The Steampunk Forum at Brass Goggles
July 18, 2019, 03:43:42 am *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length
News: Brassgoggles.co.uk - The Lighter Side Of Steampunk, follow @brasstech for forum technical problems & updates.
 
   Home   Blog Help Rules Login Register  
Pages: 1 ... 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 [52] 53 54   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Single Steampunks?  (Read 335183 times)
LukeHogbin
Zeppelin Admiral
******
Slovenia Slovenia


Steamcat


« Reply #1275 on: February 03, 2010, 08:51:38 pm »

Game ?  Huh
Logged

I have defied Gods and Demons. I am your shield; I am your sword. I know you: your past, your future. This is the way the world ends.
Utini420
Zeppelin Admiral
******
United States United States


it is OK to tell me when its time to shut up


WWW
« Reply #1276 on: February 03, 2010, 08:58:44 pm »

"Game" in this instance meaning your ability to flirt successfully.

It's kind of all I can do half the time in the winter to not slide off into semi-functional depression.  As it is, I feel desperate for anything to get excited about, but I feel so bored and glum that I feel pre-bored, if that makes sense: bored with what I'm doing, bored with what I'm gonna be doing, and bored at the notion of doing other things.

A few of us went out last night, I didn't know anyone at the party.  The two people I went with were laughing afterwards because, according to them, I'm so good at just going up and talking to people.  But I felt like I spent the whole night holding up a door frame and staring at people. 

Took a good look at the social calendar for the next few months, and its more of the same: lame shit that technically counts as doing something, but I can't get excited about it.  Most of the crap I'd want to do I can't for financial reasons, and more of the stuff close and cheep enough to do conflicts with things I have to do but can't really get excited about, like weddings.  And the few events that I'd really and truly get excited about are out of the picture this year for various personal reasons.
Logged

If you have a Dremmel, everything is compatible.
Utini's Workshop:   http://utini420.blogspot.com
Utini420
Zeppelin Admiral
******
United States United States


it is OK to tell me when its time to shut up


WWW
« Reply #1277 on: February 03, 2010, 10:19:53 pm »

Man, does anyone else feel like their game curls up and goes into hybernation during the winter months?

really? i'd never heard this before... i prefer the temperate months, but i personally cannot be so put upon to interact with humans when it's hot.

It is quite possibly a southern thing, but man, let me tell ya, its flat out easy to talk people out of their cloths in Alabama in July.

That's not what I was getting at, though.  I don't know if its the cold, or lack of sun, or something else but I can only go so long in the cold before I just start to shut down, like my body is trying to wait it out.  Nothing is interesting: not food, not friends, not going places or doing things, and certainly not sitting home alone.  I get into this viscous circle, where I get too bummed and bored to do anything, and then because I feel like I've not done anything I get bummed and bored.
Logged
TheBrassDuke
Gunner
**
United States United States


The Brass Duke


« Reply #1278 on: February 04, 2010, 06:45:42 am »

All right, pack it up, pack it up; we're done today, don't do anymore--hip, hip, hooraaaaayyyy!

*sighs heavily*

That's all, folks...

But no, really. The Brass Duke wants to play a little game now, friends. This is what we're going to do. Ready?

We are going to answer my simple, yet not-so-simple, question.

Why is James using me? >8(

I went home on Monday, after just surviving that episode we had Saturday evening. And earlier Wednesday afternoon, I managed to call him and see if he wanted to hang out again, as he and I are never away from each other for too long.

When I am there I've noticed I sit around on either the computer, lay on my bed and take naps, or I tend to the fire. He plays Xbox live. All the time. I was fine with it for a while, because I love him and want him to be happy.

So anyway, I called him. He didn't want to hang out, making some excuse about visiting his father over the weekend...well, I was originally taken aback because it was Wednesday, but then figured he was still thinking about what I told him on Saturday and he was sort of disgusted by my presence, or something.

Well, he called me about an hour later asking if I could come over and hang out.

I know, really?

   (\(\
   (p;),,
 C( (")")

Well APPARENTLY his Xbox would not read any of his disks anymore. Why? Because his laser's dead, or something. I knew right away he wanted to make full use of MY console. That was the only reason he changed his mind. But--because I love him and will do anything to see him again each time I leave--I smiled and came over.

