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Author Topic: Dragon Tamers - A room for those of us with anxiety / depression / etc  (Read 137011 times)
walking stick
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England England


« Reply #375 on: June 20, 2014, 02:30:17 pm »

That door leads to all sorts of welcoming places. We each get exactly the one we need.  I might be the improbable Artists Garden soon.
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rovingjack
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« Reply #376 on: June 22, 2014, 07:04:04 am »

after a twenty four hour period of social and health bungles, I'm done trying anything for a bit. I'm staying in my room and doing nothing at all. it will likely be a few days before I feel the storm has passed.

in the mean time I've also found myself exasperated completely with humanity and wishing I could find some other species to socialize with. Considering the reasons, I've looking maybe for robots, or vulcans. they at least are governed by some type of logic.

but right now I think as far as imaginary recuperations go I could do with a buttery croissant, a game of solitaire, and a spiced cider drink. maybe some of this too: http://youtu.be/e4dT8FJ2GE0
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Arabella Periscope
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United States United States


Edwardian summer


« Reply #377 on: June 22, 2014, 08:55:35 am »



The croissants are very good today.



The elder dog is comforting --  he has a great deal of experience and wisdom.
 
« Last Edit: June 22, 2014, 09:05:49 am by Arabella Periscope » Logged

Kenneth: 'If you're so hot, you can tell me how to say she has ideas above her station.'
Brian:'Oh yes, I forgot. It's fairly easy, old boy.
Elle a des idees au-dessus de sa gare.'
Kenneth: 'Idiot.  It's not that kind of station.'

Terence Rattigan 'French Without Tears.'
CorneliaCarton
Zeppelin Captain
*****
Scotland Scotland

Gravatar


« Reply #378 on: June 24, 2014, 06:52:59 am »

That moment when you realise something that you never wanted to realise. Ever.
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Ginny Audriana Irondust Moravia. Pleased t' meet ya.
MWBailey
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United States United States


"This is the sort of thing no-one ever believes"

rtafStElmo
« Reply #379 on: June 24, 2014, 07:49:50 am »

*The sound of banjo music wafts from the alcove toward the rear of the room*

*singing* Sometimes you're the wind-shield, sometimes you're the bug**...



----
** The Bug Mark Knopfler, Dire Straits 1991
« Last Edit: June 24, 2014, 07:57:17 am by MWBailey » Logged

Walk softly and carry a big banjo...

""quid statis aspicientes in infernum"
MWBailey
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United States United States


"This is the sort of thing no-one ever believes"

rtafStElmo
« Reply #380 on: June 24, 2014, 10:31:17 pm »

*Segues into an adaptation of Paron Stelar's Booty Swing, and gets up and heads for the magical door to the Sculpture garden*



*turning to the right, he finds and sits down on a bench under the giant sundial*


*He looks to the east, seeing the Oriental Section*



*segues into Chinese Breakdown*
« Last Edit: June 24, 2014, 10:43:43 pm by MWBailey » Logged
Rose Inverness
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United States United States


Communing with the Over-soul via you.


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« Reply #381 on: June 25, 2014, 04:34:24 am »

*dances ?appropriately to Chinese breakdown, but behind the fern -- for modesty, of course*

 Cheesy I think maybe I'll also skip merrily through the garden while I'm at it.... anyone care to join? one at a time, naturally.
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That delicate forest flower,   
With scented breath and look so like a smile,   
Seems, as it issues from the shapeless mould,   
An emanation of the indwelling Life,   
A visible token of the upholding Love,   
That are the soul of this great universe.

~William Cullen Bryant

Trains to Steamtown, this way...
Camellia Wingnut
Snr. Officer
****
United States Minor Outlying Islands United States Minor Outlying Islands


Take my camel, dear. . . .


« Reply #382 on: June 25, 2014, 10:01:50 pm »

My Dear Mr. Bailey,
Will you take requests? 'All by Myself in the Moonlight'?
'Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree'?
Or my personal favourite: 'Hunting Tigers Out in Indiah'? The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band is some sort of punk. . . . ModSteam?
So kind.
C.W.
« Last Edit: June 25, 2014, 10:03:36 pm by Camellia Wingnut » Logged

Take my camel, dear, said my aunt Camellia, climbing down from that animal on her return from high mass. The camel, a white Arabian Dhalur (single hump) from the famous herd of the Ruola tribe, had been a parting present, its saddle-bags stuffed with low-carat [sic] gold and flashy orient gems, from a rich desert tycoon. . . .
Arabella Periscope
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United States United States


Edwardian summer


« Reply #383 on: June 25, 2014, 10:25:49 pm »

Mr. B -- How about tossing back an espresso and having a go at 'Lonely People' (America?  The Eagles?)  That might cheer people up a good deal, though it would blur your strumming arm.
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MWBailey
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United States United States


"This is the sort of thing no-one ever believes"

rtafStElmo
« Reply #384 on: June 26, 2014, 05:51:43 am »

My Dear Mr. Bailey,
Will you take requests? 'All by Myself in the Moonlight'?
'Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree'?
Or my personal favourite: 'Hunting Tigers Out in Indiah'? The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band is some sort of punk. . . . ModSteam?
So kind.
C.W.


