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Author Topic: Dragon Tamers - A room for those of us with anxiety / depression / etc  (Read 84320 times)
Miranda.T
Zeppelin Captain
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United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #1675 on: February 17, 2019, 10:41:43 pm »


The north. It's not yet sure if the uni will take me, but I'm hoping for Aberdeen. If not there then maybe Inverness.

I'm not only moving out of my mother's house, but also out of my country. Which is a very big leap. And I'm very scared of it. The other day i was trying to log into my email to write a translating company for translating my documents and I just sat there for 15 minutes unable to log in

It's natural to feel nervousness at such a change, but that is such a beautiful area of the world and the people are so friendly. Will you be able to Skype (or similar) your family? I remember when I was at university 'phone calls to home being a wonderful pick me up if I was feeling a bit down, and I would imagine being able to see as well as hear would really work wonders if one was feeling a little homesick. I do think you once you've had a chance to settle down you'll love it - just remember to take along plenty of warm clothes   Smiley.


Rovingjack, I FEEL YOUR PAIN MY DEAR!!!!!!! Aaaauuugghhhh. That is the STORY OF MY LIFE. I have started clubs, bands, thrown parties, you name it. And so many times sat alone, getting sadder and more withdrawn. And the thing where every little noise..... It's so unfair. Why does this world allow any of us to Ever feel that lost??? pm me if you ever want to. It might help us both to expand our circle.

(Snip)

It's a shame the teleporter has yet to be invented, as then all of us denizens of BrassGoggles could meet up in person. We used to put on a lot of parties, but as time went by we had fewer and fewer people making the effort to come along. I think as people get older they get a bit set in their ways and, to an extent, stop making an effort. It's a good job Steampunks have a more positive outlook! Anyway, I hope the members of your family feel better soon.

Yours,
Miranda.
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Rose Inverness
Snr. Officer
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United States United States


Communing with the Over-soul via you.


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« Reply #1676 on: February 18, 2019, 03:07:50 am »

(snip)

It's a shame the teleporter has yet to be invented, as then all of us denizens of BrassGoggles could meet up in person. We used to put on a lot of parties, but as time went by we had fewer and fewer people making the effort to come along. I think as people get older they get a bit set in their ways and, to an extent, stop making an effort. It's a good job Steampunks have a more positive outlook! Anyway, I hope the members of your family feel better soon.

Yours,
Miranda.


It's why we have this room, isn't it? With the dark wood paneling and myriad nooks of coziness. Though seeing people in person is really good for the soul.... I'd like to have some casual steampunk get-togethers that are free.... or... casual get-togethers with steampunks might be a more accurate phrasing.

And thank you for the well wishes.
Rose
Logged

That delicate forest flower,   
With scented breath and look so like a smile,   
Seems, as it issues from the shapeless mould,   
An emanation of the indwelling Life,   
A visible token of the upholding Love,   
That are the soul of this great universe.

~William Cullen Bryant

Trains to Steamtown, this way...
rovingjack
Zeppelin Admiral
******
United States United States



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« Reply #1677 on: March 20, 2019, 07:44:16 am »

Shambles in feeling exhausted. trailing whisps of dream that corrupted the mood of my day.

I don't have nightmares. I just get opprobrious dreams.

I was enthusiastic about a convention where all my friends would be. It was some sort of illogical class reunion where friends who never went to school with me would be there too. All the adventures to discuss and share. I couldn't wait to talk with spouses and kids of people I care about, to discuss his interest in blacksmithing, or hers in bullet journaling. I found gifts for kids that were perfect for all their interests. Theater, hockey, etc etc. I spent the day before making sure I shaved and made special effort to not look like a disheveled mad scientist or a homeless man... both of which I technically am. and the reunion rolls around and I show up... and I'm the only one there. I pace around for 45 minutes thinking maybe somebody would come late. Nobody does.

