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Author Topic: Dragon Tamers - A room for those of us with anxiety / depression / etc  (Read 152993 times)
Prof Marvel
Zeppelin Captain
*****
Western Sahara Western Sahara


too depressed for words


« Reply #1800 on: November 21, 2020, 10:56:46 pm »

AH.
so.

Sorry Von C

in addition to everything else Mrs Marvel has been unable to see a dentist for a year
and thus her teeth have gone to HELL. has numerous cavities, an abcess that required an extraction,
and now will need 3 months healing, an implant post drill into the bone, 3 more months healing, and a
new artificial tooth on that post. None of this  covered under the fake dental plan I was able to get.

gonna be several thousands of dollars out of pocket.

she is on antibiotics and in pain RIGHT NOW; she AND I are are agonizing over the possibilities
of insane health care limits due to the politicized PRE-EXISTING CONDITIONS and the pitiful health care
that we could get that DOES NOT INCLUDE DENTAL OR VISION ( thanks to our politicians playing games
with us citizens - and this will probably get flagged as a POLITICAL STATEMENT)


So I came here , brass goggles, my interweb community
 looking for... something positive...

I posted a particularly carefully crafted and thoughtfully worded short missive that is posted in the
        DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY thread.
with great care to try to make no actual insults or political whateverthe fuck.


and instead of reading the actual message ( *I* am less DEPRESSED) with no hidden meaning
(I am almost ALWAYS distressed with SOMETHING about the "current administration" whoever it is!)

Deimos takes it as a personal affrontary against her "free speech right" to proselytize
and uses it to "open the door" ( sorry, that only works in legal courtroom cross-examinations)
to respond with a more inflamatory statement.

of course.

and that is why "no politics or religion"

Sorry you feel dissed and stressed Deimos.
Seriously.
I don't do "irony". Especially on forums. written words are too easily misunderstood
and there is the tendency to read "ulterior meaning" and go off the deep end.
which i think is what happened.
or not.

But you know what, I just don;t fucking care anymore.

The divisiveness and misunderstandings just keep continuing.

I suppose it is MY OWN FAULT for expecting a little sympathy and a little support,
perhaps just a "it will get better" or "this too shall pass" .

Instead I get "YOUR STEPPING ON MY RIGHTS! SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP"

Thanks very much Deimos.
whether it was your intent , or not,

NOW I AM MORE DEPRESSED.and feeling really fucking sorry for myself.


I am *literally* sick to my stomach over all this shit.
Eating a bottle of tums a week.
And trying to be upbeat and happy for everyone else, while I see
literal death and destruction, pandemic plagues, riots, and "bad juju"
(don't dare even hint at a possible poliical or religious message) rising all over the world.
and the emporers new clothes.
I don't do "the emprorers new clothes".

best to
just.
fucking.
leave.


To Prof. Darwin Prætorius von Corax :  Sorry. seriously.
        best intentions gang oft aglay
   Good luck with taking on Brass Goggles.
   Don't let it get to you, like it has me.

To Siliconous Skumins: I pray to God that your cat Dibnah is safe & well and that you find him soon.
   If not and worst case, then I grieve with you, and as I type this I am shedding tears over your
   possible loss. Rainbow Bridge and all.
   (comment probably not allowed under "no religion")

To J Wilhelm: Good luck on your various projects.
   Continue to Believe in Facts and Science.
        Continue to PROMOTE Facts and Science over bullshit and whatever.
   Keep on Keeping on!
   and I pray to God for your safety and health,
        stay safe,
   In spite of the latest Danish Study, (which BTW stated " no conclusion")
   I wish to God people would actually read a study all the way through,
   and quit inserting their fucking agenda into it. but if it's not on a youtube or
   their prefered spoonfed media, they won't.

   As I know that you know, if you wear a proper, well fitting mask, wash hands, don't touch your eyes & face, treat surfaces
   as contaminated, Follow contamination protocols ( washing & disinfecting, etc) you should be well.
   ( see Shadow of the Tower as a positive example)
        Those who claim "but I wore a mask but got it" are shining examples of
           "you did not follow protocols ALL THE TIME "

   Via Con Dios!
   (comment probably not allowed under "no religion")

to  Shadow of the Tower: Welcome back!
        seriously.
        You are a good man, and a shining example to others.

to Diemos:  Sorry I offended you. Seriously
         Try WITH ALL YOUR HEART to see the other side. Walk a mile in their mocassins and all.

to all my other friends here:
-    TAKE GOOD CARE of your animals!
-    TAKE CARE OF your friends .
-    Do not lie , cheat, or steal; Do not tolerate those who do
-    STAY POSITIVE
-   ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING (in your heart you already know what that is)
-   IF POSSIBLE ADOPT AN ANIMAL

-   wear a proper fitting mask, wash your hands, stay away from sick people, don't lick handrails,
-   eat your vegetables, stay hydrated. Don't get drunk . Italians and Japanese have proven Drunks Get COvid.
                  (probably get tagged as something bad)

-   There *IS* EVIL loose in the world. Don't let it win.
                (probably get tagged as something bad)

-   If you feel attacked and/or disrespected, walk away. it's either anger lashing out or a misunderstanding
-   It's Not Worth killing someone or getting killed over.