He began playing again the moment I got there. However, it was different this time. Usually I would be able to chat with him during pauses when other fools were not shouting and bickering with him over the microphone. THIS time, he was acting a bit rude to me, ignoring me and just plain...well, an ass. Still love him.

The Xbox is evil...

Now please tell me why he uses me? And why do I let him? God, I'm such a terrible Duke. He's even told me I wouldn't make a good sovereign, because I would just be sitting on my throne, and he would call out going "would you make me some cereal?" and...knowing me, I would stop negotiating an important peace treaty JUST to get him that damn cereal.

What the DOUBLE-YOU (W) is wrong with me!?

>8(

My apologies for bitching, but I'm troubled and insane.
Logged

~The Brass Duke~

"What our dreams imagine, our hands create."
Thor
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Carpe Jugulum

bigastronauts
WWW
« Reply #1279 on: February 04, 2010, 08:16:57 am »

Now please tell me why he uses me? And why do I let him?

He uses you because he can, and he knows he can.  You let him because consciously or not, you're seeking his approval and adoration.  If you do not have it now, you will not get it.  You're in love with someone who does not love you, and is only your friend when it suits them.  It sucks, and it hurts, and I've been in that situation.  Love is irrational, and makes us do crazy things.  I should know, I pushed away the woman I loved the most.  But that's another story for another time.

You need to stop spending time around him.  Hang out with other friends, join a club or something.  Meet new people.  Do this and soon enough you'll meet someone else who makes your heart race, your stomach feel like butterflies, your head feel light.  Someone who makes you feel like you're walking on air after talking to them.
Logged

So when times are hard and life is rough, you can stick the kettle on and find me a cup...
You can find me at facebook Here
Ulfilias
Snr. Officer
****
United Kingdom United Kingdom


ulfilias
WWW
« Reply #1280 on: February 04, 2010, 12:49:55 pm »

dry spells, the longer they go on, usually, the lower people have their standards for a relationship. Oh those silly people. *shifts around looking stressed and unsnuggled*

Its an interesting theory.....However, i'm not sure it holds up so well in my case.....Shortly after becoming single, i was probably in the bargain bin. Confidence crushed. Blindsided. Bewildered and ever so lost and lonely. There was a 5 day fling. Nice to know things work. Good confidence boost, but i was distant. Gained a friend and an open invite to sweeden

Six month down the line i'd started to build myself up. I was getting out and having fun. My pride and confidence had started to rise, i was on the up. Standards were definately rising.

A brief (2-3month) relationship taught me how much i had adapted to single life and how much i liked my freedom and what i was not prepared to sacrifice. I killed it due to other complications.

I am now up to the point that i've turned down a few relationships and bits as i've felt they either wouldn't work or would compromise me or my lifestyle. I'm not really prepared to settle for second best....I've gone this long (truely single about a year) and it is past the point of caring about being single and more caring about whats right....Besides i'm a great catch for the right girl....A true one of a kind  Cool

Now i am fairly well settled in the

Logged

"My clothes will impress you, and my claws will undress you" - The Damned
CaptainPhania
Zeppelin Captain
*****
Australia Australia


Captain who bought her commission.


« Reply #1281 on: February 04, 2010, 02:18:38 pm »

@ The Brass Duke
There comes a point in everyone's life when they realise that there is no point in loving someone who doesn't love them back and most likely never will. It can take time to reach that conclusion and it can be painful in the interim, but you need to get to it in order to move on. Leave unrequited love for the poets*. They can use it constructively.
You have told us that to know this lad is to love him. That might have been your perspective then, but you're also questioning your exploitative relationship. I wouldn't even be his friend in your shoes until he acknowledges that your friendship ought to work both ways.

*If you are a poet, writing reams of poetry about it might help you reasses your feelings towards him. Don't knock it until you try it. When my ex moved on to another girl (with the same name as me, wtf), I couldn't accept it and wrote a rather miserable poem that won $30. I bought a CD that made me happier than thinking about my ex ever could.
Logged
Reni Valentine
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United States United States


see here, Gus - nobody chaperones the chaperone

Reni_Valentine
WWW
« Reply #1282 on: February 04, 2010, 05:21:30 pm »

i'm a compulsive flirt.
Say it isn't so!  Wink
(PS, replied to your previous, but it got stuck on the previous page)

 Wink seen, giggled at, and now replying to...

