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Author Topic: >The Smoking Room< The Second Storey  (Read 101624 times)
JR Murray
Deck Hand
*
Australia Australia



« Reply #525 on: October 11, 2012, 02:18:48 pm »

Wellllll, being a Tarbender is actually one of my specialties. And understanding the intricacies of B-space has helped me no end in these endeavors.
Let me explain....
When setting up my own bar, else where on the Aether, I came to thinking about supply. A well respected author I refer to a lot discovered L-space, that dimension created by the accumulation of knowledge into which all libraries in time and space are linked.
I reasoned that since once alcohol is consumed people seem to know everything, the same principles could be applied to a bar, thus:
Alcohol= apparent knowledge, knowledge=power, power = energy, energy=matter, and matter=mass.
Since mass has the ability to warp space, this formulae allowed me to punch through the barrier of space and time and link all places where alcohol is served via B-space, wherever and whenever they may be. So, request a food or drink, and I aim to navigate the labyrinth of B-space to find whatever patrons desire (by removing it from another’s establishment) and return to them in mere moments (although it may take months of navigating the B-space labyrinth to find the right door to the necessary time and place. Hence the string, my best found mode of reference. and the fact I look 50 but am actually 36!)
There is a karma in it all, as I have allowed other barkeeps entrance to the system, so we all borrow from each other.
This of course led me to pilfer have access to amazing antique wealth, and thus the cost of the drinks became moot, it being more a matter of enjoyment and discovery than a means of making more money. My treasures are held in a room only I can find in B-space. So don't bother, although jaunts in there are encouraged to see what you can find.
As to the dodo, give me a second *takes up string from door post and goes back through it, disappearing as he does so*
......
*reappears and relodges string wad.) Mauritius, what a wonderful place, and quite well maintained. Make marvelous rum there, due to their excellent sugar fields. But while there I noticed the dodo had a preference for Palmyra palm fruit, so I picked a basket full. Here you go little fella.

So *sips ale appreciatively*, if you need a hand around here, I am willing to help out.

« Last Edit: October 11, 2012, 02:22:51 pm by JR Murray » Logged

Cheers!
JR Murray
Deck Hand
*
Australia Australia



« Reply #526 on: October 18, 2012, 11:12:59 am »

(whoops, apparently I killed the thread. Sorry.)
Logged
Siliconous Skumins
Server Monk
Governor
Rogue Ætherlord
****
United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #527 on: October 18, 2012, 12:44:04 pm »

(Nah, it goes like this quite often.  Wink  )  *back in character*


By all means sir, you have a job!
Now, about this "B space" business... Rather interesting to me, you see, I stumbled across this place while I was trying to adapt my temporal perambulator device for localized timeframe transportation. Problem was the adaptions I made to the crystal matrix seem to have made the thing totally unstable I've allready been unexpectedly catapulted across time and space several times since I got here - that's why the library over there has such a gaping hole in the middle of the shelves. Thankfully it only took out the farmasutra section, which just happend to be the largest section - I do sometimes wonder about this place...

Anyway, I seem to have stabilized my localized reference point....for now at least. At least I hope so, that last return journey left me feeling distinctly TOO intimate with that wall over there... 

*points to wall with a strangely familiar person shaped burn mark on both sides*


... which is not something I care to repeat. *swigs from hip flask*

Oh, and thank you for the Dodo's food - he seems to like it!
Logged

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JR Murray
Deck Hand
*
Australia Australia



« Reply #528 on: October 19, 2012, 02:11:04 am »