-   Kevlar is your friend

If somebody doesn;t like this fucking post,
then do what you gotta do.

but remember the "nuremburg defense"
Always Do The right Thing


love you all
bybye
Logged

The world is in Hell and I am too depressed for words
von Corax
Squire of the Lambda Calculus
Board Moderator
Immortal
**
Canada Canada

Prof. Darwin Prætorius von Corax


« Reply #1801 on: November 22, 2020, 05:42:33 pm »

Now I'm depressed.
Logged

By the power of caffeine do I set my mind in motion
By the Beans of Life do my thoughts acquire speed
My hands acquire a shaking
The shaking becomes a warning
By the power of caffeine do I set my mind in motion
The Leverkusen Institute of Paleocybernetics is 5838 km from Reading
rovingjack
Zeppelin Admiral
******
United States United States


https://youtube.com/c/RovingJack


WWW
« Reply #1802 on: November 25, 2020, 04:10:41 am »

everybody breathe deep and realize that we all can and do make ourselves feel like people are attacking us or trying to offend us. It's human nature to ascribe intent to result we experience.

but it's also impossible to fully anticipate all ways in which somebody might feel insulted or hurt, it's unreasonable to expect anyone to skirt everything that may potentially hurt another. There are people in ths world who would be offended if I made dreadlocks from my own hair or made pho. It's a fools errand to try to avoid all issues, and we must depend on each other to be able to step back and recognize our fellow community members as friends and not oppositions. If things are making that hard then there is no evil in stepping away for a while.

More often than not, people do not go from 0 to 100 in an instant, we've just simply be unaware that they have been running at 99 for a while. And nobody should claim the responsability of all parts of the 100. But decent folk in a friendly community do and should check in with each other and offer help in whatever way the person need to feel less like there are no controls. Sometimes that's giving space, sometimes it's just letting somebody know you care and sometimes it's apologies for accidental contributions we may make to the strain in each  others lives.

being people, is hard. Feeling hurt and unintentionally hurting others is common. Enough so that I secretly refer to aging as the gradual accumulation of injuries, both physical an emotional, until such time as you die from them piling up on you.
Logged

When an explosion explodes hard enough, the dust wakes up and thinks about itself.
MWBailey
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United States United States


"This is the sort of thing no-one ever believes"

rtafStElmo
« Reply #1803 on: November 25, 2020, 10:37:59 am »

AH.
so.

Sorry Von C

in addition to everything else Mrs Marvel has been unable to see a dentist for a year
and thus her teeth have gone to HELL. has numerous cavities, an abcess that required an extraction,
and now will need 3 months healing, an implant post drill into the bone, 3 more months healing, and a
new artificial tooth on that post. None of this  covered under the fake dental plan I was able to get.

gonna be several thousands of dollars out of pocket.

she is on antibiotics and in pain RIGHT NOW; she AND I are are agonizing over the possibilities
of insane health care limits due to the politicized PRE-EXISTING CONDITIONS and the pitiful health care
that we could get that DOES NOT INCLUDE DENTAL OR VISION ( thanks to our politicians playing games
with us citizens - and this will probably get flagged as a POLITICAL STATEMENT)


So I came here , brass goggles, my interweb community
 looking for... something positive...

I posted a particularly carefully crafted and thoughtfully worded short missive that is posted in the
        DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY thread.
with great care to try to make no actual insults or political whateverthe fuck.


and instead of reading the actual message ( *I* am less DEPRESSED) with no hidden meaning
(I am almost ALWAYS distressed with SOMETHING about the "current administration" whoever it is!)

Deimos takes it as a personal affrontary against her "free speech right" to proselytize
and uses it to "open the door" ( sorry, that only works in legal courtroom cross-examinations)
to respond with a more inflamatory statement.

of course.

and that is why "no politics or religion"

Sorry you feel dissed and stressed Deimos.
Seriously.
I don't do "irony". Especially on forums. written words are too easily misunderstood
and there is the tendency to read "ulterior meaning" and go off the deep end.
which i think is what happened.
or not.

But you know what, I just don;t fucking care anymore.

The divisiveness and misunderstandings just keep continuing.

I suppose it is MY OWN FAULT for expecting a little sympathy and a little support,
perhaps just a "it will get better" or "this too shall pass" .