Done! *performs banjo adaptations of said pieces*



Mr. B -- How about tossing back an espresso and having a go at 'Lonely People' (America?  The Eagles?)  That might cheer people up a good deal, though it would blur your strumming arm.




Certainly !

*Adapts a rendition*
« Last Edit: June 26, 2014, 05:54:09 am by MWBailey » Logged
MWBailey
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United States United States


"This is the sort of thing no-one ever believes"

rtafStElmo
« Reply #385 on: June 27, 2014, 04:19:34 am »

http://youtu.be/cS4vUaNQKHk


http://youtu.be/Oy9PK0aIJSo


http://youtu.be/PPJZTRqQ1Xw
« Last Edit: June 27, 2014, 04:23:19 am by MWBailey » Logged
Arabella Periscope
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United States United States


Edwardian summer


« Reply #386 on: June 30, 2014, 02:41:33 am »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=nMJUbZrNnA8

I don't know if this link will work but I have yet another request for Mr. Bailey -- a rendition of the wonderful banjo passage from 'Lover of the Light.' 
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MWBailey
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United States United States


"This is the sort of thing no-one ever believes"

rtafStElmo
« Reply #387 on: June 30, 2014, 03:33:07 pm »

Oh, my... That's such a great tune. Here goes...
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CorneliaCarton
Zeppelin Captain
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Scotland Scotland

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« Reply #388 on: July 01, 2014, 12:16:34 am »

I hate my biological Mother. Her sheer lack of giving a s#@& has psychologically screwed me for life. I am the way I am because she was never there for me the way a Mother should be, and my Dad was never there because my Mother was a cheating see you next tuesday and kicked him out. So, I didn't have a paternal figure or maternal figure, and apparently having neither of those in the first three years of your life is not a good thing. So all my issues, all my insecurities are because of her.
I don't think I have ever hated her more than I do now. Because of her, I'm terrified of being alone in an emotional sense, so I run headfirst into relationships because that's what she did, not realising that having a different man in the house every other month made my tiny two year old brain think that was how it worked.
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rovingjack
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« Reply #389 on: July 01, 2014, 04:14:57 am »

I'm freaking out beyond all reason. I think it's a full blown panic attack that comes and goes through the whole day so far. Cause?

I live in a dusty old victorian home, with a few places of chipped paint along the interior. What if some of the recent health issues are due to lead toxicity?

Man I just can't cope with this. I called my doc and they set a blood test up for this weekend, which feels like forever away, and even after the test I won't get the results until several days to a or so later.

A part of me says that I don't have some of the symptoms, but I know some of my current problems could be caused by lead.

and if it is, we may be able to seal the chipping paint areas again (it was done once years ago) and shampoo the carpets free of any ground up dust, maybe get an air filter to run... but I don't know if I could ever feel comfortable here after that. Not to mention it wouldn't nessecarily make my health any better, as it may have been building up in my bones over the years here, so that even after the forty days half life in blood my bones may be releasing some of it back into my blood for the rest of my life.

But even if I had someplace else to go and didn't have to leave my life behind to escape quickly, I'll be stuck with it for the rest of my life as a health condition.

Gods I hope this is all just senseless worry. even so it's making sleeping and eating hard, and I jittery. I'm actually shivering right now. it's 87 degrees F here and I'm shivering.
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Arabella Periscope
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United States United States


Edwardian summer


« Reply #390 on: July 01, 2014, 09:11:59 am »

I really don't think you need worry about the lead paint issue.  I used to work alongside the lead-workers at Salisbury Cathedral, who beat out the lead for the roof every day; and the glaziers, who framed the repairs for the stained glass in lead every day.  They offset any potential health hazards simply by drinking milk, which is the medical answer to exposure.  Any exposure you may have had would be far less, surely, and I think you can be reassured.  The way those men monitored their exposure levels was to keep an eye on each others' tempers, since one of the symptoms of lead poisoning is a bad temper!

