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Author Topic: Single Steampunks?  (Read 337708 times)
Acheron
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Bastard Man powers, activate! Form of Freud!


« Reply #1225 on: January 17, 2010, 05:50:47 am »

It isn't being polite, it's doing a social cost effect annalists. Smiley

True, true. I didn't mean to say that your choice of action doesn't have merit; I'm merely hypothesizing as to whether if it's the best in the long run. And I tend to take a cynical view. That way, I'm mostly positively surprised.

While we're still on the French; 'In love as in literature, we are astonished at what is chosen by others'. Either way, it's been established that we, people in general, form attraction rather quickly (which is why I was so harsh earlier with Wren's claim that she takes time to get to know guys first). Don't know what the general consensus is, but most studies seem to show that a decision on one's relation to another is reached within around five minutes of interaction from the first encounter. And then, if one's 'position' in the matter is to change it takes something significant to trigger it. All guys know, for example, what it means to be 'filed in the friend folder', and how hard it is to get out of there...

That reminds me of something I saw the other day. Why do girls who you spend time trying to get closer to, and who then 'have this friend they'd like you to meet', assume that we guys can't see that what they're really trying to do is divert attention away from themselves?
« Last Edit: January 17, 2010, 06:50:33 am by Acheron » Logged

'The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously.'

   - Henry Kissinger
SteamDream
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« Reply #1226 on: January 17, 2010, 10:41:25 am »

I really need to find a woman who speaks french. So when ever she does I can go "Oh Tish! That's french!" and proceed to pull a Gomez Addams of kissing up her arm. haha. Of course I would have to know this woman, and hopefuly she had a since of humor. haha.
As for the discussion at hand... I belive that you should act upon all possible relationship choices when single, if not then you never know what you might miss. Me, I almost always end up as a friend. Fine with me most of the time, I always get questioning looks when I walk into places surounded by a few cute girls. Of course one of my freinds always likes to slap me on the butt or other actions that only make the missunderstanding deeper. haha, can't say I don't mind the thought that I'm smooth/charming, even if it's not true.
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TribalWren
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« Reply #1227 on: January 17, 2010, 03:30:57 pm »

Also, in my opinion, if you like a woman you should fight for her. Whether if it should be apparent that you are doing so, however, is another matter entirely. And jealousy may be love's sibling, but she's not nearly as beautiful as her sister. Still, I'm definitely the sort to think that 'en amour comme à la guerre, tous les coups sont permis'...

HA! You are almost sounding like a romanticist dear (remember you have an image to maintain...! Wink) Is all fair in love and war? I think that's what we like to tell ourselves when we do things that perhaps we are later ashamed of!  Grin But in a slightly hypocritical train of thought, I think that women do like to think that a man is at least willing to 'fight for her'. Maybe it is the Nature? *dominant male syndrome?!*  Grin But there are ways and means...women also like to think that their man has some concept of 'honour' and so unless they are particularly free and easy with such things, I think if I was in a bar and was approached by a man after his friend had already approached me, I'd immediately switch off because I'd think he was being a bit of a dick to his "friend"!!  Undecided Loyalty, honour, respect. As for me, those are the most attractive qualities in a man.

While we're still on the French; 'In love as in literature, we are astonished at what is chosen by others'. Either way, it's been established that we, people in general, form attraction rather quickly (which is why I was so harsh earlier with Wren's claim that she takes time to get to know guys first). Don't know what the general consensus is, but most studies seem to show that a decision on one's relation to another is reached within around five minutes of interaction from the first encounter.

I think there may be a slight gender divide in this, as well as the need for definitions. For example, I would concur that perhaps within the first 5mins one could establish if there was a sexual attraction to someone but as far as forming a 'romantic relationship' goes, it takes much longer to establish compatibility. I think that perhaps with women whilst they may acknowledge the sexual attraction immediately, they ALSO in the back of their minds are considering the 'deeper level' stuff (psycho-analysing!) at the same time. Unless of course, they are purposefully just looking for a fling...and so of course this is different! To me, men are primarily led by the sexual side of things..preferring to 'go for it' because of this attraction and finding out about the other stuff later!! But that may be just a tad generalist.....!  Grin Tongue

*cough* >stiletto boots<  Grin No I am sure Alex is a good boy really...I have seen his facebook photo and he looks like a clean-cut, baby-faced darling!  Wink
then you can settle something for me perhaps - which branch of the service is the little one affiliated with? i can tell by speech patterns and general machado that he's neither Corps or Navy, but that's as far as i can discern...

