|
popuptoaster
|
 |
« Reply #1250 on: January 12, 2011, 06:54:40 pm » |
|
I believe Bruce Lee carried a gun, and refered to it as the best martial art, obviously only in the sense of being able to stop an attacker from several hundred yards away rather than any of the other benefits attained from training in the fighting arts. Myself? I have grown up somewhere relatively quiet but that is surronded by a few bigger towns, so over the years we got visists in the local pubs from "toughs" from outside the area, you learn to use a glass ashtray or a bar stool in those circumstances, fear being my motivator back then, i spent a long time getting over an accident which cost me a kidney and if there was any trouble around me i get the fear come on i was gonna get punched in the remaining one and end up in the doodoo, this caused me to become a bit of a whirling dervish, and you can do a lot of whirling when your 6'6".  Im old now, and stay away from trouble, much prefer loving to waking up the morning bruised and hurt, except when it was caused by the loving.  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
I'm sorry madam, I'm just not that much of a gentleman.
|
|
|
|
Ms. Elisabeth Collins
|
|
« Reply #1251 on: January 30, 2011, 10:13:10 pm » |
|
What are the varying responses that everyone has gotten after revealing your sexuality? I just told my mom and two of my friend that I was asexual (at different times). The responses varied. Friend 1 (like a sister): "I've never heard of that. It's really interesting. How do you handle x/y/z?" Friend 2 (best friend): "That's really weird. Seriously. That's such a weird thing."  Thanks? Mom: "But that's wrong! God wants you to get married and have babies! And no one will want to be in a relationship unless you have sex with him!"  That one pissed me off. For one thing, no. For another, I have no redeeming relationship qualities other than being something he can have sex with? Bull. So, the only way to achieve intimacy with another person is to do something I find gross? Pthbthbth- jog on! ETA: I completely forgot. Mom also said that I will end up dying alone. Nope, I have plenty of friends to grow old with. |
|
|
|
« Last Edit: January 31, 2011, 01:14:10 am by Ms. Elisabeth Collins »
|
Logged
|
"And shepherds we shall be, for Thee, my Lord, for Thee. Power hath descended forth from Thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out Thy command. And we shall flow a river for to Thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine Patri, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti."
|
|
|
|
Prof Eumides Blakehurst
|
|
« Reply #1252 on: January 30, 2011, 10:53:56 pm » |
|
What are the varying responses that everyone has gotten after revealing your sexuality? [Snip!] Mom: "But that's wrong! God wants you to get married and have babies! And no one will want to be in a relationship unless you have sex with him!" That one pissed me off. For one thing, no. For another, I have no redeeming relationship qualities other than being something he can have sex with? Bull. So, the only way to achieve intimacy with another person is to do something I find gross? Pthbthbth- jog on! So I'm guessing that "coming out" as an atheist is not on the cards ?  I've never had a problem with 'revealing' my sexuality, mainly because I've "always" known, and the family are all atheist humanists, so it's no issue. That basically means that I've only ever had friends for whom it is no issue (and my friends are the usual mix of straight/GBLT/cats/etc.). Work is always amusing because I don't get to chose my collegues and it's always amusing to see how long it takes some of them to figure it out. I'm not closeted by any means, or even shy about sex, though by the same token I don't wander around work wrapped in a pride flag. Usually doesn't take long. So the only questions I get are from the work collegues, and it REALLY comes down to some (very few) of the straight guys who have the whole heteronormal hang ups that there <b>absolutely</b> HAS to be 'dominant' and a 'submissive' partner. That is, someone has to be the 'woman' in the relationship. That's when the bit of 2x4 with the nails in it comes out. For anyone else who has hit this bit of double sexism, may I suggest this excellent, succint little book ? <u>Homophobia: A Weapon of Sexism</u> by Suzanne Pharr readily available on Amazon, ISBN: 0962022217 |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
There is no god and Dawkins is his prophet.
|
|
|
|
Ms. Elisabeth Collins
|
|
« Reply #1253 on: January 30, 2011, 11:04:55 pm » |
|
No, atheism is not on the table to discuss with my mother. Then again, I'm a Christian, just one that doesn't think God cares whether or not I want sex. -shrug- |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
LukeHogbin
|
|
« Reply #1254 on: January 31, 2011, 04:31:38 am » |
|
*snip*
Friend 2 (best friend): "That's really weird. Seriously. That's such a weird thing."
