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Author Topic: Free Steampunk story seeking thoughts and comments  (Read 585 times)
Wolfgang Edwards
Deck Hand
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United States United States


WWW
« on: January 18, 2017, 04:56:49 am »

Hi all,

I wanted to share the first story from my new book for free to see what people think of it. Please check it out on my blog, http://theuniversityofcande.blogspot.com/


Here's my book description to give you an idea of what it's all about:

At the University of Corporeal & Ethereal Studies meddling with unknown powers can be dangerous work. Courses in arts and sciences experiment with supernatural forces to solve the mysteries of the universe, but when school projects go awry, the students may discover more than they would like to about the madness of the cosmic 'Beyond'.

Eight interwoven stories follow students whose school work, social lives and inner demons crash together, leading to fantastic and horrible experiences, supernatural powers, and a fuller understanding of the dark depths of their world.

Classes include subjects such as time travel, alchemy, oneironautics , psychedelic transformation, rogue automatons, cosmic ghosts, reality-warping crystals, and more.

Inspired by many authors of science fiction, fantasy and horror, including H.P. Lovecraft, Edgar Allan Poe, J.K. Rowling, Neil Gaiman, William Gibson, Kurt Vonnegut and Isaac Asimov.

Any comments or sharing is appreciated! Thank you so much,

-Wolfgang
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If you like Science Fiction, Fantasy, Horror or Steampunk, check out 'The University of Corporeal & Ethereal Studies'
https://store.bookbaby.com/book/The-University-of-Corporeal-and-Ethereal-Studies
NoirMagus
Deck Hand
*
New Zealand New Zealand



« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2017, 08:01:48 am »

Hi Wolfgang,

I read some of your story and had the following thoughts.

You obviously have a clear vision of your world, story and characters which is great but you are telling us the story rather than showing us. This makes it very distant and also makes it hard for us to engage with the characters and story. There are tons of writing blogs on 'showing not telling' so maybe have a read.

Telling:
Quote
To my surprise and dismay the bloody shopkeep was not so completely distracted as I expected. With the sudden din of carefully-timed firecrackers set at the opposite end of his stand, I was sure the man would turn away long enough for me to slip the heavy contraption from his display under the folds of my disguise.

Showing:
I flicked a sulfurous matchhead with my cracked thumbnail and it sparked into life with an yellowed flame. The gunpowder infused string trailing from the clustered firecrackers concealed beneath my heavy waxed jacket fizzed to life the moment it touched the fire. I dropped my smouldering surprise at the far end of the shopkeep's stall and meandered closer to the green-glassed cabinet containing the gear. I so wanted this marvel of engineering that I had to fight down the urge to stick my elbow through the glass and grab it now. Only my innate cowardice and the watchful gaze of the thickset vendor stilled my hand...

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Wolfgang Edwards
Deck Hand
*
United States United States


WWW
« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2017, 12:51:22 am »

Hi Wolfgang,

I read some of your story and had the following thoughts.

You obviously have a clear vision of your world, story and characters which is great but you are telling us the story rather than showing us. This makes it very distant and also makes it hard for us to engage with the characters and story. There are tons of writing blogs on 'showing not telling' so maybe have a read.

Telling:
Quote
To my surprise and dismay the bloody shopkeep was not so completely distracted as I expected. With the sudden din of carefully-timed firecrackers set at the opposite end of his stand, I was sure the man would turn away long enough for me to slip the heavy contraption from his display under the folds of my disguise.


Showing:
I flicked a sulfurous matchhead with my cracked thumbnail and it sparked into life with an yellowed flame. The gunpowder infused string trailing from the clustered firecrackers concealed beneath my heavy waxed jacket fizzed to life the moment it touched the fire. I dropped my smouldering surprise at the far end of the shopkeep's stall and meandered closer to the green-glassed cabinet containing the gear. I so wanted this marvel of engineering that I had to fight down the urge to stick my elbow through the glass and grab it now. Only my innate cowardice and the watchful gaze of the thickset vendor stilled my hand...




Thank you for the feedback! I agree, Showing over Telling is crucial to good writing and something I am working on. I really appreciate any thoughts or comments, big or small.

Since my original post here, I have received several thoughtful and positive reviews from various bloggers. I have compiled links to all the reviews on my blog here:
http://theuniversityofcande.blogspot.com/p/blog-page.html

But the one common critique I have noticed several of the readers have offered is that they found the book too scary. I guess they weren't all horror fans. In a way, I guess it is a compliment, since it is meant to have a strong horror element, inspired by Lovecraft and Poe. Please feel free to read the first story for free here and let me know what you think!

http://theuniversityofcande.blogspot.com/
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