More Lovecraftian humor in a seasonal vein, sent to me by a friend...
> A Lovecraft Christmas
> By Pete Sears
>
> Journal Entry: Dec 2
> I have returned home after a long time away. Time seems not to have
> touched Arkham
> very much. Oh you'll see the occasional cell phone on the street but
> the old-timers who
> sit around at the hardware store seem to be the same ones that sat
> there in my youth.
> I've spent so much time in diverse corners of the world seeking the
> strange and unusual
> that even my childhood home seems quaint and curious in the same way
> that Yoruba
> tribesmen do. I find myself having to bite my tongue whenever I get
> the urge to ask
> the natives to explain their customs. New England reticence is
> something I'm having to
> relearn.
>
> For example. I'm staying at the old ancestral home and it's quiet
> enough to
> enable me to study. It's also remote enough to allow me to cast a
> spell or two
> in the back yard without being observed. But every time I venture
> into town I
> am struck by small changes there. Townsfolk, whom I suppose are
> trying to be
> friendly, keep asking me if I'm "Getting ready for the Holidays."
> I'm not aware
> of any particular holidays. Perhaps there's some sort festival in
> the offing. I shall ask.
>
> Journal Entry: Dec 4
> It would seem that there is some sort of winter festival. When I
> inquired I was looked
> at strangely and avoided but finally I did get a straight answer.
> I've also noted some
> strange behavior in town. People seem to be smiling...a lot. They
> seem to be extremely
> busy and carrying a lot of suspicious parcels.
> Journal Entry: Dec 13
> I've observed a strange ritual. Last night, two husky men came onto
> the back of my
> property and cut down a pine tree. Taking up my shotgun to deal with
> the trespassers,
> I watched as they dragged the tree back to their car. Was that all
> they had come for?
> Had they broken the law merely to steal a tree? Fascinated and
> horrified, I followed
> them back to their home. They took the tree off their car and took
> it into their house.
> Watching from the bushes, I observed the tree thieves as they began
> to cover
> their ill-gotten foliage with strange blinking lights and odd icons
> of some sort. Is
> this some sort of odd cult activity? Perhaps some bizarre fertility
> ritual. (Shub?!?)
> Is the tree supposed to be an Altar? Sacrifice? Antenna? More study
> is required.
>
> Journal Entry: Dec 16
> This cult is far more widespread than I suspected was possible. Much
> of the
> town appears to have been affected. I am considering summoning help.
> Many of the townsfolk seem to be smiling that same insipid smile. I
> am beginning to
> worry. I walking through town assembling some notes about this
> phenomenon when
> I went into a department store for more paper. A large man in a red
> suit and
> a bushy white beard stared at me and rang a small bell. He seemed to
> want me
> to make some offering to a small bucket on a tripod and gave me a
> hard look
> when I didn't. I asked the manager if there was a back way out of
> the store.
>
> Journal Entry: Dec 17
> Had a bad turn today. Found that the maid had erected one of those
> tree
> altars in the living room. Was terrified beyond comprehension by the
> thing.
> Frankly she was completely non-plussed at my reaction. "But it's
> traditional."
> she said. I was forced to dismiss her.
>
> Journal Entry: Dec 19
> My private library has proven useless for this "Winter Festival". I
> must brave
> going into town again and attempting research in the public library.
> I fear time
> is growing short somehow...and this is compounded by the snow which
> is
> coming down very hard now. I fear I will be snowed in if this keeps
> up.
>
> Journal Entry: Dec 20
> I am filled with horror. Venturing into town to use the library, I
> encountered the
> man in the red suit again. He was speaking very intently to a very
> small child who was
> rapt in attention at his words. I hurried along before he could
> notice me. I arrived at
> the Library and presented myself as an anthropologist studying the
> basis of this
> local "Winter Festival" I was looked at quizzically, but directed
> well by the
> young lady at the desk. Apparently this cult is very old and it's
> practices
> are particularly gruesome. It apparently started with the Celts (who
> died out by the way)
> It's now masquerading as the festival of the birth of some Christian
> martyr. but
> it's practices are very suspicious. I'm having to read between the
> lines of course,
> but I'm seeing a terrifying pattern here. There's apparently some
> flying
> creature with claws. (The translation here may be flawed) It goes
> forth
> once per year to reward the faithful and punish the transgressors. It
> particularly likes "sweets" ( which I take to mean
> sweetbreads...Horrible!)
> and will consume these offerings if they are left for him.
> Apparently no home
> is proof against this horrific beast who is able to invade through the
> smallest fireplace (Significance? Hastur relationship?) The faithful
> are
> also enjoined to put up stockings up on the mantel and they will be
> "filled."
> I can only assume with the severed legs of the "bad little children".
> There is also some sort of connection to a "Snowman" (Ithaqua? It
> must be!)
> This finally explains the bizarre patterns in the snow and odd snow
> sculptures
> all over town. As I walked home, trying to make some sense of this
> horrific
> puzzle. I saw the man in red again. He seems to be everywhere. Is he
> following me?
>
> Journal Entry: Dec 21
> I had bad dreams last night. The Man in Red had invaded my home with
> a very
> large sack. To what end I don't know. I woke up screaming when he
> turned and
> I recognized his face. This was not the only strange thing that I
> encountered. As
> the snow dashed my hopes of leaving town before this hideous ritual
> could take place.
> I began to knock around the house. I discovered that the
> refrigerator has
> become home to strange foodstuffs. I found a pitcher of some odd
> smelling
> spicy fluid which looked like milk gone bad. I also found an odd
> cake like
> substance with unidentifiable red and green THINGS in it. I was forced
> to dismiss the cook. These cultists are everywhere but at least I
> have the house to myself.
>
> Journal Entry: Dec 22
> Had the dream again. Will this nightmare ever cease? I also had
> visions of...
> something dancing in my head. I can feel a horrific change coming
> over me.
> It's slow and pernicious but I'm beginning to feel it's effects. I
> saw myself in
> the mirror today and I didn't recognize myself. I had that SMILE on
> my face...
> No it's not even a smile, it's more of a rictus. It took some effort
> to wipe it
> from my face. I found myself in front of the fridge looking at the
> fluid and the
> evil looking cake.... wondering what they tasted like. I fear for my
> immortal soul.
>
> Journal Entry: Dec 23
> Last night as I was trying to calm myself by the fire. (which I keep
> burning
> all the time now.) I heard the high piping voices of the cultists
> outside my door.
> They were singing to me...In Latin! Something about "Come all ye
> faithful"
> or somesuch. I was filled with such fear that I was forced to
> retreat to the
> basement where I sat and trembled until they finally went away. I
> wanted
> to go to them....I wanted... No. Best not to think about that now.
>
> Journal Entry: Dec 24
> This may be my last entry. I have dealt with some horrifying things
> in my life but this is far too much to handle alone. I am forced to
> take
> drastic measures. I have taken a few household chemicals and rigged
> a primitive detonator which I can trigger from the garage. It should
> kill
> anything in the house...At least that is my hope. I can feel the
> "Christmas Spirit" trying to take over my body and I want no part of
> it.
> I'll either kill the Flying Klaws or I'll freeze to death out here.
> Lose the
> house or lose my life. It's a small price to pay to end this
> pernicious menace.
>
> original from Pete Sears
> The Templeton Institute of Advanced Human Dynamics
>
http://home1.gte.net/revk/index.htm found on newsnet>
>
