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Author Topic: Lunchwaiste's Lugubrious Spite Rifle  (Read 542 times)
Ephriam Lunchwaiste
Deck Hand
United States United States

« on: June 04, 2019, 08:12:15 pm »

Any commander worth his stripes will tell you that lady luck plays a decisive role on any battlefield- the best battle plans, the finest armaments and the most advanced war machines will be of little use to an army whom misfortune has favored. Now, the exceptional weapons-crafters of Lunchwaiste and Sons have harnessed misfortune itself in the Lugubrious Spite Rifle, a long-range hex-caster that can allow a skilled marksman to precisely strike a target up to 2,000 yards.

Once a target is in their sights, the marksman simply selects which misfortune they would like to inflict, and the target will very soon find itself the subject of strife, misery and woe. Precise mechanical insertion of a slender probe into the appropriate region of the A.H.P. (Anatomical Hoodoo Proxy) will guarantee the target suffers an appropriate fate, including Addlebrainedness, Infirmity of the Loins, Rhythmic Flatulence or even Forcible Spleen Evacuation.

von Corax
Squire of the Lambda Calculus
Canada Canada

Prof. Darwin Prætorius von Corax

« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2019, 09:00:07 pm »

I shall recommend this weapon to Her Majesty's 3rd Blamethrower Brigade.

By the power of caffeine do I set my mind in motion
By the Beans of Life do my thoughts acquire speed
My hands acquire a shaking
The shaking becomes a warning
By the power of caffeine do I set my mind in motion
The Leverkusen Institute of Paleocybernetics is 5838 km from Reading
J. Wilhelm
╬ Admiral und Luftschiffengel ╬
Board Moderator
United States United States

Sentisne fortunatum punkus? Veni. Diem meum comple

« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2019, 05:00:24 am »

Marvelous invention. I always had a problem directing misfortune to its intended target, and often I'd refrain from casting curses with my Malefice Slingshot out of fear of hitting innocent people. The ability to direct misfortune with pinpoint accuracy will be a great asset to anyone's arsenal.

This reminds me of the potential of Spirit Harvesters used as core engines for Poltergeist Cannons. Alas, Army researchers have been less than successful in taming the evil spirits, but I remain hopeful such a weapon could be used for greater firepower.

Zeppelin Captain
Australia Australia

« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2019, 08:31:18 am »

Ouch! I would surrender before being struck!
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