Keeping Death In Check

[rovingjack]

I've cut potato out mostly, I have a bag of crisps once in a while. I took a vitamin c supplement for a few weeks and it seemed to have helped a bit, I also took it with a calcium and vitamin D supplement as all three supposedly increase absorption and effectiveness, and all three are things my diet is weak in.

The twitchiness is decreased though not completely gone, mainly showing up when I overwork muscles that have been neglected from illness this long (or when I jinx myself by thinking about it lol). I'm still having issues with steadiness of the hands.

Also minimised the joint pains, though some mornings are rough and some days if I over work myself. All but for one factor. My left shoulder. hurts when I lay down (hurts if I'm on it, hurts if I'm on my back sometimes, and hurts when my arm is positioned while I'm on the other arm). I have good days where it's not so bad if I just use the shoulder sparingly, but I also have bad days where drying my armpit or applying deoderant feels like somebody hit my shoulderblade with a hammer... claw side.

also had to cut back on supplements and space them differently. I was getting reflux and cough from the acid irritation.

Two factors are making things harder lately. Boiling steam heat of this summer. The heat is like an arizona summer, but the humidity is like a florida swamp. It's crushingly opressive, and in ten minutes you can go from one room where you are dry to another where your clothes are soaked and sticking to you.

and the recent exposure to mothball fumes which are somewhat ongoing. I think I've got another day or two of handling thank before I give it a break for a week or two. Then I will be trying a mask and goggles, and maybe gloves too. The fumes irritate the eyes, lungs and heavy exposure can cause anemia and liver and kidney stress. considering my issues with b12 and folate caused borderline anemia (which I hope I've been reversing with supplements for several months now) too much could set me back if I'm not careful.

the heat/humidity, mothball fumes, and stress of the circumstances have my sleep a bit off and some or all of these may be the cause of the recent round of anxiety. But gladly I'm in a better place to manage these things.

so this update is to say: still have some mystery symptoms, still stuck barely eating, now possibly poisoning myself in doses hopefully small enough to not do any more harm than not feeling great a couple times a week, and finding ways to cope with the emotional side of it all.

[rovingjack]

well, for mixed reasons here we are again.

Mostly my soon to be homeless status and what it means for my dietary and other health complications.

but in the mean time a visit to the doctors and some tests done:

My vitamin D is low again and supplementing it is hard to do without disrupting my digestive functions.
My B12 is also low and the last time I supplemented that I reacted negatively.
my homocystiene is high.
all my joints hurt
my basophils (white blood cells that indicate inflammation, allergies and parasite infections) are elevated
my fasting blood sugar is elevated but still not prediabetic.
my digestive symptoms are back sliding.
I'm sleep deprived
I'm having panic attacks daily now.
and the depression is beginning to settle in.

So I must do what I can.

first the court case tomorrow morning

then get as much to storage as I can before tuesday.

then get the car repaired.

then everything else in storage, before I pull up and get away.

I hope that once I'm out of here and the car is working again, that the two biggest stressors in my life will be gone and I can start managing the rest of my struggles.

[rovingjack]

well court seems to have gone about as good as could be hoped in the circumstances that still end up with me getting kicked out of my home of 8 years. I have about a week remaining to get out. I'd like to be gone sooner.

The car has been fixed of this problem. And because the mileage is low enough and the make is sturdy by reputation It should be good for a while.

Now I just have to devote the time to packing everything up, storing, donating and throwing things out. and then cleaning up the place before we do a walkthrough on the 20th before I leave.

healthwise I'm not sure. I think the exposure to the other place may have caused asthma like symptoms. I'm also having reflux and general stomach pains which may be due to stress.

My sleep is still heavily disrupted. Which isn't helping anything else.

I'm hopeful that I can get out of here on or before deadline, and then just take a break for a little while from worrying about anything. Just no responsibilities.

[rovingjack]

well I made it out, and now comes the reality check of being homeless.

I'm trying to figure out foods I can consume without getting sick (which would be a nightmare to struggle with while living in a car), I'm mostly resorting to shredded lettuce I buy bagged and putting shredded washed squash on it and corn/potato chips. I'm planning on adding canned beans this afternoon. And cutting up some cucumber. I'm not sure I want to try cheeses just yet, that could be a risky one. I may try some avacado or nut butters for stable protein with fats that don't require refrigeration. I'm also looking at small packages of sliced roast beef. If I buy one at a store and eat it right away i don't have to worry about keeping it fresh. So it will be a combination of raw fresh foods most of the time with some canned, and occasionally grabbing meat or eggs at a store for right then.

