Fruitcake: Good or Evil?

[Sir Henry]

Fruitcake - marvelous. Nuts in fruitcake - oh dear. Marzipan on fruitcake - oh dear, now we'll have to peel it. Marzipan and Royal icing on fruitcake - oh dear oh dear, that'll still be there come New Year... Brandy on fruitcake - whoops, sorry, did I knock your elbow as you were pouring? Whisky on fruitcake - never even got close to the cake, there was a glass in the way...

My son is planning on experimenting with fruitcake recipes in order to maximise the fruit content and minimise the cake content. He's currently thinking that cornmeal might be the best thing to hold it all together with. I'm not so sure but am looking forward to the journey to discover what makes the perfect FRUIT_cake.

[Banfili]

Fruitcake - marvelous. Nuts in fruitcake - oh dear. Marzipan on fruitcake - oh dear, now we'll have to peel it. Marzipan and Royal icing on fruitcake - oh dear oh dear, that'll still be there come New Year... Brandy on fruitcake - whoops, sorry, did I knock your elbow as you were pouring? Whisky on fruitcake - never even got close to the cake, there was a glass in the way...

My son is planning on experimenting with fruitcake recipes in order to maximise the fruit content and minimise the cake content. He's currently thinking that cornmeal might be the best thing to hold it all together with. I'm not so sure but am looking forward to the journey to discover what makes the perfect FRUIT_cake.

There does need to be cake - I do like a reasonable amount of cake holding in my fruit!
I had some for supper last night, while switching the telly between the cricket and watching the country burn!

[Mercury Wells]

Fruitcake - marvelous. Nuts in fruitcake - oh dear. Marzipan on fruitcake - oh dear, now we'll have to peel it. Marzipan and Royal icing on fruitcake - oh dear oh dear, that'll still be there come New Year... Brandy on fruitcake - whoops, sorry, did I knock your elbow as you were pouring? Whisky on fruitcake - never even got close to the cake, there was a glass in the way...

My son is planning on experimenting with fruitcake recipes in order to maximise the fruit content and minimise the cake content. He's currently thinking that cornmeal might be the best thing to hold it all together with. I'm not so sure but am looking forward to the journey to discover what makes the perfect FRUIT_cake.

There does need to be cake - I do like a reasonable amount of cake holding in my fruit!
I had some for supper last night, while switching the telly between the cricket and watching the country burn!

With a nice bit of cheese on top aswell?

[Hurricane Annie]

Dundee Cake or Christmas Cake, even a Christmas pudding style?

Whatever type, as long as there is cake, and fruit!

Seasoned/steeped in huge amounts of booze aswell? 

Absolutely!! Although the alcohol has mostly gone by the time you eat it!
Dammit, I want some now, and I haven't got any!

Janurary is the best time to start to make one & every fortnight inject a couple of oz of good booze, right up til Xmas day (heck you could possibly use small chunks of it as fire lighters).

I just had to go out in the heat and smoke and walk across to the IGA and buy a fruit cake, dammit! 

 Hope you are safe from the infernos Banfili.  We have  your smoke drifting accross here. I usually  wait until  the pist Xmas sales to stock up on cheap fruit cake to have out of season.  This year the local supermarket appears yo have sold out.  I will have to search on the local equivalent of the IGA. The 4 Square. There may be a few tucked away.

[Banfili]

Dundee Cake or Christmas Cake, even a Christmas pudding style?

Whatever type, as long as there is cake, and fruit!

Seasoned/steeped in huge amounts of booze aswell? 

Absolutely!! Although the alcohol has mostly gone by the time you eat it!
Dammit, I want some now, and I haven't got any!

Janurary is the best time to start to make one & every fortnight inject a couple of oz of good booze, right up til Xmas day (heck you could possibly use small chunks of it as fire lighters).

I just had to go out in the heat and smoke and walk across to the IGA and buy a fruit cake, dammit! 

 Hope you are safe from the infernos Banfili.  We have  your smoke drifting accross here. I usually  wait until  the pist Xmas sales to stock up on cheap fruit cake to have out of season.  This year the local supermarket appears yo have sold out.  I will have to search on the local equivalent of the IGA. The 4 Square. There may be a few tucked away.

At the moment, quite safe - but, I was out visiting this morning and just had to go to the IGA for fruitcake - a dark one, this time!

[Hurricane Annie]

Dundee Cake or Christmas Cake, even a Christmas pudding style?

Whatever type, as long as there is cake, and fruit!

Seasoned/steeped in huge amounts of booze aswell? 

Absolutely!! Although the alcohol has mostly gone by the time you eat it!
Dammit, I want some now, and I haven't got any!

Janurary is the best time to start to make one & every fortnight inject a couple of oz of good booze, right up til Xmas day (heck you could possibly use small chunks of it as fire lighters).

I just had to go out in the heat and smoke and walk across to the IGA and buy a fruit cake, dammit! 

