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psn1der
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« Reply #75 on: November 26, 2011, 02:27:08 am » |
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Any of you singlepunks up for a challenge? Seems like there are plenty of events popping up, ie., Steampunk dances, balls, holiday parties, Christmas, new years, potlucks, concerts...We could try an experiment. Pick some kind of event we haven't been to before and go. We have to introduce ourselves to 3 people we don't know and report back to the thread. Don't have to ask anyone out, just say "Hi, I'm..." There's a dance thingy in my area that I want to go to, but won't know a soul there. Anyone who knows me would laugh that I'd be intimidated by this, but I am. Anyone else up for possible humiliation in the name of "gender studies"?  |
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Vagabond GentleMan
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« Reply #76 on: November 26, 2011, 06:58:00 am » |
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1) Whom do we introduce ourselves to? If we are hetero, is it necessarily the opposite sex? If bi, either? If gay, same sex?
2) What does "report back" mean? Simply explain what happened post-introduction?
...essentially, what exactly are we to glean from this experiment?
I mean, I'm down, I guess I just want more of an agenda...
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Well that wolf has a dimber bonebox, and he'll flash it all milky and red. But you won't see our Red Jack's spit, nug, cuz he's pinked ya, and yer dead.
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psn1der
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« Reply #77 on: November 26, 2011, 07:50:58 am » |
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Blasted double post!
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« Last Edit: November 26, 2011, 08:05:19 am by psn1der »
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psn1der
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« Reply #78 on: November 26, 2011, 07:55:52 am » |
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1) Whom do we introduce ourselves to? If we are hetero, is it necessarily the opposite sex? If bi, either? If gay, same sex? Yes, to all 2) What does "report back" mean? Simply explain what happened post-introduction? Whatever you want to share. "It was a total nightmare" "Met some nice people and had fun" "I'm getting married in Vegas. You all are invited" etc.  ...essentially, what exactly are we to glean from this experiment?
I mean, I'm down, I guess I just want more of an agenda...
One of my theories is, it's a numbers game. The more people you meet, the better your chances are of finding an interesting one that you might keep instead of throw back. And If I have to report back, means I have to do it, instead of cop out. Maybe one of us will hit pay dirt. You're up really late, sir. |
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The Mysterious Mr Murphy
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« Reply #79 on: November 26, 2011, 09:04:46 am » |
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In my case, massive lack of time.
Between 50+ hours at work per week and 35+ hours of school.. college the second time around is no fun. Ironic when you consider my major.
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Evelyn Adler
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« Reply #80 on: November 26, 2011, 12:18:12 pm » |
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I'm staying with a friend at the moment and last night we were watching the Firefly episode "Heart of Gold". This lead to a conversation about men and women. I was like "Hey, Mal loves Inara, Inara loves Mal, why don't they just admit it to each other?" My friend disagreed; in his opinion it's not so easy, if you are not sure if your feelings are returned... try to be careful... bla... I said, I'm probably too old for this s***. (movie quote, bonus points if you know where it's from) I would tell him straight away... well ok, this is still Malcolm Reynolds we're talking about. My own experience in real life: I am in fact one of those (probably rare) women, who actually tell, what they think and want, not only in dating but all the time. I have no problem, telling someone "Hey, I think you're a nice guy, would you like to ... (have a coffee / go to the movies / etc.) But this can lead to problems: some men understand something along the lines of "Fancy a f***?" - which was certainly not my intention, I am quite old fashioned that way. And some men are shocked about me being so straightforward. They actually prefer the complicated, girly way of not saying anything useful and giving only cryptic hints. Mostly I end up as "one of the guys". You know, almost a bloke if not for the little bumps on the front... Because, you know, I don't really act like a woman.  Bottom line: there is no ideal, "one size fits all" way how to get to know someone. |
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Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary. (Cecil Beaton)
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D.Oakes
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« Reply #81 on: November 26, 2011, 01:50:55 pm » |
