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Author Topic: Single Steampunks?  (Read 354987 times)
elShoggotho
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« Reply #650 on: March 23, 2009, 11:55:37 pm »

The problem with our times is that real men and assholes are easily confused by girls (read: younger, immature human females). Readjust your sights, go for women!
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Magister
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« Reply #651 on: March 24, 2009, 12:00:30 am »

A friend of mine once proposed a interesting and rather plausible explanation for why people, of both genders end up with jerks.

Essentially, he observed that in social situations, people are more apt to be interested in those who ignore them, or act superior to them. Thus it follows, that jerks, who are by their very nature self centered, radiate a strong sense of self confidence, feel superior to those around them, and thus have a slightly condescending attitude will be more attractive.

The reason he believed was that in general such attitudes make the opposite sex feel like these individuals are better than them, (since generally speaking such individuals DO think they are better than everyone, this isn't a stretch) and a few carefully chosen words in these situations can easily make one feel like these superior like you because we don't expect as much from them. Further it gratifies our egos to think that someone better than us is paying attention to us, we feel like they're doing us a favor.

It's not a nice theory, or a heartwarming one.

The very astute friend who first thought of this was an incredibly neurotic terminally shy man with very low self esteem. After he put forward this idea, he set to work projecting such an image of himself, and eventually became one of those womanizing jerks himself.

I think somehow, the key is to take some wisdom from this, without succumbing to the darkside.
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« Reply #652 on: March 24, 2009, 12:43:55 am »



Personally I'm just a lousy conversationalist... I don't know how to initiate a conversation or continue one beyond those awkward silences. Ergo the only people I can usually converse with are close friends and that's not a direction I everr want to go in ever again!

^ That's me there. I have little to say unless asked something.

It gets rather disheartening after a while doesn't it?
Makes you wonder how all the other people manage to spend £150 on texts in a month, and what the actually talk about.
Inane crap, you don't want thier kind of "conversations".


I gave up talking recently, it's acctually kinda difficult to maintain because I'm so used to ... not, not talking Cheesy I know this makes it difficult to get a partner but I'm, sort of, resigned to the single life, for now anyway. I don't like it but ... it's complicated. If someone comes along I'd love to spend some time with them, do some of those things like go see a film together and walk in the park and eat food in the same room with alot of other people eating food ... then we'd do some of my things like go trawl the antique shops or play with some voltmeters Smiley But no serious relationship.
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« Reply #653 on: March 24, 2009, 12:58:08 am »

All posts and accounts on this page are on par !  

All are correct.   The theories spoken of, and proven, by your shy friend is completely accurate. It taps into a slight survival instinct that is still found in human beings.  Alpha complex.  Suffered by both men and women, it's affects lead to disappointment.

I too, was an alpha type of male. I had a girlfriend for 14 years. During that time I only kept her by her keen sense of logic and forgiveness. I was not, nor can any of us be, the life of the party all the time. We can't maintain a position of perfect superiority at all times.

So the tactic of your friend's theory is correct - for attracting people. To keep them, one must be able to switch tracks without being wholly disingenuine about the "spark" that their counterparts saw in them on first impression.

Again, most proper thing said on the topic:  You must acheive a balance.

And with that, I am still alone. Oh, the things i've learned about dating this year could fill a book. When I finally give up hope, I'll perhaps write that book.  But after 14 years with one mate, she left me for my antithesis (long haired, lazy, unemployed smelly kid 7 years her junior) because he had "style", after the endless criticism and insult about my Steampunkishness. (I'm not bitter.  Oh wait, I am) And then I moved onto a girl who was 13 years my junior. (I didn't know until our 3rd date, and we continued to date).  From these two scenarios, I have learned that everything I know is intrinsically wrong.  And there have been others.

I sorta remember how twisted and sick the world of dating was, but i may have lost track of how sick and twisted it was.  The girls I've dated this year are completely out of their minds, and have personalities that should not be endured by any living creature.  Vapid at best, foaming at the mouth psycho at "worst".  I'm ready to quit.

The important point to my anecdote is this:  I have always chased women. Well, when I say "chased", I'm both a hopeless romantic and a brave soul who isn't (really) afraid of rejection. So I wind up to be the first to make a move - always. And when I do that, I find myself "convincing" someone to love me. And I get some success: They say they do and everything. But at the end of the day, they don't.  They are pretending. They feel bad to say otherwise, or more common: They are keeping me around until someone comes that they are attracted to. That person may say they love them, but they are pretending - and so on.