Dude, I think the best compliment I've gotten in an age was from a young lady at a recent party who told me that, (and I really wish I could remember exactly how she phrased it) I was the only guy she knew who could be so happy looking at boobs that it made her feel pretty instead of objectified. 

secrets from the girl universe - there's a difference between appreciating and ogling. hell, if i had issues with people looking, i most certainly wouldn't have put a tattoo there. that, and i would consider wearing a shirt that closes over my chest...

Well, see, you're in luck -- I'm the son of yankee immigrants, we only moved down here when I was in 7th grade.  I grew up in Ohio, so I know a think or two about the real cold, not this cracker-jack semicold it usually gets down here (this winter has been an exception).  I also never really got the ma'am thing drilled into me as a kid, so who while I've learned to affect it as an effective social greese its not an auto-response.  I'm more prone to call a lady "Darlin'."

i don't exactly consider Ohio the northeast, sweetest...although i have a dear friend who lives there and there is something to be said for the fact that your young men seem to have a weird fascination with me - it borders on creepy, but there's hours between here and there so all is well...

there is something  very endearing about being called "darlin'." Texas, Georgia, and Ohio seem to be the guilty parties there - yes, i'm speaking from experience. "ma'am" is prevalent in the deep south, especially when you get into members of the armed services who are southern. then the only ones who get away with it are the ones with just the right balance of drawl and growl *swoon*

All that bein' said, I'm always game for new lessons in human thermal dynamics.  Kiss

well, this weekend they're calling for anywhere between six and 40 inches of snow. it is my full intention to barricade myself in the house with DVDs, red wine, fluffy blankets, and takeaway. if you can make it to town, you're more than welcome to join me.  Kiss
Logged

In all reality, "steampunk" is anachronistic, innit? Otherwise it's just Victorian dress-up.

chain smokin', sleep needin', apparel designin', mohawk havin', tea drinkin', steady cursin', boy charmin', card readin' rabble-rouser and amusement park cleverly disguised as a woman

TS245
Ulfilias
Snr. Officer
****
United Kingdom United Kingdom


ulfilias
WWW
« Reply #1283 on: February 08, 2010, 10:21:14 pm »

I see...good job I bailed before you had the chance to stand me up then!!  Wink Tongue Grin

Oh if i had arranged to specifically meet someone, i would have been there. I don't stand people up. Besides you have my mobile number etc.
Quote
Too bad about the 20th, you have missed your chance to see me all prettified in my dancing gear ( Grin) plus, might I add, a number of my (sexy) female friends who just love to (as single, totally available women) shimmy on the dancefloor with such flamboyant young men as yourself! *teases*
Oh i'd love to be there if i wasn't already engaged. Prettified, more than you already are...I don't belive it possible Wink

Quote
Guess we'll just have to keep trying to find that elusive date in the diary when we're both free...it's so hard being popular, ain't it?  Wink Grin

Indeed we shall. I'm sure something will arise sooner or later  Cool

Logged
malcontentcontent
Officer
***
United States United States


I'm in it for the dirt.


« Reply #1284 on: February 09, 2010, 02:25:28 am »

Ok, Singles.  Would you care to please analyze this one for me?

A friend of mine is currently studying abroad in Coventry right now.  Here in the States, she has a boyfriend who she has been with for 3 years, but she's always saying how she wants to break up with him, that there's too much of a generation gap (he's almost 10 years older), the passion is dead, and that she never felt he was "the one."  She feels that she is only with her boyfriend because she's afraid she can't find another guy and because she knows he'll always take care of her; he's basically a security blanket. 

She met a Dutch guy who is also studying in the UK.  They became good friends, and now she has a crush on him, and he's admitted to liking her.  He also has a girlfriend.  He and my friend flirted a bit, but he told her that he still likes her, but he doesn't want to give her false hopes.  She's now confused because he said that but also keeps saying things about how he thinks she has a great smile, and how much he likes her. He continues to flirt. There's also another guy who likes her, she thinks he's ok, but she's not really interested.