I also made the mistake of sleeping in the front seat for the first night and half the second. with my feet on the floor I'd wake with swollen feet. The second day was pretty bad, and my feet are still a bit swollen from it. Was it from too many trips up and down stairs the other day leading to some swelling made worse by how I slept. Was it the heat? The irritation of the shoes I wore (too hot, loose, no insole, etc)? Too much salty food? Too much chugging ice cold water in the heat? was it just fluid pooling in my feet or was it warning signs of a clot risk? I don't know. But I'm trying to be careful about not sitting in one position too long. and unless I'm driving I'm trying to be either standing or slouching /reclining.

it's raining and cold today, which is a surprise to deal with after high heat and humidity.  it also tends to cause condensation inside vehicles and that means my bedding and clothing are uncomfortably moist. I'm trying to minimise it so that it doesn't become a mildew risk. The last thing I need is to turn my only transport/shelter into a health hazard.

[rovingjack]

It has been an unseasonably humid summer here, and sleeping in a car tends to make the interior humid. so your options are to open the windows to let the outside humid in, or close them and let the inside humid remain. Where a person not living in their car would close the car up during the day on damp days the result of my situation is a bit more like a week of just leaving the car windows cracked open at night.

It's souring my mood (and the air), making everything in there uncomfortable, from my bed to my clothing to the seats for driving. The desicant salts are not pulling anything out of the air that I can see, I've been using a container of that for at least a week and the top layer has taken a bit of a gloss that I can see and crusted a bit. But the humidity inside if the meter I have can be trusted says the levels fluctuate between 30 and 80 and nothing seems to change that.

and I think the final straw for me lately is that I send emails to people listing rooms for rent and never get any responses. I'm stuck in this perpetual limbo of no place to be but no ability to escape.

I think today I'm going to do a bit more on the computer while it charges, then head out to the car which should be a nice hot over 110 temperature sitting in the sun. I will open all doors and spend a little time sorting around and organising things in there. then once it's aired out a bit, close it up and drive with the airconditioner/dehumidifier running to storage and empty the car of about everything but my sleeping setup, clothes in air tight bags, and computers. letting it bake a bit longer in the sun while I sort out my storage. Then drive down the road with the heat blasting, before popping it open to air it out for a little bit. Then take a shower and let myself dry out while I do a bit of laundry and use the computer. When that's all done I think I'll go see a movie.

Tomorrow I'm going to see about signing up with the local maker space for another place to go and do things. and have access to a fridge, microwave, and bathroom 24/7.

I'm scheduled to present at a maker fair on saturday coming up. and after that I may go for a ride through Maine, but I can't even focus on those things because I'm just feeling chewed up by this all. It's weird because I have times like last week where I do okay but then some setback lays me flat like this.

I just want to not feel damp anymore and have some sense of security again.

[rovingjack]

the weather has turned a half corner I guess. Daytimes are too hot to sleep in the car but nightimes drop down to mid to high 40s (F) so far too cold. I'm thinking of splitting up so I get some sleep after dusk as it cools down but isn't cold, and around dawn as it warms up.

I've been to use a fridge and microwave, so I have nuked some ground beef and have that going for my daily diet now. I've found a reliable source of canned lentils too. I can get some frozen squash and maybe some fresh cucumber, so it's close to my usual food.

I might have a couple options for showering now, it's better to not always use the same one.

It feels like I'm getting a bit of a handle on things, though admittedly one rainy humid cold day will likely be enough to derail me for a few days.

In the mean time I'm confronted by my anxiety and some of my weird sensativities. I picked up a rubber band from the floor and moved it to the table. and then smelled rubberband non-stop for about an hour in the room, and then smelled it on my fingers for a while after that even after washing multiple times. It's unpleasant to my nose and I can't tell if it's a legitimate reaction in my nose and mouth or just an anxiety reaction.

It's something that happens from time to time, but not consistently. The only thing I can think of that could be blamed for the current sensativity to it is either stresses of recent months, the exposure to whatever caustic air was in the place I couldn't rent, or exposure in the last few days to fumes from spray paint.