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Author Topic: Single Steampunks?  (Read 339991 times)
Captain Spooner
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« Reply #1200 on: January 04, 2010, 09:23:36 am »

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Miss Malcontentcontent brings up an interesting topic in dating that I would love to get the groups input on.  What are people's opinions on the concept of dating in the workplace?  Now I don't know what the rest of our little groups experiences have been but I have never found it to be a good idea. Leaving aside professionalism and the possibility of misunderstanding leading to some kind of sexual harrasment charge, do any of you really want to bring your personal life into your work life? I don't know about the rest of you but when my day is done I really don't want to be reminded of work till I have to go back.  Work relationships also seem to be more about convienience than actual attraction, in that it is easier to get to know someone that you are paid to be around for 40 hours a week than to use up your personal time doing so.

On a more personal note Miss Malcontentcontent, I wouldn't be so focused on meeting someone interested in the same things you are. I have always found my most interesting and long lasting relationships were with ladies who I had very little in common with as far as interests but who were compatible with my personality. It was always nice to teach someone about my interests and to have someone teach me about theirs.  Also I think it is nice if each of you can enjoy some personal time away from each other, and having separate hobbies helps this.

And as for you Mr. Helios, many of us are plagued by the occasional "black dog day" (as Mr. Churchill put it), know that this too shall pass.

As always with the deepest regards for all,
Spooner
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« Reply #1201 on: January 04, 2010, 01:43:12 pm »

Miss Malcontentcontent brings up an interesting topic in dating that I would love to get the groups input on.  What are people's opinions on the concept of dating in the workplace? 

I have experience of this.  The girl I was seeing, who broke my heart, works for the same company.  Actually, she was my brother/father's secretary, except she's changed department now.  She still sits in the same desk in front of the office that used to be my brother's, and I can hear her on the phone right now.  To say it's awkward, really doesn't cover it.  Especially since some of the management staff knew that we liked each other, and didn't see how it ended.  In fact, our HR director ruined my NYE lunch because of bringing that very topic up.

What really doesn't help matters is that there are a couple of other girls in the office that I think are cute, and they act ever so slightly flirty with me.  I can't just ask them out, not only because I'm shy but because if they aren't really interested in me, it could make things very awkward indeed (being a manager, even though they don't work for me, I'm still a manager).

Don't dip your pen in the company ink.  Even if there's no other way to meet eligible girls/boys.  It's only going to make things awkward.



I wish there was a way to meet girls here that didn't involve activities I'm not interested in (the Dubai Club Scene?  No thanks... and all my hashing friends bar a handful, are in their 40's or over).
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CaptainPhania
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« Reply #1202 on: January 04, 2010, 02:01:46 pm »

Miss Malcontentcontent brings up an interesting topic in dating that I would love to get the groups input on.  What are people's opinions on the concept of dating in the workplace? 
This is how my parents got together. They met while working together, courted while working together, and 25 years later they work in the same building. Admittedly there was some awkwardness after their marriage, as my father was my mother's boss, and he expected her to work harder than anyone else to avoid accusations of nepotism, so she switched departments and has sworn never to work for him again. 
On the other hand, let's bear in mind that this was the '80s, so there wasn't much in the way of sexual harassment laws (or so the writers of Ashes to Ashes tell us) which is probably what my father begging my mother to go out with him in the office would have constituted as.

Some questions to bear in mind when contemplating such courtship: Would you be willing/able to switch departments/jobs in case this relationship turned sour? If not, would your staying in your position make the other participant feel just as awkward to the point where s/he feels the need to leave? It's probably difficult to tell at an early stage.
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Ulfilias
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« Reply #1203 on: January 04, 2010, 02:15:52 pm »

Relationships and the workplace....Well apart from being the boss, it is an all male factory and always has been.....I'd happily employ ladies, but i've only ever had one enquire and that was for her daughter and she never actualy applied  Roll Eyes

My last job in IT was much better. Tech support for a company that did traffic and travel announcements on the radio and even TV. We had a plethora of beautiful women who came through that office and typicaly only stayed for a relativly short while in the advancement of thier ambitions....And i was firmly atached....That was a hard job Cool
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TribalWren
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« Reply #1204 on: January 04, 2010, 04:51:59 pm »

I'd say MOST of the guys I've dated have been people I've worked with. My lack of a social life meant I didn't really have much choice....but I'm sorta for it in a way, cause you're with that person every working day after all and so you get to know them pretty damn well- more so than through conventional 'dinner-dates' etc. Depends on how mature you both are though...one guy I worked with and dated (who to be fair was totally crazy) had a major 'emotional breakdown' *lip quiver* when I split with him, and then spread the nasties about me and how 'harsh' I'd been to our fellow colleagues. As for me, I kept a dignified silence and through doing so, I managed to work out who said workplace were my true friends, which was actually pretty good to know.