Mom: "But that's wrong! God wants you to get married and have babies! And no one will want to be in a relationship unless you have sex with him!"
*snip*
That would pretty much sum it up, sans the god, marriage and babies part. Another usual comment is "Well, you HAVE to have sex if you're in a relationship! It's NORMAL!" *rolls eyes* |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
I have defied Gods and Demons. I am your shield; I am your sword. I know you: your past, your future. This is the way the world ends.
|
|
|
|
AlegrahEredschtadt
|
|
« Reply #1255 on: January 31, 2011, 03:39:44 pm » |
|
Two of the friends I've told about my sexuality were perfectly fine, though the one I've been hinting to for a while decidedly doesn't believe me.. it's a pain.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Miles (a sailor)Martin
|
|
« Reply #1256 on: January 31, 2011, 10:41:38 pm » |
|
sex ..eh never been a big thing for me , rather spend the time reading or messing about on the computer ,was 19 before i had sex the first time , the girl asked me,was fun but didn't change my life or anything ,.... was just thinking about it all five different ladies in my life have oll been the ones who were proactive, ie they asked me this includes me wife of twentysome years , i guess it just never has been a real major part of my personality. as far as i know i never had any complaints from the ladies or any from me about them ,... as far as i know none of my past lovers want to kill me, and having met them later all were civil, one got back together with me for a time ,six months then moved on,now happily married again. she was a widow both times we were together. but as of typing this it has been six weeks then six months then a year,so i would say i must be rather under sexed for a typical 50+ american male but i don't care . I find window shopping to be great fun . Miles( the semi-celebate sailor)Martin
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Who you calling old, Sonny boy? Just because my birth certificate is on birch bark there isn't any reason to be calling names.
machinist for hire/ mechanic at large
Warning : minstrel with a five string banjo
|
|
|
|
Ginny Blundy
|
|
« Reply #1257 on: February 01, 2011, 05:30:02 pm » |
|
What are the varying responses that everyone has gotten after revealing your sexuality?
When I was younger, I got plenty of people asking me how lesbians have sex. Often in places where that is strictly inappropriate, like work. My standard response varied from "allow me to recommend a book to you" and "I pity your girlfriend if you can't figure out how this might be done without boy parts" (a comment reserved for men who were being jerks, of course). I always thought it was a completely strange question to ask. I mean, clearly there were guys who were asking just to get their jollies, but some people seemed to be asking quite sincerely. And you know, I'd never think of asking a straight friend for detailed information about her sex life. When I came out to my mother, she said she didn't mind but she was sad that I would not be having grandchildren for her. I told her that my reproductive abilities were still intact, but that didn't matter because I don't want kids anyway. Each of my two sisters have 3 children, and my mom has let me know that it's really ok that I haven't had kids. Thanks Mom, I was sweating that one. Additionally, Ms. Collins, it occurs to me that you (and the other asexuals on the forum) and Utini (as perhaps the most prominent example of our poly members) have something in common. You have specific needs that - in any romantic relationship you undertake - are going to require honest and open discussion of what you want. It definitely doesn't mean that you'll never have an intimate relationship. In fact, I think it gives you a bit of an edge because the very nature of sharing those needs opens you up to something most relationships are missing: an actual conversation about your intimate life. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Oh, you are beautiful! No really, you are, you're gorgeous! Space-age clockwork, I love it, I've got chills! Listen, I mean this from the heart - and by the way, count those - it would be a crime, it would be an act of vandalism to disassemble you.
