>The Smoking Room< The Lady's have a tearoom, so here's a Gentleman's Club

[Dr. Fu Manchu]

{A deep sigh and shaking of his noble head in disgust}

It is trury sad how trury ignorant westerners are.
Smoke tea?
What can one expect from people who hack at food with a fork and knife, and sink rodeo crowns are the height of entertainment in an advanced civirization.
I feel rike a man who awakens onry to find himself surrounded by monkeys, hurring feces at each other.

On further refrection, I aporogize to all monkeys for gross insult

[Auntie Ludmilla]

Lapsang souchong, Dr Fu?

[MWBailey]

*posts a note to one Mr. Nayland Smith*

It was only a jest, Doctor  Fu. By the way, that is a banana you're peeling, you know. Careful you don't slip on it...
*picks the peel up off of the floor and tosses it out the back door, onto the rubbish heap*

[Dr. Fu Manchu]

Lapsang souchong

Oh at rast someone with civilized taste I had all but despaired of finding preasant company in the crub. Yes, Rudmirra that would be satisfactory indeed. Even more so dear rady if you would join me.
 
If you would just rook deepry into my eyes you will find your will sripping away and soon you will be mine forever.
Yes, you will make a most excellent mind srave, the first of many.
You will serve me well.

[Nikola Tesla]

*passes note to bartender*

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It's a scrawled, barely legible "for the love of God, help me!"

Now that I have given my companion the slip tricked him into remaining outside left my friend waiting elsewhere, I'd like a drink...a good, stiff drink if you don't mind...just get me something strong, anything strong.  Put it on my tab.

*takes a seat at the bar and sits with face in hands*

If anyone here is a goggles designer, I may have to look into having a...very special pair manufactured...preferably one my companion won't notice exists of a discreet, gentlemanly design.  If anyone's interested, I'll pass a note with the specifics.  Thank you.

And someone needs to keep an eye on the door!  ...we do have a doorman these days, don't we?  And I don't mean a cabbage with spectacles either, or a former Realtor or any sort of nonsense like that.  And if anyone says that any sort of stone angel will do nicely, I'm afraid me must have words  Just a regular doorman.

And please, everyone, just look the other wa...

[Auntie Ludmilla]

Lapsang souchong

Oh at rast someone with civilized taste I had all but despaired of finding preasant company in the crub. Yes, Rudmirra that would be satisfactory indeed. Even more so dear rady if you would join me.
 
If you would just rook deepry into my eyes you will find your will sripping away and soon you will be mine forever.
Yes, you will make a most excellent mind srave, the first of many.
You will serve me well.

Sugar in your tea, Dr Fu? hypnotism tends not to work on the undead dear, terribly sorry to dissapoint you. I think there's a couple of currant buns left, need eating up before they go stale. A strapping lad like you needs to keep his strength up. We can't have you looking drained, now can we?

[Dr. Fu Manchu]

As the keeper of the secrete formura of the regendary Elixir Vitae I possess energy recourses unpararrel to any mortal human. I have enjoyed the strangring embrace of the Succubus and thrived.

I had not realized you are a creature of the night. I also possess vast occult wisdom. I can assure you that dominating you is still well with in my power. You will be mine!

[helios]

Doctor, I'm afraid I must ask you not to try to dominate the minds of any other club members. It is simply Not Done. If you continue to do so, I'm afraid I may have to escourt you out.

Also, I couldn't help but overhear your mention of Elixir Vitae. I think you and I may need to have a little chat about the famed Elixer.

*Sharpens scythe*

[Arlen]

Dash it all! I come in here to have a chat and peruse the pages of a good book while smoking and all I find is constant noise and thriving endeavor!
I mean, I really did not expect to have this place be so busy. Nothing like the Gentleman's club's back home where one goes to relax and wind down after an adventure; Not to plan it!

I suppose I must have really needed to relax after that incident in the sand dunes. But, I suppose, since I do plan to head out there again soon... Well, this may be a decent sort of place to make contacts.

*Lights up a new pipe and takes a few deep draws, letting the smoke exit him lazily.*

Now, does anyone have a good contact at Fortnum and Mason's so I can start with supplies?

[James Harrison]

I'm afraid not, but if it's peace you're looking for there's a jolly cosy little alcove just over there.  The downside, of course, is that the barstaff can't hear your requests for drink....

[Auntie Ludmilla]

Smoke signals work quite well though. Can anyone remember the signal for gin and tonic? I think it may be 2 short puffs, 1 long and a smoke ring.....

