Rules for being a 'proper' Steampunk

[Clym Angus]

His logic pretty much says that for a woman to be steampunk she needs to be a lesbian.

"Mr Angus? This thread has become derailled sir! Obstruction on the line!"

"WHAT WHAT? Blood and pistons boy! Break out the navvys! We'll have this comedy thread back on track before you can say High speed cow impact. HEAVE boys your reputation as rail roaders depends upon it!"

Eating haddock on a Wednesday; There is no offence more viscerally anti-steampunk. It's like slapping Queen Victoria herself repeatedly about the face with a horse steak.

[Rockula]

Well, that would take half the interest out of the thing for me.  (Disclaimer: as a happily married man I am only interested in looking and daydreaming.)

As my wife says; 'You can chain a dog but you can't stop him barking'.

[bicyclebuilder]

Well, that would take half the interest out of the thing for me.  (Disclaimer: as a happily married man I am only interested in looking and daydreaming.)

As my wife says; 'You can chain a dog but you can't stop him barking'.

Oh yes you can. There are collars that produce an electric shock when barking. Works almost instantly.


...
 .....
So I've been told. 

[Clym Angus]

Well, that would take half the interest out of the thing for me.  (Disclaimer: as a happily married man I am only interested in looking and daydreaming.)

As my wife says; 'You can chain a dog but you can't stop him barking'.

Oh yes you can. There are collars that produce an electric shock when barking. Works almost instantly.


...
 .....
So I've been told. 

Mr B speaketh the truth.



They do say "gradually" not "instantly".

http://www.topsellings.com/en/anti-barking-dog-trainer-shock-control-trainning-collar-p9210.html?language=en&currency=GBP

Although if you plumbed it into the mains it would be fairly instantaneous. 

[Lt. Thomas Corvidae]

@ Clym Angus: Paper mache is an acceptable material in my book. It was used often in crafts and the making of frames. All it is is paper product and an adhesive.

Also, would fish slapping be in any of the rules? I believe it was a weekly activity mostly practiced on a Tuesday afternoon.

Monty Python, The Fish Slapping Dance	DQ

[SteampunkObserver]

LadyAsprin,

You're absolutely right! I completely forgot to construct a separate set of rules for women - after all, we can't be holding them to the same standards as men! I think they'd be similar socially, but also involve enforced dependence on the opposite sex ignored children, restrictive underwear and sexual disinterest. I'll be sure to get right one it, and continue to illuminate the One True Path for all to follow.

V/r,

~SO 

[VampirateMace]

Well, that would take half the interest out of the thing for me.  (Disclaimer: as a happily married man I am only interested in looking and daydreaming.)

As my wife says; 'You can chain a dog but you can't stop him barking'.

Oh yes you can. There are collars that produce an electric shock when barking. Works almost instantly.

You can also have them de-barked, though the animal rights people will tell you it's wrong.

[Mr. Boltneck]

You can also have them de-barked, though the animal rights people will tell you it's wrong.

If it's anything like de-barking a tree, it's definitely wrong! And messy.

[VampirateMace]

You can also have them de-barked, though the animal rights people will tell you it's wrong.

If it's anything like de-barking a tree, it's definitely wrong! And messy.

Nah, it's more like getting the dog fixed... *snip snip*

[Xenos]

Well, that would take half the interest out of the thing for me.  (Disclaimer: as a happily married man I am only interested in looking and daydreaming.)

As my wife says; 'You can chain a dog but you can't stop him barking'.

As my dear old da told me:  Son, if you never LOOK for anyone else, you'll never FIND anyone else!

You can also have them de-barked, though the animal rights people will tell you it's wrong.

If it's anything like de-barking a tree, it's definitely wrong! And messy.

Nah, it's more like getting the dog fixed... *snip snip*

I also disagree with debarking.  I'm no activist, or animal rights person at all (I hunt, fish, and eat KFC).  It's like declawing a cat.  You just dont bloody do it.

