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Author Topic: Isaac Newton, Private Eye  (Read 792 times)
Rogue Ætherlord
Canada Canada

Student in Techno-Shamanism and Lyncanthrope

« on: February 09, 2015, 04:55:11 pm »

Here one heck of a good idea for a clockpunk story strip right throught from the ''wikipedia of the poor''
''You know Isaac Newton: discoverer of the laws of gravity, inventor of calculus, batshit insane alchemy enthusiast. Newton was one of the founding fathers of modern physics, and after he came up with half of modern science, he was a big enough name to be drowned in prestige and easy living for the rest of his life

Which is why it was a surprise that a few years after his massive scientific breakthroughs, Newton spent four years hunting for criminals in the tough boroughs of London. Yeah, you read that right: Isaac freaking Newton, the guy whose most famous physical altercation was a made-up knockout defeat to a pomaceous fruit, went all hard-boiled detective on London's ass.

In 1696, the 53-year-old Newton left academia for an extremely well-paid position at the Mint. While seemingly a literal license to print money, Newton soon found that this was by no means an "all play, no work" position. Counterfeiters were everywhere, fake money was drowning the real currency, and the country was facing the kind of cash crisis that tends to incite revolutions. So Newton set to work, not just inventing ways to make counterfeiting more difficult, but personally tracking down the forgers.

Thus, the world's greatest scientist turned into the world's greatest detective. He acquired an enormous network of spies squealing to him about every rotten penny in a 50-mile radius. He took to the streets, hunting for clues and information. And he was efficient as hell -- in his four years on the job, he and his troops captured and executed a total of 27 forgers.

That's right -- "executed." This presumably earned Newton the undisputed "most kills by a theoretical physicist" championship until the Manhattan Project came along. Since we have no proof that he didn't personally body tackle each and every one of these criminals after a spirited rooftop chase, we have no option but to assume that he did.

Newton even had a Moriarty to his Sherlock Holmes: William Chaloner, a genius forger that had acquired an obscene fortune and many influential friends. Chaloner had a degree of untouchability due to his past as a government informant, and as such, he freely challenged Newton. He published pamphlets that advertised his talents, and even once appeared before a House of Commons committee offering his services to reform the corruption at the Mint, thus essentially announcing his plans to take Newton's place. Newton ended up winning their mental chess by spending two whole years building up an ironclad case against Chaloner, freely intimidating his lieutenants' wives and mistresses so that they would give up the criminal mastermind. Then he got his adversary hanged.

Moral of the story: If you make Isaac Newton angry, he will have no problem hunting you down for two solid years and then murdering you with gravity.''


The word pagan came from paganus , who mean peasant . Its was a way to significate than christianism was the religion of the elite and paganism the one of the savage worker class.

''Trickster shows us how we trick OURSELVES. Her rampant curiosity backfires, but, then, something NEW is discovered (though usually not what She expected)! This is where creativity comes from—experiment, do something different, maybe even something forbidden, and voila! A breakthrough occurs! Ha! Ha! We are released! The world is created anew! Do something backwards, break your own traditions, the barrier breaks; destroy the world as you know it, let the new in.''
Extract of the Dreamflesh article ''Path of The Sacred Clown''
Corroded Alloy
Zeppelin Admiral
Wales Wales

« Reply #1 on: February 09, 2015, 07:26:07 pm »

Brilliant, quite brilliant. Made me laugh.  Cheesy

Small though it is, the human brain can be quite effective when used properly.
Colonel Hawthorne
Snr. Officer
New Zealand New Zealand

« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2015, 01:33:29 am »

Neal Stephenson's Baroque Cycle books (Quicksilver, The Confusion and The System of the World) cover (among much else) Newton's career at the Mint.  Very well written and I enjoyed them, but not for those with a short attention span - each is quite a large book.  I recommend Kindle to avoid wrist strain.

Colonel Sir Julius Hawthorne
H.M. Air Privateers (Retd.)

Whatever did we do before retro-futurism?
Zeppelin Captain
United States United States

Minions Local 305, at your thervice!

« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2015, 08:19:48 am »

...that's where I remember all this from. There was a method of shaving the edges of coins, that's why they started making those ridges (whatever the technical name is...Wink I think that's contemporary to Newton. I wonder how many newtons are needed to mill a coin...Wink
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