>The Smoking Room< The Lady's have a tearoom, so here's a Gentleman's Club

[Herr Döktor]

Does anyone have a blunderbuss I can borrow for a second? My drink has just arrived and it's quite lively. A dose of lead shot should hopefully calm it down a little. It has a tentacle round my neck, which tickles terribly...............

Oh dear, not lead shot- use rock salt, especially if it's tequila...

[Rockula]

Damned if all my other drinking holes aren't filled with louts blathering on about bally Football.
 Does anyone have the results of the Kraken racing?

[Auntie Ludmilla]

Does anyone have a blunderbuss I can borrow for a second? My drink has just arrived and it's quite lively. A dose of lead shot should hopefully calm it down a little. It has a tentacle round my neck, which tickles terribly...............

Oh dear, not lead shot- use rock salt, especially if it's tequila...

Sound advice.... I need a slice of lime though i think....

[darkshines]

*slumps over an armchair in full 1920s flapper gear*

Make it a gin. Actually, make it a Bramble.

[Herr Döktor]

Kraken racing: Cthulu's Daughter by a tentacle.

Lime, both in slices and slabs, by the ice bucket.

Bramble? Sorry, we're out of Creme de Mure, will blackberry liqueur do instead?

[darkshines]

*sigh* I suppose. You can make it up to me by adding some extra gin.....

[Nikola Tesla]

*Tesla's drink begins to fizz alarmingly, and to bubble up and over the side of the urn; Tesla whips out his handkerchief and blots ineffectually at the table.  His eyes begin to glow a similar green to the drink, which is not a pleasant effect with his fixed stare*

No tentacles in this stuff, folks, but...I think there are still some minor design flaws...

*Several stains eat through the table and drip to the floor*

Excuse me, someone has to tell that bartender!  This was a solid mahogany table!  And the workmanship on this piece was unparalleled...frankly, I think it's time for some changes in the staff, if you catch my drift.

[Theosophus Grey]

After a dinner, brandy, and a good cigar Mr. Nightshade indulges himself with a long stretch and a walk.
Exiting the clubs private dinning room, Nightshade has a quick word with the maître d’, making sure the dinner bill is presented to the sleeping Captain Grey.

“If the old boy cant hold up under weight of his brandy, well that will teach him.”

After eyeing the card tables and seeing no one worth fleecing, he wonders into the billiards room,,,,

Opening one eye as Nightshade departs the dining room, Grey thinks to himself... worth the price of the meal to not have to continue listening to his terrible dinner conversation...

[Cornelius Nightshade]

{lol}
----------------
Maybe I should not have told The Cat story again, it never does go over well with dinner.
Or am I the only one who enjoys a ripping good felinecide story?

=====================
BTW,,
I know a good use for a cat, should you manage to catch it doing horrid things on your lawn. It will also help the cat owner, as they'll get their pet back clean.........

How To Clean Your Toilet - With a cat


1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

[Sir Jonathan Fauntroy]

Sir!
 I must take strong exception to your post on using a cat to clean toilets.
While I hate cats as much as the next man {what real man doesn’t} but I strongly believe being cruel is unnecessary. Cats and other such vermin should and must be exterminated humanely.
 A sharp blow to the head with a hammer, a merciful bullet between the eyes, or a sack full of rocks and a deep pond that’s how to be rid of cats!

[helios]

Sir Jonathan, I must protest your statements regarding cats! And also the one about real men hating cats.

[Sir Jonathan Fauntroy]

We live in a free country, thankfully, and all are free to disagree no matter how wrong they {by they I mean, YOU} are.

I often wondered about "men" who like cats, I mean realy, its not natural!
 Dogs I can see, even a dead dog is worth a hundred living cats

[Thor]

Never met a dog I've liked.  I've met one or two I can tolerate, and many I'd like to introduce to the business end of a shovel, but never one single dog I've liked.

[Cornelius Nightshade]

Cats are defiantly a women’s sort of pet, even a male cat acts more like a female then a male.
You know all moody and standoffish, wont come near you in less they want something from you.
Never do as you tell them. Seem to make a point in being disobedient.

Is it any wonder men hate them so.

[helios]

We live in a free country, thankfully, and all are free to disagree no matter how wrong they {by they I mean, YOU} are.

I often wondered about "men" who like cats, I mean realy, its not natural!
 Dogs I can see, even a dead dog is worth a hundred living cats

You insult me gravelly, and at your own peril, my good man.

[Sir Jonathan Fauntroy]

Well I must say Mr. Thor as far as dogs go, I can take or leave them myself.
 My point is that as animals go cats are just pointless.
 I also must agree with Mr. Nightshade on the poor attitude of cats, If ever an animal deserved Mr. Thor’s shovel it is a cat!.

[Thor]

My very manly brother and I have both always had cats.  In fact, our family as a whole have never liked dogs.

I much prefer a pet that's happiest left to its own devices most of the time, as I'm the same.  I get to go where I want, when I want, and I like it that way.  I'd hate to have a pet so dependent on me for everything.  I feed the cat, occasionally stroke it, and empty the box.  Job done.  In return, it hunts mice and rats and leaves the trophies in the hallway.

[Sir Jonathan Fauntroy]

Now be fair, I insult no one.
As the embodiment of death you a neither man or women.
So how did I insult you

[Sir Jonathan Fauntroy]

Sorry Mss Thor I was under the impression that you were a man.
If you and your sister like cats that’s fine.

What I fail to under stand is why bother with a pet at all if you want one that has no use for you.
If that was what you wanted why not just say “ All the animals at the local zoo are my pet” Same thing.

Frankly the whole “pet “ thing is a bit odd to my thinking.
A bunch of silly people walking around picking up or scooping a litter box filled with the poop of animals.?

Who’s the pet and who’s the owner?

[Herr Döktor]

Churchill had wise words to say on the subject:

"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals"

Kipling's "I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me" has always struck me as a good description of disdain for all.

Better to live like a cat, than to die like a dog...

[MWBailey]

Who’s the pet and who’s the owner?

It goes a bit of both ways, in my experience...

[Sir Jonathan Fauntroy]

“Drown the cat, shoot the dog then eat the pig“-
                                                          Sir Jonathan Fauntroy

[MWBailey]

better kill, bleed and skin that pig first....

[Herr Döktor]

“Drown the cat, shoot the dog then eat the pig“-
                                                          Sir Jonathan Fauntroy

Hmm...for you the 'Age of Reason' was just something that happened to other people, wasn't it?

 

[Auntie Ludmilla]

Nice to see you all getting along so splendidly, gentlemen. God forbid you should fight like cat and dog.