Instead I get "YOUR STEPPING ON MY RIGHTS! SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP"

Thanks very much Deimos.
whether it was your intent , or not,

NOW I AM MORE DEPRESSED.and feeling really fucking sorry for myself.


I am *literally* sick to my stomach over all this shit.
Eating a bottle of tums a week.
And trying to be upbeat and happy for everyone else, while I see
literal death and destruction, pandemic plagues, riots, and "bad juju"
(don't dare even hint at a possible poliical or religious message) rising all over the world.
and the emporers new clothes.
I don't do "the emprorers new clothes".

best to
just.
fucking.
leave.


To Prof. Darwin Prætorius von Corax :  Sorry. seriously.
        best intentions gang oft aglay
   Good luck with taking on Brass Goggles.
   Don't let it get to you, like it has me.

To Siliconous Skumins: I pray to God that your cat Dibnah is safe & well and that you find him soon.
   If not and worst case, then I grieve with you, and as I type this I am shedding tears over your
   possible loss. Rainbow Bridge and all.
   (comment probably not allowed under "no religion")

To J Wilhelm: Good luck on your various projects.
   Continue to Believe in Facts and Science.
        Continue to PROMOTE Facts and Science over bullshit and whatever.
   Keep on Keeping on!
   and I pray to God for your safety and health,
        stay safe,
   In spite of the latest Danish Study, (which BTW stated " no conclusion")
   I wish to God people would actually read a study all the way through,
   and quit inserting their fucking agenda into it. but if it's not on a youtube or
   their prefered spoonfed media, they won't.

   As I know that you know, if you wear a proper, well fitting mask, wash hands, don't touch your eyes & face, treat surfaces
   as contaminated, Follow contamination protocols ( washing & disinfecting, etc) you should be well.
   ( see Shadow of the Tower as a positive example)
        Those who claim "but I wore a mask but got it" are shining examples of
           "you did not follow protocols ALL THE TIME "

   Via Con Dios!
   (comment probably not allowed under "no religion")

to  Shadow of the Tower: Welcome back!
        seriously.
        You are a good man, and a shining example to others.

to Diemos:  Sorry I offended you. Seriously
         Try WITH ALL YOUR HEART to see the other side. Walk a mile in their mocassins and all.

to all my other friends here:
-    TAKE GOOD CARE of your animals!
-    TAKE CARE OF your friends .
-    Do not lie , cheat, or steal; Do not tolerate those who do
-    STAY POSITIVE
-   ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING (in your heart you already know what that is)
-   IF POSSIBLE ADOPT AN ANIMAL

-   wear a proper fitting mask, wash your hands, stay away from sick people, don't lick handrails,
-   eat your vegetables, stay hydrated. Don't get drunk . Italians and Japanese have proven Drunks Get COvid.
                  (probably get tagged as something bad)

-   There *IS* EVIL loose in the world. Don't let it win.
                (probably get tagged as something bad)

-   If you feel attacked and/or disrespected, walk away. it's either anger lashing out or a misunderstanding
-   It's Not Worth killing someone or getting killed over.

-   Kevlar is your friend

If somebody doesn;t like this fucking post,
then do what you gotta do.

but remember the "nuremburg defense"
Always Do The right Thing


love you all
bybye





I for one wish you would stay, Prof., but OK, I think I understand. Sorry to see you go, hope you come back soon.
Logged

Walk softly and carry a big banjo...

""quid statis aspicientes in infernum"
Caledonian
Zeppelin Admiral
******
Scotland Scotland


Caledon MacHinery (they/them)


« Reply #1804 on: December 05, 2020, 03:48:15 pm »

just here to say

Depression really sucks
Logged

I struggle and arise
Cora Courcelle
Snr. Officer
****
England England



« Reply #1805 on: December 07, 2020, 03:03:46 pm »

just here to say

Depression really sucks

It does indeed, my dear Caledonian, it does indeed.
Live from moment to moment.
Try to take comfort in simple daily things - an unexpected shaft of sunlight, the smell of coffee, a child laughing, kittens (or puppies!), a smile in someone's eyes ...
And always remember, this too shall pass.
Logged

You have to tread a fine line between avant-garde surrealism and getting yourself sectioned...
The Bullet
Snr. Officer
****
Germany Germany



« Reply #1806 on: December 07, 2020, 04:00:59 pm »

Rainbow.

Something that made me know it will get better, back in 2006, when times were hard.
Logged

If brute force does not work....you´re not using enough of it.
walking stick
Zeppelin Admiral
******
England England


« Reply #1807 on: December 07, 2020, 07:51:33 pm »

Quarantine and depression go together rather too well.
Logged
Sir Henry
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Poking the i's and drinking the t's


« Reply #1808 on: January 01, 2021, 07:27:17 pm »

After 24 hours of panic attacks and tears due to having to interact with people outside this household (other than this and another support forum) and realising that it's going to take several months of re-educating myself in how to talk with humans once this isolation ends, I was finally going to give up and post in this thread about how demoralising it all is.