She called me for advice, and I talked with her for about an hour, but I couldn't tell her much because she was having a hard time relating her problem.  She just sent me an email explaining the above situation, and so I want to tell her what I honestly think, but as I've been single for such a long time, I worry I am desensitized.  First, I want to tell her that I feel this Dutch guy is a flirt by nature and is trying to politely refuse her.  Even if he likes my friend, he knows that they will both leave the UK in less than a year and there is no reason to jeopardize his current relationship of more than 2 years or whatever it was.  Second, I want to tell her that I don't feel she is really happy with her boyfriend, and that while she may not want to break up with him, it may be a good idea to keep an eye out, or whatever you'd like to call it.  Not to cheat, but not to hang onto her boyfriend just because he's safe.  Of course, her other option is to find a way to revitalize their relationship, which will be tough considering he's here Stateside and she's abroad and she never felt much for him to begin with.  However, I'm afraid I may be giving her bad advice if I say this, and she might break up with her boyfriend and regret it.  She's not happy now, but she could be more unhappy.  I don't know.  I wouldn't have stayed for more than 3 years in a relationship that I felt was passionless and didn't truthfully fulfill me.  Anyway, I feel like no matter what she does in this situation, she's digging herself into a hole.  Should I just come out and tell her what I think I should? I guess I could just let her figure it out on her own, too.

It would seem people come to me for relationship advice because I've obviously been so wildly successful in the dating scene!  Funny how she has a problem opposite the one I have.  She has too many prospects, I don't have enough.  Maybe I should go study in Coventry.Tongue
« Last Edit: February 09, 2010, 02:49:22 am by malcontentcontent » Logged
Minjoltr
Zeppelin Admiral
******
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Asker of Questions


« Reply #1285 on: February 09, 2010, 02:47:33 am »

Coventry's a dive although it has two universities; one nice and one not so nice.

I'd go for telling her your concerns.  She can choose whether she takes your advice or not but it's annoying when you do something and then my mum people say "I think you should have picked X rather than Y." and you think "But I asked you before I made the decision.  Why couldn't you have said that then?"
Logged

Join Minnie in the IRC.  All of the cool people are doing it - you should too.
malcontentcontent
Officer
***
United States United States


I'm in it for the dirt.


« Reply #1286 on: February 09, 2010, 02:54:37 am »

I think you're right.  I'll tell her, but now I have to figure out how to make it sound at least sort of nice.  I'm way too blunt sometimes.

I don't know which university she's at.  Maybe I should have asked.
Logged
Utini420
Zeppelin Admiral
******
United States United States


it is OK to tell me when its time to shut up


WWW
« Reply #1287 on: February 09, 2010, 04:11:09 pm »

malcontentcontent, I'm often hesitant to give advise for people I don't know, so I'll just give an opinion.

Monogomy is over-rated, especially (in my mind) when it comes to long-distance stuff and years apart.  I'm not advocating cheating in any way, just that if the interested parties can talk it all out amongst themselves things don't have to be so binary as all that.

From a more conventional standpoint, it doesn't sound like your friend really needs a security blanket.  She might want to set it aside for a moment before she gets really dependent on it.  That's often how folks seem to end up "settling" for someone.
Logged
Acheron
Zeppelin Captain
*****
Sweden Sweden


Bastard Man powers, activate! Form of Freud!


« Reply #1288 on: February 10, 2010, 12:11:24 am »

Malcontentcontent: Your friend doesn't really have a single problem, but two, each of which can be attributed to one of the two respective men involved.

The lesser problem is the guy in the states. On one hand it's pretty good if the relationship with the older guy is, or at least has been, an educative one, but she knows clearly whether if she wants to leave. Of course, since we don't know what sort either she or he is, it's hard to judge how something serious would work out there. But if it's without passion and she wants to get out, then she should. As soon as possible. She might have to take a bit of flak for doing it while absent, and don't expect the man in question to be glad about having been held up even while she's been out of the country. If she wants to keep him as a friend, then it's going to take a lot more waiting and a more deft touch. But sometimes it's better to cut your losses and run. And relying on a 'security blanket' is untenable no matter where, what and how.

