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Author Topic: Dragon Tamers - A room for those of us with anxiety / depression / etc  (Read 47588 times)
frances
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« Reply #1450 on: October 16, 2016, 09:39:23 pm »

If you are someone who has never failed an exam then this must be something of a shock to your system.  Do you fancy teaching?  Then it is worth giving it a try.  If you find it does not suit you after all, then you have lost nothing except a few months.  *hug*
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rovingjack
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« Reply #1451 on: October 21, 2016, 04:14:36 am »

I've been doing the door to door gig for 7 non-consecutive days now, and I find myself counting down the days I have left. In those seven days, I was alloted about 4 hours each day to travel different turf. It's been near freezing one day, unexpected hours of rain in the middle of another, entirely too hot on another, but I'm not really super bothered by that. I've also adapted to the physical strain quickly. I still hurt and take a day to recover in some cases, but it's not really a surprise, I've logged about 31 miles of walking in those 28 hours (7 days x 4 hours), in usually hilly terrain.

What has me uncomfortable is the fit of my clothes. and it's weird. My vests/waistcoats seem shorter. I can still fit a websters dictionary in the front easily enough but they don't seem to want to get near my beltline. And my trousers are even more uncomfortable. I got used to my belt being a sort of hoop that rested on the hips and the trousers sort of hung from there and I moved around inside them, but now it feels like they wrap my body. I can feel them wrapped around my legs, against my stomach, and most uncomfortably a bit too friendly with my backside. I'm fairly certain it's a matter of them actually fitting now, but it's not comfortable to me.

Right now I'm wearing a pair of oversized trousers. I thought they might feel more comfortable, I have to bunch them at the waist to keep them up with a belt... but while over wide, the body feels shallow. I can't be getting taller, and this doesn't seem like I'm filling in in my middle.

Just one more body change to make me unconfortable in my clothes and even my own skin.
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Prof. Cecily
Snr. Officer
****
Spain Spain



« Reply #1452 on: November 10, 2016, 09:34:18 am »

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
I've been doing the door to door gig for 7 non-consecutive days now, and I find myself counting down the days I have left. In those seven days, I was alloted about 4 hours each day to travel different turf. It's been near freezing one day, unexpected hours of rain in the middle of another, entirely too hot on another, but I'm not really super bothered by that. I've also adapted to the physical strain quickly. I still hurt and take a day to recover in some cases, but it's not really a surprise, I've logged about 31 miles of walking in those 28 hours (7 days x 4 hours), in usually hilly terrain.

What has me uncomfortable is the fit of my clothes. and it's weird. My vests/waistcoats seem shorter. I can still fit a websters dictionary in the front easily enough but they don't seem to want to get near my beltline. And my trousers are even more uncomfortable. I got used to my belt being a sort of hoop that rested on the hips and the trousers sort of hung from there and I moved around inside them, but now it feels like they wrap my body. I can feel them wrapped around my legs, against my stomach, and most uncomfortably a bit too friendly with my backside. I'm fairly certain it's a matter of them actually fitting now, but it's not comfortable to me.

Right now I'm wearing a pair of oversized trousers. I thought they might feel more comfortable, I have to bunch them at the waist to keep them up with a belt... but while over wide, the body feels shallow. I can't be getting taller, and this doesn't seem like I'm filling in in my middle.

Just one more body change to make me unconfortable in my clothes and even my own skin.

Door  to door work is mighty exhausting- what is it you are selling?

I remain yours,
Prof. Cecily
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CloudWolf
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airship pirate


« Reply #1453 on: November 16, 2016, 10:54:40 pm »

I've been gone quite some time and likely faded from collective memory. All the same I hope everyone is well.
CloudWolf
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Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back.
walking stick
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« Reply #1454 on: November 17, 2016, 12:36:43 am »

My mother was a Doctor she served as an NHS General Practitioner for thirty years. 
She died over twenty years ago and doesn't have to see what I see now.
 
My father came here as a child refugee. He volunteered to fight for this country as soon as he was old enough.
He died over a decade ago and doesn't have to see what I see now.