Then I read the last two pages.
Logged

I speak in syllabubbles. They rise to the surface by the force of levity and pop out of my mouth unneeded and unheeded.
Cry "Have at!" and let's lick the togs of Waugh!
Arsed not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for tea.
rovingjack
Zeppelin Admiral
******
United States United States


https://youtube.com/c/RovingJack


WWW
« Reply #1809 on: January 04, 2021, 05:28:28 am »

sorry to see so many struggling right now.

I was doing pretty good myself and then i noticed a spot on my shin with 13 red dots that are a bit itchy when rubbed and now I'm cycling between freaking out about bed bugs and scabies brought into the house by the lunatic slob who rented the next room.

so now of course I itch everywhere, I'm noticing every red spot on my skin and having panic attacks. So, general good times. But I'm also aware enough the the 10 day cold I had and the resulting ear and sinus infection triggered a bit of this before this event, where at first I thought maybe some of the out of date plumbing that has leaked in the past wash causing mold which was making me sick, until the cold blossomed into a more obvious viral illness. Then it was doubt that I'd really had covid 19 already, followed by fear that maybe my chronic illness made me suceptable to catching strains of it more than once... etc. And most of that worked itself out as I got past it.

I still stripped the beds and flipped the matteress and box springs to inspect for signs of bedbugs, and it''ll probably nag at my mind for the rest of the week. I set some glass steep walled containers with exterior tissue paper wrapped around and a few active yeast filled bottle caps in the middle to act as traps to draw any in that will get stuck. When they are empty at the end of the week I'll be reassured (and kindly don't suggest that shouldn't reassure me, thanks. I'm 85% sure this is an irrational fear and this is just humoring it to tell it there are no mosters under the bed because I checked.)

I should probably check my b12, as my panic reflexes tend toward higher when my b12 is lower. but it's also likely to being sick was a trigger for me. people prone to anxiety and depression react poorly to feeling vulnerable and helpless, which illness can trigger (shocker, I know).

just trying to move on. As frankly if any one of these thing were real I'm not likely to get an answer until more evidence can be collected over weeks of time. so telling myself to worry when it persists and we have evidence it exists outside my own head, but until then don't let my mind dwell on it.

for right now I'm going to recheck my headboard and boxspring before shifting to more creative outlets for my energy for the night and then getting some sleep.
Logged
rovingjack
Zeppelin Admiral
******
United States United States


https://youtube.com/c/RovingJack


WWW
« Reply #1810 on: January 06, 2021, 02:30:56 am »

chatting with somebody online who is struggling with imposter syndrome I wrote something that frankly I need to read and take my own advice on: so I post it here to refer back to and on the off chance it help somebody else process their own feelings.
Quote
I'm a writer that hasn't written in 2 years. a Painter that last painted in 2019. A youtuber, who almost gave up on making videos and resorted to just livestreaming ramblings for over a year to the tune of 1-3 viewers per video. and I'm a huge tinkerer and Maker who has paid for makerspace membership for five years, but not been to the space in over a year. I traveled around the country recording interviews with makers about what they do at makerspaces in most of the 50 states... and then more than 200 of those interviews have sat on a harddrive in a drawer for two years. I literally traveled to dozens of places in 50 states and got people interested in sharing their stories and then did nothing with them... until now. I should feel like an imposter, and I do, but the truth is I'm just human. I burn out, I panic and second guess everything and I make mistakes. And all of that is true of everybody who ever did any of those thing I think I am doing. I just have to keep telling myself to stop holding myself to a higher standard than being a mortal human exploring the world and what it means to be me in that world. Journies and adventures are not supposed to be easy and the people on them are not supposed to succeed quickly and easily. So if you will try to give yourself permission to be a human on a journey, I will try to do the same for myself. Is that a deal?
Logged
Cora Courcelle
Snr. Officer
****
England England



« Reply #1811 on: January 06, 2021, 01:35:47 pm »

sorry to see so many struggling right now.

I was doing pretty good myself and then i noticed a spot on my shin with 13 red dots that are a bit itchy when rubbed and now I'm cycling between freaking out about bed bugs and scabies brought into the house by the lunatic slob who rented the next room.

so now of course I itch everywhere, I'm noticing every red spot on my skin and having panic attacks. So, general good times. But I'm also aware enough the the 10 day cold I had and the resulting ear and sinus infection triggered a bit of this before this event, where at first I thought maybe some of the out of date plumbing that has leaked in the past wash causing mold which was making me sick, until the cold blossomed into a more obvious viral illness. Then it was doubt that I'd really had covid 19 already, followed by fear that maybe my chronic illness made me suceptable to catching strains of it more than once... etc. And most of that worked itself out as I got past it.