Ooo! This I do not know...I shall ask him *fingers crossed for Air Force* Wink! I think the US do 'army' a little different to us anyway....I'm not sure I know all of the divisions. Talking of machado; soldiers over here...well the ones I've known anyhow...haven't been quite so cutesy looking as some of your boys. I have a little scenario in my mind where yours use 'the power of charm' against the enemy...causing >swooning< where e'er they go....I'm seeing some sort of Monty Python sketch in this. I apologise for my brain.  Smiley
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TribalWren
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« Reply #1228 on: January 17, 2010, 09:08:39 pm »

And what if the guy weren't aware that his friend had flirted with you earlier? If the girl in question is too good to leave alone? Either way, I see nothing honorable in being a tool.

Ack! You are creating different context-specific scenarios....of course it is not always so black and white. But I think you were aware that I was talking of the situtaion in terms such as the 'Jessie's girl' example you gave (sigh, I miss the 80s). I'm afraid my English does not always stretch so far...a 'tool'? I presume this is means something like a coward...? Huh If not, translate for me and I will add it to my collection of new words to practise!  Cheesy Even if you perceived the girl was too good to 'leave alone', I think there should still be boundaries in place as to your actions. For me: Lovers come and go, but friends are constant, non?

Yes, I think you are. I was speaking of 'relations' in a completely general context. Don't make the (common) mistake of thinking there is no subtext with us men. And as for the orientation on the sexual matter, that is a question of what is considered socially acceptable frankness and taught priorities.

>blushes< Ok again, I think it was a mistranslation on my part, I apologise. I took the other 'relations' meaning due to the context of being on the singles thread. I do not think that there is no 'subtext' with men, quite the opposite infact...I was merely trying to suggest that the focus of the subtext is different to women. Again, you may have picked up by now that I am a bit 'Mother Nature' so I see such things in those terms..matters of biology/evolution/survival of the species. So, I do not believe as such that 'priorities' are 'taught'. Rather I think that there are essential natural priorities that are inbuilt in us. Just to illustrate my point relating back to the previous post/relationship talk; for the survival of the species what men and women prioritise in a partner is very different; men are looking to ensure that their genetic line continues and so may be more focused on the 'physical' qualities of a woman, whereas because women are the ones who will potentially bear children one day, they are more focused on the qualities that will ensure themselves and young are protected and cared for. To me, this is life in its most basic form, although of course I acknowledge that there are many levels on top of this.

Well, that much is evident. She'd rather manipulate two people and draw things out agonizingly, and wreck any potential future opportunities or friendship, for the sake of not hurting people's feelings immediately. I can see how that works out. Except, you know, that it doesn't.

You tend to assume that everyone follows the same thought processes as yourself! I agree with Lady Corsair that this is the reason why the girl is doing this, but you don't exactly help yourself. For me I prefer to give things straight, no vague comments or skirting around the issues. But that also means that I like others to do the same for me. So how do I ensure I get the information/result I want? I give it to them straight! If you (and I presume you are actually talking about a situation in your own life in the vague way that men sometimes do) were to just say to the girl openly and directly: >this is how I feel, how do you feel? I want to be friends/lovers/marriedwithkidsforever, how bout you? If you don't, then tell me now and I'll accept it graciously either way and we can remain friends< then everyone would know where they stand. Makes for a much simpler life all round I think.  Smiley
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Reni Valentine
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« Reply #1229 on: January 17, 2010, 09:59:17 pm »


Ack! You are creating different context-specific scenarios....of course it is not always so black and white. But I think you were aware that I was talking of the situtaion in terms such as the 'Jessie's girl' example you gave (sigh, I miss the 80s). I'm afraid my English does not always stretch so far...a 'tool'? I presume this is means something like a coward...? Huh If not, translate for me and I will add it to my collection of new words to practise!  Cheesy Even if you perceived the girl was too good to 'leave alone', I think there should still be boundaries in place as to your actions. For me: Lovers come and go, but friends are constant, non?

there really isn't a translation for it. it's mostly just a generic term for someone with less than savoury personality traits. a mank, a git, a charva, a pillock, a chav - all pretty much the same thing when you think on it a bit...

and i can't say i miss the 80s...and i really really don't miss that song! ugh. granted, i think the nineties began when i was still in my formative years (or at least before my moment of Samson & Delilah)...

