Author Topic: The Guild of Mad Bastards  (Read 52118 times)

Screaming Lord Pea Green

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The Guild of Mad Bastards
« on: February 11, 2010, 07:23:01 am »
I've recently diversified into a global corporate entity and as such will be able to offer high quality hi-jinks aboard this Firefly class vessel of a bar. Feel free to pull up a pew and regail us with your tales of outlandish adventure, be it from the core or the outer rim. Only rule here is this: You're all my crew, so you turn on each other, you turn on me.
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PockyNightmare

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #1 on: February 11, 2010, 01:37:48 pm »
hello sir!

so this is a bar right? may i have a beer?

Screaming Lord Pea Green

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2010, 10:51:14 am »
*Pours a stein to the brim*

Owdoo lass.

*weeeeeeeeeeee - slidey glass!*

Madasasteamfish

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2010, 07:55:31 pm »
*Staggers in wearing torn clothes*

Did I just hear a drink being poured?

*Slides onto a barstool* Gimme a bist o' best lad.
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Sebastian Greyfield

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2010, 10:53:56 pm »
*crawls onto the barstool wearing a smart black suit and a kipper tied to my hat*

Three pints of beer in 4 separate glasses

Screaming Lord Pea Green

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #5 on: May 14, 2010, 01:49:12 am »
*Gets busy pouring many pints...*
So how is everyone's day?

Madasasteamfish

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #6 on: May 14, 2010, 02:55:37 pm »
*Gets busy pouring many pints...*
So how is everyone's day?

Look at me. *Gestures toward torn and bloodied shirt* HOW DOES IT LOOK LIKE MY DAY'S BEEN?

Screaming Lord Pea Green

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #7 on: May 15, 2010, 01:36:31 pm »
*Gets busy pouring many pints...*
So how is everyone's day?

Look at me. *Gestures toward torn and bloodied shirt* HOW DOES IT LOOK LIKE MY DAY'S BEEN?

Well, it does look to have been an....eventful one?

Madasasteamfish

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #8 on: May 15, 2010, 01:50:20 pm »
E
*Gets busy pouring many pints...*
So how is everyone's day?

Look at me. *Gestures toward torn and bloodied shirt* HOW DOES IT LOOK LIKE MY DAY'S BEEN?

Well, it does look to have been an....eventful one?

Exactly. And where's my pint?

Sebastian Greyfield

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #9 on: May 15, 2010, 07:01:15 pm »
I believe that I drank it, would you care for a second?

Madasasteamfish

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #10 on: May 15, 2010, 07:23:02 pm »
I believe that I drank it, would you care for a second?

If you don't mind.

I'm fairly sure you're in the right place here mate. You'd have to be a mad bastard to nick my pint.

Sebastian Greyfield

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #11 on: May 15, 2010, 07:49:22 pm »
Well i THINK that that is what i remember my therapist shouting at me before / while he ran out screaming

i definitely remember the bastard part

Madasasteamfish

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #12 on: May 15, 2010, 08:24:36 pm »
Well i THINK that that is what i remember my therapist shouting at me before / while he ran out screaming

i definitely remember the bastard part

Yeah well I know I am. You ever seen a steamfish?

Sebastian Greyfield

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #13 on: May 15, 2010, 09:34:25 pm »
I've seen steamed fish, does that count?

Madasasteamfish

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #14 on: May 15, 2010, 09:45:40 pm »
No

James Harrison

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #15 on: May 16, 2010, 12:19:51 pm »
*an innocuous-looking door opens up and a stranger steps inside*

I say!  So this is where the broom cupboard in The Smoking Room leads to!

*Sits down*

A steamfish, you say?  Yes I've seen one, near Surtsey on an expedition a few years ago.  Swam right up alongside our yacht, we had a devil of a time trying to land the beast.  Fully 14 feet long it was I tell you, a long snout-like face with row upon row of viciously sharp teeth and 1/4'' thick scales tougher than the hull of an ironclad, presumeably to insulate itself from the searing temperatures of a sea boiled by an erupting volcano.  A school of them could have sunk the entire Channel Fleet upon my honour. 

Anyway we managed to ship it aboard our yacht and it was none too pleased, thrashing about like hell and bit the helmsman clean in two before lascerating three of our deckhands with its devilishly sharp scales.  At which point we decided to throw it back in, easier said than done under the circumstances, but we managed in the end.  We last saw it heading straight back towards the boiling waters directly above the volcano, before it turned about and came straight at us with a view to tearing our hull asunder with the row of spines along its back.  We got out of there pretty sharpish I can tell you. 

Even now in my nightmares I can see that beast coming at us with malice in its eyes, intent upon sending us to join Davy Jones locker. 
Persons intending to travel by open carriage should select a seat with their backs to the engine, by which means they will avoid the ashes emitted therefrom, that in travelling generally, but particularly through the tunnels, prove a great annoyance; the carriage farthest from the engine will in consequence be found the most desirable.

Madasasteamfish

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #16 on: May 16, 2010, 01:46:46 pm »
Exactly. I mean what creature would willingly live near an undersea volcano? And attack a yacht to boot. That's why my men call me 'Captain Steamfish'.

Screaming Lord Pea Green

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #17 on: May 16, 2010, 10:09:58 pm »
To all those lost to the steamfish!
*raises glass*

Interesting thought of the day: If you strangle a smurf, is it murder?

JingleJoe

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #18 on: May 17, 2010, 12:25:11 am »
Interesting thought of the day: If you strangle a smurf, is it murder?
Some consider smurfs a delicacy.
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MWBailey

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #19 on: May 17, 2010, 02:44:18 am »
aHA! so there are smurfs here, eh? I wondered what happened to my eye loupe.

*sits at the bar*

I'll have an ale and two nose plugs, please.

And a duck egg...
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James Harrison

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #20 on: May 17, 2010, 06:37:26 pm »
Has anyone actually eaten Smurf before now?  It tastes rather like swan.

Madasasteamfish

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #21 on: May 18, 2010, 10:06:53 am »
And another thing, if you choke a smurf, what colour does its' face turn?

Sebastian Greyfield

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #22 on: May 18, 2010, 06:01:37 pm »
Curse you captain steamfish!!!!

i was about to make that exact same comment

although the answer is magenta, with a slight teal tint

Madasasteamfish

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #23 on: May 18, 2010, 07:09:15 pm »
Curse you captain steamfish!!!!

i was about to make that exact same comment

although the answer is magenta, with a slight teal tint

What?! Speak English man! What are Magenta and teal anyway? I'm sure I've heard some namby pamby Bastards (pardon my French) refer to them. 'ere are you sure you're not one o' them whatjamacallits?

Sebastian Greyfield

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Re: The Guild of Mad Bastards
« Reply #24 on: May 18, 2010, 07:40:54 pm »
nah, am more of an oojamiflip