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Madasasteamfish
A clanger waiting to be dropped......
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09madasafish
« Reply #391 on: July 01, 2014, 09:31:49 am »

My dear RovingJack, I shouldn't worry too much about the possibility of lead poisoning from the paint in your home. From your mention of the age of the property you'd probably be more at risk of getting it from lead piping in the water system (in the unlikely event it hasn't been replaced). Lead based paints are exceptionally rare these day after being banned in the 70's (In the case of the US) and would only pose a serious risk if you were to sand it without a dust mask (so unless your property hasn't been repainted in the last 40 or more years it is unlikely retain lead based paints).
« Last Edit: July 01, 2014, 06:23:41 pm by Madasasteamfish » Logged

I made a note in my diary on the way over here. Simply says; "Bugger!"

"DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH."
rovingjack
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« Reply #392 on: July 01, 2014, 05:28:36 pm »

the property is from the 1880s. it underwent "encapsulation", which is a fancy way of saying it was painted over. but since I've lived here most all the doors, and door frames paint is chipping and peeling rather substancually. The issues with lead paint are that the chips that flak off and crumble up become dust which gets breathed in in steady supply. This is a very dusty place an the carpets are likely loaded with it.

two years ago I tested as very low in vitamin D, and that was right after an episode of gout. My digestive system had shown progressively worsening symptoms until recently. And my latest two blood test come back showing anemia. also considering my recent medical issues with things like an antibiotic that can cause nerve damage in rare cases, such as ringing in ears, weakness, fatigue, and tingling or numbness.

If you were to look up symptoms of lead toxicity they include: low vitamin D, gout, digestive problems, anemia, ringing in ear, weakness, fatigue, and nerve problems.

I go in for blood tests this weekend. but it has me so stressed that sleep is hard to come by, and it's making me physically ill. Admittedly half of it is panic attacks, which weren't a real problem in my life before recently, also apparently a potential symptom of lead.

I wish I had some kind of sign that it was clearly not a problem and these other aspects are just coincidence. it would ease my mind greatly. The only two things I have to go on is that one of the housemates has lived here a couple years more than I have and doesn't seem to show symptoms. And that supposedly one of the signs is elevated blood pressure in some people, while my blood pressure is low.

woke in a cold sweat last night and couldn't get back to sleep. But I'm going to a counciling appointment today, and I guess now is as good a time as any to start looking at the possibility of thinning out my belongings and being able to move out easily enough if it comes to it.

It's kind of sad really, because it's a nice area, with good job prospects, across from a park, very affordable with two decent housemates/friends. If I leave here I won't be able to stay in this area and won't be able to take much with me or find work where I end up for a while. It's like starting over after a fire and having friend move away, rolled into one.
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frances
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United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #393 on: July 01, 2014, 06:28:21 pm »

I can see why you are having panic attacks.  However, can you think of anything that has recently changed.  For example have you been taking paint off the doors and walls recently?  Also, by any chance, have you changed your duvet or are you going to work a different way?  Can you think of anything different that happened just before the change in your health?
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rovingjack
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« Reply #394 on: July 01, 2014, 09:45:13 pm »

I'm trying not to think about it too much. each of my health concerns came one at a time gradually over the last five years. and while my most recent test showing anemia is fresh in my mind a week before that result I was going on about my life thinking I might be in the clear for trying to take control back after this horrible year.

So for starters that suggests that at the very least the rest of the month isn't likely to do me in anymore than the last did. In the mean time I will get a test done soon which will give me more concrete data about whether or not there is need to be concerned. The results from that should come in about four to five days after, so on about the tenth.

By the end of the month I should know where my blood lead levels are, have my belongings organized and available to move, and my mothers house will be free of guests, so that I can move in there if I need to. Once out of the environment the blood levels should drop (though I'm given to understand that amounts that store in the bones will last decades and likely the rest of my life, leaking a bit into my blood over time). This of course is all dependent on whether there actually is a lead threat and it's not just the panic attacks and anxiety from the antibiotic making me see correlations where there are just coincidences.

so it's really a wait and see in the next ten days, and in the mean time figure out what to do in either case. we are running a series of related tests for causes and to see if the last results were just temporary of an actual sign of a condition, as well as checking another possible cause.

But I think it's time to start thinking about some life changes anyway. If not this, then a few other factors were likely to upset the stability here soon. And I can't stay here for the rest of my life, splitting an upper level of an old victorian house with endless strings of changing renters. So either way it's coming home to me that I've got to start over again.

I lost my job this year, my car is falling apart, my friends are going on to other places and establishing families and lives, and the place I live may be trying to kill me. I've got a clutter of a lifetime from things that never quite panned out or were waiting for the key piece to make happen. I think it's time to prune things back and find my center again.

