Things that make you go WTF?

[Kryss LaBryn]

If you don't read the instructions, you're missing out on some truly WTF moments - like the part that tells you, in all seriousness, not to hit the battery pack with a hammer or drive nails into it...... I suppose there are people around who might do things like that???

Athanor

We used to host LAN parties back when. Our friends would bring their systems over and we'd play Doom or Duke Nukem (when I say "back when" mean "baaaaaaack when" lol) into the wee hours.

But systems never like being moved and we'd typically have an hour or so of fiddling to get everything up and talking to the network properly.

One day one of our buddies (who was setting up in a different room) wanders over looking for a belt sander. We almost told him where it was, until we realized, "Wait a moment, this is Brent," and asked him what he wanted it for.

Ends up his video card had popped loose on the trip over, and he was having problems reseating it. Rather than (as it ended up) opening up the clip that should have been keeping it in place, he figured the solution was to sand down that part of the card's circuit board that was hanging up on it.

Yeah. He wanted to take  belt sander to a circuit board. I swear to God; I was there and heard everything. That is not a "friend of a friend" anecdote. 

So when they get specific in their warnings, I can guarantee that it's because some idiot actually did it. 

[James Harrison]

Ricky Gervais | Politics | Sauce Bottles for Arses

To top off the 'stuff that shouldn't be there shoved into things they shouldn't be in' topic....

[Siliconous Skumins]

Whoa! That's spooky, that Ricky Gervais clip was almost the same as my last post - and I don't even watch any of his stuff!! 
When did he tell that one?  I swear I never seen that before! 

Oh well, I suppose that even things out for me - I once told a gag to a professional comedian (we were both having a quick cigarette during the break and got talking), and he promptly stole it and used it in the next part of the show. And now I seem to have stolen a joke from another comedian (albeit inadvertently) - what goes around, comes around... 

SS

[James Harrison]

Whoa! That's spooky, that Ricky Gervais clip was almost the same as my last post - and I don't even watch any of his stuff!! 
When did he tell that one?  I swear I never seen that before! 

SS

It's off his 'Politics' tour, about 8 years ago.

[D.Oakes]

A very close police officer friend of mine had to assist (perfect beginning of a word....) in removing 10 bags of crack from an individuals rectum......but seriously....how does so much awful stuff end up there.  Probably the worst story ever came from my mom, an EMT, who once found an action figure, a television remote, and maggots under the stomach roll of an obese patient....HOW DO YOU LOSE THAT KIND OF STUFF IN A HUMAN BODY?  I can understand stepping on a sewing needle or falling onto a nail....(or a piece of rebar as what happened to a reenacting buddy of mine) but large objects.....

[Aleister Crow]

On my way to work last night, I passed someone wearing a red and white striped shirt, matching hat, glasses and carrying a walking stick.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

That's right, I found Waldo.

College towns... 

[Capt. Dirigible]

I hope you pointed and said loudly  "THERE HE IS!!"

[Aleister Crow]

No, but now I wish I had.

That's my life, a long string of missed opportunities.

[greatestescaper]

No, but now I wish I had.

That's my life, a long string of missed opportunities.

Some opportunities are certainly missed, many by only a few seconds.  However, when it lines up just right it surely is side-splittin' good fun.  When I was still living in New York City and working in Manhattan I was already dressing like I should be walking alongside John Wayne in the Cowboys (pretty much that way as long as I can remember).  Anyhow, I was a porter in 1133 6th Ave.  While on my way into work one morning I was walking down the hall, ready to punch in when the elevator mechanic heard my boots on the tile floor.  He swung bow-legged out from my boss' office grabbed for his walkie-talkie and cried "draw".  I wish I could've fired back a response  but couldn't think of nothing.  That said, his hit opportunity gave us both quite a laugh.

[Siliconous Skumins]

Ah yesssss - many a missed opportunity.  But I'm usually able to come up with something (more so if it's a smutty one liner...).

I once waited 8 years for the perfect chance to use a retort, it was a long wait but the moment was worth it. For some reason I cannot for the life of me remember what it was though, I guess once I used it my brain deleted that information to make way for something more..... important...?    I think it was something to do with me being blind in one eye... *shrugs*

SS

[Sorontar]

I think it was something to do with me being blind in one eye... *shrugs*

A friend is missing his eye entirely and doesn't bother wearing a patch, so it is obvious. Strangely they wouldn't give him a discount ticket for a 3D movie.

