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walkthebassline
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« Reply #100 on: December 01, 2011, 03:11:30 pm » |
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In the earlier days in this career it DIDN'T come easily. But I've had many years to practice. Because it really IS all about practice. You can't HELP but get better at the flirting/dating/ice-breaking/awkward unspoken attraction/etc. thing if you're constantly practicing. Just like...any.other.skillset.
Practice does indeed make perfect! The problem is having no one to practice on, at least in person. Online interaction loses something in translation far too often. subtly is indeed a rough one online. but the relative anonymity is also a great enabler. I'm sure we've all been a bit bolder online than we would otherwise be in person. That is quite true. And now that I think about it, even when we know the other person outside of the internet, we tend to me more confident online. Hey, I resemble that remark!  As do I! |
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"Well, I don't really think that the end can be assessed as of itself as being the end because what does the end feel like? It's like saying when you try to extrapolate the end of the universe, you say, if the universe is indeed infinite, then how - what does that mean? How far is all the way, and then if it stops, what's stopping it, and what's behind what's stopping it? So, what's the end, you know, is my question to you."
~ David St. Hubbins
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D.Oakes
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« Reply #101 on: December 07, 2011, 04:48:26 am » |
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I am as confident online as I am in person....so long as I am in a setting or doing something that I really enjoy. For instance I am generally quiet at family dinners, but put me in a discussion about art history and I am immediately confident. On the topic of dating, my fiance and I may have set a bad example for our friends. We met by sheer chance...ok...fine...we both wanted to see each other again after we started talking....so yeah...maybe it was not chance entirely, but her getting attacked by the drunk homeless person and then coming home with me for safety was not something we planned. Due to the strange nature of our getting to know each other, things happened relatively quickly because we got to learn about one about one another and also learn how each other does when confronted with problems in a very fast manner. We realize that we compliment each other in some areas and are the same in others that have often caused both of us in other relationships to feel misunderstood. (so right there we have the differences to keep it interesting and a strong understanding) I feel like I've had a 6 month relationship in a manner of weeks. (not gonna lie some of our baggage does have me exhausted right now) Her parents are stunned by me. My friends are stunned by her. Both of those parties can't quite seem to decide if what we are doing is right, but both seem to agree for the most part that we are right for each other. Even her stalker and I have become fairly cool with each other and he is apparently dating somebody else now....  So here is the problem, without being hypocritical, how do we tell a few of our friends to slow down? |
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walkthebassline
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« Reply #102 on: December 07, 2011, 04:50:37 am » |
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I am as confident online as I am in person....so long as I am in a setting or doing something that I really enjoy. For instance I am generally quiet at family dinners, but put me in a discussion about art history and I am immediately confident. On the topic of dating, my fiance and I may have set a bad example for our friends. We met by sheer chance...ok...fine...we both wanted to see each other again after we started talking....so yeah...maybe it was not chance entirely, but her getting attacked by the drunk homeless person and then coming home with me for safety was not something we planned. Due to the strange nature of our getting to know each other, things happened relatively quickly because we got to learn about one about one another and also learn how each other does when confronted with problems in a very fast manner. We realize that we compliment each other in some areas and are the same in others that have often caused both of us in other relationships to feel misunderstood. (so right there we have the differences to keep it interesting and a strong understanding) I feel like I've had a 6 month relationship in a manner of weeks. (not gonna lie some of our baggage does have me exhausted right now) Her parents are stunned by me. My friends are stunned by her. Both of those parties can't quite seem to decide if what we are doing is right, but both seem to agree for the most part that we are right for each other. Even her stalker and I have become fairly cool with each other and he is apparently dating somebody else now.... So here is the problem, without being hypocritical, how do we tell a few of our friends to slow down? Every situation is different; just because you are moving fast does not mean everyone should. Friends of mine who dated for a matter of months before getting married told me the same thing in my last relationship and I wish I had listened sooner than I did. |
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Vagabond GentleMan
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« Reply #103 on: December 07, 2011, 07:01:10 am » |
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There are exceptions to every rule.
Maybe Oakes' situation is an exception, but ONLY time will tell.