I'm mostly just resigned to the fact that it happened. I pack up all the gifts, and have them delivered. And I get up and focus on moving on to something else.

months, maybe years later I run into one of my friends, who is also all of them at once. they are surprised when they seem me and are all small talky chattery. The show me pictures of all the children with their favorite belongings... the gifts I gave them. "She's had that forever, I don't even remember where we got it for her."

And some part of me seethes over and calmly asks questions about their families and jobs and passions and eventually stopping and very seriously asks. "How many kids do I have?" 'what?' "Am I married? What do I do for a living?" 'I don't understand?' "What city do I live in?" and as they stammer at the sudden tone change I get angry. I answer all those same questions about them, their spouse, and kids. "You know nothing about me, you recognize my like you recognize a town center you've passed through before. You couldn't picture it, don't know anything about it, and never think about it, but when it's before your eyes theres a sense you've seen it before."

And in that moment I want to be mad, but it dawns on my that this is like a kid with unrequited love. There is no malice or obligation here, the problem is them. It's me. I've thought all along that I had friends, and built in my mind a bond that nobody else felt. I'm just the last one to realize what everything truely is. I could disappear off the face of the earth and nobody would notice for months Until they needed something. I've been tending a garden that I thought was something we shared only to find out nobody but I visits it and even if they passed though it they wouldn't notice it as something somebody tended to.

and I woke up, looked at the ceiling and said "Well F Lips sealed you too brain."

Subsequent events of the day did nothing to help me for the most part. It was a counciling day, but theres a lot to unpack from all of this and complicating factors outside it that feed into it. But the important thing about it all is that this wasn't a dream. A dream illustrated it, but the underlying truth of it all is: I do show up to gatherings of friends to share things we work on and have and end up being the only one to show up. I could go missing and nobody would notice. and I can name the whole families and interests of every one of my 'friends', but none of them could answer any of those questions about me, and it's not because I haven't discussed them before. I have been tending gardens nobody visits.

and mostly I just feel mad at myself for not reading the room well enough to see that I was clinging to something that wasn't really even there. And I'm not sure I'd know how to do or be anything else than this.

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J. Wilhelm
╬ Admiral und Luftschiffengel ╬
Moderator
Immortal
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United States United States


Sentisne fortunatum punkus? Veni. Diem meum comple


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« Reply #1678 on: March 20, 2019, 04:09:37 pm »

Shambles in feeling exhausted. trailing whisps of dream that corrupted the mood of my day.
*snip*

That is a manifestation of your subconscious concerns. It means that your worries are now intense enough that you are explicitly dreaming about it.

I don't think there is a specific answer to those concerns. Just acceptance of the cold hard facts. Statistically, it's not your fault you're alone. Or that you're not wealthy, Or that you're not successful like your friends. Things happen in life, and not everybody is blessed with family/money/house and/or a close community around them. There are factors such as genetics (eg mental disorders), health/death, abuse, divorce, bankruptcy, dictatorship, war, what have you. And note most successful people had help from someone, like family, or in the worst case scenario actually cheated in some way, even exploiting someone to get there! It takes a village to raise a child, and it takes a city to make a millionaire. Just look at the college admissions scandal right now in the US!! All you have to do is look at the lives of people in countries that are experiencing trouble, so you can see how bad life can get for good decent people when the infrastructure is not there. Environment does matter.

Also, human beings are intensely tribalistic. They have multiple levels of regard for people around them. Stranger, boss, coworker, friend, close friend, lover, spouse, child. I don't know if it's an evolutionary trait, but I reject the notion that everything around a human being is 100% a social construct. Instead, I think that the circles of people around you are a hybrid of biologically required structures, and the so-called social-construct. There is biology and instinct to factor into human behaviour. I don't believe that "close friend" qualifies as the highest status that you can have in front of another person, precisely because of biological imperatives - no matter how thoughtful your gifts are. The problem is then that sporadically your friends just say "hi," and then they leave and go back to their homes (at least where you live- read on).

