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Author Topic: Single Steampunks?  (Read 333495 times)
Gwenifer Scorpio
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« Reply #1075 on: September 15, 2009, 04:22:09 am »

Thanks all. I did get some laughs out of it all.  Smiley

It's not so much venting as... yeah, it's venting. Decision making, I guess.

Basically, I'm worried about wether I should go home when I get a vacation. I want to see my friends... but one of those is my former girlfriend. We're still friends, but I have to be honest with myself that I haven't really let it go. I still love her and it's only geography that separated us.

I know that she's already started dating a girl (Yes, she's bisexual. Love her the more for it). But I'm worried I couldn't handle myself in a situation where I meet. I don't really look at relationships when looking at love so I'm really bad at disconnecting myself on one level while remaining contacted on another. i.e. I want to be friends with her, she's a great person, but I don't trust myself not to be... attached, maybe? Best solution is avoid it all - there's not many other people I really want to see. But there are some - my other friend and my little sister. I guess I'm just being panickey and cowardly.

Eh, it's a stupid series of thoughts I'm beginning to think...

It might be panicky, but it's extremely understandable. I have a lot of the same problems. I really wish I could give you advice, but I'm still kind of on the same level of being bad disconnecting myself.
So from one of us to the other, good luck and hugs. Hopefully things will get figured out.....and I don't think you're being cowardly. Tongue
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Gwenifer H. Scorpio, O.S.E., CALES Alumni
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Privateering off HMAS Landeythan


« Reply #1076 on: September 15, 2009, 07:42:58 am »

Thanks.  Smiley I guess I'd make a great hippie, free love and all that.  Roll Eyes 

As for family, my relations are cool but amiable with my brother and father, pretty bad with my mother. But my sister is only four and is the most awesome child of that age I've ever known. (Probably due to my terrible influence... she's probably also the only four year girl whose aspiration is to become a ninja and who knows how to properly dispatch a zombie...)

I dunno. The thing is, in a relationship or not, I really care for her and owe her so much for making my life a hell of a lot better when I was sort of lost. I mean, if we'd split because of differences I'd have no problem handling it. It's simply that a relationship isn't really feasible for the amount of time I'm gone and I understand she wants someone who's actually there. And for now, that's okay - we still keep in contact. I just don't know what I might do if I actually meet her... which I probably will have to, considering my one real friend in Vancouver is her good friend as well. Actually, come to think of it, I'll have to at some point - she's taking care of some of my stuff while I'm away...

Okay, ranting again. I wish I could think of these things normally... for me it's just love or not love...
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They make Utopia only half a dream."

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« Reply #1077 on: September 26, 2009, 05:04:17 am »

i just wanted to pop in and say so long and thanks for all the fish. i am officially off the market, although i don't think it much matters otherwise. the "i-don't-know-what-we-are" and i had a serious conversation about tomorrow and next week and the year after that and decided that we can't seem to get the hang of breaking up and murder-suicide isn't an option. so instead we're getting married. i have three years to adjust to the idea, and lord love a duck it means i'm going to have to change my name. but he's promised me a really big closet, so it's a pretty fair trade-off.

i love you all, and i'm still accessible, just not here. no need to commiserate anymore, you know?

xoxo
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In all reality, "steampunk" is anachronistic, innit? Otherwise it's just Victorian dress-up.

chain smokin', sleep needin', apparel designin', mohawk havin', tea drinkin', steady cursin', boy charmin', card readin' rabble-rouser and amusement park cleverly disguised as a woman

TS245
Tom90deg
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« Reply #1078 on: September 28, 2009, 06:51:42 pm »

Sigh...Well, I now return, heh, once again having been told that I was too nice of a person to be told she was not interested, instead preferring to ignore me until I lost hope and went away. I'd be less downhearted if this wasn't the 6th or so time that it's happened. Ah well, Thought I had a real chance with this girl, I mean, how many other girls can you think of who've gotten in trouble in her Design class for making all her houses with secret passages?

