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Author Topic: The Futile Philanthropy Society.  (Read 6184 times)
Dr cornelius quack
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Arrant Carney. Phmebian Cultural Attache.


« on: May 15, 2010, 10:49:00 pm »

This group exists to carry out entirely useless good deeds..

Our first project is to raise a fund which will enable us to fit Gyroscopic stabilizers to 'Weebles'.
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Such are the feeble bases on which many a public character rests.

Today, I am two, separate Gorillas.
Dr cornelius quack
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Arrant Carney. Phmebian Cultural Attache.


« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2010, 11:03:47 pm »

Our first field trip to install low level warning signs at cliff edges for the benefit of Lemmings will take place next Wednesday.

Bring a packed lunch.

And warm clothing.

(Lemmings, living in northerly latitudes, are in constant need of warm clothing.)
« Last Edit: May 15, 2010, 11:08:12 pm by Dr cornelius quack » Logged
vela
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United States United States

Ask me about BLOCK 616


« Reply #2 on: May 16, 2010, 03:13:42 am »

On our way there, could we stop by the Planter's factory and make sure that all the "May contain nuts" signs are properly translated into Squirrel, and posted at squirrel eye-level?
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If you spend your life as a parasite, then it is likely your offspring will follow suit.  Beware, they might turn on you. 
                -Ivan Drugostrov
           (The Parasite's Manifesto)
Dr cornelius quack
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Arrant Carney. Phmebian Cultural Attache.


« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2010, 07:42:27 am »

Please keep up your efforts in our drive to knit Balaclavas for our boys in the Crimea. Even though hostilities ceased in 1856.
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Dr cornelius quack
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Arrant Carney. Phmebian Cultural Attache.


« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2010, 11:37:45 am »

Remember folks. It's Balaclava, not Baklava. The syrup make the needles too sticky.
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Mr. Bertram A. Lisney
Gunner
**
United States United States


« Reply #5 on: May 24, 2010, 08:07:41 pm »

This group exists to carry out entirely useless good deeds..

Our first project is to raise a fund which will enable us to fit Gyroscopic stabilizers to 'Weebles'.

Are 'Weebles' those things that wobble but won't fall down?
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MWBailey
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United States United States


"This is the sort of thing no-one ever believes"

rtafStElmo
« Reply #6 on: May 27, 2010, 10:18:54 pm »

Knitting Balaklavas? Are they for the Light Brigade?
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Walk softly and carry a big banjo...

""quid statis aspicientes in infernum"
Dr cornelius quack
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Arrant Carney. Phmebian Cultural Attache.


« Reply #7 on: May 27, 2010, 11:02:24 pm »

This group exists to carry out entirely useless good deeds..

Our first project is to raise a fund which will enable us to fit Gyroscopic stabilizers to 'Weebles'.

Are 'Weebles' those things that wobble but won't fall down?

Yes.

Wobbling is a terrible affliction.

Get it meself sometimes.

Tho' I generally follow it up by falling down.
Logged
Mr. Bertram A. Lisney
Gunner
**
United States United States


« Reply #8 on: May 28, 2010, 02:25:51 am »

This group exists to carry out entirely useless good deeds..

Our first project is to raise a fund which will enable us to fit Gyroscopic stabilizers to 'Weebles'.

Are 'Weebles' those things that wobble but won't fall down?

Yes.

Wobbling is a terrible affliction.

Get it meself sometimes.

Tho' I generally follow it up by falling down.

As do I, all which makes me think that we'd be better served by gyroscopes than the Weebles would.
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Dr cornelius quack
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Arrant Carney. Phmebian Cultural Attache.


« Reply #9 on: May 28, 2010, 07:25:55 am »

I'm sorry, 'The Futile Misanthropic Society' meeting is next door.
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Nikola Tesla
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United States United States


Angel of Timefoolery


« Reply #10 on: June 01, 2010, 09:34:40 pm »

Can I submit that project I mentioned next door concerning the electrodynamic assistance for socially inhibited stone angels?

By all accounts that was worse than useless.

I will also be donating several thousand of those kits people use to perform pork slaughter in places where they shouldn't, which has not turned out well either.
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"An announcement that a poetry-reading is about to take place will empty a room quicker than a water-cannon." - Daniel C. Stove, The Oracles and Their Cessation

Remember, if it's the Warden Regulant asking, you did NOT see this.
vela
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United States United States

Ask me about BLOCK 616


« Reply #11 on: June 12, 2010, 07:06:32 am »

Flying lessons for penguins.
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JingleJoe
Zeppelin Overlord
*******
United Kingdom United Kingdom


The Green Dungeon Alchemist


WWW
« Reply #12 on: June 16, 2010, 12:06:42 pm »

We must endeavour to install devices in all automobiles that change thier rude, loud horns into a polite "Excuse me!"
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Green Dungeon Alchemist Laboratories
Providing weird sound contraptions and time machines since 2064.
Mr. Bertram A. Lisney
Gunner
**
United States United States


« Reply #13 on: June 17, 2010, 04:49:06 pm »

We must endeavour to install devices in all automobiles that change thier rude, loud horns into a polite "Excuse me!"