 Hope you are safe from the infernos Banfili.  We have  your smoke drifting accross here. I usually  wait until  the pist Xmas sales to stock up on cheap fruit cake to have out of season.  This year the local supermarket appears yo have sold out.  I will have to search on the local equivalent of the IGA. The 4 Square. There may be a few tucked away.

At the moment, quite safe - but, I was out visiting this morning and just had to go to the IGA for fruitcake - a dark one, this time!

 You rub it in. There's just a few dodgy mince tars left on the shelves in these parts  and a few over priced underwhelming looking Christmas type packet treats

[Prof Marvel]

In the past, I always bought a small "properly made" fruitcake to enjoy during the season...
by that I mean
- real fruit! not bits of artificail fruit.
- sugar NOT cornsyrup
- proper cake ( as mentioned by Sir Henry)

...... I usually  wait until  the pist Xmas sales to stock up

But one must take care,  those "pist Xmas Sales" can be dangerous!

 My Dear Annie- no offense , sometimes a minor mispelling can be sooooo funny!

yhs
prof marvel

[Hurricane Annie]

In the past, I always bought a small "properly made" fruitcake to enjoy during the season...
by that I mean
- real fruit! not bits of artificail fruit.
- sugar NOT cornsyrup
- proper cake ( as mentioned by Sir Henry)

...... I usually  wait until  the pist Xmas sales to stock up

But one must take care,  those "pist Xmas Sales" can be dangerous!

 My Dear Annie- no offense , sometimes a minor mispelling can be sooooo funny!

yhs
prof marvel

 The only thing that upsets me about your comment - is that I  endured a sober  Christmas this year  ;  {  [ I did try to correct the offending word, auto correct persists in changing it back in its own Freudian way]

[Prof Marvel]

Interesting... in my neck of the woods, pissed or pist generally means “angry” ..
Thus an “angry xmas sale “ brings strange thoughts...

Yhs
Prf Mrvl

[Deimos]

Clowns eat Fruitcake.

Clowns are Evil.

Ergo, Fruitcake is Evil.  Q.E.D.  

[Hurricane Annie]

Interesting... in my neck of the woods, pissed or pist generally means “angry” ..
Thus an “angry xmas sale “ brings strange thoughts...

Yhs
Prf Mrvl

 That particular definition  might be closer to the truth  in this case. Which is why I remained sober; to maintain a sense of decorum and self restraint.. I  received house guests who had invited themselves
to stay over Christmas and looked to be hunkering down to move in. They had rented their house out for the duration and thought I would be a place of refuge for an extended period. I ended up evicting them after 10 day. They railed at me and accused me of making them and their child homeless . It was all very theatrical and dickensian .  It was all rather tawdry.

 The expression in question  has  various meaning  here in the Antipodes. Excessive rain, temper or imbibing.

[Prof Marvel]

That particular definition  might be closer to the truth  in this case. Which is why I remained sober; to maintain a sense of decorum and self restraint.. I  received house guests who had invited themselves
to stay over Christmas and looked to be hunkering down to move in. They had rented their house out for the duration and thought I would be a place of refuge for an extended period. I ended up evicting them after 10 day. They railed at me and accused me of making them and their child homeless . It was all very theatrical and dickensian .  It was all rather tawdry.

That is incredible!
and rude.
and absurd.
and ....
I am at a loss for words.

I am not sure I would have let them in.
If I had let them in I know they would not have stayed 10 days.
I can see the conversation now:
    I have called the "homeless shelters" - they are waiting for you. Here is a map.
    If you don't like that, here is the number for Motel 6 - $29 per night
    Bye


Let's nominate you for Junior Assistance Sainthood!

yhs
prof ( losiing his good karma points by the minute) marvel

[Banfili]

That particular definition  might be closer to the truth  in this case. Which is why I remained sober; to maintain a sense of decorum and self restraint.. I  received house guests who had invited themselves
to stay over Christmas and looked to be hunkering down to move in. They had rented their house out for the duration and thought I would be a place of refuge for an extended period. I ended up evicting them after 10 day. They railed at me and accused me of making them and their child homeless . It was all very theatrical and dickensian .  It was all rather tawdry.

That is incredible!
and rude.
and absurd.
and ....
I am at a loss for words.

I am not sure I would have let them in.
If I had let them in I know they would not have stayed 10 days.
I can see the conversation now:
    I have called the "homeless shelters" - they are waiting for you. Here is a map.
    If you don't like that, here is the number for Motel 6 - $29 per night
    Bye


Let's nominate you for Junior Assistance Sainthood!

yhs
prof ( losiing his good karma points by the minute) marvel

How rude of your uninvited guests, Hurricane - totally unforgivable! I agree with Prof. Marvel wholeheartedly!

Damn, I have run out of fruitcake!

[Synistor 303]

Never allow a guest to stay until you have a confirmed exit date... Or you could go with a saying we used on the farm - 'The definition of a visitor is "free labour"'.

