|
Acheron
|
 |
« Reply #3900 on: May 30, 2010, 02:47:46 am » |
|
'Do you love me?'; another one of those sentences that makes red warning lights and klaxons go off on the inside of people's heads. What it quite often means in reality is 'I'm going to pressure you into doing or saying something you're likely going to find uncomfortable or unfair for the sake of my personal convenience or emotional reassurance'. If you're trying to squeeze some kind of admission out of him, there are tons of better ways to go about it, Indefinitive.
Of course, now I'm just assuming things. If he mentions something about love though... It all depends on the circumstances, but if he gets all clingy at least I would be very suspicious of him. The same if he waxes romantic, in which case I'd assume that either he's trying to butter you up, or he's one of them 'sensitive' types.
Either way, if you don't feel that kind of attraction toward him, better just to tell him straight out, unless you're playing him for favors. Though of course that raises the question of what you think you 'have going'. But if it's you who's just freaked out, as you say, and scared because of your own neuroses... Well, that's something that you need to take care of. You can mess around as much as you want to so long as you don't form any attachments, but if you start feeling something, as it would seem you do in this case, you're just going to start getting more and more doubtful and self-destructive.
Personally, I don't really think of 'love' the way most others seem to. I find it to be a bit of an imposed concept, that attraction and monofidelity should go hand in hand. Me, I like to think that one's relation to each and every person of any sort of importance to oneself is unique. Being able to feel that sort of affection for one or more people is entirely individual, I believe. But then again, maybe I just haven't felt it. Personally, I've a bit of difficulty with affection and intimacy in general. I'm damaged goods, and I don't experience people seeing me as a person that much...
Don't see how one could 'love' one's friends though. Platonic love? Still, technically, wouldn't that just be 'friendship', albeit a very strong sort? And the people you just know but don't much think anything at all of are 'acquaintances'...
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
'The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously.'
- Henry Kissinger
|
|
|
|
MWBailey
|
|
« Reply #3901 on: May 30, 2010, 03:32:45 am » |
|
My current perspective toward the inevitable "L" word is that I'm still enough of a romamntic to be hopelessly hopeful, yet cynical enough to think that perhaps I'm putting too much stock in a wonderful fantasy.
By this time next year, I will have crashed and Burned into my fiftieth year (assuming I survive that long). Yes, I really am that old, despite my frequent forays into adolescent-like behavior. Anyway, it seems to me, if something along the lines of a permanent or semi-permanent relationship were going to happen for me, it would have happened by now. No dice, as of this moment. Yes, I know, "don't give up, it's never too late," etc. Well, I haven't given up yet, but I'm not really kidding myself much, either.
But if any ladies fancy a rather plump, 50-ish male 'steamgeezer'...
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Walk softly and carry a big banjo...