I still stripped the beds and flipped the matteress and box springs to inspect for signs of bedbugs, and it''ll probably nag at my mind for the rest of the week. I set some glass steep walled containers with exterior tissue paper wrapped around and a few active yeast filled bottle caps in the middle to act as traps to draw any in that will get stuck. When they are empty at the end of the week I'll be reassured (and kindly don't suggest that shouldn't reassure me, thanks. I'm 85% sure this is an irrational fear and this is just humoring it to tell it there are no mosters under the bed because I checked.)

I should probably check my b12, as my panic reflexes tend toward higher when my b12 is lower. but it's also likely to being sick was a trigger for me. people prone to anxiety and depression react poorly to feeling vulnerable and helpless, which illness can trigger (shocker, I know).

just trying to move on. As frankly if any one of these thing were real I'm not likely to get an answer until more evidence can be collected over weeks of time. so telling myself to worry when it persists and we have evidence it exists outside my own head, but until then don't let my mind dwell on it.

for right now I'm going to recheck my headboard and boxspring before shifting to more creative outlets for my energy for the night and then getting some sleep.


I doubt if Its scabies because that needs either quite a lot of skin to skin contact or shared clothes/bedclothes, and also it is incredibly itchy, also the mites tend to leave straight tracks rather than clusters.  Hope they go away soon.
Logged
rovingjack
Zeppelin Admiral
******
United States United States


https://youtube.com/c/RovingJack


WWW
« Reply #1812 on: January 08, 2021, 03:17:45 am »

sorry to see so many struggling right now.

I was doing pretty good myself and then i noticed a spot on my shin with 13 red dots that are a bit itchy when rubbed and now I'm cycling between freaking out about bed bugs and scabies brought into the house by the lunatic slob who rented the next room.

so now of course I itch everywhere, I'm noticing every red spot on my skin and having panic attacks. So, general good times. But I'm also aware enough the the 10 day cold I had and the resulting ear and sinus infection triggered a bit of this before this event, where at first I thought maybe some of the out of date plumbing that has leaked in the past wash causing mold which was making me sick, until the cold blossomed into a more obvious viral illness. Then it was doubt that I'd really had covid 19 already, followed by fear that maybe my chronic illness made me suceptable to catching strains of it more than once... etc. And most of that worked itself out as I got past it.

I still stripped the beds and flipped the matteress and box springs to inspect for signs of bedbugs, and it''ll probably nag at my mind for the rest of the week. I set some glass steep walled containers with exterior tissue paper wrapped around and a few active yeast filled bottle caps in the middle to act as traps to draw any in that will get stuck. When they are empty at the end of the week I'll be reassured (and kindly don't suggest that shouldn't reassure me, thanks. I'm 85% sure this is an irrational fear and this is just humoring it to tell it there are no mosters under the bed because I checked.)

I should probably check my b12, as my panic reflexes tend toward higher when my b12 is lower. but it's also likely to being sick was a trigger for me. people prone to anxiety and depression react poorly to feeling vulnerable and helpless, which illness can trigger (shocker, I know).

just trying to move on. As frankly if any one of these thing were real I'm not likely to get an answer until more evidence can be collected over weeks of time. so telling myself to worry when it persists and we have evidence it exists outside my own head, but until then don't let my mind dwell on it.

for right now I'm going to recheck my headboard and boxspring before shifting to more creative outlets for my energy for the night and then getting some sleep.


I doubt if Its scabies because that needs either quite a lot of skin to skin contact or shared clothes/bedclothes, and also it is incredibly itchy, also the mites tend to leave straight tracks rather than clusters.  Hope they go away soon.
I'm telling myself that after checking both beds, and finding nothing there and noting that the cluster is right under the end of my sock, that it's possibly carbet bettles in my socks and shoes. I've not noticed anything new, and am trying to redirect my thoughts.

Unreasonable anxiety attacks are unreasonable is both the least surprising fact and an inconveniant truth at once.
Logged
Clym Angus
Zeppelin Admiral
******
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Lord of Misrule


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« Reply #1813 on: January 29, 2021, 11:52:07 am »

A lot of people are feeling a significant dip at the moment.
(that'll be that pandemic sword of Damocles hanging over head)

Even politically (and I'm only going to touch on this as a general theme so don't go killing me).
No one is getting what they want. (then 'everyone who doesn't think like you' is to be hated and dispised appeared to have become quite fashionable.)

Almost a years worth of hunkering down is going to cause quite a significant 'twang' when it's all over. We can but hope that psychologically we collectively twang in the right direction, not straight into someones eye.

