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Author Topic: >The Smoking Room< The Second Storey  (Read 101651 times)
Siliconous Skumins
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« Reply #500 on: August 31, 2012, 08:47:14 pm »

Hmmm? *looks up from book*

Oh, well it's a long story, but the condensed version is...  I was trying to adapt my temporal perambulator device for localized timeframe transportation, only I think I made it a little unstable with the adaptions to the crystal matrix. I was trying to get to the beach, it was a fine day for a stroll, but the result was that I ended up in a somewhat disused drinking establishment in another reality and my own reality was temporarily inaccessible. I discovered a couple of other temporal travelers there, and conversation turned to that of a missing Dodo bird. Being something of a keen animal tracker, it was mere minutes before  found said creature by folowing tracks in the dust. Unfortunately the poor blighter must have been caught up in a temporal wake from my arrival, and it was long since departed from this...erm..THAT world. During this discovery I happend to find the nest it was sitting on, and by some miracle the egg beneath had seemingly survived intact.  I had just ordered a bottle of beer from the barkeep, or at least whoever was behind the bar - I didn't ask to many questions - and I was just talking about celebrating the impending new arrival, when suddenly "poof" I arrived here still holding the egg and my bottle of beer. I can only assume my reality became accessable once more and my device was able to bring me back to the nearest local reality time and space equivalent to the location that I was previously and temporarily occupying.

*Breathes deeply to restore oxygen to the blood, colour returning to cheeks*

So, my dear fellow, that is my story of how I arrived holding a Dodo egg. And how was Your day?...
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« Reply #501 on: September 02, 2012, 02:29:49 pm »

*aplauds*
Marvlous story good sir, I my self travil back in time to go hunting. My trophy room has many intresting creaturs, including some that have no place in the fossil record. I have descover five new species of ancinet monsters, som of witch are far larger than meny of the know dinosaurs.
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Fairley B. Strange
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« Reply #502 on: September 03, 2012, 12:28:29 pm »

*tips the last of a bottle of whiskey into his glass and tosses it into the bin behind the bar*

So, this time-perambulator-thingee... it travels to other bars? That's handy... So, if nothing else interesting happens, I suppose we can at least find another bar where there's something else exciting happening.

Anyway, these Dodo creatures... it looks weird, but aren't they said to be tasty?
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Siliconous Skumins
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« Reply #503 on: September 04, 2012, 01:01:23 am »

I say! why ever did you throw that full glass of whiskey into the bin?

*mumbles to self - strange fellow... *

Ah, yes the temporal perambulator, indeed it can allow transportation between any two points in space!  Although it does prove to be somewhat....tricky...  Nothing that can't be sorted though, just needs a tweak, that's all.

*remembers what happend to Victim number 6 er, Test subject...yes TEST subject....*

...Or maybe two...

*changing subject quickly* Errr, yes these Dodos... Well it has been said they... oh hold on!

*puts glass dome over Dodo chick so it can't hear*

Right, that better, now where was I...  Ah, yes,... It has been said that they taste fantastic and that's why they are getting harder to find. But sadly the truth is that only the ship cooks say that - they all say that, about everything... no matter how disgusting it is! Sadly they taste more like the dried sap from the India Rubber Tree, and about as chewy too..
I think the only reason the cooks serve them is because of the Dodo's renowned....stupidity! Simply open the cooking pot, and the blighter is more than likely to happily wander in of it's own accord, completely oblivious to it's impending fate! Makes the cooks job a lot easier I suppose.

*lifts glass dome off chick as it's turning a funny colour*

Suppose I'd better find this one some grub, the book says they will eat just about anything, but have a strong urge for "tangy yellow cheese substitute"...  One of the barmans "cheese" toasties looks to be a likely bet for that.
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Fairley B. Strange
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« Reply #504 on: September 04, 2012, 02:58:20 pm »

A cheese toastie? Coming right up...

*throws a lit match into the whiskey-soaked bin then skewers a semi-stale bar sandwich on a toasting-fork*

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Lucius Baxter
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« Reply #505 on: September 04, 2012, 03:39:40 pm »

I say, that's good idea. I do hope...that it is a metal rubbish bin and not wooden....
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Siliconous Skumins
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« Reply #506 on: September 04, 2012, 09:46:08 pm »

I say old boy, those flames are getting a tad high...

