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Author Topic: Dragon Tamers - A room for those of us with anxiety / depression / etc  (Read 62113 times)
Cora Courcelle
Snr. Officer
****
England England



« Reply #1600 on: August 31, 2017, 05:03:07 pm »

*A figure staggers through the door and drops themselves into an armchair in a darkened alcove*

Well, after several years of struggling with my problems, and an occupational health referral I finally went to see my GP and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I was prescribed sertraline and was referred to a counseling service (I'm still waiting to hear back from). After 3 weeks of taking the meds I'm finding that they help me quite a bit, and certainly remove the worst of my anxiety, and have helped keep me on more of an even keel, but I'm not sure if I like what it's doing to me. Not in the way of side effects since I've not had any (other than generally leaving me feeling sleepy) but I've noticed my behaviour changing (and had people comment on it) and I've realised I've become far more uninhibited and am acting in a way I normally wouldn't unless I was quite drunk, and I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that, particularly given the way the comments about my behaviour have made me feel about it.

I was told that it takes a few weeks for the body to adjust, so perhaps your behaviour will also stabilise.  As for the counselling referral, well just don't hold your breath; my husband waited months and then only got a 6 session course of CBT so you might want to see if there are any self-help groups in your area.  (I know that different areas have different provisions so you may get a much quicker service too).
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You have to tread a fine line between avant-garde surrealism and getting yourself sectioned...
rovingjack
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« Reply #1601 on: October 02, 2017, 04:56:40 pm »

I stumble in shivering from the near freezing weather we've had recently, which was proceded by a heat wave.

I've not had enough sleep in the last few days, due to the scheduling of things I have to attend, and sleeping being so harsh in near freezing weather inside a car.

I should be excited about lining up a seasonal job, getting training on a large metal lathe, and starting some projects. But at the same time the cold, disrupted sleep, poor diet, changes in my weight, strange smells in the car and my family issues have me in a mood of feeling hopeless.

I got a message from my mother yesterday, and frankly it's a part of why my mood has soured.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
The last time I talked with her, she asked me what I was eating and if I was showering regularly. Sorry, but you don't gt to dismiss me when I'm trying to control the nose dive my life was in, only to back seat drive when I manage to narrowly avoid a crash.

But now she sends her message, somehow making it somehow about her. And I just don't have the energy to deal with it right now. But if I just ignore it, it means abandoning all family ties. I'm not quite ready to do that yet.

I need to focus on establishing a little stability in my life, and then wrangling some of the remaining chaos into an adventure that brings something posative into my life. and my mother and the whole mess involved there are a drain on my energy and ability to do so.
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Cora Courcelle
Snr. Officer
****
England England



« Reply #1602 on: October 23, 2017, 08:51:24 pm »

I have come in here because I am tired and stressed.
My mother-in-law is quite poorly and will not be with us for very much longer - she is 92 so this is only to be expected but ... she has always been fairly high maintenance but now every time we go to see her (four or five times a week usually for at least a couple of hours each visit, which is a twenty mile trip) she is refusing to do anything.  Ask her a question and she doesn't answer, just stares into space for minutes before making some vague reply, make her whatever she wants to eat and she just pushes it around the plate as if she has forgotten how to use cutlery, help her to get into her wheelchair and she screams as if we are murdering her.
Now before you condemn me as a hard-hearted bitch ("What do you expect at her age etc") she has carers going in to look after her 4 times a day and she chats with them, eats the food they give her (not much but she does eat, and stands to transfer chairs with their assistance  without a murmur.  (We have been outside and seen how she changes); I have worked with the elderly for decades and often seen how suddenly people become 'dependent' when family appear so I am not surprised at this but my husband, the only child, is so stressed and depressed that it is breaking my heart; he also has long-term health problems and although I do as much as possible it's always been him who she expects to do everything for her.
We are going on a much needed holiday for a whole week, having had to cancel one earlier this year because she was too poorly to be left but last time we were away for longer than one night she was ill and ended up in hospital.  Thank heavens for her wonderful carers who have said "Go, we'll look after her, you really need a break".