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I'm noticing a pattern that is making me quite angry at my gender. Every girl I have ever dated has said, "....you're the only guy who I've ever dated who has done that...." This includes such things as buying flowers, jewelry, respecting taking things slow, even things such as...."female satisfaction." (trying to be PG-13) Why is it so hard for men to be gentlemen? I was raised with a certain understanding of how a man was supposed to act, granted the bulk of it was patriarchal nonsense which I swiftly abandoned, but some of it is simply respect. I feel like the bulk of men these days are simply boys who could use some time behind the wood shed.  |
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Prof. Michael Masters
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« Reply #82 on: November 26, 2011, 07:01:12 pm » |
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I'm noticing a pattern that is making me quite angry at my gender. Every girl I have ever dated has said, "....you're the only guy who I've ever dated who has done that...." This includes such things as buying flowers, jewelry, respecting taking things slow, even things such as...."female satisfaction." (trying to be PG-13) Why is it so hard for men to be gentlemen? I was raised with a certain understanding of how a man was supposed to act, granted the bulk of it was patriarchal nonsense which I swiftly abandoned, but some of it is simply respect. I feel like the bulk of men these days are simply boys who could use some time behind the wood shed. I would tend to agree with you sir. To many guys are total dicks when it comes to being around women. All of my female friends Enjoy the fact that I am a gentleman. Be it just being someone they can talk to or go shopping with. I try to always be a gentleman. Unfortunately It is the same gentlemanly qualities that seem to have gotten me so many female friends instead of getting a girlfriend. Ah, well there are worse fates. |
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From the Desk of:
Professor Michael Masters
Aether Academy Headmaster
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KABAR2
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« Reply #83 on: November 26, 2011, 07:03:18 pm » |
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D.Oakes,
I would say you have your head screwed on right, first and formost get to know the person you are getting involved with once a relationship is established things like trust and love follow some may call you old fashioned but you are going about it in the right way.... sadly there are aspects of our modern culture that has done harm to dating.... Women's lib did some good for the fairer sex but having them looking at work and a career in the same manner as men do means that the home becomes a place to meet at night when both are too exausted to do much...... I know some will rake me over the coals for this statement but there is truth in it....
I met my wife on a Christian internet dating site we started emailing each other and then talking on the phone,The first time I spoke with her on the phone was like talking to an old and trusted friend everything clicked..... she lived in Virginia and I in N.Y. we finally met in November for Thanksgiving..... one cold November night we walked the streets of Colonial Williamsburg and on bended knee I proposed to her.... We had only known each other for 5 maybe 6 months and I made the commitment of a lifetime.... we married in Sept of 2000 and I moved to Virginia, I started my own business (which eventually failed) and she worked for a publishing company things weren't easy but as the years past we bought a home and setteled into to our routine ..... Then in 2008 she was diagnosed with cancer and in Nov. 2009 I lost my Carol the day before her 49th birthday..... So far M'Lady Carol was the one for me.... I haven't thought about dating..... until I read this thread and for the time being I will stay single... I still feel married and it's hard to change that... and it wouldn't be fair to someone haveing them compaired to or have to compete with Carol....
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Alter-ego Baron Rinehold Tredmore on Sparegoggles
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VampirateMace
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« Reply #84 on: November 26, 2011, 07:47:15 pm » |
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Any of you singlepunks up for a challenge?
Love the plan (just for meeting new steampunks in general)... and I've tried it before, but I live in the middle of nowhere, so I finally made special plans and arrangments (a place to stay after the event) so that I could get an event. Then, everything around me went to Hell, so to speak. |
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Several modern detectives now claim that “Jack the Ripper” was actually named Carl.
“Carl the Ripper” just doesn’t have the same ring.
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The Mysterious Mr Murphy
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« Reply #85 on: November 26, 2011, 10:05:20 pm » |
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Professor, D. Oakes, you are not the only ones.
I went on my first post divorce date with a lady my own age, also divorced and it blew her mind that i paid for everything, opened doors, etc.
Evelyn..... in Mal's case. Speaking from someone who has more or less 'been Mal' in many ways (I have been described as Mal with a mix of Jayne).... he has been deeply hurt. Everything he fought for he lost. All he has left is his crew. She is technically part of his crew in a way. He's hiding under cover from the artillery and extremely cautious to expose himself to fire again, because he's been hurt before. He will take chances with many things, including his life, but not his heart.
It's not a fun place to be, speaking from personal experience.