Anywho, I now attempt to dive back into the ol' dating pool, which may be rather difficult with the whole, "Overseas in India for the next two years." problem. But, yet, I remain hopeful Smiley I am the eternal optimist. Away!
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No one's anti-Steampunk. Unless, of course, you have a irrational hatred of goggles.
LukeHogbin
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« Reply #1079 on: October 03, 2009, 02:54:02 am »

First of all, I apologise profusely for having accidentally skipped over Your post. (the word "india" in the next post distracted me >.>)

Quote
There are no choices. Nothing but a straight line. The illusion comes
afterward, when you ask “Why me?” and “What if?”. When you look
back and see the branches, like a pruned bonsai tree, or forked lightning.
If you had done something differently, it wouldn’t be you, it would be
someone else looking back, asking a different set of questions.

As for me, I don’t really know how I feel about love relating to me. I’m single and not really looking. I’m incredibly skeptical and don’t really think I’ll ever be skaved by cupid’s arrow again. Nor do I think anyone else will for me.
It's an iteresting point of view, and not without it's truths.
I'm personally from a school of thought that says you creat the reality that you want.
Abraham Lincoln is credited with saying, "If you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will."
I think that applies to relationships. If you look to have something fail before it even begins, how can it succeed?

Now I want to be clear and say that I'm not attacking your point of view, I understand skepticism.
I'm just saying don't say "no" before it even has a chance. There are plenty of happy people in this world that live without partnered relationships. Some people even prefer being single. If you are one of these, then cool.

And I can see the choices before me. Every day I strive to make the best ones for any given situation. Here's to hoping that my perception of choice isn't an illusion. Wink


I'm something of a misanthrope by nature. No, I don't outright hate all people, but I generally don't enjoy their company unless I get a vibe from them that gives me a reason to let them closer. But I guess such behaviour is kind of natural for everyone who's been growing up in the middle of a war. In a way, I have never developed proper trust in people. Even my first being in love was an odd occurrence, the details of which I would much prefer to retain in a place distanced from general public of this forum. I know and understand well what prior (perhaps subconscious) expectations do to our perception of events and people, and I generally try to look beyond those, despite the fact that my past experiences keep telling me most of them are the same. During my past experiences (of socialisation in general, not just relationships) I got burned more times than I could count, which is where my scepticism comes from. I hope this at least somewhat clarifies my point of view. Also note that I am by no means attacking Your opinion or point of view, I am merely attempting to humbly explain where I'm coming from with my opinions and convictions.
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« Reply #1080 on: October 04, 2009, 09:26:32 pm »

Well this is depressing.
I never thought I'd live in an age where 2 attractive ladies have completely given up on the idea of courtship.  Undecided
And it's quite easy to get into a relationship, if you see anyone who catches your eye in some way, ask them out to tea/coffee. That goes well ask them to lunch the next day, maybe dinner after that. At the very least you'll have stimulating conversation with your morning coffee, and at best you'll run into the person you want to spend your life with.

That said I'm currently single, but it's by choice this time.
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Honeythorn
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How unfortunate...


« Reply #1081 on: October 04, 2009, 09:40:57 pm »

if you see anyone who catches your eye in some way, ask them out to tea/coffee

Does not compute.

I am no conversationalist ( and conversation would invarialy be required in the highly unlikely event of someone accepting such an offer ) . An unfortunate problem for me is that I have little interest or knowledge of/in subjects many people seem to convserse about, though I do try to educate myself when I have tme. A slow process sadly.

I usually find that when in the company of someone I like, I find I have nothing to say or talk about. I'm not particularly nervous, I just have nothing to say and run out of conversation very quickly.

One of the many and varied reasons for my singular state no doubt.
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Kitten Brigadier
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« Reply #1082 on: October 04, 2009, 09:44:48 pm »

Waiting around seems to work for me. Granted those relationships usually died horridly in the flames of mass destruction. However, lately it's hard to feel that "spark" with gentlemen, it's like the past few relationships have sucked it all out or were all business. I very much so dislike when both a male friend and I confess feelings for each other, and he shows little intention of doing much about it. The latter is my current state, and it's frustrating as hell.

And men say women are complicated. (We just learn from prime examples)
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Thaumaturgical Nuissance
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« Reply #1083 on: October 04, 2009, 09:49:52 pm »

if you see anyone who catches your eye in some way, ask them out to tea/coffee

Does not compute.