So wish me luck.  Thanks for listening.
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Miranda.T
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #1603 on: October 24, 2017, 10:21:04 am »

Dear Cora,
I've just send the pm and then looked at this, to put the pm into context. Yes, there is such a tumult of emotions as you see a loved one slipping away. I suppose I was 'lucky' in that my mother was very near by for visiting and she was lucid until the last couple of days. I'm an only child too, so I know how that responsibility feels. Despite all the difficulties, you know you are doing your best for her and your husband should console himself by knowing he's there for her in moments of need; so many people just abandon their elderly relatives in their later years, whereas you are making the time to see her as much as possible. One can but hope she will start to appreciate what you are doing for her and begin to make the best of what time is left.

Thinking of you,

Yours,
Miranda.
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Rose Inverness
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Communing with the Over-soul via you.


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« Reply #1604 on: October 26, 2017, 12:07:18 am »

Rovingjack,

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I wish you the very best and that your situation improves massively. Maybe try to focus on positive things right now, as a strategy for getting through this time? I find that to be a helpful tool, myself. Seek out all the positivity you can find. Make it a hobby, a mission.

Blessings to you.


Dear Cora,

I have wished for awhile now to come back and thank you for the encouragement you gave me (some time ago) regarding getting married and my wedding dress, but especially the encouragement for my husband and I to be there for one another and LAUGH together.

So I wish you Much laughter of the good wholesome kind which makes one's soul feel good!

  Smiley

In other news, I was told not long ago that I really needed a break, to 'get away' from things (I was ill all summer, in Denmark... with several hospital visits and even more doctor's visits and no conclusive diagnosis). My husband had been quite stressed, especially because of taking care of me and of his father who had Parkinson's for 34 years. So, I got on the plane and went to the US to see my friends and family and be cozy in my family home for a couple months, eat some good food, enjoy the holidays that exist here like nowhere else.

And on day 3 or 4 of my trip, my father-in-law passed away. Peacefully in his sleep, so that's a good point. He's done suffering from his illness. My husband wants me to just stay put. I had always thought I'd be with him at the funeral to be supportive. Also I would like to be able to be there in general to cook for him to make sure he eats.

I feel basically fine. Just checking-in since it's been so long since I can remember coming in here.

Warmly,
Mme. Rose


I have come in here because I am tired and stressed.
My mother-in-law is quite poorly and will not be with us for very much longer - she is 92 so this is only to be expected but ... she has always been fairly high maintenance but now every time we go to see her (four or five times a week usually for at least a couple of hours each visit, which is a twenty mile trip) she is refusing to do anything.  Ask her a question and she doesn't answer, just stares into space for minutes before making some vague reply, make her whatever she wants to eat and she just pushes it around the plate as if she has forgotten how to use cutlery, help her to get into her wheelchair and she screams as if we are murdering her.
Now before you condemn me as a hard-hearted bitch ("What do you expect at her age etc") she has carers going in to look after her 4 times a day and she chats with them, eats the food they give her (not much but she does eat, and stands to transfer chairs with their assistance  without a murmur.  (We have been outside and seen how she changes); I have worked with the elderly for decades and often seen how suddenly people become 'dependent' when family appear so I am not surprised at this but my husband, the only child, is so stressed and depressed that it is breaking my heart; he also has long-term health problems and although I do as much as possible it's always been him who she expects to do everything for her.
We are going on a much needed holiday for a whole week, having had to cancel one earlier this year because she was too poorly to be left but last time we were away for longer than one night she was ill and ended up in hospital.  Thank heavens for her wonderful carers who have said "Go, we'll look after her, you really need a break".

So wish me luck.  Thanks for listening.

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That delicate forest flower,   
With scented breath and look so like a smile,   
Seems, as it issues from the shapeless mould,   
An emanation of the indwelling Life,   
A visible token of the upholding Love,   
That are the soul of this great universe.

~William Cullen Bryant

Trains to Steamtown, this way...
rovingjack
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« Reply #1605 on: November 15, 2017, 08:09:08 am »

I'm still hashing out the details but I shall have myself a grand adventure.

I will start at a friends New Years party, and depart from the festivities into the new year by traveling into Maine on the first to meet with makers at a makerspace and record creative people talking about their creative projects, and some B-roll footage. Also maybe compile some additional footage for a documentary in the future. The next day some scenic views and travel vlogging, and maybe connecting with any youtubers in the area.

The next two days are a repeat of that in New Hampshire, then Two days in a Mass city.

The a quick run to a location for a multi makerspace cardboard sled building challenge. Then back out for two day stints in  twenty other cities along the east coast and south.