Now, the greater problem is the Dutchman. If he's still flirting with her - flirting, and not just being nice. You girls seem to confuse those a lot - and persists in being a tease even though he's said that he doesn't want to give her false hopes... Basically what she should do is not let him do that. She should tell him straight out that she wants him, and that it's too stressful to be around him if she can't have him, and then take a few steps back and remain distant. Then she should be ready to 'hook' any moves that he might make, without taking too many steps forward herself. If the whole thing with the Dutchman might possibly work out, in spite of their different nationalities and possible economical difficulties, and she really likes him and isn't just needy, then that's worth trying for.

The crux is that you can always expect people to be self-convenient and lazy, regardless of how well-intentioned and mild-mannered they may be. And this tendency should be fought. In her case, what I fear is that this Dutchman might be setting her up as 'something on the side' or a 'second option'. Not all guys think with their schlongs, of course, but a staggering amount of us do. 'A man is only as good as his options'. And this does not work, for a variety of reasons. Not unless the guy is just that good, which he likely isn't if he's being selfish that way. If she wants something that will pass the stress tests, she's going to have to meet him on equal terms, or better.

And that's my two cents. They may be crass and tarnished, but now they're yours.
Logged

'The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously.'

   - Henry Kissinger
malcontentcontent
Officer
***
United States United States


I'm in it for the dirt.


« Reply #1289 on: February 10, 2010, 04:31:40 am »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You girls?  Kidding, I know what you mean.  I sometimes get aggravated when my female friends get all crazy over a guy, and I can tell he's just being nice as a friend and is completely uninterested romantically.  I don't do boycrazy, so I have difficulty sympathizing and get accused of being "mean."

Strangely enough, though, you put into words pretty much everything I was thinking.

I tried to explain to her that the guy may not be flirting, but she's totally convinced he is, and he may be flirting.  Of course, flirting doesn't necessarily mean he's interested, but try explaining that to someone who's pretty much head over heels. While I agree that she shouldn't allow him to flirt, the problem is she likes it and I doubt she'll put an end to it.  I've also told her that she may take the relationship with her current boyfriend into consideration.  I told she needs to evaluate what she truly feels for him, because waiting will make what I feel is the inevitable breakup worse for both.  This conversation always leads to her going "But I don't know.  Should I leave him?  Tell me what to do. What if this?  What if that?"

I'm beginning to think she doesn't really want my advice.  She's probably just fishing for the answer she wants to hear.  I know she'll call again, so I guess I'll give it a go one more time.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
I can see your point on monogamy.  Not everyone will subscribe to it, of course, but I don't think she'd be too opposed to your idea. Tongue  I totally agree with you on settling.  I said something similar to her, not as eloquently, but same idea.   

Makes me feel better that a few people have had similar ideas to mine.  Makes me feel less inept.
Logged
Acheron
Zeppelin Captain
*****
Sweden Sweden


Bastard Man powers, activate! Form of Freud!


« Reply #1290 on: February 10, 2010, 05:57:19 am »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Of course she wants the answer that is pleasing to hear. When is the case ever different with anyone?

In my book though, if you're friends and it's not something circumstantial, flirting is basically a way of saying 'Yeah, if things allow for it, I'm interested'. That you'd be willing to at least give something more serious a try. Together with playful banter and repartee, it's how you show that you think you'd be compatible with the other person. And I have a bit of a difficult time seeing how other people might interpret it otherwise.

Flirting with no romantic interest or intention of acting on any such, to me, falls under the category of 'messing with someone' in nearly all circumstances. And that is not to be immediately interpreted as complimentary or benign. In fact, it is only rarely that it's actually well-meant. Mostly it's either just thoughtless ego-stroking on part of the flirter, or it's malicious or competitive teasing, yanking on the flirtee's chain.

And I know that I might sound dull and strict and reserved. But hey, I'm Swedish. And in light of past experiences, I much prefer not to give much leeway for mistakes...
Logged
Minjoltr
Zeppelin Admiral
******
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Asker of Questions


« Reply #1291 on: March 01, 2010, 02:44:50 am »

The recent trend for nannying of everything and everyone by the state?  You can't look at children, be near children or photograph anything, ever.  Everyone is either a paedophile, a terrorist or out to sue you for something, (you can/should sue anyone for anything at any time).  You must not leave your luggage unattended because you might be a terrorist but you cannot keep it with you either because it could present a safety hazard.  The country is paralysed with fear over of possible attacks by Al Qaeda but has forgotten how it just carried on when the IRA were really active.  Anything you do could be offensive or dangerous to anyone so you shouldn't be allowed out because you could be a danger to others and you can't stay in because you're probably building bombs or illegally downloading things and you'll get too fat either way.