[Guinevere Meander]

Xenos: Do not tell me that You ate the pidgeon?

[Xenos]

Xenos: Do not tell me that You ate the pidgeon?

No, no.  The pidgeon arrived this evening, and the boots fit quite well!  Apperntly (my faerie had to translate, of course...  I dont speak pidgeon quite as well as I used to), it had a bit of trouble with the weather, what with all the high winds and thunderstorms my area has been getting hit with!

I thank thee whole heartedly as well (as does my faerie!  She's quite back to her old self now!)!  Things are starting to get back to they way they were...

[Guinevere Meander]

Xenos: Do not tell me that You ate the pidgeon?

No, no.  The pidgeon arrived this evening, and the boots fit quite well!  Apperntly (my faerie had to translate, of course...  I dont speak pidgeon quite as well as I used to), it had a bit of trouble with the weather, what with all the high winds and thunderstorms my area has been getting hit with!

I thank thee whole heartedly as well (as does my faerie!  She's quite back to her old self now!)!  Things are starting to get back to they way they were...

Xenos: Do not tell me that You ate the pidgeon?

No, no.  The pidgeon arrived this evening, and the boots fit quite well!  Apperntly (my faerie had to translate, of course...  I dont speak pidgeon quite as well as I used to), it had a bit of trouble with the weather, what with all the high winds and thunderstorms my area has been getting hit with!

I thank thee whole heartedly as well (as does my faerie!  She's quite back to her old self now!)!  Things are starting to get back to they way they were...

Good, to hear and to know, we got battered very hard here aswell. Have a wonderful week-end.
kindly Guin

[Xenos]

Good, to hear and to know, we got battered very hard here aswell. Have a wonderful week-end.
kindly Guin

It's glad I am to hear you're alright!  'Twas quite the storm we had here (though not NEARLY so bad as in Joplin...  God bless 'em, and a quick recovery I wish 'em!), need a few new shingles, but we're none the worse for ware.

--------

Oh!!!  I just thought of another rule for being a steampunk!

You MUST CLAIM PLACES WITH FLAGS!

Do you have a flag? - Eddie Izzard	DQ

YUS.

[Guinevere Meander]

Yup! Claimed my stake here in this location in north Texas some 4 years ago, just surprised that the tornadoes didn't take it with them,. Got 2 new lawnchairs though and still don't know, who is misseng them LOL 

[MechanicalMouse]

Children should be seen and not heard.
Women should be seen and not heard.
Dogs should be seen and not heard.
Men screaming about run away steamroller should be seen and not heard.

Which is why my Top hat has built in ear mufflers.

[Guinevere Meander]

Now, THAT explains, why they had silent movies back then....

[Birdnest]

Back on topic ...

Rule Number 102:  Establish a plan for world domination  (What shall we do today? Same thing we do every day ... try to take over the world)

I see that the final rule has been stated in an assortment of manners:  Ignore all preceding rules.

Carry on ...

[Clym Angus]

@ Clym Angus: Paper mache is an acceptable material in my book. It was used often in crafts and the making of frames. All it is is paper product and an adhesive.

As a frame, perfectly acceptable. Just don't make a life size replica of your good self (or anyone else for that matter) and expect people to address it as a steampunk. It is a decoy-Steampunk as it cannot pass the running around screaming rule mentioned above.

Also, would fish slapping be in any of the rules? I believe it was a weekly activity mostly practiced on a Tuesday afternoon.

Monty Python, The Fish Slapping Dance

I have viewed the aforementioned magic lantern artefact. On careful examination I believe I've identified a Pike and 2 small Herring. As such they do not contravene the Wednesday Cod rule, even if accidentally ingested due to the vigorous nature of the frivolity.

It's always useful to fully explain the law, so the general population are fully versed in what not to do and can correctly abstain accordingly. 

[olson.v]

You're absolutely right! I completely forgot to construct a separate set of rules for women - after all, we can't be holding them to the same standards as men!

How about?