This time, I will expose myself to the world and let them come to me. I can't chase anymore. I'm ready to commit suicide. I can't feel any lower about myself - I decided life is too important to feel this way all the time. The only way to completely guarantee being lonely is to stay at home (Not going to the proverbial casino in the first place).  I go to places where I would want to meet someone. Book stores, coffee shops, even grocery stores. I go out as much as possible - knowing full well that the chances of meeting a mate in line at the convenience store is equal to meeting someone at a dating event. It's all in the different handle pulls.

My progress so far ? abysmal. Do I feel as a failure for it ? Not at all. If one goes to bars to meet someone, chances are that they will meet someone who only goes to bars. Will I meet the woman of my dreams at a bike show ? Not really, not when .5% of them are even female.  But I do know my chances are reduced to 0 when I just sit at home , or in solitude at friend's houses and the like.

Oh, and a word about advertising:  I like to let do a few things in my own time. First off, I wear goggles just about everywhere I go. pilot's coats, classic hats and the such are my daily garb. This will polarize people right off the bat: "Oh my god, that's so hot" (1% or less) and "You're such a weirdo. Go away, freak" (99+%)  Be yourself, but remember that no one wants to see the real you, and no one wants to "get to know you". But that .x% of those that do, will REALLY want to get to know you. There is a balance.  I have, however, found that eyeliner and nailpolish on a guy is the single most intimidating element I have in my arsenal.  Use it with caution.
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« Reply #654 on: March 24, 2009, 01:27:47 am »

Ladies of steampunk, it would appear that..


After quite some time..



I find myself...


to be single.





So if anyone of interest is in the Los Angeles Area, we should meet up for coffee, booze, mad science, perhaps the arboretum?

You should be a member of one or more of the following associations:  Steampunk, Gamer, Intellectual, above the age of 24, those who are curious, those who are adventurous, those who enjoy electronic music, those who dislike country music, Those with Drive and Ambition, Those who like cheese.


I think that about sums it up Smiley

photos after I get out of work...
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« Reply #655 on: March 24, 2009, 08:01:42 am »

I really have been trying to hold my tongue while skimming through this thread, but I've had enough of the "girls like a**holes" theory that's been bandied about, really I have.

It's insulting to ALL concerned. I look at my friends, relatives, people I know, that are in contented, stable relationships and if that theory were true, the men they're dating/have settled down with would, by definition, be a**holes. And they're not. Most of them have become friends in their own right, too.

Women (and, let's face it, too many men, too) DO date a**holes, it's true. They generally begin dating them because they don't realise what a prick they are, and a proportion stay with them because said a**hole systematically destroys any self-respect and self-confidence their partner may have until they are convinced they cannot leave the abusing partner. It's a terrible situation to witness, especially when it reaches the stage where the person is manipulated into destroying contact with their own support network too.

A man is not an a**hole just because he goes out with a girl you were interested in.

A girl is not a b*tch because she does not "repay" your "unconditional" support and friendship with sex.

And most of all...

Women like men who don't think they can generalise us all in one statement!
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« Reply #656 on: March 24, 2009, 09:27:02 am »

Steamblast mary, Please don't be rational as it destroys my stereotype that women are illogical and no-one wants that now do they! Wink

Its a fair point though But i must add that i learnt a while back that its never a clear divide between good guys and assholes. Everyone can be a tosser at times and most have their moments when they are fantastic folk, just dont expect one without the other and if you do find one then keep/chuck as quick as possible!
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« Reply #657 on: March 24, 2009, 10:39:52 am »

I look at my friends, relatives, people I know, that are in contented, stable relationships and if that theory were true, the men they're dating/have settled down with would, by definition, be a**holes. And they're not. Most of them have become friends in their own right, too.
I was reading the last few pages of this thread and had similar thoughts before I even got to your post! From some of the posts I get the sense that the vast majority of people the writers know and meet every day are a**holes. Where on earth do you live[1] that this is the case? I don't view humanity through rose-coloured glasses at all, but in my experience most people are, well, not a**holes. Granted, there are those that I may not like for one reason or another, or think that they are wrong in some things they do; even people that have hurt or offended me on occasion; but none of this alone makes them a**holes.

[1] Exception is made for those still in highschool where indeed in some (many) circumstances can lead one to think the whole world is full of jerks and nobody but.
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« Reply #658 on: March 24, 2009, 11:42:20 am »

Good lord...