Well, that much is evident. She'd rather manipulate two people and draw things out agonizingly, and wreck any potential future opportunities or friendship, for the sake of not hurting people's feelings immediately. I can see how that works out. Except, you know, that it doesn't.

you seem to be speaking of a very specific person and situation, not so much in generalisations... i can't really answer to the female species much less the girl in question, but it seems that you've already decided that she's something of a villainess. i don't know her to know what the specifics are of her personality, but i have experienced the phenomenon from men as well as women. as Wren pointed out, it's a kinder, gentler way of telling someone that you're not interested in them romantically. hell, i've done it myself. you meet someone and seem to get on well only to have things fizzle after a bit. you're already aware of the type of person s/he is and you don't think it will work out. maybe you genuinely think they're more suited for your mate, maybe you're just trying to spare feelings...

Oh yea, lol what did The good VG say?

my goodness no! i would never betray such privileged conversations - at least without many more spirits than i'll be having today...  Wink

Hmmm...I wonder if he told you the same things that he told me.....?  Wink Grin

oh, i can't answer to that...but there were things that he told me hahaha...

Home... no. I'm back in Iraq again. Just been busy for the past year not to be on the site. I'm back in Iraq as a civilian this time. Better pay, better treatment, horrible job security. haha trade off but I think it's worth it.

Intel = Intelligence = MI

I'm intel myself, analyst. I'd tell you more but... well you know the speal. haha.

be careful. i know what you do and that's all i'll say on the matter...
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In all reality, "steampunk" is anachronistic, innit? Otherwise it's just Victorian dress-up.

chain smokin', sleep needin', apparel designin', mohawk havin', tea drinkin', steady cursin', boy charmin', card readin' rabble-rouser and amusement park cleverly disguised as a woman

TS245
Acheron
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Bastard Man powers, activate! Form of Freud!


« Reply #1230 on: January 17, 2010, 11:21:31 pm »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It's never black and white, and that's what I wanted to accentuate. Rather, it's more a series of dull shades of gray all the way...

Friends? Presuming you can even acquire any that are that close (I'm rather touchy on the 'friends vs. acquaintances' point...) it's never black and white with them either. And if someone is good enough to love, that logically sort of makes them a 'higher priority' right away... Tongue

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

True. However; a) genetic 'fitness' is not merely measured in beauty, and any man who does not have a sense for this is going to end up greatly disappointed in life, and b) my own experience and research would suggest that women are every bit as sexual as men are, however they've taught themselves to think of it and express it with more reserve (or, in bad cases, suppressed it. Or they've become so stuck in the 'physical' mindset and their awareness of relative 'frailty' that it's harmful...).

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Did both you and Corsair assume that it was myself I was speaking of? Well, no matter. It's a common enough scenario that the question should interest any guy either way. Which is why I'm asking it.

I'm not assuming that people think like me. I'm assuming that the guy in question thinks like most men. Meaning that he's quite conscious of his own integrity and pride, propriety, and his chances. And most guys, when faced with that sort of scenario and realization, retreat and cut off from the girl in question. Why? Because it hurts them to maintain contact with her. So, she loses a friend and a possibility. And if the guy is a jerk (waves hand) or if the lady manages the situation very poorly (waves hand again), then the only possible outcome is actual resentment.

Maybe the problem might be even more interesting when viewed with the genders reversed, like Reni mentioned. However, I'm thinking that the outcome would likely be the same.

'You hate someone whom you really wish to love, but whom you cannot love.'
« Last Edit: January 17, 2010, 11:30:04 pm by Acheron » Logged
TribalWren
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« Reply #1231 on: January 23, 2010, 01:50:19 am »

Let us address these each in turn.
Distance: It seems to me that the women I find intriguing and that find me worth talking to are VERY far away.
While this can work (Looking at you Wink) it's not ideal. I'm a very physical creature. I NEED my snuggles. Grin

Age: It seems that the majority of women that I have anything in common with are at least 6 years my junior. I don't go seeking these young ladies out, but it seems that those are the main ones that are interested in me. I don't really have THAT much of a problem with a little May-to-October goings on, but having a woman closer to my own age at least SHOW an interest would be nice.