Might I suggest a more efficacious route, that being the invention of a language wherein the phrase "ahooga!" is the equivalent of a polite "Excuse me!"?
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vela
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United States United States

Ask me about BLOCK 616


« Reply #14 on: June 27, 2010, 05:36:20 am »

*supports Mr Linsey's suggestion to invent such a language*
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Dr cornelius quack
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Arrant Carney. Phmebian Cultural Attache.


« Reply #15 on: June 27, 2010, 05:45:32 am »

The general offering of calm, rational, reasonable advice to irate motorists at moments of high stress seems like just the sort of project a society such as ours should get behind.
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Sir Nikolas Vendigroth
Captain Spice
Immortal
**
United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #16 on: June 29, 2010, 01:14:33 pm »

In order to further the cause of public safety, I propose that we press for the installation of handrails around gallows.

We wouldn't want anyone to get hurt.
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Quote from: elShoggotho
HE WRESTLES BEARS, HE DRINKS HIS ALE, HE LOVES HIS AUTUNITE! ON WEDNESDAYS HE GOES SHOPPING, THIS SONG IS UTTER SHI-

PM me about adding a thread to the OT archive!

_|¯¯|_
r[]_[]
Picaroon
Snr. Officer
****
United States United States



« Reply #17 on: July 27, 2010, 08:49:25 am »

May I suggest we ban spiked hair in worship of the goddess Ate?

Ate: a minor goddess of delusion, infatuation, blind folly, rash action and reckless impulse who led men down the path to ruin. Her feet never touched the ground, as she walked atop the heads of mortals who knew not of her existence.
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"'But he was unmoved, and cried: "If I am mad, it is mercy! May the gods pity the man who in his callousness can remain sane to the hideous end!"'
Aleister Crow
Zeppelin Overlord
*******

It's only an Unnamable Horror until you name it.


WWW
« Reply #18 on: July 27, 2010, 05:21:44 pm »

In order to further the cause of public safety, I propose that we press for the installation of handrails around gallows.

We wouldn't want anyone to get hurt.

Seconded. And while we're at it, give the peasants fresh tomatoes. Throwing rotten ones can get unsanitary.
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'How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spread his claws,
And welcome little fishes in
With gently smiling jaws!'
Sir A Poiselamppe
Zeppelin Overlord
*******
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Inventor of the Homing Battenburgram


WWW
« Reply #19 on: August 03, 2010, 01:42:36 pm »

I am starting a campaign to affix warnings to Executioners Axes, stating that the sharp edges may cause injury when swung at unprotected Necks...
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TimeTinker
Rogue Ætherlord
*
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Steampunk Facilitator MVSS


WWW
« Reply #20 on: August 03, 2010, 01:57:18 pm »

Would it be a worthwhile pursuit for this esteemed society to develop the following hedgehog related equipment:

Safety harness with headlamps and back mounted strobe to warn approaching motorists.
Packs of "prickle covers".  Small corks for affixing to the ends of spines.  (Approved by the Hedgehog Safe Sex Campaign for female wear).
Pressure mounted belly switch activating an auditory warning chip "Caution are you curling into a ball in front of an approaching vehicle?  This course of action is not recommended."
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BE SPLENDID!
Calliope Hawthorn Dove
Guest
« Reply #21 on: April 11, 2011, 06:14:55 pm »

The general offering of calm, rational, reasonable advice to irate motorists at moments of high stress seems like just the sort of project a society such as ours should get behind.

Better to get behind the irate motorists and their automobiles than in front of them.

May I offer a charity which provides free music tuition to banjo and piano accordion players, preferably in some other instrument? 



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Sgt.Major Thistlewaite
Zeppelin Admiral
******
Gibraltar Gibraltar


I am, therefore I think.


« Reply #22 on: April 13, 2011, 05:30:18 pm »

My Dear Calliope, what a splendid suggestion! As a player of both piano accordion and banjo, I would heartily approve of instruction in the operation of other instruments, but only if that instruction were offered for hurdy-gurdy and bagpipes. Thank you!
~TET
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Yet well thy soul hath brooked the turning tide, with that innate, untaught philosophy,Which, be it wisdom, coldness, or deep pride, is gall and wormwood to an enemy.
Calliope Hawthorn Dove
Guest
« Reply #23 on: April 13, 2011, 06:47:59 pm »

Indeed Sgt. Major!  You're on!  I happen to love bagpipes and can abide hurdygurdy.  I even quite like banjos and piano accordions when played well.

But I draw the line at shakey eggs and bones (she says as she hides her assortment of folk session nuisance instruments).


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Clym Angus
Zeppelin Admiral
******
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Lord of Misrule


WWW
« Reply #24 on: April 27, 2011, 05:47:01 pm »

I recently invested a small sum helping out young inventors the "go any were inflatable dart board" seemed to have certain amount of promise as did horse rollerblades.
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