Spend a month in the warmth of California before departing back for my journey to 12 more makerspaces one row of states up from the ones I passed through already. Getting back to my currant location by early april. I might visit some of eastern canada for some of the warmer months and work political canvassing while joining back with the local makerspace to teach classes and work on projects.

Then the post office again in late autumn through to new years. Then back out to capture the last of the continental US states, gathering the rest of canadian provinces and territories on my way to alaska in the heat of the summer. return for the post office and the final new years before I head out to visit mexico and then Hawaii before attending Vidcon and Bay Area Makers Faire. Which hopefully marks the start of my grander adventure:

Makerspaces and Youtube spaces in- Sau paulo and Rio
Makerspace, youtubespace, olympics, and maker faire in Japan
Makerspace, and youtube space in Mumbai, Dubai, Berlin, Paris, London and Toronto before returning to the US in time to Get to the NYC Youtube space and The world Makers Faire in the bronx childrens Science museum.

I might start another journey the next year to visit a few other locations but I also want to get back to Dubai to check out the World Expo.

I'm practicing a little bit of alchemy here and transmuting homelessness into travel adventure. after all, if I have no port to call home then I have a whole world I can explore without neglecting my home, and in my own words, "If it's about the journey and not the destination, there is no such thing as lost."

I keep having moments where I realise that I'm actually going to do this. I'm going to visit all 50 US states and 9 other countries, meeting new people, learning new languages and seeing new things, and sharing the adventure with anybody in the world who wishes to follow it online. While creating two or three documentary films.

And past that point is a singularity. It marks a point in my life where I will have been so changed by my experiences that I have no idea what I will want or be able to achieve after that.

All this from having my home taken from me and being left out in the cold by friends and family.
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Banfili
Zeppelin Captain
*****
Australia Australia



« Reply #1606 on: November 15, 2017, 12:51:43 pm »

Good for you, rovingjack!
Just remember to keep in touch - no photos, it didn't happen!! Grin
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rovingjack
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« Reply #1607 on: December 21, 2017, 05:43:37 am »

I find myself frustrated and disgusted with other human beings far too easily lately. I can't easily explain it, nothing has happened the incite this reaction. I think it's just the things that I am aware of about other people all the time but feel like just part of the messiness of being human, but as the stress and rush of things here and now builds up around me it feel more like a tidal wave coming down on me from all sides.

I think it's just a threshold that I manage by limiting my exposure at most times but when I'm forced to interact with more people more often it becomes easier to cross the threshold much earlier and still have to deal with everything else beyond, because this time of year the world is awash in the masses in harried and frantic states, not paying attention and making poor choices, getting fed up with the same behaviours of people around them doing the same things...

It just feels so toxic. and my instinctive response is to retreat to a hermitage, but I can't do that. I've set myself a quest.

On this quest I will find the wonder and joy in other people sharing their passions, the beauty of other places and cultures, and the exillerating experience of heterodyning creativity and inspiration.

I'm sure that I will get lost in the best sort of way in the experience, but the getting to the beginning of it is a savage slog.
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rovingjack
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« Reply #1608 on: January 12, 2018, 10:11:57 am »

I started the day quite happy, and then my gps cut out for about 35 minutes, enough for me to get off route and into rush hour in a major city. so what should have been 3 hours travel at standard speeds was 5 hours with whole hours of time stuck in a sea of tail lights going 20 mph.

and of course food that could travel for 3 hours doesn't travel well for 5. so that was a waste. and now I've managed to line up some of the next spaces to stay on my trip only to have one of the makerspaces wanting to reschedule in a way that has me backtracking and rushing around for 20 hour days ... and I started to agree just so I can get them on this trip. But you know what, no, My trip has been in the works for months, now is not the time to try to reschedule things.

But I've lost the happy start to my day, and feel the overwhelming desire to just not work on this stuff for a few day but I know that will just make everything else a complete mess and spread the mess further down onto later parts of my trip.
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rovingjack
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« Reply #1609 on: January 13, 2018, 07:14:05 pm »

a figure rushes in and braces the door behind them, before checking the clockwork sidearm and reloading it with glowing vials. the chittering of several monsters can be heard through the door and if you listen closely it noises there seems to be sounds that accidentally make words and sentences:
"you are completely unqualified."
"what you are doing is like those childrens scribbles that you have to ask what it is, and nobody says anything because they don't want to hurt your feelings."
"The people who are excited by your project, will be so disappointed with the actual things you create."
"you'll fail so badly that the failure will follow you for the rest of the years ahead, and taint anything else you ever try."
"theres no shame in abandoning this an putting it all away before you embarrass yourself and others who would give you a chance."