I am no conversationalist ( and conversation would invarialy be required in the highly unlikely event of someone accepting such an offer ) . An unfortunate problem for me is that I have little interest or knowledge of/in subjects many people seem to convserse about, though I do try to educate myself when I have tme. A slow process sadly.

I usually find that when in the company of someone I like, I find I have nothing to say or talk about. I'm not particularly nervous, I just have nothing to say and run out of conversation very quickly.

One of the many and varied reasons for my singular state no doubt.
Ok, tell them that and apologize for it when you run out of conversation... I suffer from the same malady, and so far people like hearing what I have to say about the properties of steel at different temperatures, or steam engines, or the Hittite invasion of Sumeria, it's not something people normally talk about, and makes you stand out, in a good way most of the time. Tongue

Yeah, it really does seem easy for some people. Makes me kinda jealous and suspect that there's something wrong with me, but that's all in the mind.
It's not easy for me, I'm quite sociophobic, but I tell myself if I don't make it happen it never will, and after all it's just talking to someone, can't be all that hard right? Invariably I'm wrong and it is that hard, but at least I started the conversation and don't have to wonder what could've happened if I'd just talked to her instead of getting embarrassed and leaving...
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Thaumaturgical Nuissance
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I follow rule #29 at all times and in all things.


« Reply #1084 on: October 04, 2009, 09:52:25 pm »

Waiting around seems to work for me. Granted those relationships usually died horridly in the flames of mass destruction. However, lately it's hard to feel that "spark" with gentlemen, it's like the past few relationships have sucked it all out or were all business. I very much so dislike when both a male friend and I confess feelings for each other, and he shows little intention of doing much about it. The latter is my current state, and it's frustrating as hell.

And men say women are complicated. (We just learn from prime examples)
Jump him?
Most likely he likes you a great deal and doesn't want to alienate you by jumping the gun, so he's waiting for you to make a move and show him where to go.
Yeah, we really are that dumb sometimes.
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Honeythorn
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How unfortunate...


« Reply #1085 on: October 04, 2009, 09:58:26 pm »

if you see anyone who catches your eye in some way, ask them out to tea/coffee

Does not compute.

I am no conversationalist ( and conversation would invarialy be required in the highly unlikely event of someone accepting such an offer ) . An unfortunate problem for me is that I have little interest or knowledge of/in subjects many people seem to convserse about, though I do try to educate myself when I have tme. A slow process sadly.

I usually find that when in the company of someone I like, I find I have nothing to say or talk about. I'm not particularly nervous, I just have nothing to say and run out of conversation very quickly.

One of the many and varied reasons for my singular state no doubt.
Ok, tell them that and apologize for it when you run out of conversation... I suffer from the same malady, and so far people like hearing what I have to say about the properties of steel at different temperatures, or steam engines, or the Hittite invasion of Sumeria, it's not something people normally talk about, and makes you stand out, in a good way most of the time. Tongue



No I don't think you understand, I have NOTHING to talk about. Certainly nothing intersting like the things you've listed. I will literally ( 90% of the time anyway, even I have my moments of non catatonic existance ) sit there in absolute silence until someone either asks me something or starts talking about something I have some sort of knowledge or interest in. Aside from the initial Hi how are you/ what have you been up to scenario and the appropriate responses to such questions, I may as well not be there.
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Miss Groves
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running out of steam


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« Reply #1086 on: October 04, 2009, 10:20:58 pm »

re: most of the last page of conversation
I met a guy once and suggested we go to the cinema, we did, i had a good time but never saw him again.
I spent all my time trying to be interesting and nice but i was doing all the work.
I'm not too socially gifted and the effort was exhausting trying to think of ways to keep things going and be someone i'm not.
Honeythorn there will always be a little something you CAN talk about. Steampunk for example. Just saying that you are interested in it and have they heard about what it is, is a conversation in itself.  Smiley

re: titus wells
Birmingham event? oooo i must go and look at that, slim chance i might be able to go...
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Kitten Brigadier
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« Reply #1087 on: October 05, 2009, 08:20:47 am »

Waiting around seems to work for me. Granted those relationships usually died horridly in the flames of mass destruction. However, lately it's hard to feel that "spark" with gentlemen, it's like the past few relationships have sucked it all out or were all business. I very much so dislike when both a male friend and I confess feelings for each other, and he shows little intention of doing much about it. The latter is my current state, and it's frustrating as hell.