Philosophy: I'm not religious. Now, without breaking the forum's rule about "No Religion" I'll try and put it simply. I've met more than one exceptional woman that has a very strong tie to a given religious organization. At least one of which wanted any potential mate to be in the same group. This is not going to happen, and I'm not going to lie to any woman just to be with her. Wrong on SO many levels.

Awww babe! You sound like you're feeling a bit blue, hey?  >sends hugs across the ether<  Sad
Let us address these issues in turn!

Distance: Yeah missing snuggles can be a bummer, but I guess it depends on how you want your relationship to turn out. Like, maintaining a distant relationship whilst hard can have other benefits...a strengthened tie because of the sacrifices that have to be made, a foundation of respect/understanding etc. These qualities are pretty worthwhile and would stand you in good stead if it came to the point when either party decided they would move a bit closer to claim those snuggles! Plus part of me feels like...if you really want it, you'll make it work! Raise the funds, go visit each other etc. Food for thought.

Age: Sorry dear, don't get your point. 6 years is nothing. NOTHING! (There was about 12 between my ex and I! Tongue). For me, age is pretty much a number. Yes, in some ways it could bring about different perspectives but I think you've got to judge each individual as they come...cos they each have their own background story you know, which may have impacted significantly on their maturity levels either way. It could well be the case that a woman closer to your age is less 'mature' in outlook than a woman younger. Plus I say again....six years is not 'significantly' younger in my opinion....!! *strange boy*

Philosophy: Hmm trickier. I agree there is no point 'playing along with it' if it's not something you believe in as it will inevitably end in tears. But don't let the 'religion' thing put you off. There are plenty of religious people out there who are less 'strict' and open to relationship with non-believers/practitioners of other faiths. My highly Catholic godmother married a Muslim! That was unexpected...but totally cool as well! These things DO happen!! You just have to keep looking for the right ones...I reckon mostly you'll be able to tell the difference just by their conversation, what?
« Last Edit: January 23, 2010, 01:56:28 am by TribalWren » Logged
Acheron
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Bastard Man powers, activate! Form of Freud!


« Reply #1232 on: January 24, 2010, 04:04:23 am »

There are days when I wonder about my tastes. I think I may be too shallow and a bit too preoccupied for a relationship that extends beyond making out and into the realm of emotional attachment. At least attachment that's deeper that very good friends. But then again, shouldn't "good friends" be the basis of a romantic relationship?

If it's just 'being good friends', then the other party might well consider that he/she doesn't need you beyond that. Certainly this seems to be the case with some people who consider themselves simply too good or too adorable not to be entitled to more than the next person. And what with people in general leaning toward the egotistic... One must always make it clear what one expects from a relationship. Well, either that, or have a lot of patience and tolerance.

Better to have something that's casual and a bit preoccupied but romantic than something that's too regular. Use the pauses to yearn for one another more. Spice things up once you do get together.
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CaptainPhania
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Captain who bought her commission.


« Reply #1233 on: January 24, 2010, 11:07:29 am »

Gabriel, I agree with the others, six years is nothing. And there's also nothing wrong with having a clear preference for partners between those ages. If you like a person enough, go for it. At some point you may feel as though there's a slight gap (for instance, the difference between my parents ages is seven years, which is the difference between Rock 'n' Roll and Rock, and hence they have very different musical tastes) but I don't think it's so relevant for you. You obviously can relate to these ladies if they're also your friends. So don't worry about it.
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J. Wilhelm
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« Reply #1234 on: January 24, 2010, 11:23:47 am »

Cornelia,
I'm 31. My last relationship was with a young lady of 18. I think I may have been the only person involved that was uncomfortable with the idea. Even her parents didn't care.

Lord Wraste:

For whatever it's worth, don't obsess on to your age.  I hear a lot of young people saying that ("oh I'm 26, I don't get carded anymore..."), it really "busts my chops" when I hear that.  At 35 I had a real psychological crisis in my hands because I was a very lonely person (still am at age 41), and although I looked at least 10 years younger, I thought that I was too "old."

It's true you will reach a point (say my age) when some people might reject you, but you can blame that on a type of "neo-puritanism" we have in the States as of late... something I noticed in the last 20 years, and really "out of whack" if you ask earlier generations, and people outside of the United States.  That's more society's fault -not yours.  For me, my mentality turned out to be part of clinical depression, which has a way to sneak up on you, but that's another story for another day.