In general, if you believe in what the social sciences have to say (and these days, more and more, they're back by biological and evolutionary sciences) a couple go through a Honeymoon phase of roughly four months, where it's all hearts and flowers.
Then gradually you stop behaving on your best, and start getting real. Then you decide whether or not this person is someone you really wanna invest in long-term.
Then, after four years, you get the itch, and often break up. Divorce rates with a significant spike in the fourth year explained by the competing drives for monogamy and polyamory within each individual based on the species as a whole having spent roughly equal portions of evolution where one or the other was the optimal reproductive strategy, blah, blah, blah.
I'm a stubborn ass. I don't believe in fairy tales. Disney kids' movies are crap. And I don't believe in any relationship (no, not ANY relationship, ever, ever) that hasn't weathered the four-year mark and is STILL going strong.
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Well that wolf has a dimber bonebox, and he'll flash it all milky and red. But you won't see our Red Jack's spit, nug, cuz he's pinked ya, and yer dead.
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D.Oakes
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« Reply #104 on: December 07, 2011, 07:26:31 pm » |
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There are exceptions to every rule.
Maybe Oakes' situation is an exception, but ONLY time will tell.
In general, if you believe in what the social sciences have to say (and these days, more and more, they're back by biological and evolutionary sciences) a couple go through a Honeymoon phase of roughly four months, where it's all hearts and flowers.
Then gradually you stop behaving on your best, and start getting real. Then you decide whether or not this person is someone you really wanna invest in long-term.
Then, after four years, you get the itch, and often break up. Divorce rates with a significant spike in the fourth year explained by the competing drives for monogamy and polyamory within each individual based on the species as a whole having spent roughly equal portions of evolution where one or the other was the optimal reproductive strategy, blah, blah, blah.
I'm a stubborn ass. I don't believe in fairy tales. Disney kids' movies are crap. And I don't believe in any relationship (no, not ANY relationship, ever, ever) that hasn't weathered the four-year mark and is STILL going strong.
I'm cynical of even those that have gone past four years. I just helped a friend with a break-up after 5 years and another friend is having issues with a long term (as in 20+ years) relationship. |
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SteampunkObserver
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« Reply #105 on: December 09, 2011, 07:47:05 am » |
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Vagabond Gentleman,
I strongly encourage you to re-consider your use of descriptive data to make predictive claims about an individual relationship without contextual information. While cynicism may be justifiable, your unique interpretation of the nature of the "social sciences" is problematic and possibly wrong. Concluding your argument with a paragraph beginning with "I'm a stubborn ass" isn't particularly convincing either.
TTFN,
~SO
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Lord Wraste
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« Reply #106 on: December 09, 2011, 01:28:34 pm » |
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Vagabond Gentleman,
I strongly encourage you to re-consider your use of descriptive data to make predictive claims about an individual relationship without contextual information. While cynicism may be justifiable, your unique interpretation of the nature of the "social sciences" is problematic and possibly wrong. Concluding your argument with a paragraph beginning with "I'm a stubborn ass" isn't particularly convincing either.
TTFN,
~SO
And I strongly suggest you not troll my friend, but we'll see how well that works too.  Seriously, we're all sharing opinions. You don't have to like it. Make a counter point if you like, but everyone is entitled to their opinion. |
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Gwenifer Scorpio
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« Reply #107 on: December 09, 2011, 06:22:06 pm » |
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Vagabond Gentleman,
I strongly encourage you to re-consider your use of descriptive data to make predictive claims about an individual relationship without contextual information. While cynicism may be justifiable, your unique interpretation of the nature of the "social sciences" is problematic and possibly wrong. Concluding your argument with a paragraph beginning with "I'm a stubborn ass" isn't particularly convincing either.
TTFN,
~SO
And I strongly suggest you not troll my friend, but we'll see how well that works too. Seriously, we're all sharing opinions. You don't have to like it. Make a counter point if you like, but everyone is entitled to their opinion. I've been on facebook too much - I was going to "like" your post before I remember which forum I was on. -_- |
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Miss Scarlett in the library with the candlestick!