I believe the Chinese also have a saying about guests in your house - 'For two days treat them like a king. On the third day, give them a hoe'. (I am assuming it is the 'work-in-the-field' kind of hoe, NOT the other kind.) 

[Deimos]

..I received house guests who had invited themselves to stay over Christmas and looked to be hunkering down to move in. They had rented their house out for the duration and thought I would be a place of refuge for an extended period. I ended up evicting them after 10 day. They railed at me and accused me of making them and their child homeless . It was all very theatrical and dickensian .  It was all rather tawdry. ...

Unbelievable....and yet, very believable.

Benjamim Franklin put it quite bluntly (which is pretty funny since he was ambassador to France, ambassadors having to be tactful and circumspect in their speech):
                  Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.

Whenever I visit friends, or even family, for more than 3 days, I take my cue from old Ben and arrange in advance to stay in a hotel for the remaining days.
Oh, the protestations!  ..."No, no, you must stay with us the entire time! You are our guest! We want you to feel welcome!"

My reply:  "Yep, and I want you to welcome me, and treat me as your guest next time I visit...which you probably won't do if I park myself in your home (even if invited to so) for the next 2 weeks."

[Mercury Wells]

Re:- Marzipan/Marchepane.

When did it change from a nice yellow to a cheap, nasty, pale, sparkly/glittery magnolia colour.?

[J. Wilhelm]

What an interesting thread. Reads so normal, yet there is something unsettling about it. Guests who appoint themselves as tenants (how did that even happen?) Fish in a house without refrigeration for three days!? Where I come from fish will start smelling much sooner than that if left out of the fridge... A cake that lasts forever and can be lit ablaze. That just is not right. Marzipan that changes colours... Evil, indeed.

Perhaps there is mention of this unholy concoction in the Necronomicon by Abdul Al Hazred.

I agree with the concept of never staying with family / acquaintances when visiting.

[MWBailey]

Fruitcakes make ideal trebuchet ammo. Just saying...

[J. Wilhelm]

Fruitcakes make ideal trebuchet ammo. Just saying...

Foods that last a long time are all the rage now, don't you know?

[Banfili]

Reminds me - I am out of fruitcake - again!

Must go across to the IGA tomorrow & stock up - fruit cake & custard!!

[MWBailey]

Fruitcakes make ideal trebuchet ammo. Just saying...

Foods that last a long time are all the rage now, don't you know?

It'll last a really llloooonnnggg time on my sideboard... (lol)

[Synistor 303]

So... some time ago I put a whole bunch of dried fruit in a big container and poured in all the left-over bits of booze from the booze cupboard (bits of brandy, sherry, marsala, "why-on-earth-did-they-buy-me-THAT-booze" etc) over it. The fruit absorbed quite a LOT of the booze and had almost filled the (5 kg?) container.

I needed 5 1/2 cups of fruit for my fruit cake recipe (which makes 2 small fruitcakes) but 4 fruitcakes later it seems to have re-filled itself and you can't even see where I have taken the fruit out.

It's cursed or something, because at this rate there are about 9-10 more fruitcakes-worth of fruit in the container. And I have to make them!

I'm beginning to think that fruitcakes ARE evil...

[Sir Henry]

So... some time ago I put a whole bunch of dried fruit in a big container and poured in all the left-over bits of booze from the booze cupboard (bits of brandy, sherry, marsala, "why-on-earth-did-they-buy-me-THAT-booze" etc) over it. The fruit absorbed quite a LOT of the booze and had almost filled the (5 kg?) container.

I needed 5 1/2 cups of fruit for my fruit cake recipe (which makes 2 small fruitcakes) but 4 fruitcakes later it seems to have re-filled itself and you can't even see where I have taken the fruit out.

It's cursed or something, because at this rate there are about 9-10 more fruitcakes-worth of fruit in the container. And I have to make them!

I'm beginning to think that fruitcakes ARE evil...

The Cake That Would Not Die... 

[J. Wilhelm]

So... some time ago I put a whole bunch of dried fruit in a big container and poured in all the left-over bits of booze from the booze cupboard (bits of brandy, sherry, marsala, "why-on-earth-did-they-buy-me-THAT-booze" etc) over it. The fruit absorbed quite a LOT of the booze and had almost filled the (5 kg?) container.

I needed 5 1/2 cups of fruit for my fruit cake recipe (which makes 2 small fruitcakes) but 4 fruitcakes later it seems to have re-filled itself and you can't even see where I have taken the fruit out.

It's cursed or something, because at this rate there are about 9-10 more fruitcakes-worth of fruit in the container. And I have to make them!

I'm beginning to think that fruitcakes ARE evil...

If the fruitcake starts speaking Latin, I would start worrying.

[Sorontar]

If the fruitcake starts speaking Latin, I would start worrying.

The cake is a lie^H^H^Hliar