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Knight Walker
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« Reply #86 on: November 26, 2011, 10:46:57 pm » |
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You have to de able to dance first. I have two left feet. Any of you singlepunks up for a challenge? Seems like there are plenty of events popping up, ie., Steampunk dances, balls, holiday parties, Christmas, new years, potlucks, concerts...We could try an experiment. Pick some kind of event we haven't been to before and go. We have to introduce ourselves to 3 people we don't know and report back to the thread. Don't have to ask anyone out, just say "Hi, I'm..." There's a dance thingy in my area that I want to go to, but won't know a soul there. Anyone who knows me would laugh that I'd be intimidated by this, but I am. Anyone else up for possible humiliation in the name of "gender studies"? |
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A well place stick of dynamite solves all problems.
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psn1der
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« Reply #87 on: November 27, 2011, 01:38:54 am » |
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We really do have some interesting convo's on this forum. I think that is why I enjoy it so much. Dear Knight Walker, you could always take the dreaded "dance lessons". Or don't HAVE to dance. You can visit with people and such. Visit with enough people to organize coffee/tea. You can drink coffee, yes? In my case, massive lack of time.
Between 50+ hours at work per week and 35+ hours of school.. college the second time around is no fun. Ironic when you consider my major.
Good grief, MMM! That is a lot. Anyone interesting in your classes? |
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The Mysterious Mr Murphy
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« Reply #88 on: November 27, 2011, 03:11:55 am » |
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As I am a straight very heterosexual male.......no.
There was one, but she dropped the class.
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Vagabond GentleMan
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« Reply #89 on: November 27, 2011, 03:16:40 am » |
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This is a good thread... 1) E. Adler, you're awesome. >tips hat<  To get what you want, you have to: a) KNOW what you want. b) Make it happen. Usually easiest by asking. 2) Personal opinion on men who prefer the girly hint-dropping-type shy girl: Weak. If water seeks it's own level, then strength would seek strength, and a strong man would therefore seek a strong woman, such as one who knows what she wants...and then goes and gets it. It's a great time in Western culture to be a woman...it's arguable that Woman has never been stronger. One thing lacks: One serious disadvantage of being a woman in the modern age is...Men. Like Oakes and others have said, the average modern male... embarrasses us. Manhood is in a shameful state. Many socio-cultural reasons, most of which are unforeseen and unfortunate results of the Feminist Movement. I'm from a family of serious feminists, and I'm really all about Female Empowerment. But, I'm for Male Empowerment too. >shrugs< WE have a generation of males from broken homes, many fatherless, many of which never had any real-world positive role models. Beyond that, in this post-feminist era we've yet to establish any sort of culturally understood expectations of Manhood. What is EXPECTED of Men. The old John Wayne model is outdated and chauvinistic, but there hasn't been any cohesive positive New Male to come replace him. If I open a door for a lady, there's the chance I'll be thanked. There's also the chance I'll be met with aggressive rudeness: "Listen, I'm strong enough to open this door by myself, thank you..." >dirty look< I know this, because it's happened to me many times. Well, I ain't gonna stop opening doors for ladies. Nor with the flowers, nor with walking on the correct side of the street, nor with the standing while ladies stand, being seated when ladies have seats, nor any of that good old-timey, respectful (in my case and opinion) stuff. But many men, unsure of their roles, wouldn't have to experience that aggressively negative response more than once before they decided not to do it again. And when they don't...the Death of Chivalry is lamented. That's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. It's no wonder that males are so directionless. Watch all the TV and movies you want. Look for positive female role models...they're EVERYWHERE. Competent, intelligent, personally powerful, accomplished females. Look for positive male role models...there ain't many. You have the Homer Simpsons and Family Guys on the one side, and the James Bonds on the other. Neither of which are particularly realistic NOR positive. If Art (used loosely) reflects life, what this says is that Men are...lost and wandering. We, involved in this Steampunk community, looking backwards to look forward, are some of the VERY few men with any degree of organization (albeit loose) who are really stepping up to re-invent the Man. ...and really, it's only a fraction of the Male Steampunk community who REALLY live it. There's nothing wrong with Cosplay, but if it's only play, then the Social Values can drop as soon as the costume hits the closet. When it's (forgive this coinage) CosLIFE, however...when it's a subCulture... Well, Steampunk is doing something to encourage potentially good men to step up and BE good men, when there's even the slightest encouragement. |
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Gwenifer Scorpio
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« Reply #90 on: November 27, 2011, 04:58:17 am » |
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Hear hear! Well said, my friend. *raises glass* Here's to Steampunk gentlemen who are REAL gentlemen! I've never understood why women get angry when a guy opens a door for them...I'm old-fashioned enough that I've actually come to expect it so sometimes I'll stand there for a second wondering why they're not moving in front of me to open the door, and then realize that most guys aren't gentlemen and open the damn door myself. And sometimes let it close on them because they were asking for it.  |
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Miss Scarlett in the library with the candlestick!
