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Author Topic: Time machine!  (Read 736 times)
Salty Carruthers
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« on: January 28, 2014, 05:55:58 pm »

Hello hello, here's some ridiculous prattle I made up this morning just to see what I ended up with, it's cut-and-pasted from a word document, hope that's ok, not sure what the best method of putting it up here is.
 
EDIT: I'd better add that it's not a genuine synopsis, just a daft joke on my part Smiley

THE TIME MACHINE SYNOPSIS

Those of you who have never read H.G. Wells' classic novella The Time Machine will be glad to know that now there is no need, as it has been adapted into a full length feature film on up to and including at least two occasions. But those of you who have never seen these extremely faithful adaptations will be glad to know that now there is no need, as I have prepared a convenient synopsis to save you the trouble. Read on, gentle reader, and at last your troubled soul and mind shall know peace.

Wells' tale begins with the ancient city of London under the tyrannical yoke of deadly invaders from space: vengeful, iron-plated warriors from the planet of the shuttlecocks. The hero of the story is Professor Bernard Quatermass: vampire hunter and Grand Moff of King's college, Cambridge, known to all and sundry as The Doctor.
Fleeing the ingratiating voices and flailing plungers of the armoured shuttlecocks, Quatermass enlists two “companions”, simple, salt-of-the-earth minstrels William and Theodore, to help him hide in a traditional English pillar box. Quatermass is shocked to discover that the innocuous postal receptacle is nothing less than a time-travelling machine, whose name is an acronym of TRAVEL IN TIME/SPACE UNDER POWER, and is astonishingly much smaller on the inside than an authentic traditional English pillar box. The cramped conditions combined with stress cause mutual irritation, and in the ensuing violence the machine's controls are activated, blasting the three companions on a terrifying journey through time and space.
They emerge from the craft to the horrifying discovery that over three minutes have passed while they were inside, and that they are now almost a foot away from where their journey started. Resolving to maintain his sanity in this grave new world, Quatermass wisely slaughters his companions for the meat, but on reflection, chooses to eat the sandwiches he brought with him instead.
 In all of his work Wells includes a light-hearted scene in which the protagonist scoops up someone's dog and punts it several yards across a busy park, and The Time Machine doesn't fail to deliver in this respect, although of course such behaviour is not considered acceptable nowadays, as dogs have since been discovered to be alive, and frequently speak English, albeit in an American accent.
Meanwhile, the Shuttlecock onslaught is still in full swing, and, as he traverses the ruins, creeping from one hiding place to the next, Quatermass realises all is lost. Also, Martians. There is nothing now for himself and the Earth save doom and destruction. In his moment of despair, he fancies he hears the voice of his dead mentor, Doc Brown, tragically slain in a lightsaber duel. Brown's philosophy of  'what the hell' inspires Quatermass to end it all, as painfully as possible, and he resolutely marches out to get himself shot to death by shuttlecock laser beams.
To his surprise, the invaders spare his life, instead making him their captive and taking him to their stronghold, Westminster Abbey. Here he discovers the invasion is all just a ruse designed to cover up the real villain, his arch-nemesis, the ingenious mastermind Bazalgette, who has been secretly digging miles of sinister tunnels beneath the very streets of London for who knows what despicable purpose, and also intends to separate the fancy mansions from the river with some vast diabolical Embankment. While Bazalgette gloats over Quatermass' monumental failure to discover the truth, three strong female characters show up just in time, probably wearing pith helmets, and cleverly distract the villain, giving Quatermass an opportunity to seize hold of Excalibur, which as I'm sure you're well aware, is kept on display at Westminster Abbey. The two foes battle valiantly until they both plunge down Reichenbach Falls (also is on display at Westminster Abbey) to their presumed deaths, ending Bazalgette's reign of terror. Hooray!
Thanks for reading, I'd be glad to hear what you think of it
« Last Edit: January 28, 2014, 07:52:11 pm by Salty Carruthers » Logged
CPT_J_Percell
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« Reply #1 on: January 28, 2014, 07:08:53 pm »

Before I read this I will drop my two cents based on the 1966 print version,

None of the films match the 66 version as there are little big eyed gray men and the machine is stopped by a statue which has a trap door in it.
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Salty Carruthers
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« Reply #2 on: January 28, 2014, 07:49:12 pm »

