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Author Topic: Dragon Tamers - A room for those of us with anxiety / depression / etc  (Read 126718 times)
Madasasteamfish
A clanger waiting to be dropped......
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09madasafish
« Reply #250 on: April 30, 2014, 09:29:13 pm »

I think the fact that I had a break down while I was at the meeting may have helped.
Just means I can focus on getting better.

Well as long as you can see the bright side. Sucks about the compounding factors.
« Last Edit: April 30, 2014, 11:01:41 pm by Madasasteamfish » Logged

I made a note in my diary on the way over here. Simply says; "Bugger!"

"DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH."
Arabella Periscope
Zeppelin Captain
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United States United States


Edwardian summer


« Reply #251 on: April 30, 2014, 10:45:22 pm »

So embarrassing, those meltdowns.  But it keeps us humble.  And really, anyone who has a sudden clear glimpse of life, their job, society, etc. is very sane to burst into tears!  I think of Joss Whedon ('Firefly') who is the master of writing about the dysphoria of the misfit; makes one glad to be aware that we are together "on the raggedy edge." The consolation is the company, even if, as in the haven of the Dragon Tamers, the others are lurking in the dim comforting niches or leaning on the mahogany buffet imbibing, or communing with the furry uncritical residents.
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Kenneth: 'If you're so hot, you can tell me how to say she has ideas above her station.'
Brian:'Oh yes, I forgot. It's fairly easy, old boy.
Elle a des idees au-dessus de sa gare.'
Kenneth: 'Idiot.  It's not that kind of station.'

Terence Rattigan 'French Without Tears.'
CorneliaCarton
Zeppelin Captain
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Scotland Scotland

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« Reply #252 on: May 01, 2014, 11:37:44 pm »

Yesterday I learned of something rather, disturbing. Flashbacks of something that happened when I was really young, about 3 or 4 years old.
I asked my Gran if it was true. She said it was.
So now I feel really sick, knowing that his happened to me when I was just a toddler.
Suddenly eveything makes sense, why I am the way I am.
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Ginny Audriana Irondust Moravia. Pleased t' meet ya.
MWBailey
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"This is the sort of thing no-one ever believes"

rtafStElmo
« Reply #253 on: May 02, 2014, 01:03:25 am »

A real Crisis for me. It seems that I have been laboring under the massive misapprehension that I have actual people skills or a talent for getting along with others. These are things I've believed for literally all of my life up to this point. They are part of my basic makeup and worldview.

The Crisis? I have just been shown that such is emphatically not the case, that no matter how I intend my words, I apparently cannot use them to express my thoughts without severely offending others and making them think I'm sneering at them or being insufferably petty or unfair, or trying to take unfair advantage. This really makes me question whether I can continue being involved in any kind of group activity, or any in which I have to converse with anyone. It also makes me wonder if, perhaps, I really am as evil as I seem to come across. If I am such a thoroughgoing bastard, then it is painfully obvious that for literally whole sets of decades people have only just been able to tolerate me and have refrained in saintly fashion from pummeling me to a pulpy mass of egotistical stupidity.

This, and everything else I've written in this thread or on this forum, is thus most likely coming off as a very sick joke to whoever's reading it. I assure you that such is not my intention, but given my track record, no, I really don't expect you to believe that. Dug my own grave and now I have to lie in it, I guess.

This begs the question: Since I am such a dastardly bastard, how is it that I am allowed to continue living? Perhaps the universe is just waiting for me to die or off myself? Maybe the people jumping me and the illnesses accumulating all of a sudden is The Universe's way of telling me it's time to go home.
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Walk softly and carry a big banjo...

""quid statis aspicientes in infernum"
Arabella Periscope
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Edwardian summer


« Reply #254 on: May 02, 2014, 04:52:15 am »

Whoa, My dear Mr. Bailey, hang on there a moment! You have just had pneumonia, which is a well-known cause of depression after the illness, it is even a legal term for suicide cause, or used to be; and depression is also an aftereffect of a course of antibiotics.  You are wiped out by your ordeals.