Also, the LHC, Web 2.0, Google, proliferation of portable instant communication (mobile phones, Black Berrys, digital cameras, etc) and the Recession.
« Last Edit: March 01, 2010, 02:50:27 am by Minjoltr » Logged
AlandraD
Snr. Officer
****
United States United States


Lady of Leisure


WWW
« Reply #1292 on: March 01, 2010, 09:13:54 pm »

Please to hear my rant?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Tips I've learned from this.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Logged
Lady Corsair
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United States United States


Professed cook

LiLati
« Reply #1293 on: March 01, 2010, 11:20:12 pm »

Please to hear my rant?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Tips I've learned from this.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

What's a 50/ok date?

I think i would have left after the anime...That is not a date, that is "hanging out."  Tongue

No tip is a big no-no in my book; I'm a big tipper.  Last night, my brother tipped $6 on a $14 pizza, and I had no problem with that; although it was delivery, and a lot of people don't tip them at all, so I tip bigger for that. 

Also, he's 31, and Anime/Video Games is his idea of a first date?  no, no, no, no, no.  I like Anime and Video Games as much as the next girl, but that is not an acceptable grown-up first date. 
Logged

Do you smile to tempt a lover? Or is this your way to hide a broken heart?
Many dreams have been brought to your doorstep; they just lie there and they die there.
Thor
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Carpe Jugulum

bigastronauts
WWW
« Reply #1294 on: March 02, 2010, 06:03:46 am »

Tips I've learned from this.
1:first date doesnt require 20lbs of candy.(that he made sure to tell me he split between me and his mom. that's fine, but why tell?)
2:First dates are not the right time to bring in your naughty animes
3:Always tip
4:Dont crush little ladies and no means no
5:You dont "earn" kisses, you receive them when it feels right
6:one date doesnt mean you're going everywhere i go always.
7:If a date feels wrong, then it's probably not going to get any better
8:Just because you CAN be out on a date for 9 hours, doesn't mean you SHOULD be

Just some musing on the matter (Edit: I've realised it's mainly aimed at the guys in the audience, but hopefully it's useful to everyone):
Spoiler (click to show/hide)


Types of first dates can vary, it all depends on the things you like to do for fun, and the things they like to do.  Here's a few thoughts and ideas.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Logged
Thor
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Carpe Jugulum

bigastronauts
WWW
« Reply #1295 on: March 02, 2010, 08:59:44 am »

Thank you *bows* there is a reason I was nicknamed 'The Lurrrve Doctor' while at 6th form College  Wink, although it seems I'm generally unable to follow my own advice, even when I know what I should do!  A lot of this I learned from bitter experience, other hints I picked up watching friends fall flat on their faces  Wink

My problem is... I am lousy at small talk!  Let's pretend I might actually be in with a chance of dating one of these cute single girls at my office.  Please, suggest some topics of conversation, or some leading questions I could ask  Smiley  I promise to credit you if I get a date if I ever write a book about this sort of thing  Wink

Heh... "How to be just like a normal person - Common sense tips for good relationships"


By the time I left college and headed for University, I knew of several people my age or the year above who were already married and pregnant, or single mums.  It shocks me... I haven't finished exploring yet, I don't know myself well enough to settle down!
Logged
madjeweler
Gunner
**
United States United States



WWW
« Reply #1296 on: March 03, 2010, 08:02:54 pm »

Hello! I just realized I've lurked here for quite a while and never posted. I'm Laurel the Mad Jeweler, a goldsmith in the SF bay area of California.

