The Time Travelers Quarterly Review.

[MWBailey]

Bloody realtors. They're even in the soup! *shows his soup bowl, teeming with diminutive realtors* See?

[Kittybriton]

If I may ask the contributors for advice? I have been faced with a rather ticklish problem in that a friend has suggested I should organize my chronicles into a novel. The difficulty I face is this; in dotting about in time occasionally I chance upon events that seem to fit neatly into a larger mystery, but am completely unable to determine when, or where, such events might be located.
Should I continue my excursions and attempt a novel when more of the "big picture" so to speak, is evident? or should I attempt to make some kind of sense from the materials I have already gathered?

[Octavius]

Hello, my fellow Time-Travelling chaps..

I'm new around here, and I thought I'd just introduce myself.  My name's Octavius.  I'm new to time travel also.  Between my jaunts to the Library of Alexandria, and the roaring 20's (for the specific purpose of propositioning motion-picture actress Louise Brooks), I came across a curious artifact explaining a counter-theory as to the extinction of dinosaurs:

http://trilobitessawstuff.vox.com/library/photo/6a00cdf3acc9b3cb8f00e398a587610003.html

Interesting hypothesis..

[Kittybriton]

Welcome Octavius.

Can anybody offer any advice on meeting oneself in the future? I have read a little of Stanislaus Lem's work on the subject, but have not yet committed to the trip.

[Sir Nikolas Vendigroth]

If you've already met yourself in the future, just go up and say hello. If you've not met yourself, however, stay well hidden until you've met yourself.

The consequences for meeting yourself without having met yourself first are grim.

[Dr cornelius quack]

Sir Nicholas,

"Most of the problems inherent in the accidental meeting of oneself in the future can be easily overcome by the simple expedient of always carrying a pre-written letter of formal introduction. In this way, any social awkwardness is circumvented, as such a letter written by a respected mutual friend (i.e. oneself) is a perfectly acceptable method of making a new acquaintance.
The greatest care, however, must be taken not to meet oneself at a party where you are both wearing the same outfit."

(From "Auntie Quack's Essential Reference of Time Traveller Etiquette". Vol. 26,643,973 Pg. 326.)

On a less fraught note, I can report that the entry of Steampunk into the 'mainstream' is progressing apace, as I have just returned from a year next Tuesday with a compete set of the Kinder Surprise "Happy Air Kraken' series of toys.

Yours, face covered in chocolate and feeling a bit sick,

Dr.Q.


p.s. Has anyone else noted any amusing 'everyday' steamy artifacts on their future perambulations?

[Kittybriton]

The problem I'm trying to resolve particularly is this: younger me (now) meets older me (then).

Older me will probably be fine with it, remembering the encounter. But younger me? and which questions should I ask? which avoid?

[Dr cornelius quack]

It's not too bad, as the older, wiser version of yourself will be fully aware of what a rash and feckless individual you were as a youth and consequently refuse to talk to you as being a complete waste of time.

I did actually once meet myself at a party where we were both wearing the same clothes. Most embarassing, as there was not really room for both of us.

Dr. Q.

[Kittybriton]

Bicycling into town forgetting that today is the town's Stars and Stripes Parade, and spending $17.76 without even realizing it. Considering how much history I have personally attended, you'd think I'd be a little more attentive.

[Nikola Tesla]

*picks a tiny Realtor out of his hair*

Gaaah!!!!  Is that special shampoo available yet?  No?  I knew I'd come too far back.

And now my machine's in the shop, awaiting a part.  Which has yet to be invented.  A serious problem, as I believe I'm the one who's supposed to invent it, and materials science is not yet up to snuff.  I know I've had this problem before...gah.  

[Mercury Wells]

Its annoying when the Time Customs confiscate, what they term "Forbbiden Technology" from oneself before you set off travelling.

[Herr Döktor]

I can report that the article relating to the relaunched Morris Minor Traveller, with with riveted brass body and genuine mahogany woodwork, was a good read: the view of Lord Clarkson of Dunsfold that 'this automobile has allowed the British Motor Industry to take it's rightful place as the most successful manufacturing company...  IN THE WORLD" can only be echoed across the face of the planet.