Crystal matrix? Timeframe transportation? I am a simple man, who sees a need and tries out a thing to see if it works. I needed a means of finding anything possible for my patrons, in order to make a bar unique. Upon taking a punt at the formula I mentioned, i gave it to a friend to turn into code and punch onto a data card. I then got my automated tabulator, fed in the data card, placed a temporal iris borrowed from an inventor friend of mine next to it, set the lot on top of my door frame, and pulled the lever. When I next walked through the door I found myself in a maze of grey stone walls, corridors leading in every direction, and every corridor lined with doors, all exactly the same as my own! I hazarded to walk through the one to the left of mine, and found myself back in my own bar, watching my retreating back walk through the original door, so I guessed I was about a minute in the past. I wanted to try something else out, so I went back to my original door, held up a glass, and dropped it, then stepped back out. Trying the door to the right, I was back in my bar, and the glass was in pieces on the ground! I was in the future! I went back to my original door, and to my surprise the glass dropped to the floor as soon as I entered. While I was elsewhere, no time at all passed in my original time and place!
And so my adventures began. I soon found each corridor lead to a different place, and each door linked a place that was in the vicinity of alcohol. I have been to primitive straw huts on islands in the Pacific, (their kava is wonderful) and the 21st Century, which is full of lights, noise, and the sickliest drinks you could imagine, and a place best avoided.
I have learned to use a ball of string tied to my door frame to help me return to my own place, as once a few twists and turns are taken, each corridor being a different place, and each door leading to different times, one can soon become lost. Couple this with the wormdoors I have discovered, which help avoid walking for hours just to go back a few days, adn i becomes quite a mess. My string has saved my life many times.
And now, I have a new bar to play with. *hammers a nail into the door frame, and ties on a knew ball of string*
So, what will you have. *throws a towel over his shoulder, rests both palms on the bar, and leans forwards, sighing and smiling contentedly*
Logged
Siliconous Skumins
Server Monk
Governor
Rogue Ætherlord
****
United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #529 on: October 19, 2012, 10:31:02 am »

Oh, I'll have a ..... now let me see....... *catches whiff of a horrible smell*  Wha...

*sniffs air several times, nose gets assaulted by stench*

Argh! *gags* What on earth is the *Retching* terrible Eldritch stench in here??!!!!!! *avoids vomiting into mouth...just*


*room fills with an ungodly, undead smell of sour cabbage, of smouldering rancid eggs, of bugs, and of ammonia, and for the first minute this stench gives you the impression of having inserted your head up a dead and bloated cow's arse...*


I'll take a GAS MASK PLEASE BARKEEP!!   HURRY!...Please!!... *gasps, legs begin to buckle*

*eyes watering, and feeling the need to puke so hard that internal organs are in danger of ejection from the body, suddenly notices the culprit..*

YOU!!!!!   *gag* I should have known! 

*The Dodo chick stands beside a huge pile of steaming crap, looking many times larger than the Dodo and seemingly impossible to have been produced in one go by such a small creature. It coils around like a giant brown snake, trailing off to a little wisp at the top, and looking not unlike an obscene version of the produce from a "Mr Whippy" Ice Cream van*
Logged
JR Murray
Deck Hand
*
Australia Australia



« Reply #530 on: October 21, 2012, 10:46:23 am »

*Voice muffled through the huge re-breather he has donned, the tanks on his back hissing and chugging.*
Yeah, that happened on the island when they ate too many of those nuts too. One of the reasons people wanted to get rid of them.
*Passes over a thin paper medical mask, using a shrug to convey the fact I could only carry one re-breather, this was all I could grab, and maybe you should do some background research before trying to bring back extinct animals. Especially one made extinct on purpose*
Logged
Siliconous Skumins
Server Monk
Governor
Rogue Ætherlord
****
United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #531 on: October 24, 2012, 05:35:23 am »

*hits emergency transport switch of temporal perambulator device*

*gasping* I'll be back shortly... *gasping*


*Vortex appears, looming large and ominous. The blue haze surrounding the deep black core and the room air rushing towards the event horizon instills a feeling of dread. The vortex hisses and jerks unstably, seeming almost alive. Predatory. Deadly.*

Oh please let this work!  *steps towards vortex, the pull increasing exponentially with every inch until finally the pull overcomes the background gravitational pull of earth* ARGHHHhhhh..... *vanishes into vortex just as it snaps shut with a sound best described as the sounds of the doors of Hell slamming shut*


....

....


.......... *vortex rips open the air with a loud crack of thunder, fluctuating and spinning evermore unstable. A shape is ejected violently from the core, the core begins to flare and pulsate and suddenly vanishes with a loud explosion that quickly vanishes to a distant echo. The sound fades in a reverberating way the gives the impression it fades from time, not just space*


*face down on the floor wearing a large black full face mask marked "Hazmat", and a gas cylinder strapped to back*

Firstly and foremost - OW!
Secondly, I have the solution to the problem!  I found this product in Japan - that's a very strange place in the future, I tell you! Anyhow, seems the Japanese will chose to live in very small living areas and like to keep small animals as pets, and naturally this combination can be tricky to the sense of smell at times. So they have invented a product that make the animal excretions odourless!  However I understand that it's the Humans who take it - NOT the animals...
Also their principal city is destroyed on a regular basis by a large green fire breathing God called Cilla, often while engaging in a fight with another incredible sized creature of unknown origin. Why this God Cilla does so, I have no idea, at least not from the many historical motion images I saw when I was there....  Such a strange place!