Not very specific, fairly general stream of consciousness stuff. I'll stop rambling. Cheesy
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Caledonian
Zeppelin Admiral
******
Scotland Scotland


Caledon MacHinery (they/them)


« Reply #1814 on: January 30, 2021, 03:35:54 am »

that moment when my university appearently has blocked some self help sites from being used over eduroam.just...why?
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rovingjack
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United States United States


https://youtube.com/c/RovingJack


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« Reply #1815 on: February 01, 2021, 03:33:17 am »

I feel like I'm jumping at shadows a lot. Metaphorically speaking.

It's been super cold here lately, and the old furnace has been running a lot, it's set to 68F, but it's been 75F a couple times when I woke up. Meanwhile we recently (jan 10th) had injection insulation done around the house. and I wore some foot wear that was poorly sized and cause my foot to fall asleep for an extended time.

My landlord has stated lately that the house smells like hot plastic. I can't smell it.

So in the last few days I've started to feel the ramping worry that the injection insulation may be off gassing toxins (despite that it's supposedly non-voc aqueous resin polyphenolic foam based), or that the heaters regulation is broken and it's either burning things around it or shorted some wiring in the walls, which might make the smell the landlord smells, and lead to the house burning down.

And last night I could smell the smell of somebody boiling away the water left from steaming veggies and that burning smell that results from it coming from downstairs where the landlord lives. He says nothing was burned, but he's also one who wouldn't consider boiled off water to be burned anyway. And since then my nose has been filled with that burning sensation, and I've had a headache which I nearly never get (I can count my lifetime headaches on my fingers). And it's very similar to what happened when I got Covid. Meanwhile I'm supposed to meet my mother to help her with paperwork  and legal documents on wednesday.

So my anxiety is asking if I'm being poisoned by my living space, had a blood clot form from restricted blood supply for over an hour a few days ago, have covid again (or maybe the antibody test was a rare false posative), might infect my mum accidentally from either have it again or being an asymptomatic carrier, might lose everything in a house fire due to a malfunctioning heater or wiring short in this old house.

And really the number of the anxieties tells me they are unreasonable, especially given earlier in the month having anxieties about bug infestations from the slob who left the next room. And I keep trying to reassure myself that:

If the insulation was making me sick it would have caused some symptoms before last night, and it wouldn't be a sudden onset thing. Headaches are not life threatening, and other symptoms would be needed for stroke. And as for covid, I've had it. I know I did. It's more likely I won the lotto without buying a ticket than have it again. Wash my hands and keep distance when visiting mum to help with paperwork. We'll get the heater serviced in the next few days.

So all in all the anxiety is just wasting energy looking for danger and jumping at shadows. But like the comedians say, telling somebody they need to calm down, and they are overreacting, has never calmed anyone down. So I've just got to figure out how to let that part be, and do what it does without letting it take my energy and attention for other things. I suppose I'd be better at this if I had practice with meditation and knew how to maintain meditation with a part of my brain suddenly finding an intolerable itch, and this that and the other thing that it thinks I need to focus on.


Edit:
Well midway through last night after a dream that was rather peaceful I awoke and my heart started racing and prevented me from falling back to sleep. And coupled with some of my other symptoms, it reminds me a great deal of a few years back. The issue then was low b12 and folate, with high methyl melonic acid and cortisol levels. the solution was... taking a b-complex vitamin with extra methyl-b12, and some vitamin d3. So I will get on that. right away. They certainly cannot hurt me, and it will give me something to work on to try and get better. Sometimes it's just about feeling less helpless.
It'll be a gradual change, and not an overnight solution, but it will be heading in the right direction.
« Last Edit: February 01, 2021, 06:29:56 pm by rovingjack » Logged
Ceir
Officer
***
United States United States


« Reply #1816 on: February 14, 2021, 07:18:36 pm »

Wandering back in, hanging hat and longcoat, and going for a Turkish coffee. Lacking much persona this time around, just a very tired (but still muttonchop'ed) man.

At least imaginary caffeine can't upset one's stomach. Stress and anxiety are a pretty common companion these last few weeks - I have to move a rather significant distance for my job and I'm very unhappy about it, but at the same time I'd really rather keep my job!

I am, in reality, rather a homebody - I've moved all of once in my life as an adult, and that one didn't involve selling the residence as this one does. I find my place and I stick. I've been making preparations for showing and selling, and I feel like I'm going mad. I'm finally done with all the "pack down to bare essentials", that is, removing all trace of me from the place and just leaving it functional; but while I was doing that I was so very prone to interrupting and distracting myself with 'pack more in this box, move this, relocate that' that I had to metaphorically punch myself with reminders like "you were in the middle of making food, go eat." The place already feels so lifeless. And at the same time, I'm an extremely private, insular person, so the very idea of showing my house gives me both the heebies and the jeebies.

