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Adml. Etherington
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« on: March 19, 2011, 02:49:26 am » |
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Looking for crewmen for your airship?
In need of financiers for your 'round the world balloon voyage?
Perhaps you find yourself searching for that "special someone"?
Place a classified in the Anomalous Times special Convention Program edition!
I have found myself in need of filler material for the program for AnomalyCon. I'd like to gather a selection of classified ads, personal ads, clever limericks; anything short, sweet, steampunk-related (at least a little), and not offensive. Literary references would be great, actual lines taken from books not so much. I won't use anything with phone numbers or email addresses, and probably not with websites either. This isn't real advertising, it's humorous filler content. Also, don't post any suggestions here that you don't give me permission to print uncredited in the convention newspaper/program. In order to make my press deadline, I need material by the end of the weekend.
I'll be running them as classified ad columns in empty space in the Convention program.
Thank you in advance for any suggestions!
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The walls between art and engineering exist only in our minds.
- Theo Jansen
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Maets
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« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2011, 03:25:48 am » |
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 Test pilot needed for new rocket pack. No prior experience needed. Must have own crash helmet and goggles. Please provide proof of insurance and address of next of kin. All interested parties please send telegraph to Bernard V. Maets. |
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Adml. Etherington
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« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2011, 07:02:09 pm » |
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How intriguing. Thank you, Mr. Maets. Unfortunately I lack a proper crash helmet for such a venture, but I shall be sure to forward your request in my publication, for wider consideration.
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Maets
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« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2011, 09:31:00 pm » |
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Lost: Time Machine - Inadvertently sent to into the future, to July 2009, without setting the automatic return feature. If found please return to Bernard Maets, April 1, 1883. No questions asked.  |
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Maets
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« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2011, 11:17:26 pm » |
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For Sale: Hydrogen Leak Detector - used only once on LZ 129, the Hindenburg when it departed from Frankfurt on the evening of May 3, 1937. Seemed to function perfectly at the time. Make offer.  |
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Maets
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« Reply #5 on: March 19, 2011, 11:20:43 pm » |
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Dear Albert: Enjoyed our chance meeting on the train in Germany. I think you've got something there with the whole clock thing. I would probably leave the relatives out of it. Good luck with your job at the Patent office.
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Maets
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« Reply #6 on: March 19, 2011, 11:37:38 pm » |
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David Henery Darkwire - Sir, I accept your challenge of honor, a duel to the death using steam powered weapons at 50 paces. My second and I shall meet you and yours at dawn on the 27th. Truly, Eddey Arvin Hawkrider.
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« Last Edit: March 19, 2011, 11:41:46 pm by Maets »
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Maets
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« Reply #7 on: March 19, 2011, 11:51:56 pm » |
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Used aethermeter for sale. Only one of its kind known to exist. Designed by Bernard Maets in 1870, fully restored and ready to measure the aether. Now at The Steam Emporium. Dear Adml. Hope these are of help. Feel free to use the pictures if you can. Bernard Maets is ficticious as are Darkwire and Hawkrider (both anagrams). If you want you can use the website www.TheSteamEmporium.com A place to learn more about some of the items and about the life of Bernard Maets. Hope to add some later. |
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Professor Griffiths
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« Reply #8 on: March 20, 2011, 03:48:15 am » |
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Miskatonic University
Do you find that your education is lacking, that you need to learn and gain a career? Sign up for courses at Miskatonic University.
Your Education awaits.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Sig has two images that would be needed for your flyer. As well as a link to a nice site, FAKE FOR FUN, site.
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Maets
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« Reply #9 on: March 20, 2011, 04:52:41 am » |
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Desperately seeking fellow time traveler. My time machine, a Maets Time Compressor, has malfunctioned and I have been stuck in this time period for longer then I care to be. If a fellow traveller would be so kind as to give me a lift back to my start time I would be much appreciative.
Dear Adml:
Just to be clear, the reference to Albert on the train is Albert Einstein going to work as a patent clerk. It was during his train rides that he developed the theory of relativity.
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Maets
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« Reply #10 on: March 20, 2011, 05:05:24 am » |
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 Wanted: Parts for an 1890 Maets Steam Pistol. Suffered a melt down after some extensive target shoot. Steam pinion needed. Please send a telegraph if you would be so kind. |
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Maets
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« Reply #11 on: March 20, 2011, 01:01:37 pm » |
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SWM seeking SF, must have own goggles and love gears. Looking for a steamy relationship.
SWF looking for a SM to steam up my goggles, brass or otherwise.
Stranger on the Zeppelin last week. Can't get you out of my mind. Loved your brass. Meet me at the airship terminal on the 27th. I'll be the one in the brown coat and brass goggles.
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Maets
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« Reply #12 on: March 20, 2011, 05:10:52 pm » |
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Crime Report - A large quantity of brass gears, steam powered weapons and rare goggles were taken from the offices of The Steam Emporium. Telegraph any information on this dastardly deed.
And posted elsewhere:
For Sale - A large quantity of brass gears, steam powered weapons and rare goggles. Our prices are so low you could say they are a steal.
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Maets
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« Reply #13 on: March 20, 2011, 05:15:05 pm » |
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Do you find yourself facing a steam weapon duel? Get the latest in steamproof outerwear from The Steam Emporium. And posted later: The latest in steam powered dueling weaponry. Guarenteed to penetrate that pesky steamproof outwear. |
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Maets
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« Reply #14 on: March 20, 2011, 05:17:47 pm » |
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Notice: Time Traveler meet up. Set your time machines to July 11, 1823 Chicago, Ill. to witness the birth of one Bernard Maets.