Anyhow, back to the matter at hand, I'll just remove the offending item first...

*activates the vortex, it looms into view looking malevolent and now utterly unpredictable*

...Like so....

*breaks nearby wooden chair and uses the parts to scoop the still steaming dump pile into the vortex, which swallows it up and suddenly closes with a deep rumble*

....And I wonder where that is about to end up...?  Oh well, 'long as it's not here!

*removes mask*   So, where were we before we were interupted...?
Logged
Fairley B. Strange
Zeppelin Overlord
*******
Australia Australia


Relax, I've done much dumber things and survived..


WWW
« Reply #532 on: October 24, 2012, 03:48:16 pm »

*staggers back into the bar clutching his head*

Blimey! You wouldn't believe it... I was just in the alleyway out the back... uh, admiring the scenery, when out of nowhere someone thumped me with a broken chair-leg. Although I should count myself lucky. When I was knocked out, you wouldn't believe what this bounder poured all over the poor Cook's wife...

Definitely time for a medicinal Brandy.
Logged

Choose a code to live by, die by it if you have to.
JR Murray
Deck Hand
*
Australia Australia



« Reply #533 on: October 25, 2012, 10:23:30 am »

*looks at Mr Skumins and taps the side of his nose, winking*
Dear me sir, the hoodlums of today. Throwing furniture and what not around like that, without a care for the everyday man. Who would have thought such a thing could happen to the likes of yourself, doing naught but regarding the back alley way privately. And where is the Cook's wife now? I am sorry, I do not know the lady in question.

A medicinal brandy you say? Here you are my chap.
 
And one for you Mr. Skumins. You might need one after that. Do you seriously go through that every time you wish to travel?!?! I am surprised you have not been stripped down to your component molecules!
And I might try some of that powder. A patron in the Accepted Cog Saloon is a zombie, quite a wonderful chap, but a bit hard on the nose don't you know.
Logged
Octavius von Gilgamesh
Immortal
**
Australia Australia


Captain of the Ariadne's Sorrow


« Reply #534 on: October 30, 2012, 01:01:56 am »

*being a newbie, sits quietly in a darkened corner of the balcony, a snifter of port at his side and a lit pipe at his lips*

Evening all.
Logged

May the gods stand between you and harm, in all the empty places where you must walk.
JR Murray
Deck Hand
*
Australia Australia



« Reply #535 on: October 30, 2012, 04:35:06 am »

Evening Mr Gilgamesh. You have everything you need I see, but if you want anything else, just ask.
So what brings you in here on this evening. No flying chair legs or .... erm... other substances interrupting your perusal of the outside streets I hope?
Logged
Siliconous Skumins
Server Monk
Governor
Rogue Ætherlord
****
United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #536 on: October 30, 2012, 05:02:12 am »

*stares blankly at the moving mouths that have not produced sounds for the past several minutes*

Uh *cough*....UHHM.....AHHH...AHHHHHH!!......

*sticks fingers in ears and waggles them about, then tries thumping with flat of hands*


LA LALA LAAAAAA!!!!

*Nothing heard*


......BUGGER!!
*shouting slightly*  I THINK THE VORTEX OPENING AND CLOSING HAS LEFT ME A LITTLE HARD OF HEARING *pointing at ears* I THINK IT'LL WEAR OFF SHORTLY, I CAN HEAR A FAINT RINGING SOUND NOW. I THINK IT'S GETTING BETTER!....  *nods enthusiastically like when dealing with foreigners who don't speak the Queens*


*shouting* I'LL BE OVER HERE, IN MY CHAIR IF ANYONE WANTS ME - JUST WAVE YOUR ARMS OR SOMETHING!...


