Rules for being a 'proper' Steampunk

[Smaggers]

Ah..well it seems I fall short of the qualifying criteria...so I guess I'll load the old service revolver, toddle off to the library and 'do the decent thing'.

I've spent ages trying to find that dinner scene from "Roger of the Raj"

[celephicus]

When myself and my more than human (i.e .made of more than one person's bits) assistant Igor go on holiday, we always take a good supply of flags in the travelling steam trunk (this actually runs on steam, so we do have some difficulty with some of the cheaper airlines). These said flags we plant on anything that we see that we like the look of, or think may be useful as a potential ironclad coaling station, Zeppelin mooring mast site, aether manufactory, phlogiston reactor, etc. It does not matter if the location already has been discovered, named, and even lived on by some native Johnnie, we're of British extraction Dammit! (about 60% in Igor's case) and we British have been annexing likely territory and renaming it for centuries in the name of the current ruling monarch.

So remember the flags, chaps and chappesses when you travel to foreign parts! Don't let those pesky Foreign Powers beat us to it!

[maverick Y]

absolutely splendid ..let me get a pencil and paper and jot these down.

[Herr Döktor]

If it's plastic, paint it brass, if it's brass, polish it.

[Ella, Aerial Musketeer]

I posted these on another thread, and thought it was an opportunity too good to miss.  So, with tongue firmly in cheek, and without further ado:

Rules to be a 'proper' Steampunk:


4. Encourage child labour, workhouses, and women to be women.


Please add to your heart's content!

im sorry but how dare you say that

You're absolutely right! I completely forgot to construct a separate set of rules for women - after all, we can't be holding them to the same standards as men!

How about?

1. Wear lots of petticoats - it distracts the krakens and also, conveniently, moustachio-ed villains.
2. When about to blush at the sight of a prime specimen of your preferred gender, ensure you have a large fan (or other concealing object) to hand, behind which to behave demurely. This is doubly good in case you feel faint.
3. Do not sew cogs to your lingerie - it will only end in tears.....or pain.......or both
4. When your other half builds a garden shed, insist that they install an intercom so that you can remind them EXACTLY how long they've been out there tinkering. Either that or tinker alongside...
5. NEVER respond to taunts from women whose skirts are above the knee, especially in the following places:
     a) red light districts
     b) council estates
     c) Essex

what happens is im a tom boy and can do almost anything better then the boys?

[von Corax]

what happens is im a tom boy and can do almost anything better then the boys?

I fear, my dear, that the Rules make no allowance for this. If you wish to avoid scandal, you simply must follow the Rules.

Of course, if you enjoy a good scandal (and who doesn't?) you could follow the perfectly scandalous example of George Sand...

[Mr Addams]

I posted these on another thread, and thought it was an opportunity too good to miss.  So, with tongue firmly in cheek, and without further ado:

Rules to be a 'proper' Steampunk:


4. Encourage child labour, workhouses, and women to be women.


Please add to your heart's content!

im sorry but how dare you say that

You're absolutely right! I completely forgot to construct a separate set of rules for women - after all, we can't be holding them to the same standards as men!

How about?

1. Wear lots of petticoats - it distracts the krakens and also, conveniently, moustachio-ed villains.
2. When about to blush at the sight of a prime specimen of your preferred gender, ensure you have a large fan (or other concealing object) to hand, behind which to behave demurely. This is doubly good in case you feel faint.
3. Do not sew cogs to your lingerie - it will only end in tears.....or pain.......or both
4. When your other half builds a garden shed, insist that they install an intercom so that you can remind them EXACTLY how long they've been out there tinkering. Either that or tinker alongside...
5. NEVER respond to taunts from women whose skirts are above the knee, especially in the following places:
     a) red light districts
     b) council estates
     c) Essex

what happens is im a tom boy and can do almost anything better then the boys?

My dear Ella, I suspect that you are missing the key phrase in this topic.