I for one have always enjoyed your posts and found them amusing, and I am sure many people feel the same.  You're allowed to be a dastardly bastard once in a while.  You just need a tonic, not a hermitage. Hope you feel more optimistic soon!
 
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Camellia Wingnut
Snr. Officer
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United States Minor Outlying Islands United States Minor Outlying Islands


Take my camel, dear. . . .


« Reply #255 on: May 02, 2014, 08:12:20 am »

My Dear Fellow,
Our Arabella is right! Your illness and medication have weakened you, reminded you of your mortality and caused some soul-searching. Convalescence is often cursed with a sense of doom, having dreadful doubts, and asking yourself about your life and its meaning. If, as seems to have happened, you suffered a personal attack at this vulnerable moment, it is no wonder that you feel devastated.
Please hang on to the knowledge that the doubts pass, different views of your worth are possible, other people's opinions are never unanimous and don't matter very much anyway.
And of course, a fellow who plays the banjo cannot be all bad.
Cheers,
Gt.-Aunt Camellia
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Take my camel, dear, said my aunt Camellia, climbing down from that animal on her return from high mass. The camel, a white Arabian Dhalur (single hump) from the famous herd of the Ruola tribe, had been a parting present, its saddle-bags stuffed with low-carat [sic] gold and flashy orient gems, from a rich desert tycoon. . . .
4_0_4
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Sweden Sweden


Hi Forest , hows Fanny?


WWW
« Reply #256 on: May 02, 2014, 12:31:49 pm »

A real Crisis for me. It seems that I have been laboring under the massive misapprehension that I have actual people skills or a talent for getting along with others. These are things I've believed for literally all of my life up to this point. They are part of my basic makeup and worldview.

The Crisis? I have just been shown that such is emphatically not the case, that no matter how I intend my words, I apparently cannot use them to express my thoughts without severely offending others and making them think I'm sneering at them or being insufferably petty or unfair, or trying to take unfair advantage. This really makes me question whether I can continue being involved in any kind of group activity, or any in which I have to converse with anyone. It also makes me wonder if, perhaps, I really am as evil as I seem to come across. If I am such a thoroughgoing bastard, then it is painfully obvious that for literally whole sets of decades people have only just been able to tolerate me and have refrained in saintly fashion from pummeling me to a pulpy mass of egotistical stupidity.

This, and everything else I've written in this thread or on this forum, is thus most likely coming off as a very sick joke to whoever's reading it. I assure you that such is not my intention, but given my track record, no, I really don't expect you to believe that. Dug my own grave and now I have to lie in it, I guess.

This begs the question: Since I am such a dastardly bastard, how is it that I am allowed to continue living? Perhaps the universe is just waiting for me to die or off myself? Maybe the people jumping me and the illnesses accumulating all of a sudden is The Universe's way of telling me it's time to go home.


Google " wounded healer "

That experience you had / have is actually brief moment of " self awareness " most never usually get ( without hard work ) but essentially what leads to change.

Seems to me you've given a jolt , so you can see what you need to address in order to change  , of course the trick is maintaining it or just falling back into the usual slumber / sleep state where ( like everyone here ) your aware somethings wrong but your too asleep to do anything about it - much less care.
 
The other problem , or irony is that even when presented with that priceless chance the mind ( false self ) will always create numerous ways of using reason, like Arabella did, to hijack / screw itself .

...........


« Last Edit: May 02, 2014, 02:02:32 pm by 4_0_4 » Logged

" You can lose every battle except that last " Sir Malcolm , Penny Dreadful
frances
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #257 on: May 02, 2014, 08:15:24 pm »

Dear Mr Bailey,

Rest assured that we have seen no sign of what you speak in here.  Maybe the person who spoke to you is about to come down with a nasty bug and so has got out of the wrong side of the bed.  Forgive them and put your energies into getting well again.  Cheers.
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J. Wilhelm
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Sentisne fortunatum punkus? Veni. Diem meum comple


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« Reply #258 on: May 02, 2014, 08:38:47 pm »

Indeed Mr. Bailey:
You and I have shared a rough patch once, but it was and I consider it to be serendipetous at best. No one can be in a good mood 100% of the time, and certainly I haven't read from your comments throughout the years anything that might indicate that you are anything other than a gentleman.  I would not dwell on self doubt and self pity.  Obsessive negative thoughts toward oneself are a trademark of serotonin and norepinephrine imbalances - we will naturally gravitate toward "holding on to hurts" and see the world as more intense than it really is.  