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Maets
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« Reply #15 on: March 20, 2011, 05:21:12 pm » |
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Models needed for a Steampunk photo shoot. Looking for a pair of nice cogs and a shapely brass. No experience required, but you may want to bring your own goggles.
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Smaggers
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« Reply #16 on: March 20, 2011, 07:16:41 pm » |
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* Minions *
We are the worlds foremost recruiting agency for
grunts, henchmen, thugs and sidekicks
Discount for bulk hires.
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James Harrison
Rogue Ætherlord
 England
Bachelor of the Arts; Master of the Sciences
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« Reply #17 on: March 20, 2011, 07:19:11 pm » |
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Mr. George Stephenson, esq., having invented a moving kettle, seeks an experienced individual to assist with the marketing.
With apologies to Mess'rs. Rowan Atkinson & Ben Elton...
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Persons intending to travel by open carriage should select a seat with their backs to the engine, by which means they will avoid the ashes emitted therefrom, that in travelling generally, but particularly through the tunnels, prove a great annoyance; the carriage farthest from the engine will in consequence be found the most desirable.
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Dr cornelius quack
Rogue Ætherlord
 United Kingdom
Arrant Carney. Phmebian Cultural Attache.
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« Reply #18 on: March 20, 2011, 10:21:45 pm » |
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Male crossword compiler seeks like minded Female for 'Coarse pipe tobacco.(4 letters)'
Villainous guardian, (Own cape and mustache) seeks wealthy, innocent ward to share an interest in train-spotting.
Adventure holidays available. Destinations include The Arctic, The Moon and The Center of the Earth.
Apply Verne and Wells Travel Agency for the summer brochure.
'Stop press.' Why not try our new 'Round the World Ticket'. Versatile and resourceful traveling companions provided.
This evenings talk at the Women's Institute will be on the subject of 'Smocking and Rugs' and not 'Smoking drugs' as previously advertised.
Tonights demonstration of fortune telling has been cancelled due to 'unforeseen circumstances
Private Gentleman's Club (International membership) seeks short term rental of clubhouse facilities in dormant volcano.
Lost. Large scientific expedition. Last seen heading up the Amazon. Royal Geographic Society offers reward for return. (Dead or Alive.)
Free home in Devon countryside offered to large, vicious Mastiff dog. Also required, one tin luminous paint.
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« Last Edit: March 20, 2011, 10:44:41 pm by Dr cornelius quack »
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Such are the feeble bases on which many a public character rests.
Construction of illegal outdoor Privvys on common land a speciality. Our customers always come back.
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James Harrison
Rogue Ætherlord
England
Bachelor of the Arts; Master of the Sciences
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« Reply #19 on: March 20, 2011, 11:45:04 pm » |
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For sale: atmospheric railway equipment. Condition: largely as-new, save leather seals, which are rat-eaten.
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Mr. Boltneck
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« Reply #20 on: March 21, 2011, 12:54:55 am » |
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Mad Scientists—has your laugh let you down?
Do you suffer from weak chuckling? Premature joculation?
Get the Insane Laugh you've always wanted!
Doctor Tenpin's exclusive correspondence school never fails! |
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Dr cornelius quack
Rogue Ætherlord
United Kingdom
Arrant Carney. Phmebian Cultural Attache.
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« Reply #21 on: March 21, 2011, 02:12:14 am » |
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Hearing impaired music lover, (deaf in left ear) seeks similar (deaf in right ear) to go halves in a new stereo system.
Mr Ebenezer Scrooge wishes it to be known that he will not be sending any Christmas cards this year.
To the person who left a large bundle of Twenty Pound notes secured by a green elastic band on the number 57 bus last evening.
Your elastic band has been found.
For sale. 'The RMS Titanic' Less than 4000 miles on the clock. One careful owner. Buyer collects.
Start a new life in Europe with Dr. Frankenstein's residential training courses.
Loose Lips sink ships! Just one of the unsolicited testimonials given to the 'Loose Lips Torpedo Company'.
Send no money to 'The not very well thought-out Charity Appeal'.
For just $49.99 per month, you can experience the pleasure of being scammed by 'The Bogus New Age Crystal Energy Foundation'.
Simply copy this message to all of your friends to guarantee huge annoyance and time wasting.
Lost. Two year old terrier dog. Three legs, one eye, left ear bitten off, bad case of fleas,rabies and the mange. Answers to the name of 'Lucky'.
Magnifying glass, Pipe and Violin. Free to good Holmes.
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« Last Edit: March 21, 2011, 02:32:26 am by Dr cornelius quack »
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Dr. Sniderbunk
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« Reply #22 on: March 21, 2011, 02:33:31 am » |
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Attention Ladies!!!
Dr. Oscar Sniderbunk offers his magical massage treatment with the promise to heal sicknesses from neck to knee. Specialized in treatment for Hysteria. Will make house calls so that you can be treated in the comfort of your own home. Reasonable rates.
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rod-on
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« Reply #23 on: March 21, 2011, 02:42:05 am » |
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Please post a copy of this program so those of us (who live in Australia) unable to attend AnomalyCon can also enjoy your work. I suspect it'll be quiet amusing.
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Dr cornelius quack
Rogue Ætherlord
United Kingdom
Arrant Carney. Phmebian Cultural Attache.
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« Reply #24 on: March 21, 2011, 02:49:22 am » |
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Introducing Dr. Cornelius Quack. (Freelance small ads. writer.)
No job too small. No fee too big.
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