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Author Topic: Dragon Tamers - A room for those of us with anxiety / depression / etc  (Read 43947 times)
Cora Courcelle
Snr. Officer
****
England England



« Reply #1575 on: May 16, 2017, 09:50:37 pm »

I feel useless.

Feelings can be very slippery customers and in this case they're wrong because you are NOT useless.  You can get through whatever is making you feel like this; have lots of hugs from me.
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You have to tread a fine line between avant-garde surrealism and getting yourself sectioned...
rovingjack
Zeppelin Admiral
******
United States United States



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« Reply #1576 on: May 17, 2017, 10:30:00 am »

you know that video I posted (there are a few more of those by the way and they are worth watching) well the creator also does a web comic series.

Brace yourselves this was just the latest of my binge today, there are many more equally powerful.

http://www.viruscomix.com/page590.html
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MWBailey
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United States United States


"This is the sort of thing no-one ever believes"

rtafStElmo
« Reply #1577 on: May 22, 2017, 04:41:10 pm »

I feel useless.

Feelings can be very slippery customers and in this case they're wrong because you are NOT useless.  You can get through whatever is making you feel like this; have lots of hugs from me.





At least you're not over 650 and having an All Thumbs Day (LOL).

Seriously, you're far too creative to be truly useless. Chin up!
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Walk softly and carry a big banjo...

""quid statis aspicientes in infernum"
walking stick
Zeppelin Admiral
******
England England


« Reply #1578 on: May 22, 2017, 05:26:47 pm »

The problem for all artists is the gap between what they want to do and what they actually do.  This is worst when you have good taste but not enough practice.  I am at the stage where my ideas are so much better than my skills that it is one long frustration.  I know the only cure is to do more to get my dreams and the reality closer together but it hurts having fantastic ideas and mediocre skills.  Worse still when my poor health means nothing at all gets done and my dreams are still ideas that have gone nowhere.
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MWBailey
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United States United States


"This is the sort of thing no-one ever believes"

rtafStElmo
« Reply #1579 on: May 26, 2017, 02:57:32 am »

I understand the feelings of hopelessness, mediocrity, self-accusation and self-doubt, and of wanting to just slog off for a day (or longer. Maybe forever).

But...A professor of mine from my Fine, Graphic and Commercial Art College days once told me, "Some days you just have to force yourself."

I have to force myself all the time, and I'm not dead. Yet*. (lol).




____________________________________________________
*Or, more precisely, I am too ornery to just give up and die, and too curious to just stop watching the movie of my life...
« Last Edit: May 26, 2017, 02:59:05 am by MWBailey » Logged
Ceir
Officer
***
United States United States


« Reply #1580 on: May 30, 2017, 12:29:57 am »

* Enter, hanging coat and finding a high-back, high-winged chair, as well as a very strong cup of coffee. In a word, rumpled.

Forgive a very infrequent visitor a small ramble. Even an imaginary respite helps a bit.

My work has been stressful of late. Frustrating in the extreme, and a bit melancholy. I work in IT (more coffee, please), on a team that has become painfully shorthanded for the work we have acquired over the past year. Somehow, we've been making things work, but recently issues have come to a head and we are now caught between Scylla and Charybdis with our actual employer and The Customer; with a side helping of incompetence and laziness from some of the other teams we depend on.

The melancholy comes because it wasn't like this a year ago, but things have shifted. And there is so very little we can do about it. Already working extra hours, but as salaried men it doesn't garner much. Our immediate management with The Customer is actually on our side; it's above them, and on our actual employer's side, that we can't seem to gain any traction.

The core of my team, myself included, pride ourselves on being able to Get Things Done, and we just can't. That's why it galls so much.

* Contemplating yet more coffee...

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J. Wilhelm
╬ Admiral und Luftschiffengel ╬
Moderator
Rogue Ætherlord
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United States United States


Sentisne fortunatum punkus? Veni. Diem meum comple


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« Reply #1581 on: June 01, 2017, 06:32:34 am »

I'm really updet today, probably over nothing but really frazzled my nerves.

At the supermarket where I shop there is and area with tables and a Kosher Store - basically a hot sandwich shop for order on demand plus a mini deli market with canned/frozen/boxed foods. The tables are shared by Gentile and Jew patrons alike as well as supermarket employees who sit to have their lunch during break time.

While not Jewish myself, every single day I end up sitting there before and after my work shift, because I have to wait for the bus and they have free Wi-Fi.  I've been visiting the Kosher shop twice a day for more than 3 years since my work is very much close by. Everyone knows my name, From the store manager and the local rabbi who manage the store through to the supermarket employees, and some of the patrons who are also regular patrons at the shop where I work nearby.

They hire guards - actual Austin Police Department officers (not private guards) who are legally hired by the supermarket (paid to the City of Austin) to guard the supermarket and the shop - they all know my name.

Naturally there is extra vigilance given that this is an international community filled with University of Texas college students from all over the world, living resident apartment complexes and who are also sharing the Jewish community area including Jewish community centre as well as the Gentile residential community which has a middle school, a great number of college professors living in the area and a couple of churches as well as a fairly large number of dentists and medical centres.  You get the picture - this is a cosmopolitan/international - upper/middle/professional class neighbourhood. A little "United Nations" area in Austin.

Every now and then we have a rookie cop who starts paying attention to packages or backpacks left behind unattended in the supermarket or deli shop. All understandable, not at all bad given the world in which we live in now.

But today it was different. The deli counter was closed today in deference to the Pentecost  (a day celebrated by both Jewish and Christian people, and whereupon Jewish people abstain from work).

So I was there at noon to eat my lunch before my shift, and naturally after my shift I got there to take a rest, drink a soda, and plan which victuals I need to buy for the night while I wait and wait for my bus. It's raining outside.