As of late with a life as difficult as I'm living now I have had to learn to take insults left and right and develop nether regions of brass, if you know what I mean.  Pay no mind, I say, and go play your banjo!
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Clym Angus
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Lord of Misrule


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« Reply #259 on: May 02, 2014, 09:10:24 pm »

Yesterday I learned of something rather, disturbing. Flashbacks of something that happened when I was really young, about 3 or 4 years old.
I asked my Gran if it was true. She said it was.
So now I feel really sick, knowing that his happened to me when I was just a toddler.
Suddenly eveything makes sense, why I am the way I am.

From a point of understanding, there is a choice: justified continuation, or now; understanding the game that your mind is playing, you may leave the table, leave the game and find something else. Whichever brings the most comfort. More importantly, the choice you can best live with.
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MWBailey
Rogue Ætherlord
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United States United States


"This is the sort of thing no-one ever believes"

rtafStElmo
« Reply #260 on: May 02, 2014, 10:17:28 pm »

Such wonderful folks on here. Thanks, everyone for the support and encouragement. Yes, Even 4_0_4, whom I think is not quite as off-kilter as they are often mis-perceived to be.

I'm feeling a bit better now, after getting that off of my chest, playing the banjo and other stuff, wrestling with a fiddle soundpost (long story), and berating myself for making so many people worry. I have managed to reset my self opinion, this time (there have been many others) hopefully more realistically. As always, I'm a little too cynical, jocular and mercurial to put up with my own banality and mawkishness for very long. I do much better when I can poke fun mean fun at myself and be wry about everything; that's more like me.

Now, please don't malign the person in question (the other guy). They had a legitimate gripe, and that fact is what set me off. I was culpable, and still am, in at least one or two respects, so let's not be blaming them, OK? They have some hurt feelings too. We're all in this together, etc. I'll shut up for a while, now, before I get even more trite.
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MWBailey
Rogue Ætherlord
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"This is the sort of thing no-one ever believes"

rtafStElmo
« Reply #261 on: May 03, 2014, 05:48:19 am »

Pardon the double post. I promised (well, said to is the more accurate expression, but still) the other person that I would not post in the "heavy" threads for a while. I am treading very close to breaking my word in that respect now, but after seeing all the supportive and worried replies I couldn't help but try to ease things a bit. 

You are all such great kids; Please don't be offended by that remark. I don't know offhand how old most of you are, but I think a large percentage are young enough to be my younger siblings if not outright the kids I never had; my dad was fifty when I was a twentysomething, after all. Those of you who think you're pathetic or whatever, You're not, to me. It might not actually count for much in the long run, but think about that the next time you're feeling worthless.

I'll stop this now, so I can keep my word, and those with more legitimate conditions can get the support they need. Don't worry, I'll be fine, and I'll still be posting in the "lighter" threads. I have survived my own negativity and bouts of melancholia for fifty-odd years, after all.
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Sir Boris Cogsworth
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Cogwheels and Wacky Jacks


« Reply #262 on: May 03, 2014, 06:13:44 am »

Such jolly and supportive folks in here, tis inspiring to see lovely support and advice from all you wonderful steams Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy
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Days... Weeks... Months...
Camellia Wingnut
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Take my camel, dear. . . .