The younger of my two sisters (both older than me) passionately believed in Eco energy. She supported  responsible business practices and ethical investments.  She died a couple of years ago and doesn't have to see what I see now. 

My oldest sister worries about me and one of the main reasons I won't consider suicide is what it would do to her and her family.  She believes in community, inclusiveness and kindness, so do I.

What I see now is greedy, ethically bankrupt cheats happily destroying everything that I and people I love believed in and worked for so they can make obscene amounts of money out of the mess.

When I am alone, late at night, I am very very scared.
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J. Wilhelm
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« Reply #1455 on: November 17, 2016, 03:38:57 am »

My mother was a Doctor she served as an NHS General Practitioner for thirty years. 
She died over twenty years ago and doesn't have to see what I see now.
 
My father came here as a child refugee. He volunteered to fight for this country as soon as he was old enough.
He died over a decade ago and doesn't have to see what I see now.

The younger of my two sisters (both older than me) passionately believed in Eco energy. She supported  responsible business practices and ethical investments.  She died a couple of years ago and doesn't have to see what I see now. 

My oldest sister worries about me and one of the main reasons I won't consider suicide is what it would do to her and her family.  She believes in community, inclusiveness and kindness, so do I.

What I see now is greedy, ethically bankrupt cheats happily destroying everything that I and people I love believed in and worked for so they can make obscene amounts of money out of the mess.

When I am alone, late at night, I am very very scared.

I think lately a lot of us are scared. But we need to remember that we've been through worse. We must keep our chin up and accept that the task became much harder. We must do what needs to be done to insure a better tomorrow.

KEEP CALM
CRY HAVOC
AND LET SLIP
THE DOGS OF WAR
« Last Edit: November 17, 2016, 04:44:45 am by J. Wilhelm » Logged

Caledonian
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the dragon's called Salmacis


« Reply #1456 on: November 19, 2016, 11:48:12 am »

Yay my lack of self confidence gets in my way of picking a study...
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Flightless Phoenix
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« Reply #1457 on: November 21, 2016, 12:58:47 am »

Caledonian - I know people say life is short, and in the grand scheme of things that's true but there is still plenty of time for 3 or 4 different fulfilling careers before retirement. Very few people have a job for life now. So pick what appeals the most, throw yourself into it headlong and don't worry, if one day another avenue appeals more you can always retrain and start over.

I've spent the last 10 years in education towards a very specific path, and I'm enjoying the ride for now, but one day I may do something completely different. This used to fill me with large amounts of existential dread, but I think I'm better off just enjoying the ride for now. Neil Gaiman never had a career plan, he just had a list of types of things he wanted to write, and took any job that got him one step nearer the mountain. That's my only rule - I take any job that takes me one step nearer the mountain and so far it's working mostly!
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cemeteryresearcher.com

'a lighthearted academic blog about funerary practice' - Updates Sundays*

*gremlins permitting
CloudWolf
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« Reply #1458 on: November 21, 2016, 10:12:47 am »

Caledonian, I can empathise with this. I've just spent large sums of money to retake exams hoping i come out one grade up. No job and not in education. But I know ill get there. As will you. Whilst I'm unfamiliar with the particulars of your situation I offer myself as an ear.
Regards
CloudWolf
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Caledonian
Zeppelin Admiral
******
Netherlands Netherlands


the dragon's called Salmacis


« Reply #1459 on: November 21, 2016, 01:41:05 pm »

ah. thank you both.

my personal situation includes a choice of level.
I don't know how to explain the different levels in the netherlands in a way that's easy to understand, But i'll try anyway.
so I finished secundary school on the second highest level, VWO. this would give me access to a university of the highest level (WO)
I tried this, with a year of art history. I failed (which was a huge dent for my self esteem, as I always assumed I wasn't good at many things, but at least I could learn...)
I tried a level lower (HBO, cultural heritage ) the next year....and failed again.
so i decided to withdraw for a year, work and gain experience.
I do want to get back to university, however. I do want to get back to WO university, but I doubt if I can. I doubt if I can even pull off HBO

i...just don't know
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walking stick
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« Reply #1460 on: November 21, 2016, 02:20:41 pm »

Is there any form of self study like our Open University?  Friends with both physical difficulties and social anxieties have done this. 