The figure opens the gun port in the door and fires the weapon out. The shot is a tumbling glob of glowing purple gel about the size of a gold ball that produces a combination of buzzing and sucking wet noises that almost sound like words:
"The shame would be in the lost experience of the journey and missed chance to talk with and share the advice of others exploring creativity"
"I'd have to have more people aware of my existence before I could ever get to the point where they will remember my clumbsiness forever"
"there is no one who is completely qualified. near as I can tell I'm the only one doing this right now, and while that means I am the worst at it, it also means nobody is doing it any better."
"I'm not doing this for pride or to show off, I'm doing this because I believe in the topic and want to share my passion for it and encouraging others to find an embrace it."
"improving is one of the best parts of any new creative journey."

With each shot a small screech can be heard. It's quieter outside the door, but it's not quiet... yet.
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J. Wilhelm
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Sentisne fortunatum punkus? Veni. Diem meum comple


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« Reply #1610 on: January 15, 2018, 12:35:18 am »

Press on, Mr. Roving Jack. Fear is for the weak minded! Those are the laments of the Youkai, the troubled spirits of the departed who didn't get a chance to live a full life in this world.
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rovingjack
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« Reply #1611 on: January 15, 2018, 02:49:47 am »

writing that post helped me a lot. I looked at those words, and how harshly they stung as truely what I was feeling about myself, and then I realized I would never even think those things of anyone else, let alone say them or make them feel that way.

I realized I'm a jerk to myself.

I also realized it would be a great short video to make.

But for right now I need to focus on doing some work. I'm hours away from any place I know, renting a room from a stranger for two nights, and inexplicably absolutely paranoid my car will be broken into or stolen, and at the same tie searching my room repeatedly for any signs of bed bugs.

I didn't used to be this paranoid.
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J. Wilhelm
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Sentisne fortunatum punkus? Veni. Diem meum comple


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« Reply #1612 on: January 15, 2018, 03:35:51 am »

writing that post helped me a lot. I looked at those words, and how harshly they stung as truely what I was feeling about myself, and then I realized I would never even think those things of anyone else, let alone say them or make them feel that way.

I realized I'm a jerk to myself.

I also realized it would be a great short video to make.

But for right now I need to focus on doing some work. I'm hours away from any place I know, renting a room from a stranger for two nights, and inexplicably absolutely paranoid my car will be broken into or stolen, and at the same tie searching my room repeatedly for any signs of bed bugs.

I didn't used to be this paranoid.

The important thing is that you recognize it's paranoia. About the car - no I recognize how important that is to you. Some paranoia is allowed there. I close the shop where I work every day. I'm known for coming back to check that the door on the shop is locked properly. Simply because my livelihood depends on it.
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Synistor 303
Gunner
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Australia Australia


Zenyna Ironbracker


« Reply #1613 on: January 15, 2018, 07:07:03 am »

writing that post helped me a lot. I looked at those words, and how harshly they stung as truely what I was feeling about myself, and then I realized I would never even think those things of anyone else, let alone say them or make them feel that way.

I realized I'm a jerk to myself.

I also realized it would be a great short video to make.

But for right now I need to focus on doing some work. I'm hours away from any place I know, renting a room from a stranger for two nights, and inexplicably absolutely paranoid my car will be broken into or stolen, and at the same tie searching my room repeatedly for any signs of bed bugs.

I didn't used to be this paranoid.

The important thing is that you recognize it's paranoia. About the car - no I recognize how important that is to you. Some paranoia is allowed there. I close the shop where I work every day. I'm known for coming back to check that the door on the shop is locked properly. Simply because my livelihood depends on it.

That's not paranoia, it's being careful. ...And if you have ever been bitten by bed bugs, you would naturally be careful not to again! (It's mosquitoes here... big as a Pekingese they are!) I check the whole house for the little monsters every night. I like to kill the thin ones best.  Grin
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rovingjack
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« Reply #1614 on: January 27, 2018, 11:25:48 pm »

I think I mostly got ahead of my anxiety at this point. I'm in a position of constantly chasing a deadly and having to work to make things happen and my anxiety is hanging about five days into the journey, while I'm down here at nine stops along the way, something like 40 interviews down. I've had two air bnb places, slept two nights in my car, and had several couch surfing situations.