Gwenifer H. Scorpio, O.S.E., CALES Alumni |
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The Corsair
Defective Inspector
Board Moderator
Zeppelin Admiral
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Your Move
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« Reply #91 on: November 27, 2011, 05:32:50 am » |
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Way ahead of you. In less than 12 hours I had (at last) met two steampunks in the local area and am finally somewhat 'in touch' with the Auckland community (in that I now have someone who can tell me when and where things are on)
And they're both single females (one slightly out of age range though)
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I think I should also mention I had a dream about this game, only Bailey was a woman...
I assure you, that incident in Singapore was all a misunderstanding. |
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Vagabond GentleMan
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« Reply #92 on: November 27, 2011, 06:00:42 am » |
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Regarding this challenge...I don't know if it's entirely fair for me to participate. As a tattoo artist, I meet with, flirt with, and befriend, attractive AND unattractive members of the opposite sex daily.
It's really just kinda part of the job.
I have a VERY limited amount of time to establish trust, rapport, friendly-ship, etc. before being in a situation where there's a good degree of physical intimacy, i.e. my hands are on them for hours, often.
And, by the time we're finished with our time together, they oughta FEEL beautiful.
I'm not even being promiscuous or 'throwing game'...I have to be trusted to NOT be pervy in a way that STILL makes them feel gorgeous.
In the earlier days in this career it DIDN'T come easily. But I've had many years to practice. Because it really IS all about practice. You can't HELP but get better at the flirting/dating/ice-breaking/awkward unspoken attraction/etc. thing if you're constantly practicing. Just like...any.other.skillset.
So report:
Yesterday got invited out for drinks by nice young ladies twice.
Today, charmed a middle-aged black lesbian couple, who swore they'd never see anyone else for work again. Also, has two younger ladies at different times say: "I love you!" in the friendly, 'come-hither' but-still-joking way, one of whom had a boyfriend, so probably was that REALLY just-flirting-for-fun, attraction-but-no-agenda way.
Might go to a club tonight, a good portion of the Guild of DC will be there, so I'm considering.
I'm not even 'single' in the strictest sense of the world. But we're Bohemians, so the 'rules' are more flexible, so I'm not sure if I qualify for this 'challenge' anyway.
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psn1der
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« Reply #93 on: November 27, 2011, 07:06:42 am » |
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Way ahead of you. In less than 12 hours I had (at last) met two steampunks in the local area and am finally somewhat 'in touch' with the Auckland community (in that I now have someone who can tell me when and where things are on)
And they're both single females (one slightly out of age range though)
Ah, but they will have friends. Regarding this challenge...I don't know if it's entirely fair for me to participate. As a tattoo artist, I meet with, flirt with, and befriend, attractive AND unattractive members of the opposite sex daily.
It's really just kinda part of the job.