In any case my advice would be to do some work towards your preferred study area. Then get some reputable people in the field, definitely not your relatives or close friends but people who either teach in and/or graduated high in their class in that field to see what they think and advise you on your next step.
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Cora Courcelle
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« Reply #1461 on: November 21, 2016, 06:16:51 pm »

I took what was meant to be a year out, intending to go back to higher education after that, forty years ago.  In that time I've worked at various different things, done some part-time learning but never returned to full-time education or got a degree.  Maybe I will in the future - a friend of mine got her Open University degree at the age of 82!  Maybe I won't.  I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you have lots of time, (although it probably doesn't feel like that to you at the moment) and some people just take longer to make their choices.
It's amazing how often paths open up before you when you least expect it.
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You have to tread a fine line between avant-garde surrealism and getting yourself sectioned...
Caledonian
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the dragon's called Salmacis


« Reply #1462 on: November 21, 2016, 07:33:48 pm »

I took what was meant to be a year out, intending to go back to higher education after that, forty years ago.  In that time I've worked at various different things, done some part-time learning but never returned to full-time education or got a degree.  Maybe I will in the future - a friend of mine got her Open University degree at the age of 82!  Maybe I won't.  I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you have lots of time, (although it probably doesn't feel like that to you at the moment) and some people just take longer to make their choices.
It's amazing how often paths open up before you when you least expect it.

I have 7 years to finish an education or I'll be left with a huge students debt.

And the work at the production line is driving me crazy....which seems to be the only thing they deem me fit for.
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J. Wilhelm
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« Reply #1463 on: November 22, 2016, 09:10:33 pm »

I took what was meant to be a year out, intending to go back to higher education after that, forty years ago.  In that time I've worked at various different things, done some part-time learning but never returned to full-time education or got a degree.  Maybe I will in the future - a friend of mine got her Open University degree at the age of 82!  Maybe I won't.  I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you have lots of time, (although it probably doesn't feel like that to you at the moment) and some people just take longer to make their choices.
It's amazing how often paths open up before you when you least expect it.

I have 7 years to finish an education or I'll be left with a huge students debt.

And the work at the production line is driving me crazy....which seems to be the only thing they deem me fit for.

Is that some sort of financial requirement?  Sadly on this side of the pond, that is a horrible reality for most undergraduate (4 year degree) students.  I stopped spending and borrowing money when I became a graduate student (PhD later downgraded to Masters/6 year degree), because I could work as a research assistant and professor assistant. I borrowed zero money for my two Masters degrees (total 5 years in graduate school)
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Caledonian
Zeppelin Admiral
******
Netherlands Netherlands


the dragon's called Salmacis


« Reply #1464 on: November 23, 2016, 09:31:20 am »

I took what was meant to be a year out, intending to go back to higher education after that, forty years ago.  In that time I've worked at various different things, done some part-time learning but never returned to full-time education or got a degree.  Maybe I will in the future - a friend of mine got her Open University degree at the age of 82!  Maybe I won't.  I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you have lots of time, (although it probably doesn't feel like that to you at the moment) and some people just take longer to make their choices.
It's amazing how often paths open up before you when you least expect it.

I have 7 years to finish an education or I'll be left with a huge students debt.

And the work at the production line is driving me crazy....which seems to be the only thing they deem me fit for.

Is that some sort of financial requirement?  Sadly on this side of the pond, that is a horrible reality for most undergraduate (4 year degree) students.  I stopped spending and borrowing money when I became a graduate student (PhD later downgraded to Masters/6 year degree), because I could work as a research assistant and professor assistant. I borrowed zero money for my two Masters degrees (total 5 years in graduate school)

ah. well, I get StuFi from the gouvernment,to pay my education with, as well as free public transport. if I do not finish a bachelors degree within 10 years however, i have to pay it all back.
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J. Wilhelm
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Sentisne fortunatum punkus? Veni. Diem meum comple


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« Reply #1465 on: November 23, 2016, 11:47:36 am »

I took what was meant to be a year out, intending to go back to higher education after that, forty years ago.  In that time I've worked at various different things, done some part-time learning but never returned to full-time education or got a degree.  Maybe I will in the future - a friend of mine got her Open University degree at the age of 82!  Maybe I won't.  I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you have lots of time, (although it probably doesn't feel like that to you at the moment) and some people just take longer to make their choices.
It's amazing how often paths open up before you when you least expect it.