I'm so much better off just concentrating on my music, aren't I.
I've been working on it for about as long as I have been dating people, three or so years, but the music's left me with something tangible afterward.

All are correct.   The theories spoken of, and proven, by your shy friend is completely accurate. It taps into a slight survival instinct that is still found in human beings.  Alpha complex.  Suffered by both men and women, it's affects lead to disappointment.

The important point to my anecdote is this:  I have always chased women. Well, when I say "chased", I'm both a hopeless romantic and a brave soul who isn't (really) afraid of rejection. So I wind up to be the first to make a move - always.

It's true. Alpha complex is biological and no matter anyone's personal protestations there is no escaping genetics.
What there is, however, is accepting that and knowing it well, that way you can ignore those impulses when and where they're felt.
The only way this species is going to survive is if we can surpass our default programming. As a race we need to smarten up further. Development of the brain is what brought us here today but if people decide to dilute the gene pool with ****ing IDIOTS (normally the brutish, arsehole types) then we will retard that development and faced with our current circumstances die off very, very quickly.
The point I'm laboriously trying to get to is that both sexes need to go for the cleverest types they can. Easy enough for me to say, I suppose, seeing as I find intelligence attractive over looks.
 


A man is not an a**hole just because he goes out with a girl you were interested in.

Yes, yes he is. Again, base biological reaction.

That's actually quite a funny point - an interesting bit of doublethink can occur in that kind of situation. Even if you like the other guy in question, even if you've nothing against them personally, they're still an ass.
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« Reply #659 on: March 24, 2009, 11:55:03 am »

It's very hard not to hate the guy who's going out with the object of your desire... especially if she's admitted that if you'd met first she probably wouldn't be with him. Security is a powerful draw though and there's understandable resistance to change. Feeling a bit guilty because some friends of mine recently split up and my first reaction was "oh good, it is possible for people who've been together a while to split up"... isn't that a horrific thing to think!  Shocked

Oh, and
I'm so much better off just concentrating on my music, aren't I.
Yes. A tormented soul is good for musical creation!
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« Reply #660 on: March 24, 2009, 03:10:53 pm »

If your definition of asshole is any guy who gets the girl you´re interested in, then the whole thing gets rather circular wouldn´t you say?

I wouldn´t say women always go for assholes. I´d however say that they usually go for someone in spite of them being a nice guy than because of it. A nice guy who is a doctor or rich will of course get some women. Though I´d be guessing less than the bastard who is a doctor or rich.
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« Reply #661 on: March 24, 2009, 03:23:06 pm »

I think we often equate confidence with being an asshole. Women go for confident guys and unconfident guys like myself see these confident guys as being 'up themselves', 'arrogant', 'slimy' etc... ergo assholes.
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elShoggotho
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« Reply #662 on: March 24, 2009, 03:31:02 pm »

Girls confuse it too, that's why they end up with genuine arseholes.
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« Reply #663 on: March 24, 2009, 03:39:45 pm »

Ok I have to inquire for all those in the "girls only/mostly date assholes" camp. What is your basis of this claim? What observations have you made and for how long? What is the size of your so called test group? Because if you're basing your opinions on seeing snippets of people interacting then you're being biased. Even if you base your opinion on a long observation of the relationship of someone you know personally, how many times have you done that?

At the risk of sounding like a manwhore, I have had my fair share of dating experiences. I've dated girls of all kinds and I have never dated a girl who wanted to be treated like shit. Some of you might say, "Well Sk1n you just happened to get lucky." No, I just didn't date girls who have issues with needing to feel stepped on. Not talking crap on people with issues. We all have some sort of baggage, including yours truly. But mine aren't problematic and don't cause drama and I go for girls that are stable.

Besides I am sure I have been looked at before as "the asshole." There is a line between egotistical control freak, and confidence. The only comments I have had on my behavior is, "You're so sweet. I don't know what I did to deserve you."


And maybe I'll catch shit for this, but if all you seem to go after are women who pick assholes over you, while you chase them like crazy, maybe you need to take a step back and look at yourself instead of complaining that you always like the ones that fuck you over.
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« Reply #664 on: March 24, 2009, 04:07:29 pm »

Girls don't just date a*holes.  Because if they did it would be a very lonely world indeed. 


One of the greatest lessons one can learn in this life is that you can not force someone to make a decision.  You can provide information, support, an opinion...  But in the end it is up to the person to make whichever choice they will make.  They can also choose not to make a choice at all.