But that won't stop me.
|
|
|
|
Amos Farrier
|
|
« Reply #1258 on: February 01, 2011, 07:01:11 pm » |
|
When I came out as bi, everyone(being my friends in this sense) was, understandably, surprised but they were cool with it (a couple of my friends being bi themselves). I told my parents after my friends (which apparently is very common) and I was actually having panic attacks about it. Finally plucked up the strength to say it and when I did, it was such a relief that they were accepting about it. The only people who found it negative would be the bullies and popular people (things like that spread like wildfire around schools as I'm sure everyone's aware of). I'm blessed with understanding parents who don't really give a flying fig about someone's sex, orientation or race and it makes me so angry that not everyone in the world can have people who understand them. (That may sound like I'm bragging or rubbing it in but I swear it isn't meant to- just didn't know how else to say it.)
Regards to all,
Amos Farrrier
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Indefinitive
|
|
« Reply #1259 on: February 01, 2011, 08:27:28 pm » |
|
I hinted at it to my dad, and he insisted on saying the word 'dyke' excessively until I told him that I liked girls, and found it extremely offensive. I didn't even have to come out to my best friend's family. They guessed it on their own. First few D&D sessions with them, my best friend's dad asked if I swung both ways. I just said yes, without any hesitation, and they were cool with it. My best friend wasn't, because I'd known him for years and hadn't told him (Oops.), but he's definitely okay with it now, since we can talk about girls. My other best friend wasn't so cool with it. She said she'd probably get really jealous if I got really close with another girl, even though she's not romantically interested in me and is straight. I found that really interesting, but didn't push the matter.
I haven't told my mom or sister. It isn't any of their business, and my mom believes that bisexuality is a choice, so I'm pretty sure the news wouldn't be received well.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Ginny Blundy
|
|
« Reply #1260 on: February 02, 2011, 12:59:47 am » |
|
I will say too, Indefinitive, depending on your age some people - especially family - have a tendency to declare that you are going through "a phase". I came out to my mom while I was in college, and at one point she told me she hoped I understood that women weren't any more perfect than men. I think she thought I was going through a feminist man-hater phase? Over time she stopped saying things like that and came to accept that I am what I am. At any rate, they may not accept this now, but at some point in the future when their view of you has shifted that may be different.
By the way, did your friend's dad really phrase that as "swing both ways"? Perhaps in the context it would seem different to me, but I can't imagine hearing a friend's dad saying that without it sounding a bit creepy.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Indefinitive
|
|
« Reply #1261 on: February 02, 2011, 09:18:35 pm » |
|
Yeah, my mom would definitely think it's a phase. I'm not really bothered by it, though, seeing as I really don't intend to tell her. I might let her figure it out in a few years, but I'm certainly not going to spell it out for her.
Oh, no. It was much more funny than creepy. I can't remember specifically what he said, but he tried to ask me in a bit of a roundabout way because I think he felt a bit awkward about asking out in the open. When I didn't get it, my best friend blurted out, "Do you like girls?" and they both went bright red. Obviously I hadn't told my best friend at that point, and was just letting people figure it out, so neither of them really knew what to make of it yet.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Utini420
Immortal
 United States
it is OK to tell me when its time to shut up
|
|
« Reply #1262 on: February 03, 2011, 05:56:58 pm » |
|
Ginny, that's an interesting point, and one I hadn't considered at all. If I can say this without any overtones of judgment, I'd been reading the comments about asexuality and figuring this must be how vanilla friends feel when I tell them about the joys of a good whipping. I hadn't noticed the similar need for communication at all -- not that there are any relationships that don't need communication, just that the more common arrangements seem to get further on simple assumptions (which often sets them up for harder falls, but I digress). In that same vein, I've recommended to several "straight" couples that they discuss playing with others in a purely theoretical context, simply because that discussion will bring up things about their relationship that should probably be discussed but generally won't come up in casual conversation.