And men say women are complicated. (We just learn from prime examples)
Jump him?
Most likely he likes you a great deal and doesn't want to alienate you by jumping the gun, so he's waiting for you to make a move and show him where to go.
Yeah, we really are that dumb sometimes.

It's difficult, as we live an hour apart and neither of us have vehicles. I don't believe he's used to courtship via the aether, so this is leading to much confusion and general "meh" on both our parts.  Shocked I hate the dating game sometimes.
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Cpt. Tobias Warde
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Tobias T. Warde, Captain & Detective Inspector


« Reply #1088 on: October 05, 2009, 09:53:21 pm »

Waiting around seems to work for me. Granted those relationships usually died horridly in the flames of mass destruction. However, lately it's hard to feel that "spark" with gentlemen, it's like the past few relationships have sucked it all out or were all business. I very much so dislike when both a male friend and I confess feelings for each other, and he shows little intention of doing much about it. The latter is my current state, and it's frustrating as hell.

And men say women are complicated. (We just learn from prime examples)

Jump him?
Most likely he likes you a great deal and doesn't want to alienate you by jumping the gun, so he's waiting for you to make a move and show him where to go.
Yeah, we really are that dumb sometimes.


It's difficult, as we live an hour apart and neither of us have vehicles. I don't believe he's used to courtship via the aether, so this is leading to much confusion and general "meh" on both our parts.  Shocked I hate the dating game sometimes.


Courtship via the aether is a tricky thing, it's very tough as you do not have the spoken emphasis on letters/words/sentences, the subtle facial expressions (which we pick up subconciously), body language etc. I have had friends who have had bad experiences via the aether where people have recieved the wrong impression/their imagination of what a person is like leading them to have a crush on the image in their mind, not the person, which lead to awkward situations a few times where people have met up.
It's not a bad thing (I know of 3 successful couples who met via MMORPGs), but it can be a little odd if its not something you've done/are used to.

(And a bit late but finally redid my poster; ahm

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
)

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"There was a time when they cared nothing for Miss Vance, when their only experience of humanity was a crowbar coming at them down a steel corridor"
Cpt. Tobias Warde
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« Reply #1089 on: October 06, 2009, 07:59:55 am »

Quote
(And a bit late but finally redid my poster; ahm

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
)




^
Classic case of awesome right there!! *applauds*


Well I would not go that far, but thank you Smiley


Quote
Miss Honeythorn, I find coming up with a repertoire of totally random questions that get good answers out of people gets some conversations going too. Things like "If you could steal any historic building, which one would you take?" or "If you could be any household appliance which one would you be?". Most people tend to think I'm rather strange though, so perhaps this is not the best course for conversation on a first date.  


I would not say strange, I'd say interesting. Makes a change from the <yawn> usual "What films/music/clothing/insert boring subject here that is always discussed do you like?".

If I was going to steal a historic building...hmm. It'd be the... Good grief, we're overrun with them overhere, so I'm not sure. Most likely, the Natural History Museum in London, because it is an epic building and I find it to be amazing.
And so far as appliances go, I'd be a toaster. There is a reason.        Roll Eyes

*stands on a box and pats Cpt Tobias on the head for his poster*

nefthys - i think that's a brill way to carry a conversation, random is good in my opinion.


< is patted> Thank you Smiley
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SweetestPoison
Zeppelin Captain
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Gravatar


« Reply #1090 on: October 12, 2009, 12:02:36 pm »

Here's the rub.
You might just be too nice.

Now before anyone jumps me for saying it, there is a valid reason for why Nice Guys finish dead last.

Take this scenario:

Version 1,
Girl: Aaaaachoo!
Kind Guy: Bless you/Gesundheit.

Version 2,
Girl: Aaaaachoo!
Nice Guy: Bless you/Gesundheit. Can I get you a tissue? Do you want soup? Backrub? Lozenge?

