The best come-back I've ever heard...

[Siliconous Skumins]

Heard a bit of shouting and general noise of the sort that goes hand in hand with drunk people, somewhere on the street outside my house. After five minutes of this, I got curious / concerned and stuck my head out of the upstairs window to see what was going on.
I was just in time to see four drunk late teenage (or early 20's) charvers (chavs / oiks / T**TS / whatever...) shout across the road to a young woman walking on the opposite pavement. The event went like this:

Charver:  How Pet* Your f***ing lovely you are, I proppa wana sink my teeth into ya ARSE!!

Woman (really angry):  If you wana know what an arsehole tastes like, try licking Yersel'** - and if your curious about cock, try licking ya three marras!***



Well, I nearly died laughing.   It was such a good retort that it even silenced the four lads for a few minutes. They wandered off after a few more minutes.

Ah, Friday nights can be so entertaining around here... 

* "Pet" -  the quintessential Geordie address used by many which means girl or woman. But it has various meanings.
** Yersel' - 'yourself' said in a Geordie accent
*** Marra - 'mate' or 'friend'.


SS

[Kieranfoy]

*Snerk* I love it.

Also, I have to admit, although their slang is no doubt lower-class, I like marra meaning friend. Kind of has an exotic flavor for an American, might have to work it into one of my stories as slang.

[Capt. Dirigible]

Charver:  How Pet* Your f***ing lovely you are, I proppa wana sink my teeth into ya ARSE!!

Woman (really angry):  If you wana know what an arsehole tastes like, try licking Yersel'** - and if your curious about cock, try licking ya three marras!**

That sound like it could have come straight out of 'Sid The Sexist' ( Tyneside's Silver Tongued Cavalier)

He's usually shot down in flames by the ladies in a similar style

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Tits oot f ' the lads, Pet"

[Siliconous Skumins]

Charver:  How Pet* Your f***ing lovely you are, I proppa wana sink my teeth into ya ARSE!!

Woman (really angry):  If you wana know what an arsehole tastes like, try licking Yersel'** - and if your curious about cock, try licking ya three marras!**

That sound like it could have come straight out of 'Sid The Sexist' ( Tyneside's Silver Tongued Cavalier)

He's usually shot down in flames by the ladies in a similar style

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Tits oot f ' the lads, Pet"

It may come as no surprise to know that one of my school teachers (many years ago) worked for Viz. I have it on good authority that several of the characters were based on kids from my school. Apparently I'm in there too somewhere... 

No, it wasn't "Spoilt Bastard"...

SS

[Capt. Dirigible]

No, it wasn't "Spoilt Bastard"...

Johnny Fartpants?..Buster Gonad??....Biffa Bacon???

[Siliconous Skumins]

Although Biffa Bacon was based on someone else, I believe some of the character was later based on a lad called Lee.  There was also more than a passing resemblance...in more ways than one.

As to me.... I dunno. Supposedly I was used as the base of a character, but I was never told which one. I do know that something I did at school was partly used for a Spoilt Bastard story a few months later - but then that was not unusual for kids in my year group who had that teacher... 

I did ask about it, he confirmed that while my actions were used in the story, "...but there is another character based on you..."

SS

[Mr. Boltneck]

As long as it wasn't one of the Pathetic Sharks, you're probably OK.

[Capt. Dirigible]

Although Biffa Bacon was based on someone else, I believe some of the character was later based on a lad called Lee.  There was also more than a passing resemblance...in more ways than one.

As to me.... I dunno. Supposedly I was used as the base of a character, but I was never told which one. I do know that something I did at school was partly used for a Spoilt Bastard story a few months later - but then that was not unusual for kids in my year group who had that teacher... 

I did ask about it, he confirmed that while my actions were used in the story, "...but there is another character based on you..."

SS

Hmmm...what size underpants do you wear?

[Fairley B. Strange]

Do you like ginger-bread?

[Siliconous Skumins]

Hmmm...what size underpants do you wear?

You know, The evil part of me is tempted to use that quote as my new sig.....

SS

[Clym Angus]

Charver:  How Pet* Your f***ing lovely you are, I proppa wana sink my teeth into ya ARSE!!

That chat up line has all the finesse and aerodynamics of a turd caked breeze-block.