>The Smoking Room< The Lady's have a tearoom, so here's a Gentleman's Club

[Nikola Tesla]

Woah!  You're right, there is a brain!  A damn fine one too!  Quick, help me get that into this jar.

We'll set this up behind the bar for "atmosphere", and to advertise our special dish.

So used to those Realtors I'd plumb forgotten about brains.  I'd taken to referring to it as "the vegetarian part" - because Realtors are vegetables, not because of anything about vegetarians.  And it was pretty small too.

No, I'll have some of those nice muscles about the mandibles.  Plenty of that to go around!

[Athena]

*shudder* *grabs a big jar from the top shelf and looks away*

Go ahead, drop it in. *yuck!*

[Nikola Tesla]

Oh come on, it's just a brain.  After all, you demonstrably have one - an excellent one!  It's just that we'd like to see yours remain in its original housing.

*Brain drops in jar with an oily splash.  Tesla quickly adds preservatives and screws lid on tight*

There.  If we put it up behind the bar people can have fun trying to count the eyes on it...a good drinking game, and probably more fun for most of these gents than the Realtor tank.

Come to think of it, maybe we could shrink down some of these aliens and add them to the tank?  Or would that kill all of our Realtors?  Worse yet, the mini-aliens might reject the Realtors as unsuitable, and die out.

Either that or we'd start seeing business cards with some really creepy Realtor photos...I mean worse than the regular kind...

[Athena]

Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew...*girly fit* *puts it behind the bar*

Reni's gonna freak when she sees that, and I'm going to point her in your direction. It feels creepy...all the little eyes are looking at me...it's like they follow me wherever I go. *shudder*

Do whatever you want with your little Realtor farm. *goes back to writing things down*

[Nikola Tesla]

Heh I think the gentlemen will like it though...it kind of goes with a few of the stuffed heads we have on the walls...only this time, we actually remember who brought it in, so when some kraken's bodily fluids eat away the little plaques we'll still know.

And we remember who cooked it...and all of us got to eat it...by the way ladies and gents, there's still plenty more.  If you're the crab-and-lobster type this is indeed quite similar.  Specialized eating utensils *gestures toward pile of sledgehammers, ice-axes, and post-hole diggers in corner* are available over there.  We also have a few of those cheesy little bibs with lobster pictures on them, for those of you in your nice clothes...acid-resistant, I thought it a nice touch...

Maybe we'll just warn Reni ahead of time, ok?  Don't want any shock cases at the club...we've had every other type of emergency personnel over here, let's not add the EMTs.

*Sits down with diagrams*

Now I'm working on some noise-proofing and added security to keep our stock downstairs from menacing innocents who pop down for a bottle of cognac or something.  Plus some nice clear directions and signs to stop the help from wandering into the wrong room.  We have enough trouble finding good help - or any help at all - after all that's happened here.

[Athena]

I thought we didn't have any...

How about a big caution sign and biohazard markings everywhere? A deadbolt or two? Some padded walls?

[Nikola Tesla]

We still have the padded walls from when we were housing those Realtors - the full sized ones - who were being our "help" for a while.  I have to admit that for various reasons that will go undiscussed that's a decor affectation that does not appeal to me, but I can see its utility here.

Very big deadbolts could do the trick.  Plus, make sure there are double doors and locks on the holding area, and Mssr Delaney's cognac is stored on the opposite side of the cellar.  For that matter, let's store anything a gent might like when he's already drunk at a safe distance from these things.

Oh, there's someone else at the door.  Could you direct him downstairs?  Not sure what his "occupation" is, but I believe it's one of our above-named ones.  Put him in the outer room and lock it, don't open the inner one until you get back up here and can use the remote control under the bar.  That big pink lever.  I colored it pink because that's the unlikeliest color here, and so it won't get mistaken for anything else.

[Athena]

*smoothing my skirt and walking over* Right this way sir...yessir, thank you. No, they're all down here waiting for you, yes, right through that door...*walking down stairs* *muffled cries and various noises*

CLICK

That wasn't so bad. *putting back stray hairs* *pulls lever under bar* Yeah, it would be pink wouldn't it...

