WXYZ Channel One
Night Time News Report
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In other news, scientists have discovered that procrastination in humans leads to localised pockets of time warp...
[Video showing time-space graphics and a picture of Albert Einstein]
In the same vein these news have caused ripples in the high tech industry. Currently, scientists and engineers are speculating on applications taking advantage of this phenomenon, with leaders such as Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk predicting a great future for humanity, should this natural phenomenon be put to practical use.
[Video: Interview with Jeff Bezos laughing maniacally]
However, technology gurus are not sure exactly when or how that will happen, as scientists seem to postpone their work repeatedly. So far, during last year after the discovery, not a single scientist had met the deadlines for report submittal to scientific journals. Frustrated, scientific journal editors claim that scientists are just procrastinating too much and letting deadlines pass.
[Video of scientist daydreaming, staring at the ceiling and drooling on his desk]
The findings, however, have created great controversy. At least one scientist has warned the the experiments have actually led to an out of control time warp, and he claims to have found scientific evidence of ill effects among society.
[Video of wild eyed scientist ranting]
Groups opposed to the time warp, including religious groups, warn that this research could lead to widespread sloth among the population. In Rome, the Pope warned of massive disruption to society's morals.
[Video of Pope during mass]
All around the world, various groups including Anonymous have organised protests outside of research laboratories and government buildings. The protesters claim that the experiments are meant to control the population.
[Video of protesters in the street, outside parliament with their placards on the floor and texting on their phone and playing on their Nintendo consoles]
And this is all for Channel One Noon News. We may or may not have news tomorrow, depending on whether we can round up our reporters for work...