You see, what happens is the nice guy is ALWAYS there for the girl, even when he's not needed. That means that the one time he is NOT there, she'll resent it. She won't even mean too. It just happens.

So stop being nice, and start being kind. You'll do both yourself and your future mate a great deal of good.

~G.L.Wraste, Nice Guy, Reformed. Wink

wraste is right. there are also the kind of girls like me, who while we really like you and like being with think that individual activities are still fun and necessary. I had the nicest bf once, who´d bend over backwards twice to make sure I was happy and it made me unhappy. You want to know why? Because it puts the pressure on me to be at least as considerate, if not more. He stopped playing volleyball "for me", even though he was playing on german championship level. But that didnt make me happy, it made me angry, because every time I then decided to to something on my own that I liked, I felt bad because he was then sitting at home alone. So follow wrastes advice and be kind, not nice. ( that even rhymes!)
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Ulfilias
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« Reply #1091 on: October 12, 2009, 12:14:33 pm »

He stopped playing volleyball "for me", even though he was playing on german championship level. But that didnt make me happy, it made me angry,

Ladies don't want a sap. Having some back bone and a sense of purpose and what you want to do is actualy quite helpful, if they wanted a puppydog to follow them arround, they'd get a puppydog, they are cuter too  Cheesy
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Isabella Stormrift
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« Reply #1092 on: October 12, 2009, 01:38:48 pm »

Indeed, I'll have to agree with much of what's being said, but I will have to make a few clarifications. What you wonderful people have been referring to oh so kindly as a "Nice Guy" is in fact a doormat, or possibly a servant. There is nothing wrong with a nice guy, but there is everything wrong with doing everything you can to wait on a woman hand and foot.
In the scenario presented by Lord Wraste, the "Nice Guy" in question is trying far too hard. A tissue? Perhaps, the lady has just sneezed, it could be appropriate. Soup? Borders on creepy, and seems almost slavish. Even a woman such as myself who blossoms under a gentleman's attention can feel smothered by too much attention.
In the example by SweetestPoison, the gentleman would appear to have forgotten that two individuals, no matter how devoted to one another, will require time to pursue their individual interests, which will inevitably diverge at some times. Personally I find this to be one of the most infuriating habits of those pursuing a relationship.
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Isabella Stormrift
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« Reply #1093 on: October 12, 2009, 02:11:11 pm »

Lord Wraste,

In the case of paying the way of both parties when out on a date, consistency does breed expectation, even more so than in other areas. It establishes an unspoken agreement or arrangement between the two in question as to how such events will be handled. It does not carry the connotation of "something sweet" or even special when it is the pattern of behavior established from day one.

To maintain the mindset of an action being sweet, don't be consistent. Offer to pay the lady's way on special occasions, or surprise her on other incidents by picking up the check without telling her ahead of time.

Personally, I'd love my date to consistently pick up the check, and still wouldn't mind to pick up the slack if finances prevented my gentleman friend from carrying through as usual, as long as I knew of the situation prior to said date. I can understand why others might react more poorly, however.
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lucek
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« Reply #1094 on: October 12, 2009, 02:30:55 pm »

Oh, relationships are sooooo overrated. All I've ever heard was: "leave this [insert appropriate] and go to sleep", "I hope you're going to cancel your visit on that strange people gathering [convention, concert or everything else] - as you remember, we're going to visit my parents" or "you're such kid with all this toys of yours" "I'm not going to sleep in the tent". After a couple of break-ups I said to myself - why do you even bother trying to fit into someone's expectations? Is personal happines obtained via being with another person wort sacrificing personal happines obtained via doing all this stuff one likes? And it's safe to assume there's no perfect match, no second half sharing with us all the joy of being free and sacrificing this freedom to another person.

Making long story short - Vive la singularity! Embrace your freedom and love it!


l.


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« Reply #1095 on: October 12, 2009, 02:38:42 pm »

Vive la singularity! Embrace your freedom and love it!