Anyway, I got caught into that mentality and if you wait longer it just gets worse... if nothing else because life will throw at you some real problems along the way, and then you end up giving up because you have too...just so years later you look back an say (I should've, could've...) Trust me. I know.   Maybe seek council about these feelings?
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Hyeronymus Amphigourias
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« Reply #1235 on: January 24, 2010, 01:33:09 pm »

I spent 16 years of my life with a beautiful lady who was 8 years younger than me. I met her she was 19, I was 27.
It has been the happier time of my life. It is over since last year, hence my participation in this thread. At 35 she decided it was time for her to see something else. But I wouldn't exchange those 16 years for anything in the world.

Lord Wraste :
Je crois que toi et moi on a un peu le meme probleme,
c'est-à-dire qu'on peut pas vraiment tout miser sur notre physique, surtout toi.
Si je peux me permettre de te donner un conseil : oublie que tu n'as aucune chance, vas-y fonce,
on sait jamais, sur un malentendu ça peut marcher.
(Les bronzés font du ski)....  Cheesy Cheesy
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Caissa
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« Reply #1236 on: January 24, 2010, 04:22:05 pm »

I think I would have a problem being with someone that much younger as well.  If others are comfortable with it, that's great.  But at 32, with my focus being on dance recitals and cub scouts,   I can't really imagine what the appeal would be for an 18 year old beyond the physical or some fascination with being with an older woman.  I think, though,  that for me it's more of what stage of life the person is in rather than the number itself. At certain ages, it's just not as likely that they are going to be focused on the same things.
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J. Wilhelm
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« Reply #1237 on: January 24, 2010, 05:23:31 pm »

I think I would have a problem being with someone that much younger as well.  If others are comfortable with it, that's great.  But at 32, with my focus being on dance recitals and cub scouts,   I can't really imagine what the appeal would be for an 18 year old beyond the physical or some fascination with being with an older woman.  I think, though,  that for me it's more of what stage of life the person is in rather than the number itself. At certain ages, it's just not as likely that they are going to be focused on the same things.

I see your point, but you yourself, just nailed it right now...it's the stage of development.  That will be different for every one.  For example, at age 35, I was really physically and mentally at a much younger age.  

Still, I do understand the idea (or fear) that people will "reject you" because your "old."  Or that you will "self reject" out of a sense of propriety.  Please note that your "dating radius" is 0 years of age difference between partners when you're about 18 (society and laws usually forbid improper under-age involvement).  As you grow older into your 20's that radius grows to about 5 years.  At age 35, many people feel a "crunch" because they still see themselves as 20- something year olds (which they are not), look young, but are not, and still want to apply the "5 year rule."  The key is your mental development not the age.

Case in point.  In graduate school I was 35 (older than my peers), and I had friends who were -all single-, say 29 to 31, or so.  They still looked young, but when it came to dating, they were "barren" so to speak (that may also have to do with the fact that we were all NERDS, but that's another story  Grin).  Anyway, when touching the subject of dating, more than a couple of my friends cited the "5 year rule."  They defined their boundaries explicitly (as if they knew what they were talking about).  Moreover, they indicated they wanted to date mostly inside college circles, since most of them told me they were of a type not likely to go to bars, singles bars, or go dancing (introverts), or internet ( too uncool  Undecided ), or something "more for adults."

But I quickly indicated to my friend that he would not be able to date anyone in college.  Why? He looked at me! Well, he was 30, and he "couldn't" date anyone younger than 25.  Good graduate students leave with a Masters at age 23 or 24.  Only the PhD candidates stay longer, say in their mid-late 20's, and on average (most of the girls I met), already had a significant other, and sometimes (often) were already married after a "break" between undergraduate and graduate school.  Fact is, if you're 30, and depending on you social circles,  your dating radius must be greater than 5.  If you're 35 this process is more severe; "age radius": at least 10.

At age 40, it gets hairy, because now society begins to have an opinion.  Ladies, note Keanu Reeves was 40 in the second Matrix movie, and yet you still thought he looked nice, right?  Nobody said "Oh! Neo's too old for Trinity" but that is society's double standard for you.  My proof that this judgement is artificial (the "neo-puritanism" I mentioned earlier.  It kind of reminds me of the women in "Sex in the City" complaining about  "all the good men being taken."  The problem is, the opposite is true for men, you know?  We have a hard time finding someone, unless you're famous.  Then it's fine.