I need to find what I need to be who I want to be, and shed the rest. I just wish it didn't feel so much like starting from scratch and have the added threat of potential additional life long health concerns.
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CorneliaCarton
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« Reply #395 on: July 06, 2014, 10:22:23 am »

Typical.
The second I sort things out with my boyfriend and tell him everything that's wrong, BAM! The feelings of doubt are back again *sigh*.
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Madasasteamfish
A clanger waiting to be dropped......
Board Moderator
Rogue Ætherlord
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09madasafish
« Reply #396 on: July 07, 2014, 12:10:25 am »

I've been hovering between extreme apathy and depression all weekend and now I seem to have come down firmly in depression. Tomorrow I've got a mandatory (or at the very least it's mandatory if I want to keep my benefits) interview regarding the work programme I've been referred to.  The reason I'm unhappy about this is because of the fact that according to what little information I have regarding it is that it will prove to be a complete waste of my time and that of whoever I have to deal with since like almost everything this incompetent govt. has done with regard to unemployment it assumes the reason I've been unable to find work is due to some form of personal fault on my part, say I'm sh*t at interviews, or my skills are no longer relevant in the modern job market, as opposed to a general lack of vacancies where the employer will actually consider me for the vacancy, either due to me being overqualified, not being experienced enough, or simply because of not paying enough for me to consider taking the position without risking bankruptcy. Now, unless this person I'm due to see can:

1. Simply pull a suitable vacancy out of their arse,
2. Instantly provide me with 2 or more years paid work experience, or
3. Has the influence necessary to convince several cabinet ministers to pour funding into creating jobs

there is of course nothing they will really be able to do to actually help me, and my being referred to this programme will be about as much use as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest, and given the 'assistance' I've already received from the job centre over the past 10 months, the overall effect will probably be as noticeable as a fart in a hurricane, and will probably have much the same effect.

P.S. I apologise to those of a delicate constitution for my language and use of analogies, but it is increasingly galling to be personally blamed for the failings of the system and criticised for asking that the rewards I was promised are actually delivered.
« Last Edit: July 07, 2014, 08:32:57 am by Madasasteamfish » Logged
Arabella Periscope
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United States United States


Edwardian summer


« Reply #397 on: July 07, 2014, 02:57:29 am »



Oh, Steamfish, those hateful office visits.  We have all been there.  BUT --

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!

You are young, personable, educated, witty and eager to make a career.  Do not let them impose a shame spiral on you.  Kick back in the Dragon Tamer's with a good book and a pint of the Special Fiery, rub the ears of the red setter and cultivate a glow of self-regard and an attitude of fatalism.  Think about RNA, perhaps.  That is the stage in the development of an embryo which mysteriously instigates the production of certain chemicals which apparently have no use, but later on they suddenly have a vital part to play and are rushed forward to fit into the elegant scheme of things.

Or come into the garden and dance to the banjo with me in my Isadora Duncan veils!  (Like these, only more of them!)
« Last Edit: July 07, 2014, 03:03:04 am by Arabella Periscope » Logged
Madasasteamfish
A clanger waiting to be dropped......
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09madasafish
« Reply #398 on: July 07, 2014, 08:54:32 am »

Well thank you for your support, Ms Periscope, but the problem isn't that I think it's my fault, it's making the powers that be recognise that it isn't my fault. And every week I go without finding something is another week I'm closer to excluding myself from what are likely to be the conditions imposed on a good number of the jobs that are likely to be created (if any are actually created). And I've worked too long and too hard, and put in too much effort not to make use of my achievements, yet it increasingly seems like if I'm going to have choose between actually having a job and my own happiness. And I'm far too young to just give up on working. Couple this with the lack of understanding I receive from my parents (on the rare occasions when my mum actually notices somethings wrong she'll ask me what's up, as though having worked my arse off in order to get the qualifications I have being stuck living at home, with no job, no money, no girlfriend and little prospect of any of that changing isn't reason enough for me to feel down) my circumstances not exactly conductive to my own mental wellbeing.
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Madasasteamfish
A clanger waiting to be dropped......
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09madasafish
« Reply #399 on: July 10, 2014, 01:15:31 pm »

Having just finished the last day of what I initially thought was going to be a completely useless course I feel I should post an update. The course itself has actually proven to be of use to me. The most important thing it's done is that it's given me the motivation and confidence to give the job centre a metaphorical two finger salute and reminded me that I'm looking for a job because I want to work and I want to do something with my life, not because they say I should. Alright, I probably won't end up in my dream job, but as long as I enjoy what I'm doing I'll be happy and if I find something which makes me think 'You know, I can see myself doing this permanently.' All well and good, I'll stay there, even if it isn't my dream job. This confidence and motivational boost has also put me back on a much more even keel, so YAY!
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