden fruitcake stashed away in my cupboard now - just perfect for the odd midnight feast if the mood so takes me!

Hurricane Annie

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #58 on: December 12, 2021, 01:21:22 pm »
I have a lovely, moist, golden fruitcake stashed away in my cupboard now - just perfect for the odd midnight feast if the mood so takes me!

  The type of snack that tastes even better at 2. 38 am

Prof Marvel

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #59 on: December 12, 2021, 10:04:16 pm »
If you have trouble getting things to rise, add a level teaspoon of Baking Powder (not Baking Soda!) to your dry ingredients. Even when there is a rising agent in flour, cake mix etc, it tends to lose potency fairly quickly, so adding more should help solve the chewy/brick-like problem.

I know our Celiac family members always had trouble making decent GF bread, but they have found a GF bakery that makes quite a decent loaf. They are not Vegan, though, so it is a bit easier for them.

If you are making savoury things, I would try substituting Besan (chickpea) flour for most of the Tapioca flour, as the Tapioca may be way too starchy to rise and be 'light'. Besan flour will fry up beautifully too, if you are looking for a batter.
 

Thanks ! I am taking notes.....

Yhs
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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #60 on: December 13, 2021, 10:50:55 am »
The cake is very nice, with just the right amount of moistness and fruit!

MWBailey

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #61 on: December 14, 2021, 04:13:28 am »
YOu could wet gingersnaps and press fruit buts into them and thus make mini-fruitcakes...

MWBailey

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #62 on: December 14, 2021, 04:15:57 am »
YOu could wet gingersnaps and press fruit buts into them and thus make mini-fruitcakes...




OMG I meant fruit BITS.

I'm not sure if I even want to speculate about what a fruit BUTT might be...

Synistor 303

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #63 on: December 14, 2021, 04:39:21 am »
YOu could wet gingersnaps and press fruit buts into them and thus make mini-fruitcakes...




OMG I meant fruit BITS.

I'm not sure if I even want to speculate about what a fruit BUTT might be...


A fruit butt is the behind-quarters of a Megabat.

I don't mind if Americans hate fruitcake, because in this family we don't get pumpkin pie... Like, you get a vegetable, beat it until it's slimey then add a ton of sugar and eat it as a dessert??? Nope, nope, nope.



von Corax

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #64 on: December 14, 2021, 10:59:02 am »
YOu could wet gingersnaps and press fruit buts into them and thus make mini-fruitcakes...




OMG I meant fruit BITS.

I'm not sure if I even want to speculate about what a fruit BUTT might be...


A fruit butt is the behind-quarters of a Megabat.

I don't mind if Americans hate fruitcake, because in this family we don't get pumpkin pie... Like, you get a vegetable, beat it until it's slimey then add a ton of sugar and eat it as a dessert??? Nope, nope, nope.



It's a delivery vehicle for the spices and whipped cream, and if it's slimy, you're doing it wrong.
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von Corax

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #65 on: December 14, 2021, 01:13:51 pm »
YOu could wet gingersnaps and press fruit buts into them and thus make mini-fruitcakes...




OMG I meant fruit BITS.

I'm not sure if I even want to speculate about what a fruit BUTT might be...

It's a cask of fruit brandy, obviously. Eminently suitable for the production of fruitcake. Although you might want to press the gingersnap into the fruit butt, not the other way around.
« Last Edit: December 14, 2021, 01:16:38 pm by von Corax »

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #66 on: January 20, 2022, 05:28:30 am »
YOu could wet gingersnaps and press fruit buts into them and thus make mini-fruitcakes...




OMG I meant fruit BITS.

I'm not sure if I even want to speculate about what a fruit BUTT might be...


A fruit butt is the behind-quarters of a Megabat.

I don't mind if Americans hate fruitcake, because in this family we don't get pumpkin pie... Like, you get a vegetable, beat it until it's slimey then add a ton of sugar and eat it as a dessert??? Nope, nope, nope.



It's a delivery vehicle for the spices and whipped cream, and if it's slimy, you're doing it wrong.





I read this post just now whilst drinking a soda, and now my nose is... well, you can imagine.

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #67 on: January 20, 2022, 04:29:01 pm »
I do everything in my power to reduce the world's supply of fruitcake. With fire. Horrid stuff.
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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #68 on: January 20, 2022, 10:25:50 pm »
I do everything in my power to reduce the world's supply of fruitcake. With fire. Horrid stuff.

I must disagree, Xenos! Nourishing and sustaining, a wodge of rich fruit cake of light or dark persuasion sticks to the ribs and keeps one ticking over quite nicely 'til teatime!
« Last Edit: January 20, 2022, 10:27:33 pm by Banfili »

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #69 on: January 20, 2022, 11:38:28 pm »
I do everything in my power to reduce the world's supply of fruitcake. With fire. Horrid stuff.

I must disagree, Xenos! Nourishing and sustaining, a wodge of rich fruit cake of light or dark persuasion sticks to the ribs and keeps one ticking over quite nicely 'til teatime!

Know what else does that? A good dark beer. All without being full of those wretched tree nuts that'll just up and kill me.

J. Wilhelm

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #70 on: January 21, 2022, 03:59:41 am »
I do everything in my power to reduce the world's supply of fruitcake. With fire. Horrid stuff.

Hey, you can probably use it as cooking fuel. We should list it in Prof. Marvel's Alternative Emergency Heat Ideas thread.

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #71 on: January 21, 2022, 06:14:24 am »
I do everything in my power to reduce the world's supply of fruitcake. With fire. Horrid stuff.

Hey, you can probably use it as cooking fuel. We should list it in Prof. Marvel's Alternative Emergency Heat Ideas thread.




There's enough sugar in it, we should be able to do it via chemical reaction, a la glucose rockets...

Banfili

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #72 on: January 21, 2022, 10:43:02 am »
I do everything in my power to reduce the world's supply of fruitcake. With fire. Horrid stuff.

I must disagree, Xenos! Nourishing and sustaining, a wodge of rich fruit cake of light or dark persuasion sticks to the ribs and keeps one ticking over quite nicely 'til teatime!

Know what else does that? A good dark beer. All without being full of those wretched tree nuts that'll just up and kill me.

You can have fruit cake without nuts - you can even have fruit cake without fruit! I think that is just called cake, with alcohol!
« Last Edit: January 21, 2022, 11:00:51 am by Banfili »

von Corax

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #73 on: January 21, 2022, 10:50:00 am »
I do everything in my power to reduce the world's supply of fruitcake. With fire. Horrid stuff.

Hey, you can probably use it as cooking fuel. We should list it in Prof. Marvel's Alternative Emergency Heat Ideas thread.
You set fire to plum pudding before you eat it - why not do the same to fruit cake?

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Re: Fruitcake: Good or Evil?
« Reply #74 on: January 21, 2022, 11:52:56 pm »
I do everything in my power to reduce the world's supply of fruitcake. With fire. Horrid stuff.

Hey, you can probably use it as cooking fuel. We should list it in Prof. Marvel's Alternative Emergency Heat Ideas thread.
You set fire to plum pudding before you eat it - why not do the same to fruit cake?

I daresay the caloric content of burning might surpass the equal volume of broken furniture!
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Oh, and yes, people in Texas were burning furniture in barrels to try to keep warm.