Aside: My Dad...he was actually my Mum's school teacher (it was the 60s!)....ewwwwwwww! I know!  Wink

I find the 'dating' scene in England to be very difficult to navigate...it was so much easier in France! In England there are all these 'rules' and 'social conventions' that scare the hell out of me..usually resulting in some form of ritual humiliation.... Grin Oh and I *never* date guys I meet in clubs-especially if I've been working there (I lie cause I've dated a couple of bouncers...but you know what I mean...). I pretty much assume that people who go clubbing are not searching for a life partner in such a place and so never approach the situation in said manner.  Cool

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TribalWren
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« Reply #1205 on: January 04, 2010, 05:20:37 pm »

WA!! You had to go post that after MY post didn't you?! >flicks side of head to see if it bobbles....<  Grin

I have one word for you my friend-breasts. Actually two words- breasts and ass. To some men this is what they genuinely think of women. Unfortunately due to this fact some women are beginning to think the same of themselves. To be honest, I think it would be fair to say that an arch of the back/flash of the teeth would attract more men in a social situation than approaching them for their views of current affairs!! (The trick is to luuure them in and then strip them of all dignity as you whup their dumb-ass-selves with your spunky intelligence....*cackle*  Grin) Also I think in some places there's still a cultural/historical influence on relationships at play- man is head of the household, women must submit to his naturally superior judgement bullshit (oops!  Shocked Je m'excuse!)
« Last Edit: January 04, 2010, 05:22:28 pm by TribalWren » Logged
Ulfilias
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« Reply #1206 on: January 04, 2010, 05:41:30 pm »


 Shocked oopsy! >Wren..you must think before you speak!!< Apologies! I'm sure some people find happiness through their social club lives *backtrack, backtrack* but for me, it's not the most ideal of places...but then again I'm not a clubbing sort of person- I prefer wide, open spaces.

*giggle*.....I like being the exception to the rule. To be fair it is rare i pull in nightclubs either, i just wouldn't rule anywhere out. *LOVE HAPPENS* Usualy when your not look, not expecting and typicaly not ready.....I'd just hit my stride in London, was a bright and bouncy 24yr old London thing, loving life, loving London and a great IT career, working in Centre Point, out every night, it was awesome.....Then a love of my life came along and everything changed. Some good, some bad, but hey, thats life.

I *tend* to meet people as friends of friends as i'm usualy bouncing arround at clubs as i love dancing and having a great time. Also for such a flamboyaunt character i'm rather shy and very reserved. I don't do the jumping at any carrot i get dangled and am far more into long term stuff and always have been.

[/quote]
HA! I know Slimelight well..know one of the bouncers there too...not like THAT though...*oh God please make it stop*. Last time I went I remember they had a particularly 'open' policy with the toilets, which is fine..except when I went in none of the cubicles had any locks in them....made for an 'interesting' time.  Lips sealed At now I think I really should stop.....
[/quote]

Definately stop....I know what has happened in far too many of those cubicles, probably with the bouncers too  Wink - Its a while since i frequented the place as my card (spidery thankyou) ran out in 2000 as prior to the last couple of years, the last time i went was my stag do, or so i'm told......I've since seen a couple of gigs there and ended up there once after Vagabonds. And I still know a few people after dropping off the scene for so long !!!
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TribalWren
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« Reply #1207 on: January 04, 2010, 07:12:27 pm »

So I'm back.....! Jesus frakkin' Christ! In the best two weeks I've had more guys ask me out on dates than like the last four months!! Not that I'm complaining but I've not been interested in any of them and I'm not good at telling people to go away.... Angry *too polite*

Help me please.......what do you do when your best friend's brother (whom you have known since you were like 12years old) suddenly asks you out on a date?? Awkward much. I wish men would sometimes just keep their mouths zipped (amongst other things)...us women are fairly clued up as to what we are looking for in a guy and if we wanted someone, we do know how to let them know!!  Tongue
Two your first inquiry: Tell him that you've known him for too long and honestly don't think of him that way. And if you DO like him enough to hang out, then hang out in a group of friends. As long as he's clear of what you are NOT interested in, you should be fine.