Now that I'm past that packing phase, my thoughts have a tendancy to slip into "what if" mode, and that really doesn't help given my propensity for...what's the word. Catastrophizing. Either that, or it's things like berating myself for liking and owning things, or the ever popular "don't complain, you have it so much better than a lot of people right now". Doesn't help that I've been sleeping poorly (more coffee please? Or less.) because of my mind trying to integrate all this massive change in a short period of time by giving me very, very weird dreams. I don't remember a lot of them, mostly the ones that end with me being lost or getting killed, as you do. That's a fun one to wake up from.

I've already nearly taken some family's heads off in conversation for playing the "think of it as an adventure" line, because I'm just not ready to accept that yet, I just can't. The whole situation is still, to my mind, a completely unnecessary uprooting of my entire existence, filled with the horrors of the unknown.

I'll be alright once it's all concluded, but boy am I not enjoying any moment of this.
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von Corax
Squire of the Lambda Calculus
Board Moderator
Immortal
**
Canada Canada

Prof. Darwin Prætorius von Corax


« Reply #1817 on: February 14, 2021, 09:28:01 pm »

Wandering back in, hanging hat and longcoat, and going for a Turkish coffee. Lacking much persona this time around, just a very tired (but still muttonchop'ed) man.

At least imaginary caffeine can't upset one's stomach. Stress and anxiety are a pretty common companion these last few weeks - I have to move a rather significant distance for my job and I'm very unhappy about it, but at the same time I'd really rather keep my job!

[...]

I've already nearly taken some family's heads off in conversation for playing the "think of it as an adventure" line, because I'm just not ready to accept that yet, I just can't. The whole situation is still, to my mind, a completely unnecessary uprooting of my entire existence, filled with the horrors of the unknown.

I'll be alright once it's all concluded, but boy am I not enjoying any moment of this.
I know exactly what you mean, and I'm afraid I don't have a solution.
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Ceir
Officer
***
United States United States


« Reply #1818 on: February 17, 2021, 12:16:40 am »

Wandering back in, hanging hat and longcoat, and going for a Turkish coffee. Lacking much persona this time around, just a very tired (but still muttonchop'ed) man.

At least imaginary caffeine can't upset one's stomach. Stress and anxiety are a pretty common companion these last few weeks - I have to move a rather significant distance for my job and I'm very unhappy about it, but at the same time I'd really rather keep my job!

[...]

I've already nearly taken some family's heads off in conversation for playing the "think of it as an adventure" line, because I'm just not ready to accept that yet, I just can't. The whole situation is still, to my mind, a completely unnecessary uprooting of my entire existence, filled with the horrors of the unknown.

I'll be alright once it's all concluded, but boy am I not enjoying any moment of this.
I know exactly what you mean, and I'm afraid I don't have a solution.

The cardinal sin, I think, is that I work in IT. I can do my job just fine - and have for years - with my posterior right where it is. There is no mechanical reason to demand I move. The only reason I must is Because The Corporate Overlords Say So, which is a fine reason if I want to keep my job; but not so much in any other capacity whatsoever.
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Deimos
Snr. Officer
****
United States United States


aka Countess Millicent Addlewood


« Reply #1819 on: February 17, 2021, 01:37:31 am »

Wandering back in, hanging hat and longcoat, and going for a Turkish coffee. Lacking much persona this time around, just a very tired (but still muttonchop'ed) man.

At least imaginary caffeine can't upset one's stomach. Stress and anxiety are a pretty common companion these last few weeks - I have to move a rather significant distance for my job and I'm very unhappy about it, but at the same time I'd really rather keep my job!

[...]

I've already nearly taken some family's heads off in conversation for playing the "think of it as an adventure" line, because I'm just not ready to accept that yet, I just can't. The whole situation is still, to my mind, a completely unnecessary uprooting of my entire existence, filled with the horrors of the unknown.

I'll be alright once it's all concluded, but boy am I not enjoying any moment of this.


I know exactly what you mean, and I'm afraid I don't have a solution.

Ditto on being able to sympathize and empathize.

I moved at least a dozen times when I was in the Navy, but it wasn't very traumatzing because
1) I was often ready to move. Some of my duty stations weren't the most desirable places to live, and
2) the govt did all the packing and moving of stuff.

 I had no say in anything and didn't have much in the way of possessions (lots of uniforms  Grin), mostly books and my bicycle.
Only married folks got housing; Single folks lived in the barracks.
Barracks were not (as some might be envisioning) the WWII quonset huts; more like efficiency apartments: 1 bed, 1 bath, a small sitting area, and a galley kitchen.
They were furnished much like an economy hotel/motel.