*Backs away from conflagration*

On the other hand, the toastie is coming along nicely...
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Fairley B. Strange
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« Reply #507 on: September 05, 2012, 01:04:37 pm »

*taps the flaming bin away from the gin-soaked wooden bar with the tip of his boot - and a reassuring metallic clang*

That's the thing about flammable liquid fires, it should last just long enough to...

*checks the far end of the fork*

... have it golden toasty brown. Et voylah, une cheese toasty. Here you go, sir...

Although, if anyone else wants one, we'll need another bottle, or to break up a chair or two.
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Siliconous Skumins
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« Reply #508 on: September 05, 2012, 07:03:21 pm »

Ah, thank you!

*wanders over to chick, holds toastie in one hand, tears off a small bit with the other and offers it to chick*

Here you go little fellow, Hope it's not too...  *chick snatches the full toastie from other hand and swallows, a large flat toasties shape goes down neck and chick takes on a rather squarish shape*

...big.  Oh! - never mind...

*chick burps loudly*

Well, that should keep him..er... her?....how to you tell the sex of a dodo anyhow??  Anyway that should keep it contented for a while.  Who's for a drinky then?...
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Fairley B. Strange
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« Reply #509 on: September 06, 2012, 01:25:48 pm »

Well, the bar's open but the barman appears to be elsewhere, so help yourself.

*regards the label of the empty bottle*

Although I'd advise avoiding this "Scottch Whiskey", if it's pure and 16 years old, so is the lass outside by the lamp-post...
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« Reply #510 on: September 06, 2012, 08:30:24 pm »

Crack out the drinks, stoke up the fire and lets get going then. And you want to watch out for the woman outside Skumins, her reflection is somewhat lacking.

Now where did Igor get too.....
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« Reply #511 on: September 06, 2012, 09:47:43 pm »

*looks out window at woman by lampost*

Yikes! ....And I thought the Dodo looked rough!...  *shudders*

*goes behind bar and peruses the drinks, selects a bottle of Martell Cognac*  Ahh! Capitol! A fine brandy that will go with a cigar nicely.

*takes bottle and glass over to chair* Hmm, better put this book back, and see what other reading material there is!

*goes to bookshelf and returns book, browses through titles*  Lets see, "Modern Farming Practice", "Just Ewe and Me",...."Romantic Animal Husbandry" - what the...?,......what's this one?....The Farmasutra!??!? 

I say! Who was it who selected these books? They all seem to be of a disturbing nature....or about disturbing nature.

*heads back to chair to have a brandy and calm nerves*
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Fairley B. Strange
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« Reply #512 on: September 16, 2012, 07:21:19 am »

*looks over at the bookshelf and notes that the 'agricultural-erotica' section is one of the few not covered in dust and cobweb*

Yes, they'll do nicely... toss me that volume of "A Drake's Progress", I've run out of Scottch and need fuel for another Toastie.
 
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Siliconous Skumins
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« Reply #513 on: September 16, 2012, 04:37:02 pm »

Comming right over!..... Err, maybe not the best phrase to use...
And here.. *grabs book* better take "Saturday Night Beaver" too - they seem to be stuck together...

*chucks books across room*


Right - I think it's time for a bit of background music, do we have a Phonograph or Gramophone about?
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« Reply #514 on: September 16, 2012, 11:05:11 pm »

I don't supposed there's anything in the way of a lovely crisp cider behind the bar? I seem to have run out. *hic*
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~Miss Amelia Featherstone~
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Fairley B. Strange
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« Reply #515 on: September 17, 2012, 04:45:52 am »

[internal voice: Bugger! Why is it every time a pretty gal turns up, I'm the guy holding a fistful of barn-erotica?]

*hurriedly throws the books into the bin and follows them with a hastily struck match*

Certainly... I'll just have a look under the bar while the toasting fire warms up.... Nobody knows where the barman's gone to, so we're helping ourselves to drinks and making cheese toasties out of the left-over sandwiches. Care for one?

Aah, here you are. It seems to be cider, but I don't recognise the name... it's "Dickins' ".
« Last Edit: September 17, 2012, 04:48:21 am by Fairley B. Strange » Logged
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« Reply #516 on: September 19, 2012, 08:48:29 am »

Aah, here you are. It seems to be cider, but I don't recognise the name... it's "Dickins' ".