Replying to a few messages from a couple of pages back, about changing trends and also about marriage, I tend to see the world in a very customizable way. Ok, the bay area is pretty free and easy and tolerant of differing lifestyles, but I think that marriage is a very individual agreement between the parties involved. If you don't want to slow down your life or "settle down", you shouldn't have to. Maybe there is someone you can partner up with who wants to do great things by your side. If *you* want marriage to mean settling down in one spot and raising a family, that should be *your choice*. I say we should feel free to redefine, reprogram, and otherwise hack that institution until it suits us. Of course, if we had already done that we wouldn't be on the Singles forum... Tongue

Also to Alandra: I would be completely freaking out if someone stole my pets and threatened to amputate their toes. I hope you can take some action about this. Good luck!
Logged
Acheron
Zeppelin Captain
*****
Sweden Sweden


Bastard Man powers, activate! Form of Freud!


« Reply #1297 on: March 05, 2010, 01:06:32 am »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Nothing uppity about it (except going through your resumé before making your point... Cheesy). I don't know what your stance on Piaget's theories are, but personally I find them a bit too objectivized and too clinical to hold up to the truth, as, like so many theories of the time, they are too idealized and individual-centric and can't quite account for individual differences or social interactions. And I would never argue that children, apart from the abnormal, even have the capacity to be egotistical; they completely lack the perspective and mostly the reasons for that kind of thinking. On the other hand, I would say that they can be extremely egoistic. This would also be precisely my point in the self-world differentiation debate as well; children don't have the sheer insight required to take a stance of their own in this matter, why they would naturally tend toward a simplistic, egoistic goal-motivated view.

As for the Ariès vs Rousseau argument, I don't think that I should even start. But I suspect that my main point would simply be; Rosseau's view was much too naivistic and isolated and disregardful of the inherent traits of the individual, much in the same way as Piaget's, even if it did incorporate society as a 'tool'.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The 'overcomplication' that you're speaking of is merely their way of not being able to overlook past experiences using reason, which isn't an exclusively adult trait, just a human one. And of course they would be insightful regarding a situation with which they've managed to familiarize themselves so much. We're not arguing the situational behavior but the ability to cross-reference now...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

No, I am not. And I don't know why you think I do. I'll say it again; I don't think children can be arrogant and thus not willfully evil, since that requires a level of knowledge coupled with motive-oriented thinking and selective perspective and disregard that they just don't have. So they don't have the capacity to loathe. However they do have the capacity to hate and to be cruel, particularly if they feel they've been treated unfairly or if someone is standing in the way of their immediate interest. And seeing how very easy it is to fulfill either of those criteria...
« Last Edit: March 05, 2010, 01:26:29 am by Acheron » Logged
TribalWren
Guest
« Reply #1298 on: March 05, 2010, 01:42:46 am »

I don't know what your stance on Piaget's theories are, but personally I find them a bit too objectivized and too clinical to hold up to the truth, as, like so many theories of the time, they are too idealized and individual-centric and can't quite account for individual differences or social interactions. And I would never argue that children, apart from the abnormal, even have the capacity to be egotistical; they completely lack the perspective and mostly the reasons for that kind of thinking. On the other hand, I would say that they can be extremely egoistic. This would also be precisely my point in the self-world differentiation debate as well; children don't have the sheer insight required to take a stance of their own in this matter, why they would naturally tend toward an simplistic, egoistic goal-motivated view.

I would say Piaget's theories are often interpreted as being 'clinical' but infact if you read his actual work, rather than the work of others quoting him, he makes it clear that his theory is not fixed or concrete and does allow for individual differences. His theory must be worth something after all...considering the majority of the western world's education systems are founded upon it!! Either way it appears we have an language issue here. When I use the word egotistic, I am using it in the psychological definition of the word, not the common usage. The psychological term pertaining to the idea that they are 'motivated by self-interest' wheras the 'common usage' would be perhaps 'selfishness, arrogance etc'. Egotism and egoism mean the same thing. Therefore what you are arguing IS egotism/egoism (whichever term you use, the definition remains), whereas I am arguing this concept of 'egocentrism' which is defined completely differently. This is rather the cognitive inability to separate their own beliefs, thoughts and ideas from others. This it MUST be noted is merely related to 'mind-skills' and is often overcome by what Piaget calls the concrete-operational stage which if I remember rightly is about age 7. When it comes to 'emotions/feelings' however, children are neither egocentric nor egoistic...far far from it. They are able to exhibit empathy from a VERY young age, as well as displaying the ability to cooperate and a strong awareness of their own needs and wants. So they don't lack emotional perspective even if they lack cognitive expereince. Do you see the differentiation?