Age can be an artificial barrier you erect for yourself or is something easily imposed to you by society (maybe as a child).  I think it's gotten worse in the last couple of decades.  If you don't believe me, ask earlier generations.  Find a grandmother, an uncle, someone from the old days. Ask.  You'll be surprised.  Of course, I'm not advocating the opposite, total anarchy... just freedom within reason.
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Pennie Nevan
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« Reply #1238 on: January 24, 2010, 06:51:21 pm »

@J. Whilhelm I know exactly what you mean with the age range "restrictions". I'm in graduate school, but on the other side of 25, which most of the kids in the program aren't, and there aren't a whole lot of opportunities to really hang out with people my age. Besides I'm an older man kinda gal and there aren't any of those that I spend a lot of time with at school. I do try to stay in a 10 year up range, I do that most because when they are younger than me there is a HUGE difference in maturity levels.

@Wraste it's all been said so how about a hug and a "You Can Do It" cookie  Grin
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Thor
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« Reply #1239 on: January 24, 2010, 07:28:54 pm »

My problem with regards to the whole age-range thing, is I don't know anyone my own age in Dubai.  Most of my friends I met through my brother, only a couple are in their twenties, a few in their thirties, the rest forties to sixties.  I was seeing a girl last year, for the first half of the year.  She frustrated me, but I was crazy about her.  Then she decided I was too young for her, because I was only 24, and she was 26 going on 27.

She was my brother's secretary... which made work kind of awkward.  And then she was my secret santa...  Undecided I still maintain it was no coincidence.
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Acheron
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Bastard Man powers, activate! Form of Freud!


« Reply #1240 on: January 24, 2010, 07:46:47 pm »

I think I would have a problem being with someone that much younger as well.  If others are comfortable with it, that's great.  But at 32, with my focus being on dance recitals and cub scouts,   I can't really imagine what the appeal would be for an 18 year old beyond the physical or some fascination with being with an older woman.  I think, though,  that for me it's more of what stage of life the person is in rather than the number itself. At certain ages, it's just not as likely that they are going to be focused on the same things.

Oooo! Interesting point! For some reason it seems more acceptable for a younger woman to be with an older man...than for a younger man to be with an older woman....I wonder why??!!  Huh Cheesy Lets get psycho-analytical!

Oh, that's simple. Apart from the normal social trends and sexism (current politically correct convention being that we're all equal, but women are more equal than men, in that they are fairer, mature faster, are more intelligent, and more 'deserving' of time, tolerance and money) there is pretty much simply the biological factor. And since any ingrained social differences can likely be traced back to biological distinctions, well...

Women traditionally have a shorter time of 'viability' than men. If you really want to get into this, I suggest you look into Japanese culture (stale wedding cake!) or renaissance breeding procedures, and, for the daring only, early 20th century eugenics. Otherwise, one can just take a purely medical standpoint and say that while women live longer, they 'run out' earlier. They lose the ability to reproduce more quickly, and become frail or unhealthy earlier and easier. While a single man entering his thirties is considered 'in his prime' unless he's lived harder than most, for a woman it's more traditional to say that she is 'running out of time' if she hasn't had time to start a family yet, even if she's as healthy as can be.

That's the crass simplicity of it, as I've come to understand it. If anyone wants to correct me or elaborate on this thesis, please feel free to.
« Last Edit: January 24, 2010, 08:15:16 pm by Acheron » Logged
TribalWren
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« Reply #1241 on: January 24, 2010, 10:56:18 pm »

Heyyy! I've killed the thread again! And the score as we enter the second half is: Sebastian two, the Singles Thread nil. So far there's been some excellent teamplay on part of the Singles, but they've not quite been able to meet the bluntness or the sheer indecency of the opposition. And then there was that mess toward the end of the last half; normally the Singles are superb at using distractions to their favor, but in this case one of the referees had to step in, and judged two of their players offtrack. Let's see if they can get their game together and turn this...

I'd offer you all some chocolate truffles if I could, but unfortunately I have not mastered the secret of teleportation. Yet.