Gwenifer H. Scorpio, O.S.E., CALES Alumni |
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Magnusmagic
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« Reply #108 on: January 03, 2012, 06:57:09 am » |
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Perhaps a "Heartily Concur" button? |
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Victor Magnus, Magica et Machina
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walkthebassline
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« Reply #109 on: January 03, 2012, 03:29:38 pm » |
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Perhaps a "Heartily Concur" button? I "Heartily Concur" with this suggestion. |
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Vagabond GentleMan
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« Reply #110 on: January 03, 2012, 09:12:17 pm » |
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Wraste, comrade, you might needs must be nicknamed "Mjolnir", for thou art truly a smiter of trolls...
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D.Oakes
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« Reply #111 on: January 05, 2012, 08:06:38 am » |
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Update...we are in the make or break zone with my fiance. (6 weeks...her parents have even warned me) Thus far I have resisted the push/pull tendency. If we can get past this, then there is my period of 6 months where I get the same way....if we get past that then we have the year and a half record of mine to break. Good news is that her parents REALLY like me. One of my friends is concerned, but for some reason he always comes over at the exact moment her and I are having a disagreement... And to stay on topic, she is revealing herself to be more and more steampunk. |
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Uncle Arthur
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« Reply #112 on: January 05, 2012, 11:41:33 am » |
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Carry on Mr. Oakes. I have faith in ya!
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If at first you don't succeed , CHEAT!
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Vagabond GentleMan
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« Reply #113 on: January 05, 2012, 10:13:39 pm » |
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Make it happen, Oakes!
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mallory kate
Deck Hand
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« Reply #114 on: February 03, 2012, 08:05:39 am » |
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hm.
as someone new to this site (most steampunk sites for the most part) and definitely to this conversation... and as a single girl with... a deep intentional interest in steampunk, but with little literal experience with the topic and/or lifestyle....
what's it like dating a steampunk dude? what's the big difference? is there one and i'm just naive or? i mean, in what would like these significant others to participate?
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Peacemaker
Guest
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« Reply #115 on: February 03, 2012, 11:05:49 am » |
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hm.
as someone new to this site (most steampunk sites for the most part) and definitely to this conversation... and as a single girl with... a deep intentional interest in steampunk, but with little literal experience with the topic and/or lifestyle....
what's it like dating a steampunk dude? what's the big difference? is there one and i'm just naive or? i mean, in what would like these significant others to participate?
I wrote a little post about it here http://www.thesteampunkempire.com/group/societyofsteampunksingles/forum/topics/it-s-a-lifestyle-not-a-hobby?xg_source=activity |
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Lord Wraste
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« Reply #116 on: February 03, 2012, 02:12:36 pm » |
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hm.
as someone new to this site (most steampunk sites for the most part) and definitely to this conversation... and as a single girl with... a deep intentional interest in steampunk, but with little literal experience with the topic and/or lifestyle....
what's it like dating a steampunk dude? what's the big difference? is there one and i'm just naive or? i mean, in what would like these significant others to participate?
There's not real difference from your average man, saving Steampunk guys tend to (in my experience) be a little more polite. It's a part of the culture we are attempting to cultivate. The only big difference I can see is hobby set and general interest. But really, it won't matter if he has interests outside of "the norm" because the need for commonality in a relationship is, I think, universal. |
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Vagabond GentleMan
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« Reply #117 on: February 07, 2012, 05:45:11 am » |
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Seconded.
Steampunk dudes are just dudes. But, a dude who identifies as Steampunk probably shares the mostly-consensus view that gentlemanliness is praiseworthy and to be striven for. To some degree, it most likely manifests in his daily life.
That might encompass any number of things...politeness, good grooming, eloquence, charm, being well-dressed, etc.
The 'gentleman factor' is still a can of worms, though, as the definition of 'gentleman' varies from culture to culture, region to region, individual to individual, etc.
...not to mention that it's quite possible to be a gentleman and still not be a Good Man, regardless...
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The Mysterious Mr Murphy
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« Reply #118 on: February 07, 2012, 11:21:56 am » |
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And not all of us dress Steampunk.
I am interested in it, but I do not dress Steampunk. It does not conflict with my work (there are others who do dress steampunk to some degree) but I generally blend in and go unnoticed among the general public.
I still try and conduct myself as a gentleman and the many Victorian attributes I have generally observed my entire life.
