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Author Topic: Happy Singles Awareness Day  (Read 2231 times)
von Corax
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« Reply #25 on: February 15, 2018, 11:27:54 pm »

You're certainly welcome to ignore both observances. Singles Awareness Day is just a bit of tongue-in-cheek fun taking the piss out of the Valentine's Day commercial hype.
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« Reply #26 on: February 15, 2018, 11:52:42 pm »

Everybody is different.

Some people are quite content being single, but would like to share their life with another at some point. Some are simply unable to entertain the thought of being alone and feel desperately unhappy and lonely, and fear dying alone. Others simply chose to be single for one reason or another, but otherwise they are content with being alone and do not feel lonely because of it. And there is a whole shade of grey between those types I mention.

For me personally, I know I'm not really relationship material for various reasons, but I do not feel lonely. Bored sometimes, yes, but not lonely. If I do meet somebody, then OK I'm fine with that, but I do not make any effort to meet new partners. I am not afraid to remain single for the rest of my life, or for that matter to die alone. I've known for a long time this is how things would be, and I have never had a problem with that. And yes, I have had relationships in the past.

However there is a pervasive idea in society that you SHOULD be with somebody, things like laws, taxes, holidays and even special offers in shops are all geared around that concept. People tend to assume that if you are single, then you MUST be unhappy & lonely, or if not, then there is something sinister and WRONG with you... My friends are all either married or in long term relationships and have kids. I am the odd one out, and some of them simply just can't understand why i'm single. It does tend to be a bit awkward at times when they arrange get-togethers or similar events and everyone is a couple, and then there is just me tagging along behind. Which is why I don't tend to participate much.

So long story short,  I'm comfortable being alone, and I do actually enjoy being different. And I'm happy to celebrate that - even if it is just a tongue-in-cheek "celebration day".  Wink
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von Corax
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« Reply #27 on: February 16, 2018, 03:39:15 am »

Well said, sir. Well said.
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« Reply #28 on: March 13, 2018, 09:24:01 am »

Everybody is different.

Some people are quite content being single, but would like to share their life with another at some point. Some are simply unable to entertain the thought of being alone and feel desperately unhappy and lonely, and fear dying alone. Others simply chose to be single for one reason or another, but otherwise they are content with being alone and do not feel lonely because of it. And there is a whole shade of grey between those types I mention.

For me personally, I know I'm not really relationship material for various reasons, but I do not feel lonely. Bored sometimes, yes, but not lonely. If I do meet somebody, then OK I'm fine with that, but I do not make any effort to meet new partners. I am not afraid to remain single for the rest of my life, or for that matter to die alone. I've known for a long time this is how things would be, and I have never had a problem with that. And yes, I have had relationships in the past.

However there is a pervasive idea in society that you SHOULD be with somebody, things like laws, taxes, holidays and even special offers in shops are all geared around that concept. People tend to assume that if you are single, then you MUST be unhappy & lonely, or if not, then there is something sinister and WRONG with you... My friends are all either married or in long term relationships and have kids. I am the odd one out, and some of them simply just can't understand why i'm single. It does tend to be a bit awkward at times when they arrange get-togethers or similar events and everyone is a couple, and then there is just me tagging along behind. Which is why I don't tend to participate much.

So long story short,  I'm comfortable being alone, and I do actually enjoy being different. And I'm happy to celebrate that - even if it is just a tongue-in-cheek "celebration day".  Wink

Well said, sir. Well said.

Let me digress a bit. I have a roomate who says exactly the same thing:

Quote
However there is a pervasive idea in society that you SHOULD be with somebody, things like laws, taxes, holidays and even special offers in shops are all geared around that concept.

Correct, and I agree that people come in different "shapes and sizes," except for one thing. No one is actually forcing you to be in a relationship. Not in this day and age where forced marriage is not acceptable. I'm completely OK with people being OK with being alone. I strongly suspect that there have always been people who feel comfortable being alone, and that has been true since humanity was grunting in caves.