So, given that very bitter pill, the question is "What are you going to do about it?" I mean, this is not your fault. And people are not going to change. And to be honest, I can't really answer that question either, because I'm figuring the answer right now myself.

But, my approach to the problem has been to look at the hierarchy above and focus on my statement "environment does matter." The closest answer I can give you is that "If the environment I'm in is not suitable for my needs, then I change my environment." Notice I wrote that NOT ALL human behavior is a social construct. The corollary is that NOT ALL human behaviour is biological either. So that means that it is possible to move to another environment where the social hierarchy is more close to satisfying your psychological need.

Is that even possible?

Yes. Yes it is. Since you're travelling all around, and you still feel dissatisfied socially speaking, you might disagree with me. But my reply to that is that you have not travelled far enough (read on)... The reason I say that is because I actually was raised in a different country. I had a good family life. We had tons of friends. And I was raised in a highly structured environment which promoted my growth, development and happiness. For all the negative stuff on human nature I wrote above, I have the exact opposite experience of my childhood and the lives of my grandparents. I actually KNOW that things can be different.

So what is different about the environment in my childhood?

The level of socialization. Not all societies have the same level of socialization. After 30 years living in the US I realise that I'm missing something I knew every day of my life while I was living in Mexico... To my fellow Americans: please don't take offense, but there are other countries that have different social structures which I would say are far more developed than what I currently see in the 1st world. To put it bluntly, there are places in the world where a larger group of people around you can pay attention to you in a more structured and meaningful way. The 1st world is profoundly "nuclear" and people are very isolated from one another in comparison to the communities of many developing nations - I'm not sure if social isolation is a consequence of industrialization, but it seems to me to be that way.

Some of those structures in developing nations favour an "extended family," meaning multi-generational living arrangements, which lend themselves toward cooperation and a greater financial support for those who would be "weak" in some sort of way. Grandparents can become caretakers, and you even have "assistant parents" in the form of Godparents. Which is not just a funny title of an Italian Mafia movie - the Godmother and Godfather ACTUALLY play a role in the child's development, outside of religious ceremonies like baptism, and these Godparents, one pair per child, form longstanding relationships with the Godchild's family and since they are not related by blood, they link to the greater community (this is the outer reach of the extended family)

The structure outside of the family is equally developed into greater community networks. Social activities between school or workplace peers is practically mandatory for - I'd even venture to say, every single weekend of the calendar! It's not unusual for class meetings to take place every year, often organising trips of public events! Every single weekend there was some gathering of some sort at one of the student's family homes (we'd rotate homes). These networls often lead to job opportunities as well. In short, people tend to help each other more because a larger rigid structure is in place.

But what I'm trying to say in a very roundabout way is that there are higher levels of socialization possible - and that you may simply be in the wrong place. Short of having a family, you will never achieve that ultimate level of "life meaningfullness," but what I know is that in modern developed societies, your greater social meaning has been reduced to a cold index of productivity, whether that be earning a certain amount of money, having a certain kind of job, a house or saving money for retirement. There is no intrinsic value to your life in the greater society of a developed country. And beyond that, the only biological meaningfulness of your life is limited to the nuclear family, having a spouse and children, and nothing else! That's it! So no wonder you can feel left out!

If you could find a society where the community constantly engaged with you, and you were sought after for your friendship and knowledge, would that make your life feel more fulfilled?  I think so. And so I've decided to make a such move to a place where I can do that. It's that simple. And if I end up having a family, well that's icing on the cake. That social structure is geared toward promoting relationships, so I'm not closing the door on family either. But what I know is that I can't stay here - slowly dying, sick, alone, depressed, and hungry for love and attention (not to mention physically hungry). No social security check is going to make up for that
« Last Edit: March 20, 2019, 04:22:28 pm by J. Wilhelm » Logged

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