« Reply #263 on: May 03, 2014, 06:30:22 am »

My Dear Mr. Bailey,
Speaking for myself, a Great-Aunt, I thought I would assure you that not only kids, but your contemporaries, are concerned for you; and our concern is based on experience of life which gives us true empathy.
Camellia
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CorneliaCarton
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« Reply #264 on: May 03, 2014, 10:10:00 am »

Yesterday I learned of something rather, disturbing. Flashbacks of something that happened when I was really young, about 3 or 4 years old.
I asked my Gran if it was true. She said it was.
So now I feel really sick, knowing that his happened to me when I was just a toddler.
Suddenly eveything makes sense, why I am the way I am.

From a point of understanding, there is a choice: justified continuation, or now; understanding the game that your mind is playing, you may leave the table, leave the game and find something else. Whichever brings the most comfort. More importantly, the choice you can best live with.


I'm waiting to receive hypnotherapy. My support worker reckons what happened is the reason I am the way I am now, and also because of my Mother's lack of, well, anything to do with me. That's why I have abandonment issues. That's why I'm depressed. What happened to me two years ago unveiled a lot of things about my past.
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Rose Inverness
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Communing with the Over-soul via you.


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« Reply #265 on: May 06, 2014, 01:10:17 am »

Whoa, My dear Mr. Bailey, hang on there a moment! You have just had pneumonia, which is a well-known cause of depression after the illness, it is even a legal term for suicide cause, or used to be; and depression is also an aftereffect of a course of antibiotics.  You are wiped out by your ordeals.

I for one have always enjoyed your posts and found them amusing, and I am sure many people feel the same.  You're allowed to be a dastardly bastard once in a while.  You just need a tonic, not a hermitage. Hope you feel more optimistic soon!
 

I, personally, find relief in your words, Arabella... as I was enveloped by depression and anxiety after a heavy course of antibiotics this fall. Have been getting back on my feet ever since. It is all too easy to blame oneself for things one cannot control. I am grateful for the companionship of others, which frequently makes me feel better and less alone. And sometimes, I feel much worse and *imagine* my behavior is unforgivable. Yet I get to continue to make choices, and have new chances. Things are never as bad as I imagine. We're all worthy of love, here.

Blessings to all going through similar things. And, as a related side-note.... having found this thread in particular just yesterday, I woke up today looking forward to continuing to read it. The bit at the beginning with all the lovely 'enters the room and sinks into the comfy chair' dialogue is really cozy and enchanting.

{Moves through the deep calm of the room's atmosphere to a vast overstuffed chair, cuddling under a quilt and falling asleep, lulled by the quiet hissing and crackling of the hearth's flames. Accepts a very soft cat of small stature which nestles into the crook of her arm and also falls asleep.}

Rose
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That delicate forest flower,   
With scented breath and look so like a smile,   
Seems, as it issues from the shapeless mould,   
An emanation of the indwelling Life,   
A visible token of the upholding Love,   
That are the soul of this great universe.

~William Cullen Bryant

Trains to Steamtown, this way...
J. Wilhelm
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Sentisne fortunatum punkus? Veni. Diem meum comple


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« Reply #266 on: May 06, 2014, 07:20:56 pm »

Interesting concept: Magnetic Intracraneal Antidepressant Therapy.

New experimental magnetic helmet stimulates growth hormone production which in turn stimulates blood vessel growth and dilates blood vessels on the surface of the brain, resulting in an effective anti-depressant therapy.

http://www.bbc.com/news/health-27115432
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Madasasteamfish
A clanger waiting to be dropped......
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Rogue Ætherlord
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09madasafish
« Reply #267 on: May 06, 2014, 09:56:37 pm »

And I'm back to curl up in my chesterfield in my alcove  Sad.

Another day, another pointless job search, another row with the parents, along with the news that the govt. may be soon be forcing me into sacrificing ANY hope of actually enjoying any of the hard won worker's rights currently enshrined in law (I suppose at least at the minute I've got the choice of whether or not I agree to what almost amounts to a slave labour contract) without writing off at least 4 years of my life.