I have 7 years to finish an education or I'll be left with a huge students debt.

And the work at the production line is driving me crazy....which seems to be the only thing they deem me fit for.

Is that some sort of financial requirement?  Sadly on this side of the pond, that is a horrible reality for most undergraduate (4 year degree) students.  I stopped spending and borrowing money when I became a graduate student (PhD later downgraded to Masters/6 year degree), because I could work as a research assistant and professor assistant. I borrowed zero money for my two Masters degrees (total 5 years in graduate school)

ah. well, I get StuFi from the gouvernment,to pay my education with, as well as free public transport. if I do not finish a bachelors degree within 10 years however, i have to pay it all back.

But you still have 7 out of the 10, right? Still, that is a very long time for a bachelors degree. Is it 4 years typically for a Bachelors at full speed?

Comparing to the Natural Sciences programs only (because I don't know anything about the length of time and difficulty of programs in Fine Arts, or Humanities, etc...), and looking within that group, the so called "Hard science" majors like Math, Physics, Chemistry, Engineering, students would spend that much time (7 years), but usually in Phd.

Masters programs only take 2-3 years. The exception I found (from a roommate) was that Biology majors for some reason can finish PhDs in 3 years (!) Dont ask me how or why. For undergraduate (Bachelors), slow students may spend 5 years at the most from start to finish. So 7 years to finish a Bachelors actually doesn’t sound so bad. There is some wiggle room.
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Flightless Phoenix
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« Reply #1466 on: November 26, 2016, 12:57:13 am »

Seven years is a long time indeed and there are lots of options to explore.

What was it about the courses which you have done to date which you found challenging? Were there aspects of the courses you did enjoy?
What do you do in your spare time/ as hobbies? Are any of those skills transferable to the workplace or education? Is there any aspect of your job (and jobs you have held in the past), however small, which you enjoy e.g. working in a large team/small team/alone, having a schedule/having flexibility, following rules/creative freedom, customer facing/non customer facing, admin/no admin.

I think that quite often people with anxiety and depression ignore positive messages about themselves and their abilities. We focus only on the things we cannot do and so miss lots of opportunities which we would find fulfilling if we hadn't talked ourselves out of them before we started...
I know you have talents and skills you aren't crediting yourself for right now.

I really enjoyed most of my undergraduate degree - was genuinely good at some of the work, found some of it immensely frustrating but got there in the end. My masters on the other hand was a disaster... I was only able to get through it by use of a hefty extension, a course of counselling and changing some modules to distance learning in a different topic entirely. I discovered I was completely awful at one of the main skills very quickly during the first module - and crashed and burned. Now I have to use that skill a little in my PhD and I've found out I'm not useless, I just learn slower than the other people in my class and have to approach it a different way. Sadly at the time I couldn't see that, I could only hear the negative messages my brain was sending me.

There is a path out there for you, you just have to chop down some of the jungle of thoughts to find it =]
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MWBailey
Rogue Ætherlord
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United States United States


"This is the sort of thing no-one ever believes"

rtafStElmo
« Reply #1467 on: November 27, 2016, 12:03:28 am »

I've worked at every job that I've wanted to, save for being a famous banjo player with lots of money. Not much chance of that, now, but I am locally somewhat famous, at least (got my name in a local paper a while back), and people request me for performances on occasion. Not much, I know, but hey, it's better than a lot of banjo players get. It's my 15 seconds, LOL.

I can't tell you "don't be afraid," Caledonian. I will say, though , you need to believe in yourself. How? think of the things you're good at. Remind yourself of everything you do awesomely. Tell yourself, "I am good enough to do this,"  or "I am worthy to be here." Build on that.