I keep having moments of "You can't do this." pop up but it's kind of funny because I clearly already have done things my anxiety say I can't do yet.

But I had a funny moment today. I came into the air bnb I have booked for the night, they left a key for me. Looking around the place to try and find the room I'm supposed to have, they have a movie case with hundreds of movies... Every single one of them is a horror movie. Movie about cannibals and serial killers, kidnappers, and SAW movies. lol. Good night, sleep well.
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J. Wilhelm
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Sentisne fortunatum punkus? Veni. Diem meum comple


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« Reply #1615 on: January 27, 2018, 11:31:14 pm »

Be on the lookout Roving Jack! And if they ask, say you never saw the box with the horror movies. Also, make sure you don't watch the movie "Hostel."
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Cora Courcelle
Snr. Officer
****
England England



« Reply #1616 on: January 28, 2018, 09:31:08 pm »

The owners obviously have a very warped sense of humour.
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rovingjack
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« Reply #1617 on: January 29, 2018, 05:37:14 am »

I survived the evening, lol.

I'm just outside of Savannah tonight.

I was prepared to car sleep again tonight, but I got a reprieve with a last minute place to stay. I'll go to the space tomorrow, and depart in the evening to go down into Florida. I will likely be car sleeping for some of that.
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Dr Smithson
Gunner
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United States United States



« Reply #1618 on: April 07, 2018, 05:11:34 am »

Hey... it's been a while. I don't think any of you will remember me,  I've always been more of a lurker. That's actually just gotten worse over the years though,  last time i posted here people were so supportive,  but as i read through the conversations i felt like i had no place mentioning my problems  when so many others suffered more than me.  So i left the boards in shame.  Actually the only reason I'm posting from this account instead of a new one is because i couldn't figure out how to delete it.
That brings us top now where I'm posting in a probably dead board on a dying forum,  my life is crumbling around me and I'm not sure if it's not just my anxiety.  I keep thinking the wrong step is going to destroy my relationship,  and leave me homeless. I'm thousands of miles from my family,  and my only friend up here doesn't have the space to put me up.

Sorry if people get notified about this that would rather forget this place. This is the 5th or 6th attempt at making this post over the past couple weeks.  I needed to do it if for no other reason than i needed to.  Sorry for bothering anyone,  I'm return to the darkness where i belong,  away from Good folks like yourselves just trying to get by.
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SAM:I think we need to explore whether this attempted murder was a hate crime.

GENE: What, as opposed to one of those "I really really like you" sort of murders?
J. Wilhelm
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Sentisne fortunatum punkus? Veni. Diem meum comple


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« Reply #1619 on: April 07, 2018, 03:38:49 pm »

Hey... it's been a while. I don't think any of you will remember me,  I've always been more of a lurker. That's actually just gotten worse over the years though,  last time i posted here people were so supportive,  but as i read through the conversations i felt like i had no place mentioning my problems  when so many others suffered more than me.  So i left the boards in shame.  Actually the only reason I'm posting from this account instead of a new one is because i couldn't figure out how to delete it.
That brings us top now where I'm posting in a probably dead board on a dying forum,  my life is crumbling around me and I'm not sure if it's not just my anxiety.  I keep thinking the wrong step is going to destroy my relationship,  and leave me homeless. I'm thousands of miles from my family,  and my only friend up here doesn't have the space to put me up.

Sorry if people get notified about this that would rather forget this place. This is the 5th or 6th attempt at making this post over the past couple weeks.  I needed to do it if for no other reason than i needed to.  Sorry for bothering anyone,  I'm return to the darkness where i belong,  away from Good folks like yourselves just trying to get by.

My good Dr. Smithson:

Please rest assured that your presence doesn't bother us. Reaching out is always a hard thing to do. But if I may be so bold, please don't call this a dying forum! We are very much alive and still getting new members every day! The way I see it, we have culled the herd a bit since the days when Steampunk was not just a movement but a fad, and now, that the fad had come and gone and the movement was left with actual Steampunks, we are a more compact and cozy corner of Steampunkdom. We will wait until such time as the fad comes back and we are flooded with cheap items from Etsy and Blue Banana... and wannabe Steampunks with painted Nerf guns and bustle mini skirts.  And Steampunk surely will re-emerge in the public's mind, as surely as Mystery, Vampire and Cyberpunk fiction tend to come and go throughout the decades. Besides, don't forget that Facebook is having a "rough time" as of late, shall we say?  Smiley We will benefit from that.