To the second bit. Wren, darling. If I waited for a girl to tell me that she was interested, I would never have gotten a date. I asked every woman I've ever dated out, not the other way around. I would LOVE it if a woman I was into asked me out. It's never happened though.
Oh, and I'm fairly clueless too. I had a woman that I thought the world of almost throwing herself at me before I FINALLY caught on. Sad but true, some guys have no idea when a woman actually likes them that way. *shrug*

Oh-Ok! >backtracks again< I was just being a little snipey cos now I feel like I'm in an awkward position...

I have never asked a guy out myself...I am fairly traditional with the 'guy approaching the girl'. BUT: I guess it comes down to the 'women from venus, men from mars' gig...I assume, perhaps naively, that if I'm in a social situation and I haven't even looked at a guy, I'm sitting talking to my girlfriends, enjoying myself...that men will pick up that I'm not actually interested in them. It's sometimes annoying when guys come up and rudely interrupt your conversation with some dumb line and actually expect that will endear you to them.  Huh. If I AM interested in a guy then quite naturally would probably send out the signals- the smiles and the shy glances etc scenario- see?!   Smiley But then I suppose men in general aren't neccesarily the best at subtlety.....>ducks!<  Grin
« Last Edit: January 04, 2010, 07:14:07 pm by TribalWren » Logged
Dorian Ambrose
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« Reply #1208 on: January 04, 2010, 07:54:48 pm »

@ TribalWren:

The real world just doesn't work that way. At least not in my experience.
I to, would love woman to be "aggressive", but like Lord Wraste, I have never been asked out by a woman. I have been asked out by a few men, but that is not really my thing, so I don't think it counts  Cheesy .

Many men are not that good at reading subtle signals. I believe that I have a fairly good grasp on it, but still believe that you sometimes need to take a chance.

Honestly, I find the idea that a man should politely wait, until the woman gives him the "go ahead" signal, before he may approach her, degrading. At least if you take into account that men are still expected to make the first move.
Further more. If I am sitting at the pub with some friends, I may not look like I am open to any "female advances". But that does not necessarily mean that I'm not.
I am sure this works in pretty much the same way for woman (correct me if I am wrong).   

That being said, It is of course extremely important, to show respect if one chooses to "take a chance". Especially when met with a no.
And if approached in a polite manner, I think that the least one can do, is to respond politely.
I think that this is often where the problem is. Many people (men and woman) handles rejection poorly. Both being rejected and rejecting someone.

As I said, I have only ever been asked out by men. I have absolutely no interest in men, romantically or sexually, but that is no fault of theirs. In such a situation, I would politely inform them that I am not interested, and take it as a compliment.
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TribalWren
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« Reply #1209 on: January 04, 2010, 08:27:01 pm »

@Utini Yeah, yeah! I know that us ladies expect you guys to be mind-readers some of the time and I've already said I was just being snipy! *relax guys! Wink* I'm probably not-really-so-subtle when it comes to a guy I like, but then I'm absolutely panicked when I get approached by a guy I'm not interested in cause a) I don't like to hurt people's feelings when turning them down and inevitabley will be asked that goddamn awful question..."Can I ask you...why?" Like what am I meant to say? "I find you repulsive and you disgust me in every possible way....."? (maybe Yanks would actually do this...but we Brits are more au fait with a sense of decorum, don't you know?!  Wink) b) When I say no...some men seem to think that this could not possibly be the case and so continue on with the bugging. Once this guy asked for my number so persistently that I totally just played along and gave him a fake one. Then...he friggin took out his phone to TEST IT infront of me! >ground swallow me please<

@Dorian Ok, so from the response I'm getting, perhaps I should try the 'lady asks the guy' gig?!!  Grin When in a group I guess it depends on the way the guy approaches...maybe it's just that in my experience I've got the real pretty-boy arrogant ones, who think they're God's gift etc? But also I do think there are some situations where it's totally inappropriate for a guy to attempt to make a move. Some examples I've had....when I took my nursery class on a trip to the local library (infront of the kids...wtf?), when a bus is trying to leave the bus station and everyone is waiting for this guy to get off whilst he's handing me a creepy love letter he's just written (that was last week...wtf?), when I'm sitting in the pub having catch-up drinks with my parents (...never infront of the father!...that's just wtf?!). However, I do acknowledge that my views are probably tainted somewhat by the fact that I am a crazy magnet...that or a 'on the surface he's a nice guy, underneath he's a dick' magnet!  Grin Grin

I can't remember what I was talking about now....screw it...everyone just do whatever works well for you! And here's wishing the best for ya! Grin x
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Lady Corsair
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« Reply #1210 on: January 04, 2010, 08:28:20 pm »

Yeah, I don't think men are very good at picking up female non-verbal communication (and vice versa, sometimes).  It seems like they have to describe the situation to suddenly realize what's going on.  "Oh, wait, she sat and watched a Harry Potter movie she'd already seen, with a bunch of strangers, because she thought I was cute?  Dammit!"