I know it sounds hokey, but it works. Word of warning, though: it can take a bit more time than just a few seconds, sometimes hours or even days, maybe weeks. It varies all over the map from person to person, but it does work, eventually. You just have to make yourself believe.
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Walk softly and carry a big banjo...

""quid statis aspicientes in infernum"
rovingjack
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« Reply #1468 on: November 28, 2016, 08:43:45 am »

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
I've been doing the door to door gig for 7 non-consecutive days now, and I find myself counting down the days I have left. In those seven days, I was alloted about 4 hours each day to travel different turf. It's been near freezing one day, unexpected hours of rain in the middle of another, entirely too hot on another, but I'm not really super bothered by that. I've also adapted to the physical strain quickly. I still hurt and take a day to recover in some cases, but it's not really a surprise, I've logged about 31 miles of walking in those 28 hours (7 days x 4 hours), in usually hilly terrain.

What has me uncomfortable is the fit of my clothes. and it's weird. My vests/waistcoats seem shorter. I can still fit a websters dictionary in the front easily enough but they don't seem to want to get near my beltline. And my trousers are even more uncomfortable. I got used to my belt being a sort of hoop that rested on the hips and the trousers sort of hung from there and I moved around inside them, but now it feels like they wrap my body. I can feel them wrapped around my legs, against my stomach, and most uncomfortably a bit too friendly with my backside. I'm fairly certain it's a matter of them actually fitting now, but it's not comfortable to me.

Right now I'm wearing a pair of oversized trousers. I thought they might feel more comfortable, I have to bunch them at the waist to keep them up with a belt... but while over wide, the body feels shallow. I can't be getting taller, and this doesn't seem like I'm filling in in my middle.

Just one more body change to make me unconfortable in my clothes and even my own skin.

Door  to door work is mighty exhausting- what is it you are selling?

I remain yours,
Prof. Cecily


sorry for the late reply

not sales. it was a survey about what issues voters were concerned with and how it effected their upcoming vote for several local and national officials. I think that's skirting the specifics enough. It's supposed to be non-partisan and a means for politicians on all sides to learn which way the public trends on topics that will be effected by policy, the managers though often lean in a direction heavily, but since I'm the one talking to people I get to support and encourage people of all walks to be informed and effective participants in the processes of our political systems. And I do it with a friendly demeanor and polite smile. lol.

Finished that job now I'm seasonal at the postal service sorting warehouse, hauling refrigerator sized wheeled bins off of long haul trucks and lining them up for the sorting machines. And several times a night we get larger metal containers that look like they should hold tigers or utah-raptors, sadly they pretty much always just contain letters and packages.

at least part of the issue with clothing fit seems to have been salt intake causing water retention. The other part is possibly muscle bulking. It means I'm much less skin and bones and thus clothing fits less like a martial arts Gi over me. So fabric is stretched across my skin and molds to me rather than hanging loosly around me. I don't know how everybody does it, I find that sort of fit uncomfortable.
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CloudWolf
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airship pirate


« Reply #1469 on: November 28, 2016, 06:49:35 pm »

Whelp. My mind is like a seesaw at the moment. I wrote down my thoughts from a few days ago. Decidedly opposing. Neither particularly good life ideas. Copied here as a way of venting I suppose.


Human existence is a detritus of emotion and we seek to immortalise that. I see the beauty in scratching your name into a ruined castle. So something of you remains. Scars remain but kisses don't. I would write my name on big bens face to be the man who did.

Live each day knowing you may die. Drink, eat, spend. Enjoy life with the sole goal of pleasure. Go out like a firework. Whether you illuminate the world for others or catch them in the blaze it doesn't matter.

In conclusion.
Please feel no obligation to offer any advice. It's appreappreciated but i by no means clamour for it. I'm simply venting.
Regards
CloudWolf
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Prof. Cecily
Snr. Officer
****
Spain Spain



« Reply #1470 on: November 29, 2016, 08:02:22 am »

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

...sorry for the late reply

not sales. it was a survey about what issues voters were concerned with and how it effected their upcoming vote for several local and national officials. I think that's skirting the specifics enough. It's supposed to be non-partisan and a means for politicians on all sides to learn which way the public trends on topics that will be effected by policy, the managers though often lean in a direction heavily, but since I'm the one talking to people I get to support and encourage people of all walks to be informed and effective participants in the processes of our political systems. And I do it with a friendly demeanor and polite smile. lol.