[MWBailey]

Let's find out!
*tries the queried smoke signal. Gets a red drink in a pink snifter with purple umbrellas on top that smells suspiciously like Hard Cider...*

Well, that wasn't it...

[Nikola Tesla]

I think I'll stick to my standard note-passing technique.

*passes a note to the bartender, who soon returns with a stone urn which emits a lurid glow and acrid smoke*

Oh.  Maybe not that either.

[MWBailey]

Hmmm

*goes to the bar physically and confers with the bartender. returns with one bottle that says "gin," and another that says "tonic," and mixes the two in a glasstumbler with ice*

Well, now, that looks well enough

*Takes a long swig; face turns bright pink, then purple. Spits out the drink into the potted palm, which immediately bursts into multicolored flames and plaid smoke*

URGGHH! Bleagfh! that's not gin!

[Dr. Fu Manchu]

Herios, rong have I been out of your grasp. Fu Manchu is now an IMORTAL! { thanks to the Elixir Vitae }  My enemies have tried to kill me with all manner weapons all have faired! Fu Manchu can not be killed! I too posses the ultimate power of rife and death as I will now prove.

You see radies and gentlemen, all of you who have enjoyed this crubs hospitality tonight have been exposed to a virus. One I have carefurry deveroped over years. Incorporating the worst effects of both small pox and reprosy A most deadly prague that will cause the most horrific death you can possibly imagine. I arone know how to produce the rife saving antidote. An antidote you all will need to take every day for the rest of your rives!

So you all will serve Dr. Fu Manchu or you will die!
Ha! Ha! Ha! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

MWBailey, you have just tasted a most rethal dose of my rittle brew. Spitting it out wont herp you. You have onry hours to rive, innress you become one of my sraves!

HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!
I will give you two hours to make up your minds to rive or die!

{ A blinding flash and a puff of smoke, then Dr Fu Manchu disappears, leaving a lingering whiff of sulfur }

[James Harrison]

I'm an adventurous soul and am already well acquainted with life.  Death, on the other hand, extends many exciting possibilities.  So thank you, Sir, for offering to extend my life on such terms but I think on balance I would prefer to turn down the offer. 
~~~

Oh dash it all!  He disappeared quite before I had the chance to inform him of my decision.

[Auntie Ludmilla]

Excitable chap, that Dr Fu.

[helios]

*Examines hour-glasses*
Relax fellows. I'm not due to collect anyone here any time soon. Except Dr Fu Manchu. I don't believe he knows the Elixir Vitae is only good for a thousand years or so.

[MWBailey]

Poor chap. Apparently he has forgotten (or never knew), that Lapsang Souchong reverses the effects of Elixir Vitae...He should be croaking any day now...

And by the way, that "virus" can be eliminated by a simple preparation of chicken noodle soup and black coffee...

[helios]

Ah good. I'm not so comfortable with him threatening the members of the club, mind you. Rather smacks of bad breeding, you know.

[Auntie Ludmilla]

Not sure I have the.... erm.... stomach for chicken soup anymore. A small rhesus negative bloody mary should do the trick. i'll just semaphore my order to the bar staff... (Wish me luck...)

[Nikola Tesla]

Ah good. I'm not so comfortable with him threatening the members of the club, mind you. Rather smacks of bad breeding, you know.

Yes, that.  I had been about to say something about that myself, but I am forever...frozen by my own mannerliness...

Well, this glowing smoky drink isn't all bad.  Tastes kind of like coconut.  I am detecting no major ill effects, though it may be my imperturbable stomach is to blame...sadly, though, I'm detecting none of the desired ill effects of alcohol either.  If others can't get anything verifiably potable, this is a large drink, I'm willing to share.

*pokes at it*

[Cornelius Nightshade]

After a dinner, brandy, and a good cigar Mr. Nightshade indulges himself with a long stretch and a walk.
Exiting the clubs private dinning room, Nightshade has a quick word with the maître d’, making sure the dinner bill is presented to the sleeping Captain Grey.

“If the old boy cant hold up under weight of his brandy, well that will teach him.”

After eyeing the card tables and seeing no one worth fleecing, he wonders into the billiards room,,,,

[James Harrison]

Well well well, it appeasr Dr Fu was all bluster and no substance.  As you can see, I stand before you still, despite having refused to take his potion and thus assured a swift demise.  

Mr Nightshade, I wouldn't try your luck in the billiards room either.  I've just come through from there and it's as quiet as a church mouse.  

[Auntie Ludmilla]

Does anyone have a blunderbuss I can borrow for a second? My drink has just arrived and it's quite lively. A dose of lead shot should hopefully calm it down a little. It has a tentacle round my neck, which tickles terribly...............