I realized this morning that I have two people I could date, but I'm actually not into dating right now.  Not sure why, just feel really blah about the whole idea.  More interested in finding friends to hang out with, but I don't think that's their focus.

Sadly, I already set up a coffee date with one of them tonight, and I promised the other I would see Sherlock Holmes with him at some point (which I already saw...but shhhhh, don't tell!).  So, what is polite body language, that men with understand, for "thanks, but no thanks?"   Wink
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« Reply #1211 on: January 05, 2010, 12:26:22 am »

*thinks about what's she's read* hmmm
*gives it a test run on Tobias*


          \                /
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Is that a bottle of amniotic stem cells in your pocket? cause i could genetically replicate myself as a clone in your pants. Given the right equipment and taking into account the durability and elasticity of your pants.


*may have done it wrong*
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Utini420
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« Reply #1212 on: January 05, 2010, 06:59:30 pm »

I have just that light touch of Aspergers that can be somewhat beneficial to IT work (my ADD is way more prominent, and OCD is probably a bigger behavior factor, despite also being rather light).  End result, for me, is that it wasn't that hard to learn social interaction type body language on the in-coming channel (I read what they don't say) but much less so on the out-bound channel (I don't always act the right way to show how I feel) and in both cases it is more "active" on my part, meaning conscious and intentional, than the auto-pilot style of awareness others have described.  It's also a work-in-progress.  For instance, I just this morning had a minor life lesson, to the effect that my, "I'm thinking really hard about the best solution to your problem," face looks a whole lot like most folks, "What the hell did you do that stupid shit for?" face.  Gotta work on that.

I had a strangely mixed upbringing, with a strict catholic mother (and she had me in Youth Group long enough to know about the Catholic girls) and a drinking, smoking, porn loving father -- who is even more ADD than I am, and far less self-aware of it.  Its rather comical watching him ramble his way through mid life.  Smiley 

Jealousy was mentioned, and yes, it needs to be accounted for (in all relationships, poly, mono, or otherwise).  Personally, I'm not really wired for it -- I'll get envious of stuff (That looks great!  Why can't I have some too!) and I can get selfish (mine! mine! mine!) but not Jealous (I want to have that to the exclusion of all others having it).  Trusts can be broken, of course, so its not like I wouldn't get mad if I was cheated on.  And if I don't get enough attention I will act out.  But if, say, I caught my wife in bed with another man I'd never hear of I wouldn't be very mad at him (he doesn't owe me anything, after all) and I wouldn't really be mad at her for sleeping with him per say, but that she did something she told me she wouldn't do -- she broke our rules, that we made for ourselves together.  It isn't the physical act, its the violation of trust.  

Actually, this probably isn't the right thread for it, but I'd love to hear from some of the other poly folks and how they handled the big J in their own relationships.

Everyone has their own thresholds for these things, different needs and different things that can set them off -- woe be unto me if, on our own private date night with my loving wife, I should answer the phone for anyone with an X chromosome!  My wife, while understanding to a fault, has a jealousy circuit much more like the norm than mine.  Which, really, is just another emotional need to be accounted for.  She's commented that, me being such a flirt, if we weren't doing things this way then she'd be more worried what I was doing behind her back (which is ridiculous, I can't do squat without spilling her the beans).  As it is, its all up front and in the open, and she gets a full veto -- I trust her as a judge of character, and if someone raises her red flags I outta take notice of that, not least because she's not the one thinking with my dick.

TribalWren, something you said made me think a bit, and I want to ask you something (and this is closer to on-topic for a singles thread):
Quote
It would suck to get into a relationship with someone without having the full facts of the matter!
So, when would be the right time to say something?  I agree with you in principle, it needs to be up front and on the level.  And it can take a lot of time to talk out all the details.  By which point, more than once, I've talked my way out of the relationship.  I've literally had a girl tell me that if I'd have just shut up and jumped her bones she'd have been fine with it, but all that talking made it seem like too much work!  On the other hand, I can't think of anything more icky-creepy-slimy than sauntering up to a lady in a bar, giving her my come hither look, and crooning, "So, baby, I'm married, but its an open marriage."  I might as well unbutton my shirt to show off my chest hair and gold medallion while I'm at it!