Knowing this may help a lot of frustrated people out there..
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The Abiliegh
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« Reply #665 on: March 24, 2009, 04:17:46 pm »

Okay,. first, I'm baaaaaaaaaaack!

And now, onto conversation. I think we need a little more gfemale perspective on this.

I date, and I date a lot. I've most certainly dated a$$holes. I've also dated the nice guy.

The biggest thing I'm noticing in this discussion is that the "a$$hole" is being lumped in with the "Alpha Male." These are two very different men, though the former often tries to emmulate the latter.

Datring an a$$ is unhealthy, even if it can be a LOT of fun in the beginning. Dating an alpha male is a very different game, and usually quite rewarding.

And all you nice guys, we like you too. You've just got to work a little harder to get our attention.
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« Reply #666 on: March 24, 2009, 07:43:33 pm »

Isn't that a tad presumptuous though? Plus, what if they already have full glasses? I think lingering by them until they're done might be a bit wierd!

Be near the bar and when the girl you like is up getting another one, take that cue. It doesn't require shadowing them the whole night and timing it just perfectly. Just be observant and call it out when the chance arises.

Exactly. Other option is when you see a few of them starting to get towards the bottom of the glass, tell tehir bartender you've got their next roumd. The message will get passed when the drinks are delivered, and you can be suave from across the bar. Just be suire to smile at the girl when you're pointed out.
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« Reply #667 on: March 24, 2009, 07:51:10 pm »

A compliment never goes amiss, pick a feature rather than a generic "you look nice" though as it'll appear you've put more thought into it.
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« Reply #668 on: March 24, 2009, 08:14:05 pm »

Okay... liking this masterclass!

Then what though? Ah, the basic introductions and hopefully a fine conversation... but I never seem to able to stave off the big pause... oh dear. Another one loses interest.  Sad

You're talking about the awkward silences?

Well at first you have to find out how well the drink was received. When she looks at you and acknowledges your kindness, smile at her and raise your glass or nod your head in a "you're welcome" way. If she comes and says thanks in person, you can start from there. If you're wondering if you should make a move, watch the body language. If she continues to glance your way intermittently then you should grab a chance to talk to her. Maybe when she gets another drink, or goes outside on the patio for fresh air. Just simple hello, my name is to start it off.

From there ask open ended questions. Where are you from, what do you do for work, how do you like that, what brings you out tonight. All questions that could potentially fill a night long conversation, and are also segways into other topics like interests, family, relationship history. Non specific questions can carry on especially if she's a talker. That way it will showcase how you're a good listener, and also give you some early insight into what type of girl you just met.

Also, I know rejection is a bitch, but the worst that can happen is she's not interested. It never hurts to ask. I remember back when I was starting to date, I was awkward as hell. You try to talk to 10 girls and 9 weren't having any of it. But for every 9 that said no, there was that one girl who was funny, easy to talk to, and was willing to give it a shot.

that is the best advice right there. Nothing workes 100% of the time. The more you get comfortable with that, the more it will show. Getting rejected isn't a bad thing.
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« Reply #669 on: March 24, 2009, 09:49:06 pm »

Quote from: Sk1n
I haven't been to the Edison in a while, but I from what I remember there was always a pretty attractive clientele.

Indeed sir, next time you're out here let me know and we'll go for some refreshment and research.

Sadly I am taken, but there is nothing wrong with observing. I will, however, be your wing man.

I was actually out that way on Saturday. Went down to a place on Melrose near La Brea to try and get some new clothes. Unfortunately I wasn't going to pay 60 dollars for a t-shirt just because it was English.
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« Reply #670 on: March 24, 2009, 10:04:08 pm »

Quote from: Sk1n
I haven't been to the Edison in a while, but I from what I remember there was always a pretty attractive clientele.

Indeed sir, next time you're out here let me know and we'll go for some refreshment and research.

Sadly I am taken, but there is nothing wrong with observing. I will, however, be your wing man.

I was actually out that way on Saturday. Went down to a place on Melrose near La Brea to try and get some new clothes. Unfortunately I wasn't going to pay 60 dollars for a t-shirt just because it was English.