As for the Ariès vs Rousseau argument, I don't think that I should even start. But I suspect that my main point would simply be; Rosseau's view was much too naivistic and isolated and disregardful of the inherent traits of the individual, much in the same way as Piaget's, even if it did incorporate society as a 'tool'.

I was rather pertaining to Ariès history of childhood argument, in that the western worlds perceptions of 'childhood' and what a 'child' IS, does not neccessarily relate to the biological/natural/truth of the matter. This fact is acknowledged in other cultures around the world. For example, you could consider the age of puberty..nowadays some 'children' are reaching puberty at the age of 8...which means their bodies consider themselves to be ready to bear children (and of course in many other cultures 'children' do bear children and raise them etc. In other cultures 'children' get jobs and earn a living from a young age, get married at a young age etc). Therefore, what is it that MAKES a 'child' a 'child'? Surely a lot of this is merely what we as a western society have constructed it to mean to suit our own culture/lifestyle/needs etc. The 'myth of innocence' is VERY much a western concept and it skews our perceptions of childrens' capabilities severely.

No, I am not. And I don't know why you think I do. I'll say it again; I don't think children can be arrogant. That requires a level of knowledge coupled with motive-oriented thinking and selective perspective and disregard that they just don't have. So they don't have the capacity to loathe. However they do have the capacity to hate and to be cruel, particularly if they feel they've been treated unfairly or if someone is standing in the way of their immediate interest.

Well I think this has been explained in the first paragaraph. But I do find it interesting how you can believe that children do not have the 'selective perspective' to be arrogant, yet do have the capacity to recognise 'justice' and whether they are being treated 'unfairly'. Even the 'perception' of being treated unfairly requires a certain level of wider perspective and knowledge. Seems almost a contradiction in terms.
« Last Edit: March 05, 2010, 02:24:25 pm by TribalWren » Logged
Acheron
Zeppelin Captain
*****
Sweden Sweden


Bastard Man powers, activate! Form of Freud!


« Reply #1299 on: March 06, 2010, 12:01:05 am »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

And would you say that the way our educational systems are structured in general at this date in the western world is optimal? Would you say that the majority of our social experience and cunning when it comes to successful interaction with people and integration with social groups and society as a whole comes from behind school walls, and not outside them? Would you say that regardless of the issue, social situation or persons involved, a teacher needs only refer to literature and accepted psychological theories to resolve a problem or conflict, without having to rely on his or her own personal judgment?

The capacity for empathy may be separate from sheer factual knowledge, but it is nevertheless dependent on a comprehension which is raised only by insight and experience.

Apparently we have different views on 'egocentrism'. I would argue that there is no need for a selfish mind to imagine that no one could think or want things unlike itself, because if it does not want to regard others it does not need to. It just focuses on what it wants, and doesn't care who else gets hurt. And while you might say that 'children are not sociopaths', I'm not trying to make them out as such. It's just that sociopathy is based on pretty much the same sort of ignorance, but taken to extreme lengths.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This simply does not work. There is no point in discussing shades of gray, because that makes the issue as complicated as the number of positions possible to take and the differences between them. You have to stick to 'patterns' or core ideas, or all disputation becomes moot.

No, I do not see childhood as merely a biological phase. Nor do I argue that children are completely innocent or ignorant or unintelligent. I'm just trying to be realistic.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

See my edited addendum at the end.

On an additional note, the sense of material 'fairness' is also something that is more bred in the bone than one might think. There have been studies made with dogs, cats, capucin monkeys, parrots... Basically, it has been determined through the use of a sort of 'money equivalent evaluation basis' system that most animals of any social intelligence worth chalking up to more than instinct have at least a rudimentary or even a pretty good sense of at least material justice. And anything of a higher degree of intelligence requires calculated thought, ergo knowledge, ergo experience...
« Last Edit: March 06, 2010, 12:08:02 am by Acheron » Logged
Pages: 1 ... 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 [52] 53 54   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.20 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 1.763 seconds with 16 queries.