As for your depression, Dr. Smithson, I will allow other members who participate more often in this thread take a stab at your fears. Though I have participated in this thread from time to time, I have not found it so useful for my own purposes. Other members, however have found solace and some respit from venting here.

So please, Dr. Smithson, take a seat... the magazines are on your right side...
« Last Edit: April 07, 2018, 03:40:52 pm by J. Wilhelm » Logged
Miranda.T
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #1620 on: April 08, 2018, 06:27:26 pm »

(snip)

Sorry if people get notified about this that would rather forget this place. This is the 5th or 6th attempt at making this post over the past couple weeks.  I needed to do it if for no other reason than i needed to.  Sorry for bothering anyone,  I'm return to the darkness where i belong,  away from Good folks like yourselves just trying to get by.

I don't think anyone here would feel at all 'bothered' by your posting, and if your posting here helps you to feel more secure then this thread is serving its purpose. Please do leave the lurking room and join in with this and other threads on this board; hopefully using this as an outlet will help mitigate the negative feelings you are currently suffering.

All the best,
Miranda.
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Dr Smithson
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« Reply #1621 on: April 13, 2018, 12:09:09 am »

Thank you,  i don't know what i expected when i posted that,  mostly nothing i guess.  But thank you,  both of you.

I meant no disrespect when it came to the state of the forum,  I've seen many die and as a whole they seem to be becoming more rare.  I just recalled that it used to be far more active,  although i may have joined during the big steampunk fad,  I cannot recall. I will try and be more active on here though,  ive allowed myself to become far too isolated and lurked too much.

This has always been a wonderful community imo,  and is the reason i keep coming back to it. A long road lies ahead of me,  as this is the first place I'm making a concerted effort to be a part of again.
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Miranda.T
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #1622 on: April 13, 2018, 05:49:40 pm »

Thank you,  i don't know what i expected when i posted that,  mostly nothing i guess.  But thank you,  both of you.

I meant no disrespect when it came to the state of the forum,  I've seen many die and as a whole they seem to be becoming more rare.  I just recalled that it used to be far more active,  although i may have joined during the big steampunk fad,  I cannot recall. I will try and be more active on here though,  ive allowed myself to become far too isolated and lurked too much.

This has always been a wonderful community imo,  and is the reason i keep coming back to it. A long road lies ahead of me,  as this is the first place I'm making a concerted effort to be a part of again.

It may feel like a long road, but that first step is always the hardest but now that's behind you  Smiley. I look forward to future discussions with your good self during the part of the journey that crosses the pages of BrassGoggles.

Yours,
Miranda.
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frances
Zeppelin Captain
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United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #1623 on: April 13, 2018, 09:35:08 pm »

Come in.  Have a hot chocolate and maybe a biscuit with pink icing.  There is a comfy chair free over in that corner, near the fire.  Would you like a little furry creature to keep you company - a bunny rabbit to sit on your knee perhaps.
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MWBailey
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"This is the sort of thing no-one ever believes"

rtafStElmo
« Reply #1624 on: April 14, 2018, 03:34:35 am »

Hey... it's been a while. I don't think any of you will remember me,  I've always been more of a lurker. That's actually just gotten worse over the years though,  last time i posted here people were so supportive,  but as i read through the conversations i felt like i had no place mentioning my problems  when so many others suffered more than me.  So i left the boards in shame.  Actually the only reason I'm posting from this account instead of a new one is because i couldn't figure out how to delete it.
That brings us top now where I'm posting in a probably dead board on a dying forum,  my life is crumbling around me and I'm not sure if it's not just my anxiety.  I keep thinking the wrong step is going to destroy my relationship,  and leave me homeless. I'm thousands of miles from my family,  and my only friend up here doesn't have the space to put me up.

Sorry if people get notified about this that would rather forget this place. This is the 5th or 6th attempt at making this post over the past couple weeks.  I needed to do it if for no other reason than i needed to.  Sorry for bothering anyone,  I'm return to the darkness where i belong,  away from Good folks like yourselves just trying to get by.




The Darkness can be comforting; unfortunately, it also tends to get rather lonesome. I understand the need to post and then fade away for a while - but don't just stay away. I assure you, all of us are a bit stranger than many, but none of us are strangers to each other once we post here.
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Walk softly and carry a big banjo...

""quid statis aspicientes in infernum"
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