HA!  Grin Sorry but don't think you can take the credit in this case. The singles thread seems to have been dying a slow and painful death for quite a while now.....I think it needs some basis of discussion that is based within a 'singles/relationships' context. Plus people need to share some more...we are all friends here (most of the time....)!  Cheesy

Anyone have a topic of debate/discussion that could be addressed by fellow singles and relationship gurus??! Please *please* present it here.....>tumbleweed blows across the screen<
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TribalWren
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« Reply #1242 on: January 25, 2010, 01:44:00 pm »

...so how's everybody doing?

I think I like one of the girls at work.  She's cute and always smiles at me.  She was wearing yellow today (my jeep is yellow, makes quite an impact), I gave her some cookies left over from my lunch and told her she looked good in yellow, it suited her.



Is this a bad idea in the making?

*happy dance* Go Thor! Go Thor!  Grin
Not bad idea. Good idea! LOVE!! LOVE IS GOOD! >sings<

p.s. Yellow jeep?! Awesome man!
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Thor
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bigastronauts
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« Reply #1243 on: January 25, 2010, 01:54:29 pm »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

There is one big small issue, which could make things awkward, if not complicated... about a year ago I liked the new girl at the office, we went on a fair few dates, spent a lot of time together, then she decided that I was too young for her (because apparently two years is far too big a difference).  She still works here, we don't really talk much any more.  Luckily my brother isn't the CEO any more, she used to be his secretary so I used to have to go past her to get to his room every single day.  she broke my heart, I think I've recovered though

Still yay, or now a yay?


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CaptainPhania
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« Reply #1244 on: January 25, 2010, 02:21:28 pm »

Thor, I think it's an opportunity to learn from the last experience. Do you think the lady in yellow would make it awkward/you'd react awkwardly to her if things didn't quite work out?
And nice Jeep! There's one like that I see occasionally around here, same colour, too.
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eggberta echegaray
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« Reply #1245 on: January 28, 2010, 02:40:22 pm »

Here's where I do have a beef with "online" dating websites. For me, seeing how I'm 41 years old, I'm finding that I'm in a very tough age frame. These dating websites hook me up with men who are around my age bracket, and I'm finding a lot of the men to be very discriminatory towards me. I had one man "question"  me like I was a freak of nature for not having a failed marriage or two...or three, and for not have spawned kids...It's really weird, and I don't get it. Sure, most people my age would have been married by now, and have kids, but for people like me, who have not had the opportunity to go down that route, I'm ostracized for it?! Oh and the younger guy thing, I tend to boggle some young guys minds when they meet me for the first time, and if they don't have a clue as to how old I am...they think I'm around 31 (ish) for I look super young for my age...and when I tell them the truth, they get all spooked out by it, or, they are like..."dude...older woman, younger man thing...yay man...nudge, nudge, wink wink sistah, bet we'd be hot in bed!" *grumbles and sighs* I want a relationship, not some one night stand booty call thing. They are empty and pointless. Anyhow...that's my gripe...continue on! Cheesy
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« Reply #1246 on: January 28, 2010, 04:12:58 pm »

On the topic of internet dating on the whole, I've had mixed success/failure.

You're lucky... I mainly have mixed failure...  Cheesy

aw, sweetest...

i think part of it's luck. that, and dating on the whole seems to be easier to do as a girl (although my opinion is somewhat biased seeing how i only know from the one side of things).

Here's where I do have a beef with "online" dating websites. For me, seeing how I'm 41 years old, I'm finding that I'm in a very tough age frame. These dating websites hook me up with men who are around my age bracket, and I'm finding a lot of the men to be very discriminatory towards me. I had one man "question"  me like I was a freak of nature for not having a failed marriage or two...or three, and for not have spawned kids...It's really weird, and I don't get it. Sure, most people my age would have been married by now, and have kids, but for people like me, who have not had the opportunity to go down that route, I'm ostracized for it?! Oh and the younger guy thing, I tend to boggle some young guys minds when they meet me for the first time, and if they don't have a clue as to how old I am...they think I'm around 31 (ish) for I look super young for my age...and when I tell them the truth, they get all spooked out by it, or, they are like..."dude...older woman, younger man thing...yay man...nudge, nudge, wink wink sistah, bet we'd be hot in bed!" *grumbles and sighs* I want a relationship, not some one night stand booty call thing. They are empty and pointless. Anyhow...that's my gripe...continue on! Cheesy