Any thoughts on that sticky bit?  Generally, I'd rather pursue romance with someone I already know and have a reason to be friends with, but "dating friends" is a lot easier in your college years than your early 30s.  So I'm trying to meet new people, and I don't want them to feel pounced on at the first line, but not trapped or swindled later ("You never told me you were married, you son of a bitch!")  I would like for them to know its not just a line, but I don't want to try "sell" it as a bunch of hard work.  And I don't want folks who know I'm married, but don't know how well we play with others, to think I'm some scum bag out trying to cheat on his wife.   GAAAA!   Who said something about this getting complicated?
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Reni Valentine
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« Reply #1213 on: January 05, 2010, 07:01:06 pm »

piping in...albeit briefly...

Oh, and at least for me, there's never any doubt who to think of first in the morning: my wife is the love of my life, my first and last thoughts each day are for her. Anyone else we play with is second to that, no matter how dear they may be.  (Some polyamorists use the terms Primary and Secondary relationships.)

the distinction between one's primary partner and others (secondary, tertiary, etc.) isn't so much a ranking system. at least not for anyone i've encountered in the poly lifestyle, myself included. it's a damn shame that things even have to be so defined if you ask me...



That primary/secondary model seems a good way of handling things. The all equal stakes seem hard to work in practice (see russia Grin). I have seen a few polyamourus relationships work and some that work in the short term. Jealousy often seems to be the killer and so long as all the rules, discussed or implied are held to and everyone is happy things are good !

However i know just in a manogamous relationship communication and expectations are hard enough to reconcile, doing that multiple ways must be hard. I did once see a program on a group commune that seemed to work quite well, probably due to the structure for dealing with the day to day struggles.

i don't know if it's an issue of "even ground" that i've seen so much as a common understanding of where everyone fits into the machine, so to speak. i think of it in terms of a pack - not everyone can be the alpha, right? it actually falls in line with jealousy issues as well - not to sound condescending or at all snarky, but i've found that it takes a certain type to make a poly relationship (or relationships, as the case may be) work.


Yeah...I agree the polyamory thing can work...but it depends on those involved. It would suck to get into a relationship with someone without having the full facts of the matter!  Cheesy Plus I see a distinction between those who follow polyamory as a well-thought out, lifestyle-choice and those who just throw the word around for a quick lay and are just being dicks *I guess both metaphorically and literally!*. But yeah, for those who follow it sincerely...I gotta tip my hat to you in a way- cos maintaining ONE relationship is stressful enough let alone multiples! Also you gotta have a pretty good hold of your emotions cos you know, jealousy;the green eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on...etcetc.

But I like to hear of unusual lifestyles cos it makes people more interesting...plus at one time in my life I was taught by nuns...so that makes me generally kinda dirty too.  Wink Shocked Grin

yes. this. it's up there with being hit on by prats who find out that a girl is bisexual and take it to mean that she'll want him to sleep with her and her best mate. it's a definite lack of common sense.

and ah, Catholic school. it's been a love-hate relationship for me from the door. i think i'm still the only person i know who was kicked out of kindergarten for bringing my then two-year-old brother to show-and-tell and explaining where he came from. in detail. without mention of a stork and Jesus only figured in after the word "oh."

fast forward a few years (no, i'll not tell exactly how many) when i was asked to leave a confessional, my date in tow...
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TribalWren
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« Reply #1214 on: January 05, 2010, 07:28:45 pm »

TribalWren, something you said made me think a bit, and I want to ask you something (and this is closer to on-topic for a singles thread):
Quote
It would suck to get into a relationship with someone without having the full facts of the matter!
So, when would be the right time to say something?  I agree with you in principle, it needs to be up front and on the level.  And it can take a lot of time to talk out all the details.  By which point, more than once, I've talked my way out of the relationship. Any thoughts on that sticky bit?  Generally, I'd rather pursue romance with someone I already know and have a reason to be friends with, but "dating friends" is a lot easier in your college years than your early 30s.  So I'm trying to meet new people, and I don't want them to feel pounced on at the first line, but not trapped or swindled later ("You never told me you were married, you son of a bitch!")  I would like for them to know its not just a line, but I don't want to try "sell" it as a bunch of hard work.  And I don't want folks who know I'm married, but don't know how well we play with others, to think I'm some scum bag out trying to cheat on his wife.   GAAAA!   Who said something about this getting complicated?