1. Wear lots of petticoats - it distracts the krakens and also, conveniently, moustachio-ed villains.
2. When about to blush at the sight of a prime specimen of your preferred gender, ensure you have a large fan (or other concealing object) to hand, behind which to behave demurely. This is doubly good in case you feel faint.
3. Do not sew cogs to your lingerie - it will only end in tears.....or pain.......or both
4. When your other half builds a garden shed, insist that they install an intercom so that you can remind them EXACTLY how long they've been out there tinkering. Either that or tinker alongside...
5. NEVER respond to taunts from women whose skirts are above the knee, especially in the following places:
     a) red light districts
     b) council estates
     c) Essex

[VampirateMace]

You're absolutely right! I completely forgot to construct a separate set of rules for women - after all, we can't be holding them to the same standards as men!

...
3. Do not sew cogs to your lingerie - it will only end in tears.....or pain.......or both
...

Tears or tears? Cause I can see show it would cause both

[pakled05]

Britannia waives the rules...

[olson.v]

[/quote]
Tears or tears? Cause I can see show it would cause both
[/quote]

Well, I did mean tears as in slightly salty water coming out of the eyes, but you are absolutely right about tears as in 'reting holes'! Nice word play 

[Stumpman]

I posted these on another thread, and thought it was an opportunity too good to miss.  So, with tongue firmly in cheek, and without further ado:

Rules to be a 'proper' Steampunk:

1. Join the military.
2. Become an engineer, with bits of paper to show to people; build steam engines from scratch.
3. Become a polyglot.
4. Encourage child labour, workhouses, and women to be women.
5. Own and read a small library of Victorian literature.
6. Stock up on Kipling (books and cakes, I'm surprised he found the time to write!).
7. Kill animals, with bare hands for extra cache.
8. Travel the world, extra points for uncivilised places you civilise.
9. Wear a pith on a regular basis.  Take the pith even more regularly.
10.  Remember, beige khaki is the new black.  So is brown, and black.
11. Empire build with vigour!
12. Have many 'romantic liasions', very occasionally with another consenting adult as opposed to the love of Onan, if you're lucky.
13. Modernity is evil!
14. Dream the Victorian life, live the Victorian dream.

Please add to your heart's content!

Unless your a deutchlander then numbers 6, 8, 9, change.
6. Stock up on Bratwurst, Bockwurst and Knackwurst.
8. Take over the world and uncivilized places.
9. Wear pointy helmets (Pickelhauben).

[Narsil]

LadyAsprin,

You're absolutely right! I completely forgot to construct a separate set of rules for women - after all, we can't be holding them to the same standards as men! I think they'd be similar socially, but also involve enforced dependence on the opposite sex ignored children, restrictive underwear and sexual disinterest. I'll be sure to get right one it, and continue to illuminate the One True Path for all to follow.

V/r,

~SO 

As everyone knows it is a well established scientific fact that women are fragile creatures, their brains, while slightly larger than those of apes, the working classes,  criminals and foreigners are prone to overheating and on no account should they be allowed to discuss matters of science, politics, empire, business or religion. The most suitable pursuits are those of careful selected light culture and gentle reading. Light conversation on subjects such as fashions of dress, more refined periods of history and music are acceptable.

Many women may benefit from light exercise such as a stroll around the garden or refined dancing. Competitive sports of all descriptions however should be studiously avoided, these activities are likely to lead to excessive exertion which is both injurious to the delicate females frame and likely to cause bouts of over-anxiety and hysteria.

If for any reason a woman in your household should begin to show any signs of hysteria or mental weakness the kindest thing is to have her immediately committed to a reputable mental institution. There is often a temptation to have troublesome female relatives killed or lock them in an attic, this is quite unnecessary and in today's enlightened society only the most boorish of acquaintances would draw any attention to the sudden disappearance of a female relative to a secure medical institution.

Any troublesome male acquaintances who persist in demanding information about her whereabouts should be quietly paid off or killed, no well bred person would dream of commenting on this.