"So, with tongue firmly in cheek"

Whilst we, as steampunks seek to emulate the finer points of the Victorian era, there are many attitudes and practices that should not be carried forward into the 21st Century, and this is the topic where such things, through the media of irony, are being set fourth for ridicule.

Although,

5. NEVER respond to taunts from women whose skirts are above the knee, especially in the following places:
     a) red light districts
     b) council estates
     c) Essex

is possibly good advice in any era.

[Xenos]

If it's plastic, paint it brass, if it's brass, polish it.

I am going to have that ENGRAVED IN BRASS for a plaque to hang up in my workshop (yet to be built)!

[nikki1876]

there is no rules   only  injoy be crative   maybe wear some brown now and again

[SteampunkObserver]

This thread has come along nicely. I do sincerely hope that at least a few small governments have been overthrown or coopted in order to facilitate capitalist exploitation by the members of the forum, that you all have new gongs for far-away campaigns and totally baseless accusations of valorous deeds, that you have accumulated glamorous titles in droves, that you are wealthier and can now cheerfully look down on the dregs of society, that your art collections have been re-focused on appropriate artists to the exclusion of the sort of junk one finds in the MoMA, that your children and women fear you more and your servants are better disciplined. I hope you are better dressed, have more women in your life that are worth having and fewer like George Sand, Lola Montez or Mary Lee, and that more of you are spending time with the right people in the right places (has forum use decreased?).

Since steampunks do love these rules so much, there is no question in my mind you as a group have begun carefully following the One True Way. Beware, however, that as these rules develop we may begin to ask more of you to follow the Path. For example, I'm sorry to our Continental friends, but you will have to adopt the nationality of a less barbaric state (that speaks English, of course) soon. I hope you realize this is for the best, and that the Path transcends nationality.

V/r,

~SO

 

[Augustus Longeye]

This thread has come along nicely. I do sincerely hope that at least a few small governments have been overthrown or coopted in order to facilitate capitalist exploitation by the members of the forum, that you all have new gongs for far-away campaigns and totally baseless accusations of valorous deeds, that you have accumulated glamorous titles in droves, that you are wealthier and can now cheerfully look down on the dregs of society, that your art collections have been re-focused on appropriate artists to the exclusion of the sort of junk one finds in the MoMA, that your children and women fear you more and your servants are better disciplined. I hope you are better dressed, have more women in your life that are worth having and fewer like George Sand, Lola Montez or Mary Lee, and that more of you are spending time with the right people in the right places (has forum use decreased?).

Since steampunks do love these rules so much, there is no question in my mind you as a group have begun carefully following the One True Way. Beware, however, that as these rules develop we may begin to ask more of you to follow the Path. For example, I'm sorry to our Continental friends, but you will have to adopt the nationality of a less barbaric state (that speaks English, of course) soon. I hope you realize this is for the best, and that the Path transcends nationality.

V/r,

~SO

 

Well said that man! Carry on everyone!
~Longeye~

[TVC15]

Sorry. Didn't read all of it. Must be off to the annual minion competition.

[Sgt.Whatshisname]

These rule only apply in Europe and in North America East of the Mississippi.

West of the Mississippi

1. Join the military, preferably the side that loses
2. Become Cattle Rancher, or a Cattle Rustler.
3. Become a polyglot. Yep learn to speak Mexican, Apache, and Banker
4. Encourage child labour ( call 'em chores) , whorehouses, and women to be women.
5. Own a book, being able to read it is optional.
6. Stock up on Bourbon
7. Kill animals, with bare hands for extra cache.
8. Travel the world, extra points for places you have already been run out of.
9. Wear a Stetson on a regular basis.  Don't wear Stetson, it smells bad.
10.  Remember, White is for the good guys.  Black is for the bad Guys. Unless you're a lawman. Brown is for the guys who really kick ass.
11. Rob Empire builders with vigour!The have all the money.
12. Have many 'romantic liasions',  There's a saloon in every town.
13. Modernity is evil! What the hell is modernity? yall sure do talk funny!
14. Dream of Victoria, She's that pretty lil gal down in La Grange. .