*wanders off to sit down and await hearing to return, waggles finger in right ear while on way*
Logged
Octavius von Gilgamesh
Immortal
**
Australia Australia


Captain of the Ariadne's Sorrow


« Reply #537 on: October 30, 2012, 06:00:39 am »

Evening Mr Gilgamesh. You have everything you need I see, but if you want anything else, just ask.
So what brings you in here on this evening. No flying chair legs or .... erm... other substances interrupting your perusal of the outside streets I hope?

Why thank you JR, lovely to be here, relaxing in an atmosphere conducive to my needs. I did need to avoind the flying pigs, but it seems as if the mutant badger I keep by my side has seen them off.
Logged
JR Murray
Deck Hand
*
Australia Australia



« Reply #538 on: October 30, 2012, 10:28:53 am »

Ummmm, uhuh, badgers and pigs yes.....*nods a little blankly, and sidles away, looking a little worried. Checks opium drawer to ensure it has not emptied since Mr. von Gilgamesh walked in.*
*Waves arms at Mr. Skummins, points at him, shrugs with palms open, points to a bottle and then makes drinking motions. Points at him again, and shrugs once more.*
Logged
Siliconous Skumins
Server Monk
Governor
Rogue Ætherlord
****
United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #539 on: October 30, 2012, 12:15:11 pm »

*notices attention being drawn, and understands message perfectly*

*shouting* IT'S A QUATER PAST TWO!...

AND IS THERE ANY CHANCE OF A DRINK?  I'LL HAVE A BRANDY THANKS, AND MAYBE A SLICE OF TOAST WITH HONEY -  MY THROAT IS FEELING A LITTLE RAW FOR SOME REASON...
Logged
JR Murray
Deck Hand
*
Australia Australia



« Reply #540 on: October 30, 2012, 01:53:44 pm »

*smiles to self, shakes head, and goes to pour a brandy.*
Hmmm, toast? Where to get a freshly baked slice at this time of night? Ahh yes!
*disappears through the B-space door. Exits in a well known bar in Vienna, nods acquaintance at bar tender, and steps out into the streets of 1768. A quick preamble down the road to the bakery, and picks up a crusty loaf, which smells so good he buys another for him self, and one of their cinnamon scrolls he loves so much. Returns to the bar, has a quick chat with the bartender concerning the weather and the horse race on  the weekend. Walks out through B-space portal, then instantly pops back and tells the bartender the result of said race. Leaves once again to emerge back in the Smoking Room, the instant he left.
Retrieves butter from the ice box, but cannot find honey anywhere. Placing the bread and butter on the counter, he leaves once again, taking a bottle of whiskey with him. Returns instantly, holding a fired clay pot with Navajo designs carved on the side, paint on his cheeks and a feather headress on. Serves out a small portion of dark brown, fresh wild bee honey into a bowl, places on a tray with the bread and butter, and takes the lot to Mr. Skumins.*
Logged
Fairley B. Strange
Zeppelin Overlord
*******
Australia Australia


Relax, I've done much dumber things and survived..


WWW
« Reply #541 on: October 30, 2012, 04:31:26 pm »

*looks up from his comfortable spot, sprawled in a dishevelled heap under the table with an empty snifter*

Wowsers! When I said 'medicinal brandy', I didn't mean 'with enough poppy in it to restart the Boxers'... and now I'm really seeing things... the beaky-scrotum thing is fighting a, what is that thing next to that chap? A long-nosed Rolf Harris?
Logged
Siliconous Skumins
Server Monk
Governor
Rogue Ætherlord
****
United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #542 on: October 30, 2012, 10:16:21 pm »

AH THANKYOU!

*munches happily on toast, notices the interesting taste of the honey - a sweet, rich flowery taste with a hint of wood*
*to self* Mmm, very good!


*notices Fairley B. Strange  acting.....fairly strangely...* I SAY, ARE YOU ALRIGHT THERE OLD CHAP? YOU ARE LOOKING A BIT PEAKY...
*notices the commotion between the Dodo and the.....what the hell is that? - a shaved aardvark??...*  OH NO YOU DON'T!! YOU ARE NOT FIGHTING WITH MUTANT AARDVARKS TODAY, I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR YOUR SHENANIGANS!

*separates the two fighting creatures - though impressed that the Dodo seemed to have the upper hand in the situation*

Right, I'm going to have to keep an eye on you - and give you a name! I can't keep referring to you as "You", "it", "thing" or whatever.