But after my discharge I went back to my hometown, found it 'way too cold after living in warmer climes for 5 years, and moved to AZ.
Again, I had little in the way of possessions and didn't even have a job lined up.
Found a job, bought a house in 1983, went to university in my spare time, lived here 38 years, retired...and am still in the same house.
When people ask me if I'm going to move when I get older I tell them: I already am older.   And the only way I am leaving this house is feet first, horizontally.    
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Here is a test to find out if your mission in life is complete:
If you're alive, it isn't. -- Lauren Bacall

"You can tell a man's vices by his friends, his virtues by his enemies."

"Only the paranoid survive."
Synistor 303
Snr. Officer
****
Australia Australia


Zenyna Ironbracker


« Reply #1820 on: February 17, 2021, 05:10:02 am »

Wandering back in, hanging hat and longcoat, and going for a Turkish coffee. Lacking much persona this time around, just a very tired (but still muttonchop'ed) man.

At least imaginary caffeine can't upset one's stomach. Stress and anxiety are a pretty common companion these last few weeks - I have to move a rather significant distance for my job and I'm very unhappy about it, but at the same time I'd really rather keep my job!

[...]

I've already nearly taken some family's heads off in conversation for playing the "think of it as an adventure" line, because I'm just not ready to accept that yet, I just can't. The whole situation is still, to my mind, a completely unnecessary uprooting of my entire existence, filled with the horrors of the unknown.

I'll be alright once it's all concluded, but boy am I not enjoying any moment of this.


I know exactly what you mean, and I'm afraid I don't have a solution.

Ditto on being able to sympathize and empathize.

I moved at least a dozen times when I was in the Navy, but it wasn't very traumatzing because
1) I was often ready to move. Some of my duty stations weren't the most desirable places to live, and
2) the govt did all the packing and moving of stuff.

 I had no say in anything and didn't have much in the way of possessions (lots of uniforms  Grin), mostly books and my bicycle.
Only married folks got housing; Single folks lived in the barracks.
Barracks were not (as some might be envisioning) the WWII quonset huts; more like efficiency apartments: 1 bed, 1 bath, a small sitting area, and a galley kitchen.
They were furnished much like an economy hotel/motel.

But after my discharge I went back to my hometown, found it 'way too cold after living in warmer climes for 5 years, and moved to AZ.
Again, I had little in the way of possessions and didn't even have a job lined up.
Found a job, bought a house in 1983, went to university in my spare time, lived here 38 years, retired...and am still in the same house.
When people ask me if I'm going to move when I get older I tell them: I already am older.   And the only way I am leaving this house is feet first, horizontally.    


According to some report I read some time back, the levels of stress have a list which rate thus; (top three) 1. Death of a spouse/close loved one. 2. Moving house. 3. Divorce.

Having moved about 26 times over many years (working for mining companies) and living in some really horrible places, we are staying put right here. I'm over it - planting a garden and never getting the benefit, never really being able to change the house because it was either a company house, or we weren't going to be there long enough to make it worthwhile. Just the thought of packing up again makes me feel totally exhausted. The best advice I can give is to number each box on all sides and have a comprehensive list of the contents of the boxes so you can find the TV remote control and the coffee machine quickly and easily at the other end... It is not an adventure, it is a lot of work. Good luck.
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Cora Courcelle
Snr. Officer
****
England England



« Reply #1821 on: February 18, 2021, 05:19:53 pm »

And 'adventure' is sometimes very much overrated - particularly by those not having to actually do the hard work ...
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von Corax
Squire of the Lambda Calculus
Board Moderator
Immortal
**
Canada Canada

Prof. Darwin Prætorius von Corax


« Reply #1822 on: February 22, 2021, 08:22:22 pm »

Bleh. My employer shut down two weeks ago because of a parts shortage at our customer. Now I'm starting on the third week of idleness and I can hear the black dog sniffing around my door.

At least there's no waiting period before my EI benefits kick in due to the Damnable Plague.
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Cora Courcelle
Snr. Officer
****
England England



« Reply #1823 on: February 26, 2021, 12:24:25 pm »

Bleh. My employer shut down two weeks ago because of a parts shortage at our customer. Now I'm starting on the third week of idleness and I can hear the black dog sniffing around my door.

At least there's no waiting period before my EI benefits kick in due to the Damnable Plague.

Could it be time for 'A Project'?
Projects and kittens on YouTube are what's keeping me sane (although perhaps the whole 'kittens on youtube ' thing means I've actually slipped over the edge and just don't realise it  Grin).
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Caledonian
Zeppelin Admiral
******
Scotland Scotland


Caledon MacHinery (they/them)


« Reply #1824 on: February 26, 2021, 12:44:42 pm »

New medication knocked me out for 24 hours. I slept an entire day. I don't think this is good...
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