You're quite right cpt, at least it sounds like the version I read, the statue was a sphinx, I think, I enjoyed it much more than the films. I read a collection of his short stories, great stuff. It strikes me that his writing style was a big influence on Lovecraft.
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« Reply #3 on: January 28, 2014, 09:10:23 pm »

You're quite right cpt, at least it sounds like the version I read, the statue was a sphinx, I think, I enjoyed it much more than the films. I read a collection of his short stories, great stuff. It strikes me that his writing style was a big influence on Lovecraft.
The book I have was printed in 66 way before I was born. I have to keep stopping and checking words and grammar due to the change in writing styles!
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T.Taylor the Third
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« Reply #4 on: January 29, 2014, 12:33:45 am »

this....was incredible
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« Reply #5 on: January 29, 2014, 12:57:00 am »

Hmmm...

Aaaand, what pharmaceuticals were ingested during the creation of this literary masterwork?
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Salty Carruthers
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« Reply #6 on: January 29, 2014, 11:46:02 am »

Quote
I have to keep stopping and checking words and grammar due to the change in writing styles!

Ha, some books are hard work aren't they? I've got the old penny dreadful serial of Sweeney Todd here, I've never seen such excessively flowery prose. Still it's a great story, worth checking out if you haven't. I don't think they've made a close adaptation of that one either.

Quote
this....was incredible
Thanks for your response T.Taylor, I'm glad it's incredible, though if it's not mildly amusing I guess it's a failure!

Quote
what pharmaceuticals were ingested during the creation of this
Just Nicotine, my good fellow, but plenty of it. I'm afraid this nonsense gets brewed up without any additional "help" whatsoever.
Thanks for your comments, guys  Smiley
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« Reply #7 on: January 29, 2014, 12:44:33 pm »

this....was incredible

Seconded.
When is this due at the cinemas?
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« Reply #8 on: January 29, 2014, 06:03:03 pm »

this....was incredible

Seconded.
When is this due at the cinemas?
Thirded, That made me smile!

T.I.T.S.U.P
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FenrisWolf
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« Reply #9 on: January 29, 2014, 07:26:10 pm »

I think you'll be sailing too close to the wind with using a pillarbox as a time machine and having a character called 'The Doctor'. Trademarks, copyright and all that.

I seem to remember some other stories about a time traveller called 'The Doctor' who travelled in a Police Phonebox. Of course, I could just be making the last bit up Wink
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Salty Carruthers
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« Reply #10 on: January 29, 2014, 10:31:46 pm »

Agreed, FenrisWolf, I'd no desire to make a real story from this one, for the reasons you point out. There are a few references to other copyrighted time-travellers in there too, did you spot william and theodore? I believe they had a excellent adventure at one time Wink
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« Reply #11 on: January 29, 2014, 10:37:45 pm »

I also pot several reference's to War Of The Worlds albeit rather subtle!
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FenrisWolf
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« Reply #12 on: January 30, 2014, 10:25:44 am »

Agreed, FenrisWolf, I'd no desire to make a real story from this one, for the reasons you point out. There are a few references to other copyrighted time-travellers in there too, did you spot william and theodore? I believe they had a excellent adventure at one time Wink

No I didn't and that was most bogus! Two of my favourite films  Grin
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sherman
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« Reply #13 on: February 01, 2014, 10:14:49 pm »

I think I will stick with my 1st edition version of the time machine
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Salty Carruthers
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« Reply #14 on: February 03, 2014, 05:09:55 pm »

I don't blame you Grin You can't beat a bit of Wells. I read K.W Jeter's Morlock Night recently and it didn't really live up to my expectations. The closest I've read to a 'good' follow-up or tie-in to the Time Machine was Alan Moore's "Allan and the Sundered Veil" from the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Comics. Anyone else enjoy that one?

Incidentally, Sherman, When you say first edition you wouldn't be referrring to an original print run copy would you?
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sherman
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« Reply #15 on: February 03, 2014, 10:45:24 pm »

its a 1st edition from a set of 24 printed in 1927 by Ernest Bonn, I haven't got the full set of 24 though.
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Salty Carruthers
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« Reply #16 on: February 05, 2014, 01:24:46 am »

Ah thank you, I see. I was just curious
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