Well...I can't really give you an answer because it depends on circumstance and individuals. It also depends on how exactly 'polyamory' works for you (and your wife). Do you maintain 'relationships' with others beyond the sexual? Do you use that dreaded word 'love' with others? Cause these all have an impact IMO. So personally, I would rather just have the facts straight up cause then I know that whatever relationship is going to take place would have certain boundaries to it that would never be crossed. This would protect both parties in terms of keeping emotions in check and not resulting in someone possibly getting their heart-broken (I hate that phrase, cos it's bullshit, but you know what I'm trying to say...). If you've talked yourself out of a relationship with someone that means the lady obviously wasn't comfortable with the boundaries and in a way I sort of feel like...that's just the way it goes and you have to accept *you can't have them all*!

Like you say, it has avoided potential damage and hurt in the long-term. I reckon just through having conversation with someone (pleeease any chat-up line, regardless of lifestyle is an instant turn-off!) you would get round to relationship talk and you could broach the subject more subtley. If they're open minded then I'm sure they'll listen, be interested and consider and if they're not then it's better that you don't try to pursue them anyhow *hard luck*. Again, depends if your looking for sex or to maintain a relationship though....

Hell, thinking about it...why don't you set up a thread?!  Tongue You could be like 'the polyamory meister'....explaining the details to the uninformed and through maintained conversation you may find someone you like!  Cool I am a genius, I know.....>hangs her head in shame because she had no idea how to respond to his post<
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Utini420
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« Reply #1215 on: January 05, 2010, 09:19:52 pm »

Wow.  I started to reply, got pulled away for a while, came back to it, got pulled away again, and now there's more to respond to.  So, sorry for the kinda long post.  I'm going to put chunks of it behind spoilers, just in case folks are getting sick of all this poly crap in the singles thread.


Re: Reni, and Primairy/Secondary Terminology:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)


Re: TribalWren, on Pick Up lines and Disclosure:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

why don't you set up a thread?!  Tongue You could be like 'the polyamory meister'....explaining the details to the uninformed and through maintained conversation you may find someone you like!

Ya.... I don't think so.  
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Re: JingleJoe
Good thing someone camouflaged that train!
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Lady Corsair
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LiLati
« Reply #1216 on: January 06, 2010, 05:44:49 am »

I'm in Seattle, so I'm pretty sure tea houses are actually banned.  Coffee-houses can serve tea, but they cannot be tea centric. 
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Vagabond GentleMan
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« Reply #1217 on: January 06, 2010, 09:56:01 pm »

So much happens on this thread in so little time.  Like, pages and pages.
So here's me, opening up old wounds and trying to work forward:

I'm polyamorist.  It rocks. 
Monogamy:  Mating for life, single partner...forever.
Most of you calling yourselves monogamists aren't.  You're 'serial monogamists', i.e. one at a time.  If you've had more than one consensual sexual partner in your life, you're NOT a monogamist.
60 years ago you all would have been considered cads and hussies, but times change.
Now, ya'll are open-minded, but the mainstream still wants to hate on us polyamorists...so the hope is, give us another 60 years and it won't be assumed we're all 'players and sluts'.

Difference between player or a cheater and polyamorist:  Honesty.

Primary and Secondary poly strategy:  Works well.
Keeping all partners 'Separate but Equal' also works well.
It's just a matter of what shade of grey you are on the monogamy-to-Wilt Chamberlain scale.

Jealousy:  Problem in all types of relationships.  Not more of an issue in poly than in mono.  In fact for me personally, attempting monogamy brings out a lot of bad qualities...jealousy big among them, because exclusivity sometimes carries with it a sense of ownership, i.e. This Is MY Partner, and every other member of my sex is a threat.

Music:  Damn Wraste!  I wish I could say my list of 'like' is bigger than my list of 'not-like'.
My list of like could be writ on my hand, my list of "inspires raging murderous hatred, wish I were a musician-slaying serial killer" would need some sort of monumental memorial of extraordinary magnitude.

Most of the time I'd prefer silence to music.

Strangely enough, I like musicals.
Phantom and Moulin Rouge are tops right now.  Go figure...

And:

Yay Burlesque!  Actually, the shows are usually kinda boring and uninspired, but the crowd and the ambiance and the type of joint that hosts these events are all bang-up and makes for bully times!  I'm game for a B-show anytime!
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Well that wolf has a dimber bonebox, and he'll flash it all milky and red.  But you won't see our Red Jack's spit, nug, cuz he's pinked ya, and yer dead.
TribalWren
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« Reply #1218 on: January 10, 2010, 03:09:02 am »

I'm going to be incommunicado for a bit. Phone still on, but I have to plan a funeral.