Sorontar

[Hez]

No, but now I wish I had.

That's my life, a long string of missed opportunities.

I love the French expression esprit d'escalier (spelling?) or the spirit of the stairs.  It is that little voice that comes when you are leaving after a party and whispers in your ear "you should have said..."

[Kryss LaBryn]

Best "missed opportunity" I ever heard: Years ago in Vancouver, two morning radio hosts (Larry and Willy, for those in the area) were spending the week in wheelchairs to raise awareness of handicapped issues or the like. And U2 happened to be in town. Lo and behold, they were out for a coffee one day, in the wheelchairs, when they happened to see them. So they wheel themselves on over, introduce themselves as local DJs and say hi.

And Bono kind of pats one of them on the head (I guess he was low enough down that shaking his hand was a bit awkward). And, drat it all, they didn't think of it until after the guys left. But (as they said later on their show) what he should have done was go, "OMG. OMG, I-- I think-- yes--" pry himself out of the wheelchair, and yell, "I can walk! You've cured me! Oh god I can walk!" 

That would have been fantastic. 

Even better would be if the other guy said "Do me! Do me too!" and then did the same thing too. Assuming that Bono would have tried it again and not simply run away from the crazies.

It was about fifteen years ago that I heard that and I'm still bummed that they didn't think of it in time. XD

[walkthebassline]

On my way to work last night, I passed someone wearing a red and white striped shirt, matching hat, glasses and carrying a walking stick.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

That's right, I found Waldo.

College towns... 

A friend of mine did that a few months ago at his local mall.

[Professor J. Cogsworthy]

it all depends on your point of view.... doesn't it?

[Capt. Dirigible]

While on my way into work one morning I was walking down the hall, ready to punch in when the elevator mechanic heard my boots on the tile floor.  He swung bow-legged out from my boss' office grabbed for his walkie-talkie and cried "draw".  I wish I could've fired back a response  but couldn't think of nothing.  That said, his hit opportunity gave us both quite a laugh.

Sometimes it's not wise to indulge someone's little game. Many years back I was on my way to work and a  little kid who lived in my block (about 4 years old) was playing with a cap firing toy winchester rifle. As I turned into the lift lobby the kid spun and pointed the gun at me. I indulged him and put my hands up saying "Don't shoot!!". He fired and I pretended to be hit and did a big dramatic death scene for him..finally laying face down on the floor. The little bastard ran over and smashed me round the head with the rifle butt..just to make sure!

[bicyclebuilder]

it all depends on your point of view.... doesn't it?

W... T... F... Daffy Duck?

[Professor J. Cogsworthy]

it all depends on your point of view.... doesn't it?

W... T... F... Daffy Duck?

exactly.....

[Drew P]

That car went from cool to 'oh,look a vette,er,a,...'
so that's perfect.

[greatestescaper]

While on my way into work one morning I was walking down the hall, ready to punch in when the elevator mechanic heard my boots on the tile floor.  He swung bow-legged out from my boss' office grabbed for his walkie-talkie and cried "draw".  I wish I could've fired back a response  but couldn't think of nothing.  That said, his hit opportunity gave us both quite a laugh.

Sometimes it's not wise to indulge someone's little game. Many years back I was on my way to work and a  little kid who lived in my block (about 4 years old) was playing with a cap firing toy winchester rifle. As I turned into the lift lobby the kid spun and pointed the gun at me. I indulged him and put my hands up saying "Don't shoot!!". He fired and I pretended to be hit and did a big dramatic death scene for him..finally laying face down on the floor. The little bastard ran over and smashed me round the head with the rifle butt..just to make sure!

Hahaha, coupla notes on that one.  Firstly, glad to see ya turned out alright.  Seeing as I haven't read your posts before the rifle butt accident I can't say for certain that it was a change, but if there was it would seem a good one.  Secondly give that kid his credit in that he'll be great when the zombies come.  And finally, my first impression here was to be reminded of Gene Wilder as the Waco Kid "..the little bastard shot me in the ass" line in Blazing Saddles.

Also, with the afore mentioned saving a comment, I've finally got saved up a decent response for folks that stare cross-ways and with aggression and also sort of measuring as if I am something to be shunned, and since the discovery of the phrase no one has given me the opportunity to use it.  Hopefully it'll be shorter than 8 years.  Something tells me it'll happen during my dreaded trip to New York City this summer.