Finished that job now I'm seasonal at the postal service sorting warehouse, hauling refrigerator sized wheeled bins off of long haul trucks and lining them up for the sorting machines. And several times a night we get larger metal containers that look like they should hold tigers or utah-raptors, sadly they pretty much always just contain letters and packages.

at least part of the issue with clothing fit seems to have been salt intake causing water retention. The other part is possibly muscle bulking. It means I'm much less skin and bones and thus clothing fits less like a martial arts Gi over me. So fabric is stretched across my skin and molds to me rather than hanging loosly around me. I don't know how everybody does it, I find that sort of fit uncomfortable.

Gosh. I'd be very uncomfortable discussing politicians' promises with people door to door- I'm glad you had the stomach for it.

Gresat news about the work- I loved the idea of the huge steel boxes possibly containing "tigers or utah-raptors". I'll take that image with me throughout the day. Thanks!

Ah, salt retention and muscle-bulking will make a change in your wardrobe's fit. Indeed it does.
Like you, I prefer loose-fitting clothes. And yet, I love wearing corsets.
Go figure!

I remain yours,
Prof. Cecily


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rovingjack
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« Reply #1471 on: November 29, 2016, 10:20:56 am »


Gosh. I'd be very uncomfortable discussing politicians' promises with people door to door- I'm glad you had the stomach for it.


Nah, it's not some big deal. somebody pays me to go for a 5 hour walk through an autumn afternoon in New England towns. I had to get to about 60 doors an evening, I usually manage about 80, unless the turf was especially rural.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I only wish I could pull a wagon which I can pick up glass bottles, aluminum cans, and plastic bottles off the road side to both clean the area up, and gain the materials for tinkering and art (I'm working on an aluminum foundry, could do lampwork, and kiln work, and can melt some plastics and turn others into raw materials for making baskets and caneing chairs and stools).
« Last Edit: November 30, 2016, 07:15:49 am by rovingjack » Logged
Prof. Cecily
Snr. Officer
****
Spain Spain



« Reply #1472 on: November 30, 2016, 10:31:08 am »

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
There was some powerful and inspiring writing in that spoiler, rovingjack.
I'm feeling a bit antipolitical at the moment (if you really want to get depressed, follow Spanish politics for a bit) but your writing pulled me out of a cynical downward spiral.
And I thank you deeply for that.

Maybe a cart or barrow is out of the question for what could be  a fascinating project. How about one of those 2 wheeled shopping trolleys?
http://www.bagsandluggage.co.uk/ekmps/shops/bagsandluggage/images/stylish-and-lightweight-2-wheel-shopping-trolley-polka-dot-3059-p.jpg
or similar. Maybe without the polka dots...

I remain yours,
Prof. Cecily
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rovingjack
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« Reply #1473 on: December 01, 2016, 08:37:05 am »

I'd use an over shoulder messanger bag If I thought I could, the trick is that we were sent out in teams of five or more in the same vehicle with only the materials for the job, and lunches. we get dropped off and picked up. If I was the driver maybe I could do it. But at this point I think I might as well just do it on the off season.

I also had the whimsical notion at one point that so many people have broken doorbells that are really just a simple fix, that I should start a door to door- doorbell repair service.

by the way this is one of the Raptor carts, at least that's what I think of them as.
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rovingjack
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« Reply #1474 on: December 04, 2016, 10:09:55 am »

I decided today to update my profile picture. It's one of very few I have of myself, never much cared to be caught on camera. This was completely accidental. My housemates toddler discovered me doing video recording and was fascinated by the little movie of himself that appeared and disappeared when he moved infront of the laptop and away. So I set it up for him to do the "there he is, now he's sleeping" game.

this was me setting it up for him last time. I click start recording and set it down for him and the very first frame caught me bending down to put it on the coffee table. when I went to edit the video I saw this. clipped it as a still and thought it was decent enough for an avatar.

It also reminds me of how sometimes the simple joys are found when you are in the moment.
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