Yes, hope everything is well with you.....
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Frau Tankgerhausen
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« Reply #1219 on: January 10, 2010, 07:23:21 pm »

Frau,
Yes, the Dutch win that award. Looked it up the other day because a local news article mentioned it.

Glad you're having fun! How is the new boy holding up?
About him... I'm slightly having second thoughts. I was a bit too fast there. He's actually a bit too dominant and trying to prove he's a big guy, smoking, swearing and drinking a tad too much. Trying to get me to more swearing, drinking, playing WoW and such. Even though he tells me I must never try to change him (and/or come inbetween him and his metal band/smoking/WoW). But I still love him, and I don't want to get back to the time where I skipped from one boyfriend to another because I just didn't get the feeling of a good relationship(broke 4 hearts within half a year with that, and I never intend to do that again). I even missed the times of the loving relationship I had, once. Sad
But I'll try and turn this into something better. I know I can.
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Plastic parts and glue,
doing everything I can do,
to build the steambears.<3

....How hyu gun get him to do dat?
TribalWren
Guest
« Reply #1220 on: January 10, 2010, 09:12:23 pm »

The Brits don't seem to 'dance' so much anyhow;

Must not be a brit...Though saying that i didn't dance at all last night as my leg/back was playing up. I also didn't have an alcoholic anethetic....I don't need to be drunk to dance though. I'll quite happily make a fool out of myself sober Wink

hehe! Must be me then! O_O I hardly ever go to clubs...I find they tend to be filled with zinging hormones and groping hands and I got fed up with them. So really I don't have that much experience with club dancing unless I'm working there and doing a bellydance routine!  Grin So, next time you're in London you will have to take me dancing and teach me how it's done!  Tongue *maybe not to Slimes though.... Wink* Note: You may well have to get me drunk before I humiliate myself in public! XD

Frau Tankgerhausen:But I'll try and turn this into something better. I know I can.

Not only do I agree with Ulfilias; "*NEVER* go into a relationship hoping it might change for the better..." just to flip it round a bit...I don't think it's fair to be in a relationship if you feel that you want to change the other person. I don't mean this in a harsh way...it's just that as you would like a man to respect you for who you are and what you believe, you should respect him for who he is too. If you don't respect him (i.e. find fault in his behaviour) and find you feel that you want to CHANGE him, then he's not the person for you to be with in the first place. And in a weird way....if you love him, you will realise this is the best thing for him (as well as yourself). You both deserve to be with people who repect you for who you are.  Smiley

 I know how you feel about 'missing' being in a relationship...I have spells of feeling the same way. But really that's more about one's own feelings of security...and personally I feel that until that point when I'm completely happy with being totally independant...it's not the time for me to enter into another serious relationship, because I would be depending my happiness upon it and that will bring nothing but trouble in the long-term, see? *baggage=co-dependance=bigbad!* You seem relatively young and it's not like you don't have the rest of your life to find the 'perfect guy'-so why rush? Take some 'me-time'...your happiness doesn't have to rely on the love of another, it lies in you!  Cheesy  
« Last Edit: January 10, 2010, 09:15:18 pm by TribalWren » Logged
Ulfilias
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ulfilias
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« Reply #1221 on: January 10, 2010, 10:33:26 pm »

hehe! Must be me then! O_O I hardly ever go to clubs...I find they tend to be filled with zinging hormones and groping hands and I got fed up with them. So really I don't have that much experience with club dancing unless I'm working there and doing a bellydance routine!  Grin
How did you come to the conclusion we brits couldn't dance ??
Quote
So, next time you're in London you will have to take me dancing and teach me how it's done!  Tongue *maybe not to Slimes though.... Wink* Note: You may well have to get me drunk before I humiliate myself in public! XD

That sounds like fun....Not Slimes, 'eh...We I doubt that is a huge problem as i only tend to go there late (after another club) or if there is a good band playing there first - And then its rarely...Think i made it twice last year, maybe three times. A poor show from 12 years back when i'd be there most weekend, then again there were no other Goth clubs on a Saturday as slimes had a stranglehold.

I occasionally make it down to Vagabonds which a friend runs at the Barrow Boy and Banker on the last Saturday of the month which is quite cool. A nice pretty pub venue. Quite classy as goth clubs go. SP would work well and i know a few that tend to frequent it. Not the best place for dancing but reasonable.