[Xenos]

14. Dream of Victoria, She's that pretty lil gal down in La Grange. .

Funny enough-Victoria is the leading lady in a book I'm *sort of* working on off and on...  She IS a pretty little thing, curves in ALL the right places, lovely red hair, and a steampowered artificial leg (she lost the real one in a shipyard accident...).

Also, she's a stripper.

[Sgt.Whatshisname]

14. Dream of Victoria, She's that pretty lil gal down in La Grange. .

Funny enough-Victoria is the leading lady in a book I'm *sort of* working on off and on...  She IS a pretty little thing, curves in ALL the right places, lovely red hair, and a steampowered artificial leg (she lost the real one in a shipyard accident...).

Also, she's a stripper.

 

ZZ Top - La Grange live ver.

[Velkan]

Fear not about being discovered in the process of commiting excessive acts of debauchery, lower class witnesses shall be flogged for sullying your good name and none of your peers would dare admit to being in the vicinity of the "recreation" house.  

[celephicus]

On the contrary, in real Victorian London there were more "recreation houses" per head of population than at any other time. Oh those crazy Victorians!

[inigo jameson-gatling]

i am going to have a go at this as a gauge to my steampunkishness.

1. I was a cadet does that count.
2. I am an engineer, with this new fangle electrickery.
3. Ég tala ensku, franska og portúgalska. Er það nóg?
4. I try to get J-G jr to work but it is hard, Frú J-G is very femine and does girly things - no mending airships and boilers for her.
5. Older books but not that old.
6. Failed here.
7. Done this, the local rat/mouse population is smaller after my efforts.
8. Still trying. Most of Europe (until those silly beggars in Júgóslavía cut the nation up), Brasilía and USA
9. No, never.
10. I agree
11. Only in my head.
12. FrúJ-G would put a stop to any except with her.
13. Yes!
14. Yes, no.

I think I pass muster, now to go and clean the airship.

[Willie Hawkes]

Make lots of explosions; Survive most of them; Recover from the rest.

[neon_suntan]

Budding Steampunks of a well-heeled studious nature may wish to enquire at:-

Beaconsfield-Ryton Academy for Scholastic Specialism

or B.R.A.S.S.

In addition to the normal education befitting young people, all B.R.A.S.S. students receive tutoring in the following:-

• Zeppelin Construction - Theory and Practice
• General Goggling
• Aerial Trigonometry
• Aetheric Calculus
• Fencing - to Olympic Standard
• General Marksmanship
• Applied Apparatus design
• Courting Etiquette

Second Year students have the opportunity to specialise in two of the following:-

• Ray-Gun implementation
• Advanced Goggling
• Advanced Corsetry
• Steam Cannon Construction
• Practical Stiletto Usage
• Advanced Courting Techniques
• Japanese Wrestling or "Jiu Jitsu" - new this semester with Mr. Kimura

Final Year options are normally agreed with Personal Tutors but recent qualifications attained have included:-

Mad Scientist
Crazed Aviatrix
Wayward Pilot
Gentleman Caller
Dandy Adventurer*
Lady Explorer*

*requires an extra six-month secondment to Ramzans Sabre Academy in Delhi

The Academy was established in the desecrated Convent of the Sisters of Pulchritude and refurbishments were completed in 1889 to the highest standard.

Facilities include:

• Gymnasium
• Male and Female Turkish Baths
• Running track
• Zeppelin Hangar

Sports (available to both men and women):

• General Athletics
• Fell Running
• Soccer
• Rugby
• American Football
• Rounders

Other activities include:

• Masque Ball
• Halloween Ball
• Yuletide Ball
• Valentine Ball

Details of fees, bursaries, scholarships, accommodation arrangements, Aether insurance rates and Goggle Hire are available on request....

[neon_suntan]

Other young people may also wish to consider:-

RUDD's FINISHING SCHOOL
for Scarlet Women, Painted Ladies, Cads, and Bounders!