Then again, the feeling that I'm not worthy of the support and help I've received here, and that there are posters here who need it far more than I do, partly because they've been able to pin their demons down and traced their causes to genuine life events, whereas mine are just some ethereal forms born of continued frustration (OK I may be poor, jobless and single with a childhood of almost continual bullying behind me and am stuck living in the middle of a dysfunctional family most of whom can't stand to be in the company of one another. But I've still got my health and most of my sanity left). I suppose the main reason I find myself undeserving is because my moods seem so flighty, and there are probably those here who feel like I do at my lowest ebb almost constantly. But at the same time I hate myself for thinking that way since it's beyond my control and there's nothing I can do about it and so I shouldn't think I'm undeserving and by thinking that way I'm just making things worse.
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frances
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« Reply #268 on: May 07, 2014, 08:52:32 pm »

Pink marshmallows sir?

(Little ginger cat runs up and joins you on the chesterfield)
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Madasasteamfish
A clanger waiting to be dropped......
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Rogue Ætherlord
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09madasafish
« Reply #269 on: May 07, 2014, 08:56:04 pm »

Pink marshmallows sir?

(Little ginger cat runs up and joins you on the chesterfield)

Oh, go on then.
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Arabella Periscope
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United States United States


Edwardian summer


« Reply #270 on: May 08, 2014, 01:13:24 am »

There is a large brass helmet -- it looks rather like a diving helmet -- on a cushion by the inglenook.  I think it is the Magnetic Melancholy Eliminator Helmet just discovered by the Admiral.  Any volunteers for the testing?  Steamfish?
For myself, I see a new batch of scones has appeared from the stone oven in the wall, and they smell like cranberry and orange.  I shall just test them instead, thanks very much.
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J. Wilhelm
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Sentisne fortunatum punkus? Veni. Diem meum comple


WWW
« Reply #271 on: May 09, 2014, 05:37:24 am »

There is a large brass helmet -- it looks rather like a diving helmet -- on a cushion by the inglenook.  I think it is the Magnetic Melancholy Eliminator Helmet just discovered by the Admiral.  Any volunteers for the testing?  Steamfish?
For myself, I see a new batch of scones has appeared from the stone oven in the wall, and they smell like cranberry and orange.  I shall just test them instead, thanks very much.


I would recommend exercising some caution when using the Magnetic Melancholy Eliminator helmets.  They are unproven technology:

Ren & Stimpy Happy Helment Joy Joy song
« Last Edit: May 09, 2014, 05:40:25 am by J. Wilhelm » Logged
4_0_4
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Sweden Sweden


Hi Forest , hows Fanny?


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« Reply #272 on: May 11, 2014, 12:02:23 am »

There is a large brass helmet -- it looks rather like a diving helmet -- on a cushion by the inglenook.  I think it is the Magnetic Melancholy Eliminator Helmet just discovered by the Admiral.  Any volunteers for the testing?  Steamfish?
For myself, I see a new batch of scones has appeared from the stone oven in the wall, and they smell like cranberry and orange.  I shall just test them instead, thanks very much.


no
NO
NO
no
no

What you REALLY need is Persinger , " God Helmet "..

SEE HERE

Don't say I'm not good to ya  Wink

« Last Edit: May 11, 2014, 12:22:52 am by 4_0_4 » Logged
J. Wilhelm
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Sentisne fortunatum punkus? Veni. Diem meum comple


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« Reply #273 on: May 11, 2014, 02:47:11 am »

Wait.. there's a post missing here.  Right after my post above, didn't Mr. Bailey have a post??
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MWBailey
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"This is the sort of thing no-one ever believes"

rtafStElmo
« Reply #274 on: May 11, 2014, 02:53:50 am »

Wait.. there's a post missing here.  Right after my post above, didn't Mr. Bailey have a post??




Sorry, I removed a rather overly jocular "acting out" post about trying on the helmet. It seemed in poor taste and disrespectful to the rest of the thread when I read it over once I posted it, so I took it out. My apologies if doing so has caused a problem.
« Last Edit: May 11, 2014, 02:55:34 am by MWBailey » Logged
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