I can't wait for the next issue, it's due two weeks ago last thursday.

[Dr cornelius quack]

I can report that the article relating to the relaunched Morris Minor Traveller, with with riveted brass body and genuine mahogany woodwork, was a good read: the view of Lord Clarkson of Dunsfold that 'this automobile has allowed the British Motor Industry to take it's rightful place as the most successful manufacturing company...  IN THE WORLD" can only be echoed across the face of the planet.

I can't wait for the next issue, it's due two weeks ago last thursday.

Huzzah for half timbered cars!!

And some people say that the House of Lords is full of reactionary old dinosaurs with only the most tenuous grip on reality??

[jringling]

If I may ask the contributors for advice? I have been faced with a rather ticklish problem in that a friend has suggested I should organize my chronicles into a novel. The difficulty I face is this; in dotting about in time occasionally I chance upon events that seem to fit neatly into a larger mystery, but am completely unable to determine when, or where, such events might be located.
Should I continue my excursions and attempt a novel when more of the "big picture" so to speak, is evident? or should I attempt to make some kind of sense from the materials I have already gathered?

I just finished reading your book, and a fine read it was/is/will be...

[Dr cornelius quack]

Can anyone help me to complete my collection of commemorative plates?
I'm only missing one and would be most delighted to obtain this last one of the series.

It is from the "Mail on Sunday's" set entitled 'Post-Apocalyptic Heros of Steampunk.' and depicts a rather fine portrait of "Lord Herr Doktor of
Works(h)op."

The reason for its omission from my collection is that no matter what time period I travel to in order to purchase a copy of the magazine containing the necessary coupon, I find that the newsagent has just sold the last copy to a previous time traveller who just beat me to it.

I believe that someone is doing it on purpose, simply to provoke me.

It would look quite splendid in my display cabinet along side all of it's fellows, which, as you are no doubt aware, show such charming scenes as "A complete set of Mr. Beeman's Tatoos", "The Great Exhibition of 2264" and "A Empty Chair in which Steamblast Mary should have been sat but unfortunately she was unexpectedly delayed."

Yours, in hope,

Dr. Q.

[Herr Döktor]

Oh, you wouldn't like it, it's got a very unflattering picture of the gent in question, when he's old and weary, not in his prime.

While I'm here, does anyone want several thousand copies of the Mail on Sunday, with a small section of the 'reader offers' missing? They are rather clogging up the storage area of my temporal runabout...

[Sir Nikolas Vendigroth]

You must admit, Doctor Quack, that that set is highly collectable. MY best recommendation is to go back to hte very instant of its publication to secure a copy, and a flawless one no less.

You may, however, have to fight your way through a throng of begoggled timetravellers who've also had the same idea.

[Herr Döktor]

Or possibly the same time traveller, who keeps popping back to the same instant...

[Dr cornelius quack]

To be honest, I only wanted it to scare the pidgeons off the lawn.

[Sir Nikolas Vendigroth]

I use an airgun for that.

It's an ugly beast, see, made of Germany's entire annual steel production and a walnut tree.

[Herr Döktor]

To be honest, I only wanted it to scare the pidgeons off the lawn.

Careful- it can also attract Eldritch entities from between the gaps in space/time, and tax inspectors.

[Dr cornelius quack]

Eldritch entities from GAP?

So... You've seen their latest catalogue.

[Sir Nikolas Vendigroth]

The void that is the GAP is responsible for some terrible things.

Hipster jeans? They've got no place in any universe bound by euclidian geometry.

[Herr Döktor]

I always have a dreadful urge to replace the 'G' in the very obvious label placement with a large 'S'...

[Nikola Tesla]

Oh to be collectible...all manner of crap with my image on it is available more or less all of the time...sigh.

The void that is the GAP is responsible for some terrible things.

Yes, I think it's in cahoots with the one at Starbuck's (for those who didn't know that all those shops are the same Starbucks, just with a different dimensional portal at every store site, or that those strange drink names you need a PhD in coffee to order properly are actually eldritch spells in thin disguise, well, now you do), the Gate to Hell at the Motor Vehicles Department (yes, the one covered in Pinky and the Brain), and the actual Circle of Hell that is the New York City Port Authority.