On a final note, on the topic of things that make you go WTF is folks that are native West Texans who do not understand that weeding a yard and trying to get green grass to take and grow out here is a heavy line of work.  The mesquite bush we pulled out of the ground today was only chest high and yet it snapped a good tie-down strap, a chain, almost another chain and succeeded in tearing the support bracket for my buddy's 4 wheel drive diesel pick up truck heavy towing hitch.  Aside from there durability and resistance to be removed, these plants are tough as nails.  They're so used to drought that spraying any kind of weed killer on them is useless as they think it's extra water.

[greatestescaper]

Also, my folks would ground me, literally ground me, for a 90 received in a class where I had achieved a 95 the previous semester.  Recently my parents received a phone call that my darling brother, who is only just 19, was taken by ambulance to the hospital.  He had been so intoxicated that he relieved himself on the subway platform, lost his lunch as a result, and passed out after that.  The paramedics reached him before the police and they totally covered for him, so no legal action was taken.  The next day, while still hungover he was simply told never to do it again, as they won't be picking him up, they're glad he's alright and they're surprised that he has not had this happen sooner.  I also feel the need to explain that my other brother dropped a plant in my car, the dirt spilled, and my parents yelled at me for reckless driving.  The 19 year old in his first year of driving has wrecked my former motorcycle at least twice and had a few car accidents. Yet I had to check in when arriving at college not 2 miles away and he is permitted and encouraged to drive the motorcycle to work in Manhattan.  Typing this out makes me feel insane and biased, but then I recall that even my brother told me that I certainly had it a lot harder than he does.  Perhaps my parents are scared that like me, if they do not respect his growing up and increase his freedom a bit that he might move across the country.

[Darkhound]

Sometimes it's not wise to indulge someone's little game. Many years back I was on my way to work and a  little kid who lived in my block (about 4 years old) was playing with a cap firing toy winchester rifle. As I turned into the lift lobby the kid spun and pointed the gun at me. I indulged him and put my hands up saying "Don't shoot!!". He fired and I pretended to be hit and did a big dramatic death scene for him..finally laying face down on the floor. The little bastard ran over and smashed me round the head with the rifle butt..just to make sure!

Give the kid some credit. A great many soldiers have died of assuming an enemy who is hit is no longer a threat! He was probably considering you an Apache warrior. While they were overwhelmed by numbers and got the short end of the whole "settlement of the West" thing, history does show it was quite necessary to kill them all the way dead.

[Hez]

Also, my folks would ground me, literally ground me, for a 90 received in a class where I had achieved a 95 the previous semester.  Recently my parents received a phone call that my darling brother, who is only just 19, was taken by ambulance to the hospital.  He had been so intoxicated that he relieved himself on the subway platform, lost his lunch as a result, and passed out after that.  The paramedics reached him before the police and they totally covered for him, so no legal action was taken.  The next day, while still hungover he was simply told never to do it again, as they won't be picking him up, they're glad he's alright and they're surprised that he has not had this happen sooner.  I also feel the need to explain that my other brother dropped a plant in my car, the dirt spilled, and my parents yelled at me for reckless driving.  The 19 year old in his first year of driving has wrecked my former motorcycle at least twice and had a few car accidents. Yet I had to check in when arriving at college not 2 miles away and he is permitted and encouraged to drive the motorcycle to work in Manhattan.  Typing this out makes me feel insane and biased, but then I recall that even my brother told me that I certainly had it a lot harder than he does.  Perhaps my parents are scared that like me, if they do not respect his growing up and increase his freedom a bit that he might move across the country.

On the other hand they also seem to have higher expectations of what you are capable of.  (and an ability to learn from their own mistakes.)

[Herbert West]

I've been poking through Regretsy.coms's archives lately and found this. I have a lady friend whos struggling to decorate her home in Victorian style who'd go after these people with a lead pipe if she knew this was going on.

http://www.nottooshabbynj.com/category_12/TRANSFORMATIONS.htm

Now I'm not a huge furniture person, but I'll take my antiques in their original lovely wood finish tyvm.

I know they're in Jersey, but thats really no excuse.  

[barb dwyer]

yet another tragedy in Jersey.