Relationships can suck, true. Being with someone you want to be with and that wants to be with you and is willing to let you be yourself is freedom. You all of a sudden have a companion, someone to talk to and that can help you feel better and that you can enjoy things with, and the relationship is on a higher level than say friends or family. And you, hopefully, do the same for them. Being in a relationship shouldn't be someone's main focus and you should be with someone you want to be with, not just in a relationship because you hate the thought of being single. That doesn't help either party. As for being too nice: be yourself. If you think you're "too nice" or "too romantic", don't change just because. Don't change what or who you are just because someone doesn't appreciate it. Find someone who does.

So says the girl whose relationship status on Facebook is "It's Complicated."  Undecided
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Athena
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« Reply #1096 on: October 12, 2009, 02:48:11 pm »

I've always paid for my own stuff...I think I've let a guy by something for me once, and that was a fair ticket because he worked where they were selling them. I've always paid for my own food, own drinks, etc. I tell people I'm with not to buy me anything (because the relationships never last that long anyway) so that when it comes time for them to feel like they have to leave, there's no "well, I want this and this back." Ummmm....no.

And besides, it makes me feel good that I don't have to rely on anyone else to pay for my stuff. I've got a job, I've got a car, and *hopefully soon* I'll be out on my own again and able to pay my own rent.
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lucek
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« Reply #1097 on: October 12, 2009, 03:07:08 pm »

True, but that's where compromise comes in. You'll never be able to find your perfect compliment, I'll admit that. But who wants to be with someone that's exactly like them anyway? Having the same interests and the same wants is enough for me. That and being able to have a good conversation....among other things....doesn't hurt either.  Wink

Compromise is being opressed :-) One has to sacrifice something to obtain compromise.
And reflection is never exactly like the reflectign object - when I use my right hand to brush my teeth, the guy in the mirror does it with the left hand. Reflection is the other half, the one that fits perfectly.


Real love would never oppress.

I wouldn't agree. Real love makes one think about oppressing itself without smallest tint of guilt, scorn, bile or feeling of being used. But still, one is substantially changing itself - in order to fit into the relationship. Anything one do for the partner/s - is an oppression. Self appointed, willed, wanted and making one happy - but still, it's a sacrifice.


l.
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Isabella Stormrift
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United States United States



« Reply #1098 on: October 12, 2009, 03:28:35 pm »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I may just be splitting semantic hairs here, but compromise need not equate sacrifice.

If she doesn't appreciate your hobby, then she need not participate.
If you refuse to go on your camping/larping trips because she is disinterested, then that's a whole different issue.
If she want's you to give up one weekend out of 20 to visit her parents, then is that really a sacrifice?
If it's every event you want to go to, then that's a problem.


You've quite taken the words right out of my mouth. Oppression is "the exercise of authority or power in a burdensome, cruel, or unjust manner." Sacrifice is "the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim." Oppression is burdensome, sacrifice bears reward. Love brings sacrifice, not oppression. Giving up the occasional weekend for the sake of something to make your beloved happy should be in the realm of sacrifice. Giving up every weekend for the other party's demands is oppression. When sacrifice gives way to oppression, love has died.
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lucek
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« Reply #1099 on: October 12, 2009, 03:30:08 pm »

I may just be splitting semantic hairs here, but compromise need not equate sacrifice.
The feeling is mutual, so let's stop here ;-)


If she doesn't appreciate your hobby, then she need not participate.
If you refuse to go on your camping/larping trips because she is disinterested, then that's a whole different issue.
If she want's you to give up one weekend out of 20 to visit her parents, then is that really a sacrifice?
If it's every event you want to go to, then that's a problem.

I think we both agree it's more complicated than the simple solutions to problems presented in one short sentence, more to make anegdotic exemplum rather than to give the view on real problem. My point of view is, one can never be fully happy - it's either the relation and things one must do to keep it in appropriate condition or being alone with no need to get one's focus off all the fun and nice things one loves.

I'm far from saying that self-oppressing is good, wrong, inapropriate or judge it any other way. I'm just stating there is no person on Earth's face that would always be (damn my poor command of English language!) ideal partner, voided of expectations forcing the changes. Ugh. I'm sorry I can't get my idea more transparent and express it better, but language barrier got me.


l.
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