Born Timothy Rupert Ellis, the fifth son to Lord Godfrey Ellis, of Crimea fame.
Lord Godfrey was best remembered for his introduction of the folding metal toilet, affectionately known as the ‘poo-tin’. Whilst in the Crimea, he famously resigned from the Ordnance Committee due to a falling out with Lords Raglan, Wolsey and Cardigan. He rashly accused them of trying to pull the wool over his eyes.
Upon being posted to the 7th Regt of Foot, young Trellis first saw action during the 2nd Icelandic campaign, upon which occasion did he perform gallant service at the siege of Bjork’s Drift.
He then appears in India, where, after various frontier postings, he is sent as guide and cultural liaison to an Austrian orchestral troupe touring the Punjab. The troupe introduced he sounds of Vienna rendered on traditional Punjabi instruments. However, after 6 months of playing Haydn Sikh, he was re-called to Dehli, where he took ship for Africa.
Now with the rank of Captain, he was to lead the Zamfara expedition in a race against the French to claim the Viagra Falls. However, after seriously injuring his foot following a negligent discharge, he limped home leaving his command to a young subaltern. He was therefore absent when the company was ambushed by cannibals and disappeared without trace (the 2nd company are still referred to as the ‘Eaten Rifles’). And of course the French got there first.
Following this debacle, Trellis was sent home in disgrace with some talk of facing courts martial. Her majesty was definitely not amused and the Queen’s Equiary loudly reported to the War Department that …….. “he had certainly made Victoria cross”.
Unfortunately this exchange was overheard by ‘The Times’ correspondent Eric Floss, who, returning from an extremely liquid lunch, misread the course of events and penned the now famous headline …. “Hero of the Hour, Capt. Trellis VC”
After much cajoling a compromise was thrashed out and Capt Trellis issued a written statement, thanking Her Majesty for the honour, but graciously declining to accept, citing others more worthy than he. For this selfless act of humility, Trellis was allowed to quietly retire, with rank and pension intact.
He is engaged to the authoress Lady Paige Turner and is collaborating on a book on Geneology (the study of eastern lamps).
Capt Trellis (retired) currently acts in an advisory capacity for messrs. Cockett & Pugh …..”purveyors of bespoke firearms for the discerning gentleman adventurer”.
Source…....vickipedia