Considering I'm a man, and you're a man, and I'm straight, I'd have to say it's incredibly awesome that you're taken.  (sorry it was low hanging comedic fruit but I had to Smiley )

Just because you have a girlfriend doesn't mean you can't head to The Edison with me and see what's out there.

wingman?  Excellent to the Airship!
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« Reply #671 on: March 24, 2009, 10:32:26 pm »

Quote from: Sk1n
I haven't been to the Edison in a while, but I from what I remember there was always a pretty attractive clientele.

Indeed sir, next time you're out here let me know and we'll go for some refreshment and research.

Sadly I am taken, but there is nothing wrong with observing. I will, however, be your wing man.

I was actually out that way on Saturday. Went down to a place on Melrose near La Brea to try and get some new clothes. Unfortunately I wasn't going to pay 60 dollars for a t-shirt just because it was English.


Considering I'm a man, and you're a man, and I'm straight, I'd have to say it's incredibly awesome that you're taken.  (sorry it was low hanging comedic fruit but I had to Smiley )

Just because you have a girlfriend doesn't mean you can't head to The Edison with me and see what's out there.

wingman?  Excellent to the Airship!

Haha I never took it as you hitting on me to go get drinks. I took it completely as a two guys, hanging out and grabbing some drinks while enjoying the scenery.

And the little lady completely understands time with the boys.
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« Reply #672 on: March 25, 2009, 03:26:03 am »

Wow ! This thread has taken off !

I would like to quickly restate:  The idea of "@$$hole men" has been taken out of context.  Please, remember that it seems that so many @$$hole men get the women, because 80% (Or so.. you get the drift) of people are @$$holes !  Of course you will see them with women !  This statistic has skewed and distorted your original statistic !

I would also like to point something out to us Steampunks the very thing that makes dating so awkward for us .   A Steampunk is NOT a goth.  Is NOT a punk. Is NOT an Emo. We are very rare creatures. A blend of 100% creativity, 100% style, 100% intelligence and a zest for life that is not shared by most any other cultural vector in the world !

Steampunks are the ultra-plus-one of the best that humanity has to offer.  We don't destroy, we create. We don't neglect, we repair. We see a problem, we yearn to fix it.  This contrasts gravely in a world where we are surrounded by the exact opposite.

Put the goggles down for a moment, put on a pair of jeans and a funny logo t-shirt.  You're still YOU, and we are still US.  Our regalia is fun and speaks to our personality, but when I look around and see "Steampunk" what I really see is our Character.  And if all of our æsthetic were to disappear, we are still artists, sculptors, musicians, photographers, adventurers and most of all - philosophers.  Ingenious and ingenuous. We exhibit substance behind the cloth. We are not drunks, we are not addicts, we are loosely defined - and in that free to be who are within our own culture.

That's why this routine, mundane and modern world seems daunting or senseless !  To take ourselves and play a part is just that - an act. The Steampunk is unselfishly above that formula.  When we apply ourselves to metal shaping, we exceed. When we apply ourselves to miced-media sculture, we exceed. When we apply ourselves to just about anything - We exceed. And that lifestyle is what makes a Steampunk so great.

Few people are Steampunk not because they don't like the look, or the music - They aren't even "Not interested".  They aren't steampunk because they lack the creativity and courage to be one.

But I won't hold that against them Smiley
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« Reply #673 on: March 25, 2009, 09:25:43 am »

Well, I feel slightly honoured to see that my unsuccessful (as of yet) attempt to find love on the Aethernet has not only reached an obscene amount of posts and has sparked discussion (always a plus, since if you can't stimulate the heart, stimulate the mind!), but has now been stickied!

 Grin

Well, if there are any ladies out there in Texas willing to bear with an eccentric fellow who can carry conversations so intelligent that even Nietzsche would cry from joy at having found his Ubermensch and a romantic nature so strong that Lord Byron would've become one of my most fervent admirers, then please do let me know! Also, let's not mention how I outpassion Casanova and, to be blunt yet honest, am most likely better in the bedroom. Of course, I'd love to do the whole ritual of courtship first, as I'm a gentleman, but don't let that make you think I'm a boring sod, for in fact, I am a man of adventure! Near San Antonio is a plus, but I'm willing to try out long distance romances, no matter where you live in our beautifully wild world. Contact me for more information!

Also, must be willing to tolerate an ego the size of alternate universes (where else would I store them?).  Embarrassed
« Last Edit: March 25, 2009, 09:34:53 am by BaronPablo » Logged

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« Reply #674 on: March 25, 2009, 10:09:49 am »

Now THAT is a personal statement!  Cheesy
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