|
|
|
|
Indefinitive
|
|
« Reply #3902 on: May 30, 2010, 06:17:18 am » |
|
'Do you love me?'; another one of those sentences that makes red warning lights and klaxons go off on the inside of people's heads. What it quite often means in reality is 'I'm going to pressure you into doing or saying something you're likely going to find uncomfortable or unfair for the sake of my personal convenience or emotional reassurance'. If you're trying to squeeze some kind of admission out of him, there are tons of better ways to go about it, Indefinitive. If I had been driving while he had said what he said, I probably would have hit the ditch. I hadn't been thinking about it at all, so I was so surprised when he used that word. Surprised to the point that my heart jumped into my throat and I began to feel sick. I wouldn't have said it, let alone pressured him into telling me that. I asked him how he would define what is going on between us, but that was it. Of course, now I'm just assuming things. If he mentions something about love though... It all depends on the circumstances, but if he gets all clingy at least I would be very suspicious of him. The same if he waxes romantic, in which case I'd assume that either he's trying to butter you up, or he's one of them 'sensitive' types. I'll keep this in mind. Either way, if you don't feel that kind of attraction toward him, better just to tell him straight out, unless you're playing him for favors. Though of course that raises the question of what you think you 'have going'. But if it's you who's just freaked out, as you say, and scared because of your own neuroses... Well, that's something that you need to take care of. You can mess around as much as you want to so long as you don't form any attachments, but if you start feeling something, as it would seem you do in this case, you're just going to start getting more and more doubtful and self-destructive. I may find joy in my line of work and making collection calls, but I'm not an ice queen. I wouldn't play someone for favors. What I think we have going is something that I would describe as, despite a complication with distance, a relationship. Two people who care a great deal about one another and who would be together if distance weren't an issue. However, neither of us has come right out to say that, and have been dancing around it for the past month or so. To be honest, it's the word that bothers me the most. I will use words like 'adore' and 'appreciate' and 'want' and 'am crazy about' in the 'I _____ you.' equation, but the feeling of putting that word in there feels awkward. I probably could get there someday with him, if I could ever figure out what it means to me, but at this point, it would feel dishonest to say that I'm there. I don't experience people seeing me as a person that much... What do they see you as? A goat?  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
CorneliaCarton
|
|
« Reply #3903 on: May 30, 2010, 10:23:04 am » |
|
Love is such a tricky thing.
People use the "L" word too often, which is what often makes me wonder if David really does love me or if he only thinks he does.
*Sigh*
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Ginny Audriana Irondust Moravia. Pleased t' meet ya.
|
|
|
|
steamtastic
|
|
« Reply #3904 on: May 30, 2010, 11:38:01 am » |
|
You could use a new word to represent your meaning of the word love. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Each Man is in his Spectre's power
Until the arrival of that hour
When his Humanity awake -William Blake
|
|
|
|
|
|
LukeHogbin
|
|
« Reply #3906 on: May 30, 2010, 12:22:09 pm » |
|
The first association I got when I read "the L word" in one of the posts here was the tv show. Then it hit me.  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
I have defied Gods and Demons. I am your shield; I am your sword. I know you: your past, your future. This is the way the world ends.
|
|
|
|
SweetestPoison
|
|
« Reply #3907 on: May 30, 2010, 01:20:11 pm » |
|
snugglepunk! I´m in on that! I think it is a difficulty of finding another word that adequately expresses the level to which you care for someone which leads to people using it so much. "I really really like you" just does not have the same impact... I have bruises on my upper arm, fingerprint-shaped. That was a good ceilidh last night |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
RoseOak
|
|
« Reply #3908 on: May 30, 2010, 03:05:08 pm » |
|
Another vote or snugglepunk over here  . |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Utini420
Immortal
 United States
it is OK to tell me when its time to shut up
|
|
« Reply #3909 on: May 30, 2010, 03:13:53 pm » |
|
Snugglepunk.
Some words, ya just identify with as soon as you hear them.  I'm pretty unreserved about telling people I love them, and I only really feel a need to put parameters around it when, for whatever reason, it would make thing uncomfortable for us to be in love. It kinda sucks -- the Eskimos get 37 different words for snow (or whatever, I realize that's something on a myth, but it makes the point), and all we get is, I like you, I love you, and I'm in love with you. Hell, I love peanut butter, but it ain't the same thing. I kinda wish we had just a few more words for that in English, just so we could be a bit more explicit about it. Oh, well. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Cpt. Tobias Warde
|
|
« Reply #3910 on: May 30, 2010, 03:38:59 pm » |
|
snugglepunk! I´m in on that! I'm all for it! <tackle snuggles> I think it is a difficulty of finding another word that adequately expresses the level to which you care for someone which leads to people using it so much. "I really really like you" just does not have the same impact... I personally find that telling a young Lady how much she intrigues me elicits a far better response to my words, than the horrible phrases such as "I fancy you" or "I really like you" or tacky things such as "You're really hot" etc etc. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
 G-Man, Half-life 2, Episode 2:"There was a time when they cared nothing for Miss Vance, when their only experience of humanity was a crowbar coming at them down a steel corridor" |
|
|
|
Auntie Ludmilla
|
|
« Reply #3911 on: May 30, 2010, 04:07:12 pm » |
|
I agree, like is such a horrible word. Totally lacking in imagination..... and with no imagination, passion doesn't have a hope in hell.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Miss Groves
|
|
« Reply #3912 on: May 30, 2010, 04:07:12 pm » |
|
i don't think that 'i find you intellectually stimulating and physically attractive at the same time' has quite the same ring.