So a new police officer, a female officer I haven't seen before approaches me and asks me if I'm waiting for anybody. I answer no. She asks me if I have any business there - and I tell her what I wrote above. Then she proceeds to tell me that section of the supermarket is "closed" (there is no barrier it's basically the open "foyer" of the supermarket). I offer her to check my bag to see that I'm "safe" neither a thief nor or an attack suspect, Then  she asks me to leave.

I'm very upset at this point. Naturally I don't want to end up in jail, or worse get shot in the head by a trigger happy rookie - female or not, In Texas you DO NOT mess with a cop. Here they pack, they mean it, and if you oppose, they dispatch you as well.

I don’t know if she sees me as a "threat." I mean, what exactly do I look like to her other than a somewhat girly looking man with a good tan? I don't look like a street thug - unless a 1920's Flapper bob now has a new meaning in Chicago's Southside. And last I checked the roaring 20's flapper fashion was not in vogue in Kandahar or Mosul.

I talked to the manager about it. But noting how every time I get out of work the Kosher store is always closed, I may not be able to relax after work - and worse will need to wait for the bus under whatever inclement weather needs to pass over my head.

I'm kind of upset tonight. And I realize I shouldn't be, but that's the way I feel.
« Last Edit: June 01, 2017, 06:57:09 am by J. Wilhelm » Logged

MWBailey
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United States United States


"This is the sort of thing no-one ever believes"

rtafStElmo
« Reply #1582 on: June 02, 2017, 01:06:11 am »

Texas police are like that, true. I remember an incident back in the late 80s, early 90s here in Houston when all in the world that seemed to have happened was that a woman on a date loudly laughed at the color of a squad car; She and her date and friends were (I forget which) either arrested or ticketed with a strong and frightening warning.

HPD had just changed their squad car livery from dark blue to a light bird-egg, almost powder blue, and many people found the difference startling to the point of hilarity; police officers were understandably fed up with both the higher-ups for the color change and choice, and with the public for being so derisive of the result.

What I'm saying is that with the crud they have to take from everybody almost 24-7, police officers are often already on edge, even if they have decades of experience. I realize you were just trying to get along, but in the eyes of what was probably a rather green rookie on her last nerve on a really bad night (religious holy days, no matter from which religion they actually spring, tend to be like that, from what I've been told), it might have seemed like just another case of arrogant defiance. Not your fault, but that's how things start to look when somebody deals with several irate people who think they're the only ones who're right in a row...
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rovingjack
Zeppelin Admiral
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United States United States



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« Reply #1583 on: June 07, 2017, 09:17:38 am »

today is the last day a friend of 7 years and his soon to be 3 year old will live in the same place I do.
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MWBailey
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United States United States


"This is the sort of thing no-one ever believes"

rtafStElmo
« Reply #1584 on: June 07, 2017, 01:53:44 pm »

They'll still be your friends, Jack, just not in the same house. It'll probably be a lot less bleak down the road, than it seems to be right now. Might even be worlds better for all concerned. Wait 'n see.
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Miranda.T
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #1585 on: June 09, 2017, 06:32:26 pm »

today is the last day a friend of 7 years and his soon to be 3 year old will live in the same place I do.

I do so hope that where you and your friend finally settle are close enough to allow you to maintain this obviously close and special bond.

Yours,
Miranda.
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rovingjack
Zeppelin Admiral
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United States United States



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« Reply #1586 on: June 15, 2017, 01:59:11 am »

I forgot to prepare myself for this part.

That pit of the stomach feeling when you're the last person in a house that is no longer a home.

When a place has been a part of your life so long you get an intuitive sense for it's seeming personality traits, and then something cold and heartless ends it; leaving only echoes of what was, but is now irrevocably gone.

It's one thing when the shift to a new place and a new life is part of a natural progression of choices and growth, but when some cold monstrosity drowned it and cast you out...

this is going to take some time to scab over.
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Lady Ava
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United Kingdom United Kingdom

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Adventurer, Dress-maker and General All-Round Awesome.

electrogirlak
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« Reply #1587 on: June 18, 2017, 03:45:02 pm »

Just coming to the end of the weird part of the year where uni is finished but commission work for Asylum customers hasn't really started yet! Arg! Literally all of my self worth is based around my work (both creative and Real JobTM) so it's always a difficult few weeks for me.
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''I'm a loose bolt in a complete machine. What a match! I'm half-doomed and you're semi-sweet.''
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rovingjack
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« Reply #1588 on: June 21, 2017, 05:13:02 am »

I'll be homeless in a little over a week, and in my attempts to talk about what's about to happen to me, through no fault of my own one friend mentioned they would be looking for somebody to fill a room at their place in a month and a half... only to tell me when I applied that it was really hard to schedule a time to meet about it and there were two people they were interviewing ahead of me. and another friend saw me explain the things I'm trying to do to protect myself and desperately hoping that they only result in me homeless for a month and a half rather than homeless and broke with a black mark against me in all future attempts to find a rental/home/housemate... and then posts their mini-rant about how terrible their so called friend is because years ago when they were in the midst of some legal trouble I know nothing about she could have used somebody who could have figured it all out for her.

To the former, I hope it's just a tangled lines that will get straightened out.

To the latter, thanks for filtering yourself. Cog knows I don't need that kind of trash around me when I'm struggling.

I guess this is where the rubber meets the road. Those who are my friends will show through, those who are no will fall away. I it would be nice if it didn't wound me in a time of crisis. It would be even better if my own mother wasn't in the latter catagory.

Time to start looking at cutting ties. For me that means distanced polite indifference to people and focussing on the people that matter.
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