I used to love B-movie, but it moved venues and then later closed. I hear the Ballroom on a Friday is reasonable. I used to love it years back as there was so much space that people would get out of my way. I'm not known for dancing in small spaces....heck last year at Mera Luna (German Festival) i was heard to exclaim "Not even a runway is big enough for my dancing" as i veered off and tripped over a tent. There may have been alcohol and the rumours of me falling asleep *on* my tent has not been documented on facebook....no...

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TribalWren
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« Reply #1222 on: January 10, 2010, 11:19:20 pm »

How did you come to the conclusion we brits couldn't dance ??


Snippy tonight, ay?!  Wink I did the whole 'clubbing' thing when I was a bit younger...that's where I get my conclusions from!! I also used to work the clubs a bit more than I do nowadays...with dance gigs that is! *not to be misinterpreted*. That's how I got to hate the 'groping hands' aspect of clubs. That said goth clubs are better than some. But despite such things...I'm actually a pretty shy person believe it or not!  Tongue I'm usually an observer not a participant...unless I have some Dutch courage...but then I tend to 'over-participate'...so I need to find the balance!  Wink

I occasionally make it down to Vagabonds which a friend runs at the Barrow Boy and Banker on the last Saturday of the month which is quite cool. A nice pretty pub venue. Quite classy as goth clubs go. SP would work well and i know a few that tend to frequent it. Not the best place for dancing but reasonable.
I hear the Ballroom on a Friday is reasonable. I used to love it years back as there was so much space that people would get out of my way.

Never been to Vagabonds but friends have told me it's really good- few of them went to the NYE thing there. And yeah, I also used to go to the Ballroom which was ok...enough people on the dance-floor that you could blend in without too much humiliation....! But mainly nowadays I go see live bands or see burlesque acts instead of the clubbing - Wam Bam club, Madame Jojos, 12 Bar (my mate's band plays there quite regularly). Make it to Underworld occassionally too...but my best friend is the doorman there so if I go it's usually mostly to hang out with him. But I would like to regain some of my social life again...work seems to take over my life, cause in my job you're still working even if you're not AT work. Also I've kinda lost my social group now...most of them have started on the marriage/kids malarky and can't hang-out like we used to and also when I split with my fiance it seems that my so-called friends split with me too!  Sad Ah well, c'est la vie....

I would love love love to learn Lindy (you should go to the Pigalle club- awesome dancers there!!!) Or jive. TEACH ME! Kiss

 Also tango, flamenco, waltz, salsa, capoeira.....if only I had the time...and the spare cash! Grin
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TribalWren
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« Reply #1223 on: January 11, 2010, 12:18:40 am »

<snip>But I would like to regain some of my social life again...work seems to take over my life, cause in my job you're still working even if you're not AT work. Also I've kinda lost my social group now...most of them have started on the marriage/kids malarky and can't hang-out like we used to and also when I split with my fiance it seems that my so-called friends split with me too!  Sad Ah well, c'est la vie....<snip>
I hate that.
I had a girlfriend that I met one of my best and closest friends through. When she and I parted ways she turned to my friend's wife (Also a good friend) and asked if he and I were still hanging out. When she was told that we were she asked, "How long you think THAT'S gonna last." Since he and I are geeks that sometimes share a brain his wife answered, "I'm thinking for a while."

I'm the God-father of their first born. Grin

I don't take sides when my friends break up unless there's abuse involved. Especially if it's no one's fault.

HEHE! I love your friend! That's real class, that is!  Grin Part of my problem is that I'm never really settled anywhere for too long...I live someplace, make a few friends then move on and lose touch. I'm a total wanderer....

Also: for a significant part of my life I was in a bit of an abusive relationship...I officially left home when I was 16 (I was in foster care for a bit before that actually) and got involved with a man who was much older and pretty controlling...like wouldn't let me out of the house without him, amongst other things!! I (eventually) split with him and got myself back on track, but then I had to hold down a few different jobs to pay my way through college etc, so to be honest, I feel like I missed out on that part of life where most people form their tight friendships.  Undecided

Although saying that I'm also totally aware that I don't help myself...I'm a bit of an Ice Queen when it comes to meeting new people...>repels anyone who comes near!  Grin< I like my own company most of the time...it's just when you hit those hard times that you wish you had more people to call on, you know?

Woah! That was a very deep and meaningful response!! Apologies! TMI. *giggle*  Grin Tongue
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Vagabond GentleMan
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« Reply #1224 on: January 16, 2010, 09:27:46 pm »

Teddy bolo tie?  Maybe....

Teddy noosetie?  Uh, Necktie?  Nay, my love, nay...   Cheesy
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