Getting back to poly and asexuality, I'm reminded of someone I met on another forum. He had fallen in love with an asexual human of female physical arrangement (at the time, she was still working out which gender she identified with, but the feminine pronouns were used for clarity) and she with him. Alas, despite their strong emotional connection he was a rather randy lad and they were both convinced this would doom any relationship they pursued, opting instead to (futilely) try and hold their emotions in check. That drove both of them mad, as well, so they tried things "her" way, and "his" way, but despite their love the sexual aspect of their relationship was upsetting them both, to put it mildly. As you've probably guessed, they eventually resolved this dilemma with a polyamorous solution: he started playing with a married couple a few times a month, thus meeting his own needs without forcing the sexuality onto his girlfriend, and fulfilling a fantasy for the married couple in the process. Everyone wins!
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Ginny Blundy
|
|
« Reply #1263 on: February 07, 2011, 04:39:13 am » |
|
Right, Utini - everyone should communicate, but lots of people - and in my experience, especially those who consider themselves "normal" - don't. Not judging, just observing from experience. I find it interesting that if you listen to a sex advice show, you hear a lot of "how do I tell my partner that I want to try this?" Well... tell him or her? Right?
And even though I consider myself pretty much exclusively monogamous, I think poly is definitely a good option under certain circumstances - for example, the one you described. To me it makes the point that these different sexual needs do not mean that these people were in a doomed relationship.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
darkshines
Rogue Ætherlord
 Wales
Miss Katonic 1898
|
|
« Reply #1265 on: March 12, 2011, 01:24:57 pm » |
|
Right, Utini - everyone should communicate, but lots of people - and in my experience, especially those who consider themselves "normal" - don't. Not judging, just observing from experience. I find it interesting that if you listen to a sex advice show, you hear a lot of "how do I tell my partner that I want to try this?" Well... tell him or her? Right?
And even though I consider myself pretty much exclusively monogamous, I think poly is definitely a good option under certain circumstances - for example, the one you described. To me it makes the point that these different sexual needs do not mean that these people were in a doomed relationship.
For me, although I have had multiple partner sex in the past, it was with friends, not what I would consider a relationship. I couldn't imagine sharing Mr C with someone else, not right now anyway, ad I don't think he would be too happy sharing me..... I am one of those people who makes others feel uncomfortable with just how openly I can talk about sex and things I have done, or what to do, or what done to me..... |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Wilson Montgomery
|
|
« Reply #1266 on: March 24, 2011, 05:19:01 pm » |
|
I am one of those people who makes others feel uncomfortable with just how openly I can talk about sex and things I have done, or what to do, or what done to me.....
Me and my best friend tend to scare away the mundanes like that on a regular basis... always fun to see half the party leave the room, and the other half try not to let us se that they are listening intently *laughs* |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
youbedead
Deck Hand
United States
|
|
« Reply #1267 on: March 27, 2011, 09:34:08 am » |
|
Hi there just thought I'd pop in for a drink. I guess I'm bi with a leaning towards other men, but my body hasn't made up its bloody mind yet. Curse ye hormones and the glands you come from. Fairly new to the steampunk scene. I'm also a furry which has collected far more derision then my orientation
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
crookedfingers
|
|
« Reply #1268 on: March 27, 2011, 01:14:37 pm » |
|
I had no idea a forum like this was here! Pulls up a bit cushion... I've not had much experience (as far as I'm aware) with non-heterosexuals. Not quite sure what I am, I'm attracted to any gender and will flirt/hug/kiss anyone I feel safe with, but anything sexual is a turn off (believe me, I've tried). I often wish my figure was as androgynous as I feel.  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Teleportation! See me go from nought to zero in zero seconds!
|
|
|
|
crookedfingers
|
|
« Reply #1269 on: March 27, 2011, 01:41:09 pm » |
|
Getting back to poly and asexuality, I'm reminded of someone I met on another forum. He had fallen in love with an asexual human of female physical arrangement (at the time, she was still working out which gender she identified with, but the feminine pronouns were used for clarity) and she with him. Alas, despite their strong emotional connection he was a rather randy lad and they were both convinced this would doom any relationship they pursued.