*notices hearing is improving, can now hear something besides the constant ringing noise - feels happier*


Right you lot, we need a name for the Dodo chick - any suggestions?

Logged
Octavius von Gilgamesh
Immortal
**
Australia Australia


Captain of the Ariadne's Sorrow


« Reply #543 on: October 30, 2012, 10:22:24 pm »

*raises his head from the port induced stupor and notices and aardvark and dodo have entered to room. Looks at his pipe suspiciously*

I vote for Froo Froo the Dodo.

*returns to examining the sky, noting with interest that it seems to have turned from black, to a pleasing red*
Logged
JR Murray
Deck Hand
*
Australia Australia



« Reply #544 on: October 31, 2012, 10:15:14 am »

The dodo and the mutant badger were fighting for the crown
The dodo beat the mutant badger all around the town.
Some gave them white bread, and some gave them brown;
Some gave them plum cake and drummed them out of town.

Frodo. He is ugly as sin, just like the character in that movie book. Yes, Frodo the Dodo.
*offers the dodo a slice of warm bread with honey, just removing his hand before the beak clamps shut on it. He then turns to the the mutant badger and gives it a saucer of beer*
And, you, yes, you are forever christened Rolf.
Logged
Fairley B. Strange
Zeppelin Overlord
*******
Australia Australia


Relax, I've done much dumber things and survived..


WWW
« Reply #545 on: October 31, 2012, 07:12:23 pm »

What's that? Bit beaky? No, I don't think I did... I'm more worried that critter would bite me...

*looks around at the assembled patrons, the beaked-scrotum, and the mutated Rolf*

Well, this place is turning into some kind of menagerie.

*looks around the room and sees the as-yet-unburned portion of the "Barnography" collection still in the bookshelf*
*draws himself further under the table*

No, I'll feel much safer back here until they go, thanks, just pass me in a bottle of the non-medicinalised brandy please.

Oh, and if anyone fancies a wager, I'll offer two-to-one for Beaky against the other one.
Logged
Octavius von Gilgamesh
Immortal
**
Australia Australia


Captain of the Ariadne's Sorrow


« Reply #546 on: October 31, 2012, 10:24:39 pm »

*ears perk up at the mention of a wager, summons minion and directs him to go and fetch.....The Mutant Honey Badger of DOOOOOOOOOM!!*

Those odds seem fair enough. I wager four guineas that Charlie the Wonder Badger will easily take down Mr. Beaky.
Logged
Fairley B. Strange
Zeppelin Overlord
*******
Australia Australia


Relax, I've done much dumber things and survived..


WWW
« Reply #547 on: November 01, 2012, 03:57:20 pm »

Hmmm, I say, barkeep, any hope you could pass me that metal bin and the toasting-fork?

I'm a bit peckish, and the combatants might be in need of a melted-lactose performance enhancer.

Do you mind passing me the rest of that shelf there, this might take a lot of fuel...
Logged
Octavius von Gilgamesh
Immortal
**
Australia Australia


Captain of the Ariadne's Sorrow


« Reply #548 on: November 01, 2012, 11:12:36 pm »

Mmmmmmmm, melted lactose on warm, soft, think white bread....I'll have two.
Logged
Siliconous Skumins
Server Monk
Governor
Rogue Ætherlord
****
United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #549 on: November 02, 2012, 12:41:07 am »

*strokes chin* Hmmm....I'm not sure how I feel about the Dodo fighting - the blighter is vicious enough as it is! He damn near took my fingers off earlier, when I tried to feed him! I'm curious to the outcome though...

However, if blood sports are the call of the day, I'd wager we could find a couple of suitable rodents out back. I spotted one earlier searching the bins for food - quite surprised when it picked up the bin and dumped the contents out on the ground... Definitely aggressive too, it mugged the rubbish collectors earlier. Got two pocket watches and a gold tooth... One poor chap mentioned something about being pinned down and made to "squeal like pig". An unusual request to be sure, but the poor chap seemed to be quite shaken up about the incident. He had an odd walk now that I think about it...

So who wants to nip outside and find us a couple of suitable combatants...?

Barkeep, I'll take some of the medicated brandy - I have a feeling it should go nicely with this unusual cigar I picked up while in Jamaica. I was told it was best to consume it when "comfortable and relaxed"...and something about Italian food, Pizza I think he said...
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