Gentlemen! Do you have an illegitimate and wayward son or daughter?
Ladies, are your second and third children 'getting under your feet'?
These sorts of young adults need instruction in the way the world REALLY works

Fortunately the Rudd Finishing School can help!

Established in 1808 under the patronage of King James III, The Rudd school is managed, run and solely owned by - Lady Emmeline Rudd.

Our forthright curriculum is dedicated to equipping these 'difficult' over-grown children with useful skills, once their 12 month course is completed.

Cad's, Bounders and Rakes will acquire the following skill-set:

Gem-theft - using the patented 'Raffles' method
Brawling
Billiards / Pool / Snooker
Cards - Poker (honest and 'professional'), Bridge, and Pontoon
Backgammon - To Win, to humble and to cheat
Cocktails for the louche
and more...

Scarlet Women, Painted Ladies and Mistresses will learn
Eye Flashing - to Parisian Boudoir level
Make Up - an intensive course covering Demure, Wooing, Seduction and Scorn
Derringer - All Nineteen hiding places
Poisons - New and Old
Bustles - for the new seductress!

While the fees for this course are very substantial, your wayward child will soon forget their old life of petty theft and trivial friendship and be well on their way to becoming a scandalous person, never away from the headlines - thus allowing the careful parent to dine out on the exploits of their child for the rest of their life.

All communications and fee advancements should be sent to:-

Lady Rudd
Kitty O'Shea House
Nelson Road
Dulwich

[Uncle Arthur]

I have to say that I nearly injured myself laughing at this thread. I think I will compile it into a book of social etiquette for the up and coming steamer.

[Kieranfoy]

Fifteen? Pffft. British women lack in imagination. Women in America learn to conceal a Derringer in no less than twenty-five places, including between their... toes.

Twenty-six, if they're of Welsh descent, and have the family sheep convenient.

[von Corax]

Fifteen? Pffft. British women lack in imagination. Women in America learn to conceal a Derringer in no less than twenty-five places, including between their... toes.

Twenty-six, if they're of Welsh descent, and have the family sheep convenient.

Perhaps, but this is "Rules For Being a Proper Steampunk" and some of those extra hiding places are most improper...

[MWBailey]

Budding Steampunks of a well-heeled studious nature may wish to enquire at:-

Beaconsfield-Ryton Academy for Scholastic Specialism

or B.R.A.S.S.

In addition to the normal education befitting young people, all B.R.A.S.S. students receive tutoring in the following:-

• Zeppelin Construction - Theory and Practice
• General Goggling
• Aerial Trigonometry
• Aetheric Calculus
• Fencing - to Olympic Standard
• General Marksmanship
• Applied Apparatus design
• Courting Etiquette

Second Year students have the opportunity to specialise in two of the following:-

• Ray-Gun implementation
• Advanced Goggling
• Advanced Corsetry
• Steam Cannon Construction
• Practical Stiletto Usage
• Advanced Courting Techniques
• Japanese Wrestling or "Jiu Jitsu" - new this semester with Mr. Kimura

Final Year options are normally agreed with Personal Tutors but recent qualifications attained have included:-

Mad Scientist
Crazed Aviatrix
Wayward Pilot
Gentleman Caller
Dandy Adventurer*
Lady Explorer*

*requires an extra six-month secondment to Ramzans Sabre Academy in Delhi

The Academy was established in the desecrated Convent of the Sisters of Pulchritude and refurbishments were completed in 1889 to the highest standard.

Facilities include:

• Gymnasium
• Male and Female Turkish Baths
• Running track
• Zeppelin Hangar

Sports (available to both men and women):

• General Athletics
• Fell Running
• Soccer
• Rugby
• American Football
• Rounders

Other activities include:

• Masque Ball
• Halloween Ball
• Yuletide Ball
• Valentine Ball

Details of fees, bursaries, scholarships, accommodation arrangements, Aether insurance rates and Goggle Hire are available on request....

You forgot "Steam Tank Driving."