[Mssr Delaney]

Just so you know, Mr. Tesla, the cognac's not mine, I was just the one willing to go to the cellar for it.

[Nikola Tesla]

Yeah, it would be pink wouldn't it...

Yes, and it glows in the dark, just so's you know.  I wanted it to be so distinctive that none of us will pull it by accident, while looking for something else or because we've had a mite too much already.

Sorry Mssr Delaney, I thought the cognac was your contribution.  I suppose I will forever associate it with you.  At least it's in good taste.

*stares up at ceiling*  Now, whatever could be making the ceiling do that?  *dazed grin*

Hmmm, this alien monster flesh is something else...*vaguely ecstatic look*...I'd highly recommend it...though maybe not if you're driving...

...wowzers....

[Athena]

I think we have an opium substitute now...

[Nikola Tesla]

*begins coming down off his high*

I could eat a horse though!  Though I think I've had quite enough lobster for one evening.  *eyes Realtor tank hungrily...then starts*

Hey, why do the guys in there look so blissed out?  And look, they're painting that little house...uh-oh, is that an Elder Sign I see in that mural?  No more lobster for them either!

*takes paint out of tank*

You guys go to sleep.  Or I'll make good on my threat of insectoid "guests".

Maybe time to fire up the coffee machine.  *nods at Athena*  Most everyone else is asleep, and you've already cooked a lot today, so I'll do it this time.

*rummages around in caffeine cupboard*

[Athena]

Thank you. *curling up in a chair* I'll take sugar and cream please. ^_^

[Nikola Tesla]

*passes Athena a cup of coffee, with the cream and sugar on the side*

Here you go.  Adulterate it to your tastes.

*gazes at alien head*

That's quite an acquisition.  We could charge admission to see it, and then, of course, select some of the rubes to go downstairs...

...man...I'm starting to think like one of the aliens...why do I suspect I would have hesitated to suggest such a thing an hour and a half ago?...??

[Athena]

I shall adulterate it...*teehee*

We could hang it on the wall and put an advertisement in The Necronomicist.

[Nikola Tesla]

It's quite visible in the jar there, a location which also lends itself to dramatic lighting.  I could add something fluorescent to those preservative fluids if people like.  A plus side to that would be no one knocking the jar off the shelf in the dark, and being doused with alien brains.  We really wouldn't want that to happen, especially since this club has no provisions for capturing such an event on film and laughing about it for years and years.

But the advertisement in the Necronomist sounds like an excellent idea.  Maybe we could even get a reporter?  Is that a profession reviled enough to send one downstairs?  

Come to think of it, since we would want to send some of these visitors down there, we could consider advertising in some of their journals.  If it seems we'd be in danger of getting too many, we could limit ticket availability.

[James Harrison]

I think some bankers are looking for their friend, whom myself and Athena dealt with a few days ago.  Surely they'd be welcome guests in the cellar?

[Nikola Tesla]

I think some bankers are looking for their friend, whom myself and Athena dealt with a few days ago.  Surely they'd be welcome guests in the cellar?

Sure they'd be welcome guests!  Send 'em on down!

Assuming they're still hanging around now's it's been three days...sorry for my absence...

[Athena]

You run out of water in three days, right? There's gonna be an awful stink down there...

[James Harrison]

I don't think there will be a stink down there- 5 seconds after I shewed the bankers in, there came a most fearful multi-pitched cry and then silence.  I think they stopped worrying about everything from their thirst right up to their bonuses, yachts and mansions about 72 hours ago. 

[Athena]

That's good. There was no way I was going to clean that up...

[James Harrison]

I fear none of us have the heart to venture near the cellar again, not with our guests pets having claimed it as their own. 

[Athena]

*hears yelling from the basement*

Shut up, the lot of ya! Don't make me get the hose again!!!!

*stomps floor* *quiet*

There.

[James Harrison]

Oh dear, who else has become a sacrifice victim meal acquaintance of the wretched creatures?  I would submit Mordant never had this issue. 

[clockwork creation]

Gin anyone ?