It's great that your job enables you to meet all kinds of different people. You must really enjoy that. I do desk work. No fresh blood, so to speak. I HAVE to get out more. |
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« Last Edit: November 27, 2011, 07:17:16 am by psn1der »
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Wolf410
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« Reply #94 on: November 27, 2011, 09:24:09 am » |
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first of all...i wanna say i love how my simple post a few weeks ago has taken off
also to Professor D. Oakes
i've come to meet alot of women who make a mistake in distinguishing a man from a boy
Alright...because i've been hearing alot of women complain im gonna clear this up...Ladies...there is a difference between a boy and a man...a boy will never treat you right...a boy sees a woman as a prize...he'll show her off and then...when hes done wih her he puts her on a shelf and forgets about her...a man will never do this...A man puts a woman first in his life because that is what she is......first in his life...he knows in his heart that she wil always be there for him so he will always do the same...he will protect her and love her and care for her...he will hold her when shes sad and crying...he will fight for her until his dying breath...he will cherish her until his last day...so remember ladies...if you date a boy you will get treated like a girl...if you date a man...you will be treated like the amazing creature you are
this is why i tell all my female friends that they need to find a man and not a boy...but also...remember that there are men out there that are still romantics and treat a woman right
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Only In The Air Can We Be Truly Free
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Wilhelmina Frame
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« Reply #95 on: November 30, 2011, 11:47:39 pm » |
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In the earlier days in this career it DIDN'T come easily. But I've had many years to practice. Because it really IS all about practice. You can't HELP but get better at the flirting/dating/ice-breaking/awkward unspoken attraction/etc. thing if you're constantly practicing. Just like...any.other.skillset.
Practice does indeed make perfect! |
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« Last Edit: December 01, 2011, 03:24:06 am by Wilhelmina Frame »
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Part Time Lion Tamer
Editrix de Mode, Steampunk Chronicle
Founder, American Tea Duelling Society
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walkthebassline
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« Reply #96 on: December 01, 2011, 03:53:32 am » |
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In the earlier days in this career it DIDN'T come easily. But I've had many years to practice. Because it really IS all about practice. You can't HELP but get better at the flirting/dating/ice-breaking/awkward unspoken attraction/etc. thing if you're constantly practicing. Just like...any.other.skillset.
Practice does indeed make perfect! The problem is having no one to practice on, at least in person. Online interaction loses something in translation far too often. |
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"Well, I don't really think that the end can be assessed as of itself as being the end because what does the end feel like? It's like saying when you try to extrapolate the end of the universe, you say, if the universe is indeed infinite, then how - what does that mean? How far is all the way, and then if it stops, what's stopping it, and what's behind what's stopping it? So, what's the end, you know, is my question to you."
~ David St. Hubbins
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Wilhelmina Frame
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« Reply #97 on: December 01, 2011, 06:15:18 am » |
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In the earlier days in this career it DIDN'T come easily. But I've had many years to practice. Because it really IS all about practice. You can't HELP but get better at the flirting/dating/ice-breaking/awkward unspoken attraction/etc. thing if you're constantly practicing. Just like...any.other.skillset.
Practice does indeed make perfect! The problem is having no one to practice on, at least in person. Online interaction loses something in translation far too often. subtly is indeed a rough one online. but the relative anonymity is also a great enabler. I'm sure we've all been a bit bolder online than we would otherwise be in person. |
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walkthebassline
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« Reply #98 on: December 01, 2011, 12:48:16 pm » |
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In the earlier days in this career it DIDN'T come easily. But I've had many years to practice. Because it really IS all about practice. You can't HELP but get better at the flirting/dating/ice-breaking/awkward unspoken attraction/etc. thing if you're constantly practicing. Just like...any.other.skillset.
Practice does indeed make perfect! The problem is having no one to practice on, at least in person. Online interaction loses something in translation far too often. subtly is indeed a rough one online. but the relative anonymity is also a great enabler. I'm sure we've all been a bit bolder online than we would otherwise be in person. That is quite true. And now that I think about it, even when we know the other person outside of the internet, we tend to me more confident online. |
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Evelyn Adler
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« Reply #99 on: December 01, 2011, 02:17:24 pm » |
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In the earlier days in this career it DIDN'T come easily. But I've had many years to practice. Because it really IS all about practice. You can't HELP but get better at the flirting/dating/ice-breaking/awkward unspoken attraction/etc. thing if you're constantly practicing. Just like...any.other.skillset.
Practice does indeed make perfect! The problem is having no one to practice on, at least in person. Online interaction loses something in translation far too often. subtly is indeed a rough one online. but the relative anonymity is also a great enabler. I'm sure we've all been a bit bolder online than we would otherwise be in person. That is quite true. And now that I think about it, even when we know the other person outside of the internet, we tend to me more confident online. Hey, I resemble that remark! |
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