But I'd argue that in fact, there were incentives for people to remain alone in certain occupations, a perfect example is priesthood in the Catholic church and a few other Christian denominations and other religions, such as Buddhism. In that situation, you were actually required to be not only unmarried but celibate altogether (of course from theory to practice there is a great chasm). It seems to me that society had a place for you as well if you wanted to be single. It's not like being single was unacceptable.

By the same token, it's this other statement that bothers me, mostly for personal reasons:

Quote
Some are simply unable to entertain the thought of being alone and feel desperately unhappy and lonely, and fear dying alone.

I'm afraid I count myself in this group. I can't hide it. I won't accept it. I refuse. But it's not always that you get the benefit of doing what you want in life, as I have found. I did not chose to have anxiety disorder. It destroyed my life. I'm now trying to salvage the next 25-30 years that I may have left of active life.

In my case, this is not society forcing me into a relationship. Quite the contrary. If I had to place a qualifier for the role society plays in my status as a single person, I'd say that society's role is non-existent altogether. Absent. It's not like anyone cares if I die alone and unhappy tomorrow.

The last time anyone was worried that I was not socialising too much, I was about 16 years old, and my grandmother was asking why I was acting like I didn't like girls. If she had only known that it was quite the contrary. I was in reality afraid of being hurt by being left alone, so I would literally be afraid of the ones I liked; a consequence of being abandoned by my mother when I was 1-1/2 y/o. Can you imagine being afraid only of those you are attracted to? Bizarre, isn't it?

But as I grew up, outside of the sneers of peers, nobody ever stepped in to even say anything about it. Adults simply dismissed it and peers didn't care. I was just the shy quiet one. The years passed and I got older. Then much older as college years passed by. My suicidal crisis came when I was 35 years old. Then I had to take over the business and my life was not mine any more. That was about 12 years ago. Then my grandfather passed a couple of years ago.  As I lost those who cared about me (my grandparents) I was left alone completely.

For the last 12 years my life has been a constant struggle for survival. I had to stop psychological treatment. I could not afford it and was ineffective. Friends are more fleeting than anything else. Family forgot about me. And I came to realize that a relationship was not only a vehicle for happiness, but it was also a tool for survival. A source for moral support. Someone to come to at the end of the day.

Before this financial / death crisis, even when I first saw the psychologist, I only thought of love in terms of corny happiness. Not in terms of survival. Now, after these last 12 years, I realize that my life could have been a bit less painful if at least I had been psychologically able to have a relationship. And I realize the only way to get that was buried deep in the past as an intervention of sorts in my teenage years.

I'm not advocating arranged marriages as a solution. But some societal input may be necessary to help those late bloomers or those "race horses" that can't get out of the stable, so to speak. At least for a very few selected people it can be the difference between life and death. The obvious truth is that sexual and social interaction starts at puberty, as a biological function. Problems with that development should be treated at that stage. Not in the psychologist's office at age 35.

The same way that we now realize that sexual education is important for children, perhaps someone should be worried about the mental and emotional well being of sexually maturing teenagers. Like we take care of everything else.

~ ~ ~

I suspect that  people who are happy living alone, are so in great part because their internal constitution and general stability in life didn't require the support of a companion. And I do understand that there are people who can't be close to others. My biological mother is a perfect example. She fought her parents constantly as a child, and left the household as early as she possibly could. She was so rebellious and uncontrollable (and oddly a perfect student, a book nerd, an intellectual spark). The original nerdy Goth girl before Goth girls were invented.

Two marriages in her late teens, lasting less than a year, countless short relationships until 40, and then no permanent relationships of any kind after that... until present day in her late 60s. She is not relationship material either. Her brother used to joke that she is like a porcupine. Get close to her and you'll get stung. Easier to love from a distance. But at some point she will fall and not be able to stand up again, and it seems that the first indication of it just happened this weekend. She is in hospital with pneumonia as we speak. I could let her die alone. But I don't think I have the heart. Even if she destroyed mine.
 

« Last Edit: March 13, 2018, 09:43:39 am by J. Wilhelm » Logged

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