i'm not a snugglepunk either unfort, i'm a largepersonalspacepunk really (unless i get back or foot rubs...)
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Happy Solar Circumnavigation Day!
"Art in the blood is liable to take the strangest of forms." - Sherlock Holmes
Let's eat Grandpa. Let's eat, Grandpa. Punctuation can save someone's life.
£5 out of £295 for a metal clay kiln : (
|
|
|
|
MWBailey
|
|
« Reply #3913 on: May 31, 2010, 05:27:28 am » |
|
I move to form a Snugglepunk Movement Local One Hundred (or whatever number fits)!
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Thor
|
|
« Reply #3914 on: May 31, 2010, 09:55:47 am » |
|
Okay, so I need some advice.
I've mentioned in the past how I've been chatting and flirting with this girl, let's call her 'A'. I like her, she likes me, but there's cultural and psychological reasons why we've not been out on a date. She's been single quite some time, and apparently there's something holding her back that she won't discuss. She's also incredibly shy, but this may stem from that. Plus there's a culture difference, which doesn't particularly bother me. I invited her out at the weekend, she declined, but said that one day she'd be able to ask me out.
There's also this other girl, 'K'. A couple of months back a few of us went off-roading, and K was one of the girls in my car (yes, me and a car full of girls. All of us single). Before and after the event she started sending me a fair few messages and texts, usually quite flirty. This died off a bit (work got more busy, and I replied less and less), but in the last few days they've started again. And this time they're very, overtly flirty (pretty much the only thing I can share is that she asked how long I'd been single... about 4 years fyi).
To complicate things just that little bit more, 'T' started talking to me again recently. T was the girl I was dating a year ago, I loved her and she broke my heart. It was painful, and I never really got over her. I asked her on friday quite innocently if she had any plans for the weekend, she told me she was spending it with her boyfriend. I never even knew she had one.
Anyway, back to K. She's a nice enough girl, but... I dunno. A's far cuter, but unavailable due to whatever reason. T stole my heart and crushed it into tiny pieces, but gods she's beautiful. What do I do now?
Do I take K out, see what happens and try to keep it on the down low, so A doesn't find out?
Do I take K out, not bother to hide anything and damn the consequences?
Try and get K to lose interest, and wait and see what might happen with A?
Go down to the river and smash T's head in with a rock like in a Nick Cave song?
Or is there another way?
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
So when times are hard and life is rough, you can stick the kettle on and find me a cup... You can find me at facebook Here |
|
|
|
Miss Groves
|
|
« Reply #3915 on: May 31, 2010, 10:10:37 am » |
|
my opinion:
leave it with T, she'd probably break your heart again and second time around can be complicated
A, sounds like she has things to work thorugh herself
K, sounds like she's wanting you to ask her out
all in all i think you should see if K would like to go out, see if you click more than before and see how it goes. A sounds like she has specified 'one day', that could be next week or in 5 years, why should you hide anything?