That shouldn't be out in front- that's what the cook uses for his speciality: he marinates a ham joint in it, and bakes it, his wife especially enjoys his 

(wait for it)

"PORK IN CIDER"
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Fairley B. Strange
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« Reply #517 on: September 20, 2012, 09:28:13 am »

What's that, Dok?

The Cook's wife needs a Dickin's Cider around the back?


Right, I'll just grab my hat...     Wink
« Last Edit: September 20, 2012, 02:10:16 pm by Fairley B. Strange » Logged
greatestescaper
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« Reply #518 on: September 27, 2012, 12:05:51 am »

*looks up from book*  Cider you say, why certainly, some warm spiced cider would go wonderfully with this Briar of Longbottom Leaf.

My apologies at being such a space cadet.  I found myself swept up in the most wonderful and peculiar book.  Bound in red leather it tells of the occupant of a rather comfortable hole who was given a push onto the road and found in himself a fondness for adventure.
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Siliconous Skumins
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« Reply #519 on: September 29, 2012, 02:12:03 am »

*nods awake from deep sleep, finding self slumped in rather comfy leather armchair*

Muah..uhm...hurmpff *clears throat*  Oh - I was having the strangest dream that I...

*something draws attention to lap area*... I...Yarrgh!
*hurriedly attempts to button up trouser flies - instead finding it's the Dodo chick sitting in lap while awaiting for next feed*

Thank the....For a second I thought my...er....nevermind.

*stuffs Dodo back into nest quickly, and straightens suit while looking about hoping nobody noticed the outburst*


Time for my pipe I think....Now then, what to chose - English blend, or flavoured. Hmmm...
Ah - Yes, I think I'll try a little blending experiment....English blend with a goodly pinch of the "J blend" to add a touch of dark peaty whiskey notes with a hint of raisins... 

And to complete the experience, I think Glenfiddich, 30 Year Old should be just right with hint of sherry flavour. *nods with eager acceptance*

*lights pipe* MMmmm *puff*, not bad at *puff* all! *puff*


I say my good man, Any chance of another of the cheese toasties?  The Dodo is starting to nibble the curtains...
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« Reply #520 on: October 05, 2012, 03:45:29 am »

*pries trapdoor up, slinging jackwrench back*

Blimey, dark down in the archives of the boards. 's there any coffee to go with the booze?
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walkthebassline
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« Reply #521 on: October 05, 2012, 03:52:49 am »

"One Irish coffee, coming right up!"
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« Reply #522 on: October 07, 2012, 02:14:07 am »

"One Irish coffee, coming right up!"
More'n passable, ser. Now what to do with all this...
*rucksack thumps on the floor*
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JR Murray
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« Reply #523 on: October 10, 2012, 08:09:37 am »

*wanders in through the door behind the bar, and lodges a ball of string into the door post. Begins to peruse the bar, but then notices something is amiss. Turns around, quite shocked to see the other occupants*
By Jove, this is not my Bar! I must have taken a wrong turning in B-space. Well well well, what have we here? Perchance this is another bar I can spend my evenings in when the Accepted Cog Saloon turns quiet. Being bartender there, I usually just help myself. Do we need to pay here? An ale would go down a treat right now. Self service?
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Siliconous Skumins
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« Reply #524 on: October 11, 2012, 01:49:33 pm »

Greetings my dear fellow! Currently we are at a loss as to the whereabouts of our barkeep, so we've just been helping ourselves. As to the subject of payments, we are also at a loss as to the location of the till machine...

*strokes chin*

...Actually there may be a connection between those two events now that I think about it, hmmmm...

Anyhow, feel free to help yourself or even step in as barman, the bar is well stocked. Just be carefull around the dodo chick, he's due his next feed and is getting a little "snappy".  *grabs chick and yanks out the tattered remainders of the curtain from beak*

I say, you wouldn't be any good at making cheese toasties, would you? The Dodo is rather fond of the "yellow cheese substitute" found in them. Did I mention he's getting a little impatient?...  *holds up hand, dodo is firmly attached to, and chewing index finger*

Excuse me one moment...

*vigorously shakes hand in attempt to remove dodo - dodo flies off and lands back in nest*
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