My one "Steampunk" item is that I occasionally must walk with a cane, and my current one is turned wood with a brass doorknob as a handle. Very convincing argument piece in a fight, and handy to lean on though not to walk with (which is why I have others).
I don't have a problem with dressing in the Victorian style to some extent, but I'm not about to buy an entire new wardrobe either.
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RoseOak
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« Reply #119 on: February 07, 2012, 03:24:55 pm » |
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We used to have a singles thread, two in fact on here but it got a bit heated so anything like that as has been said would have to be outside the normal workings on this forum.
To quote Mr Murphy, not all of dress SP and not all of us dress SP all the time. I just found out that a workmate is really into SP and I've been working with her for over a year and never knew. So the moral as I see it is if you like someone you may be suprised to find them into SP but in an inner sense rather then the whole clothes/modes/manners and social aspect.
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Lady Ava
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« Reply #120 on: March 24, 2012, 04:11:30 pm » |
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hm.
as someone new to this site (most steampunk sites for the most part) and definitely to this conversation... and as a single girl with... a deep intentional interest in steampunk, but with little literal experience with the topic and/or lifestyle....
what's it like dating a steampunk dude? what's the big difference? is there one and i'm just naive or? i mean, in what would like these significant others to participate?
To echo some of the other answers, there aren't any masses difference apart from having the same tastes of you, and knowing how to be a gentleman! |
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''I'm a loose bolt in a complete machine. What a match! I'm half-doomed and you're semi-sweet.'' "You want steampunk to be a novelty, a LOLcat, a meme. I want it to be my life. Which of us is going to fight harder for it?" - Dimitri Markotin *DISCLAIMER* This dungeon is fictional, and any similarities to other dungeons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  http://www.facebook.com/avasapparelMention you're from BG when ordering for free shipping! http://www.etsy.com/shop/AshleighEllanUse 'AVA10' for 10% off! |
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walkthebassline
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« Reply #121 on: March 25, 2012, 04:01:32 am » |
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hm.
as someone new to this site (most steampunk sites for the most part) and definitely to this conversation... and as a single girl with... a deep intentional interest in steampunk, but with little literal experience with the topic and/or lifestyle....
what's it like dating a steampunk dude? what's the big difference? is there one and i'm just naive or? i mean, in what would like these significant others to participate?
To echo some of the other answers, there aren't any masses difference apart from having the same tastes of you, and knowing how to be a gentleman! In a similar vein, as someone who has usually felt alienated from girls due to my "strange" interests and geek tendencies, I've wondered what it would be like to date a steampunk girl? And from what I've seen on this forum, it would be marvelous. |
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andrew craven
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« Reply #122 on: March 25, 2012, 08:41:44 am » |
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Its always good to have a partner that shares similar interests to you. But I wouldnt confine yourself to the steampunk scene as most folks in this subculture are either married, engaged, or in relationships. Be more open minded, you could corrupt an innocent outside of steampunk to the dark side In my experience I have had a bad turn with a steampunk girlfriend. Damn unfortunate but I forgive her after remembering the better moments we had as one must. In a way it kinda makes me warey of having a relationship with someone in the steampunk scene as it can complicate things if sh** hits the fan. Has they have their friends and it seems to cause friction in the community with the cliques. Not that I would deny anything of the scene to a non-steampunker who I had turned if it would have been the case. Now, from what I percieve, I hope I get together with a Dita Von Teese sort of girl! Oh aye! |
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Evelina Sparrow
Deck Hand
United States
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« Reply #123 on: April 06, 2012, 01:20:54 am » |
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But I wouldnt confine yourself to the steampunk scene as most folks in this subculture are either married, engaged, or in relationships.
I've been wondering, actually...how did that happen? It seems like a majority of people, at least on this forum, are, as you said, "married, engaged, or in relationships." Is this just the nature of steampunk appealing to a slightly older audience (i.e. university students are at the younger range rather than the older range, with very few high schoolers or younger)? Or is there some key piece of the puzzle that I'm missing? |
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frances
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« Reply #124 on: April 06, 2012, 02:11:09 am » |
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or is it that the singles do not want to advertise themselves as such incase it gets to be like a meat market?
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