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Hyeronymus Amphigourias
|
|
« Reply #3916 on: May 31, 2010, 10:11:36 am » |
|
2 and 4... but then again, asking singles for advices on dating may not be your smartest move... |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Auntie Ludmilla
|
|
« Reply #3917 on: May 31, 2010, 10:23:17 am » |
|
2 and 4... but then again, asking singles for advices on dating may not be your smartest move... Hmmm, you have a point there. The best bet may be to do the opposite of any advice you get on here.... |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
PockyNightmare
|
|
« Reply #3918 on: May 31, 2010, 12:19:08 pm » |
|
the following spoiler is for Lord Wraste, because, after reading this i might won't be welcome here anymore >.> YAAAY!!! i finaly found the most awesome guy EVER! i'm not a single anymore, aaaand the best thing he's one of the folks in met here on BG xDDD |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Minjoltr
|
|
« Reply #3919 on: May 31, 2010, 12:24:55 pm » |
|
Huzzah! I think non-single people are welcome here though. Certainly, they tend not to get chased out with pointy sticks.
Also just found out that out that our super-duper new computer has 24GB of RAM. It does things quickly. I wish I had 24 GB of RAM.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Join Minnie in the IRC. All of the cool people are doing it - you should too. |
|
|
|
Thor
|
|
« Reply #3920 on: May 31, 2010, 01:00:57 pm » |
|
*sharpens pointy stick, just in case*  24gb RAM  My old laptop has the maximum it can use, 2gb... even my brand new macbook pro is only on 4gb (although it can take 8, which I will upgrade to later)!! I'm shocked. I'd buy a sweet new desktop pc if I had room to use it. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Hyeronymus Amphigourias
|
|
« Reply #3921 on: May 31, 2010, 01:01:27 pm » |
|
the following spoiler is for Lord Wraste, because, after reading this i might won't be welcome here anymore >.> YAAAY!!! i finaly found the most awesome guy EVER! i'm not a single anymore, aaaand the best thing he's one of the folks in met here on BG xDDD Now you can give advices to Thor... |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Minjoltr
|
|
« Reply #3922 on: May 31, 2010, 01:19:44 pm » |
|
*sharpens pointy stick, just in case* 24gb RAM My old laptop has the maximum it can use, 2gb... even my brand new macbook pro is only on 4gb (although it can take 8, which I will upgrade to later)!! I'm shocked. I'd buy a sweet new desktop pc if I had room to use it. I know, you click on things and it does them without needing a breather in between. It came from Armari who will build a computer for you using your personal selection of bits (my dad spent months looking at reviews for dozens of different cards and cases and such). It's like building your own computer except someone else does it and it has a warranty so if everything goes tits up you have someone to run to. It's supposed to be for Photoshop rather than videogames although I can't guarantee that it would remain that way if the parents went off on holiday. My desktop still has 1GB of RAM, as does my netbook.  |
|
|
|
« Last Edit: May 31, 2010, 01:34:49 pm by Minjoltr »
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
okoshima
|
|
« Reply #3923 on: May 31, 2010, 01:54:54 pm » |
|
the following spoiler is for Lord Wraste, because, after reading this i might won't be welcome here anymore >.> YAAAY!!! i finaly found the most awesome guy EVER! i'm not a single anymore, aaaand the best thing he's one of the folks in met here on BG xDDD congrats to you! Thor. all i can say to that is take K out as a friend first and get to know them. as for A, she seems like he doesn't want to hurt you via her own issues. (just to hazard a guess could be other stuff) but as for a decision over which one that one only you should and can make. at the end of the day, you go to sleep... |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Its a stream driven apocalyptic matter atomizing device...
So sir what does it do?
What does it do! it uses the steam to create an energy to destroy your opponents...
Really?!?!
nope it goes PING!
|
|
|
|
PockyNightmare
|
|
« Reply #3924 on: May 31, 2010, 02:09:10 pm » |
|
the following spoiler is for Lord Wraste, because, after reading this i might won't be welcome here anymore >.> YAAAY!!! i finaly found the most awesome guy EVER! i'm not a single anymore, aaaand the best thing he's one of the folks in met here on BG xDDD congrats to you! thank you ^^ Huzzah! I think non-single people are welcome here though. Certainly, they tend not to get chased out with pointy sticks.
i do hope so!!! *sharpens pointy stick, just in case* AAAARG!!! *runns away* |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