That sounds very much like the relationship between me and my ex,-------edited------- as he couldn't(and still can't, I don't think) acknowlege my sexuality (I hadn't figured out my orientations before I met him). When this became apparent the relationship started becoming more distant from my perspective, he noticed, but assumed that it was because he was focusing on his career. I let him make his own interpretations when I ended it, it seemed like the best option. |
|
|
|
« Last Edit: March 30, 2011, 12:10:04 am by crookedfingers »
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Lord Wraste
|
|
« Reply #1270 on: March 27, 2011, 03:05:24 pm » |
|
Hi there just thought I'd pop in for a drink. I guess I'm bi with a leaning towards other men, but my body hasn't made up its bloody mind yet. Curse ye hormones and the glands you come from. Fairly new to the steampunk scene. I'm also a furry which has collected far more derision then my orientation
Don't let the furry derision get to you. Perceptions are based on what they see as freaky sex acts of depravity (yiff-yiff) and not on the fact that it's a larger community of people that are just really into anthropomorphism. The problem being that the loudest of any group are the ones seen by others. Happens with every crowd. And welcome! Hetero-Makeup-wearing-rights-supporting-semi-lurker here to say you've found a safe place! I had no idea a forum like this was here! Pulls up a bit cushion... I've not had much experience (as far as I'm aware) with non-heterosexuals. Not quite sure what I am, I'm attracted to any gender and will flirt/hug/kiss anyone I feel safe with, but anything sexual is a turn off (believe me, I've tried). I often wish my figure was as androgynous as I feel. It's possible that you just need to find someone, regardless of gender, that's balanced enough to actually get you turned on. So many of us are either very masculine or very feminine, balance is tough to find. As to looking androgynous, there are people on both sides of the physical divide that can help you here. |
|
|
|
« Last Edit: March 27, 2011, 03:07:04 pm by Lord Wraste »
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
crookedfingers
|
|
« Reply #1271 on: March 27, 2011, 03:34:42 pm » |
|
It's possible that you just need to find someone, regardless of gender, that's balanced enough to actually get you turned on. So many of us are either very masculine or very feminine, balance is tough to find.
Edited - TMI |
|
|
|
« Last Edit: March 30, 2011, 12:10:56 am by crookedfingers »
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Lord Wraste
|
|
« Reply #1272 on: March 27, 2011, 03:43:26 pm » |
|
It's possible that you just need to find someone, regardless of gender, that's balanced enough to actually get you turned on. So many of us are either very masculine or very feminine, balance is tough to find.
There is a problem with the fact that people keep telling me that, I don't know if I'm explaining wrong or if people are determined for me to like sex. The trouble IS NOT with my attraction to the person, but with the fact that I HATE the PHYSICAL SENSATIONS of sex, regardless of how attracted to the person or how turned on I am. I'm getting fed up of everyone telling me that its the person, not the sex, that I don't like. Well when you put it THAT way! Yeah, then don't bother with it. Find someone that doesn't mind the lack of hanky-panky. They exist, I've met a few. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
crookedfingers
|
|
« Reply #1273 on: March 27, 2011, 03:58:59 pm » |
|
Sorry, I just got a little annoyed, my life is frustrating and lonely at the moment, and I'm having to start again pretty much from scratch on an emotional front.
But it is nice to know that others like that exist, I was starting to think I was the only one.
|
|
|
|
« Last Edit: March 27, 2011, 04:00:55 pm by crookedfingers »
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Lord Wraste
|
|
« Reply #1274 on: March 27, 2011, 04:23:13 pm » |
|
No worries, we're all friends here. And I understand frustration.
Seriously, don't lose heart. There are at least three women that I know personally that love a good cuddle but get nothing out of sexual contact or even orgasm, and there's at least one man on this forum that likes a good cuddle, but want's nothing else.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