i have a similar - yet entirely different - issue. i'm 31 but don't have the same mannerisms or general behaviour of anyone i know over the age of 20. i have a kid, so i fall into a wholly different bracket - i'm either "instant family" or a woman of "ill repute" (i'm not disputing that one, but it's still nice to get dinner and drinks first  Wink ). a large majority of folks interested in me via internet dating sites are either categorically stupid, racist (that one never ceases to amaze me), or hate children (yet they message a woman who openly has a child  Huh ). i also get a lot of questions - mostly really inappropriate ones. as to the age range - it seems that they're usually a lot younger (often late teens/early twenties) or older (most commonly early- to mid-fifties, which is the age of my parents and equally skeevy).
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teknowitch
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« Reply #1247 on: January 28, 2010, 04:39:22 pm »

I too look and act a lot younger then my years, I am 44 with 3 full grown off springs and I am a grandma of 6.

The thing I have found to be irritating is the fact a lot of men seem to think that a woman can not have a fulfilling life if she does not have a man in her life and is not in a committed relationship with said man.

I have been married to both a man older then me and a man younger then me, both turned obsessive and possessive and where only looking for someone to take the place of their mothers in their daily upkeep. I pissed my first Ex off when I started teaching my sons how to cook, because to his redneck ways cooking was a woman's thing unless it was out on the grill, told him I did not want my sons not knowing how to do stuff for themselves and getting involved in a relationship cause they "needed" a female to take care of them.
« Last Edit: January 28, 2010, 04:41:21 pm by teknowitch » Logged

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« Reply #1248 on: January 28, 2010, 06:22:53 pm »

Here's where I do have a beef with "online" dating websites. For me, seeing how I'm 41 years old, I'm finding that I'm in a very tough age frame. These dating websites hook me up with men who are around my age bracket, and I'm finding a lot of the men to be very discriminatory towards me. I had one man "question"  me like I was a freak of nature for not having a failed marriage or two...or three, and for not have spawned kids...It's really weird, and I don't get it. Sure, most people my age would have been married by now, and have kids, but for people like me, who have not had the opportunity to go down that route, I'm ostracized for it?! Oh and the younger guy thing, I tend to boggle some young guys minds when they meet me for the first time, and if they don't have a clue as to how old I am...they think I'm around 31 (ish) for I look super young for my age...and when I tell them the truth, they get all spooked out by it, or, they are like..."dude...older woman, younger man thing...yay man...nudge, nudge, wink wink sistah, bet we'd be hot in bed!" *grumbles and sighs* I want a relationship, not some one night stand booty call thing. They are empty and pointless. Anyhow...that's my gripe...continue on! Cheesy

Most people mistake me for being 10-15 years younger then I really am. Its kinda irritating, because people start treating me like I'm some kind of freak. Last spring semester at school I became sorta friends with a girl that asked me out on a date, I said I couldn't because I'm old enough to be her dad, and it would be weird. Then we got into an argument about my age.. I couldn't believe it. I was so exasperated at this I simply gave up on meeting women all together.

Staying single: cheaper, quieter, with alot less bullsh*t.
« Last Edit: January 28, 2010, 06:32:38 pm by SteamJam » Logged

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CorneliaCarton
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« Reply #1249 on: January 28, 2010, 06:53:59 pm »

I joined OkCupid partly because I was badgered to by my friends (to help me try and get over Nate).
But I also joined because it is so hard to go out into the world and find someone who you really "click" with and share common ground with (whatever that common ground is).
Dating sites really help because they match you with people who has the same values and interests as you, and I've heard so many success stories from some of my older friends who met their other halfs on dating sites.
Ok, fair enough that some of you think that dating sites attract the scum of the earth. Yes, they do, but really, after having a few conversations with someone, I can tell if they're lying about something, and when I ask them to prove that they are who they say they are, most say no, so, I say "don't bother contacting me again, then" and I block them.

Yes, I've had failure on OkCupid, but lets face it. It's a damn sight easier to meet someone online than it is to meet someone at a pub or a club, and in my opinion, dating sites aren't as bad as everyone says they are.
Negative news sells much faster than positive news, and dating sites really aren't as bad as they're made out to be.

Y'know what they say.
Don't knock it 'till you try it.

/endrant.
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Ginny Audriana Irondust Moravia. Pleased t' meet ya.
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