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Author Topic: Dragon Tamers - A room for those of us with anxiety / depression / etc  (Read 47453 times)
J. Wilhelm
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« Reply #1400 on: May 14, 2016, 07:28:57 am »



Naproxen Sodium ~500mg (triple  dose of over the counter Aleve) every 12hr if the doctors say you can tolerate it...




That's just it, I'm trying to stave off the doctor visit until the regularly scheduled 90 day checkup (only two weeks away). But thanks for teh suggestion.

It is dangerous at such high doses, so you must limit the duration,.  The fear of course, is that I don't know your medical situation.  But otherwise barring any medical bars, basically you can take over the counter Aleve (or the generic at the HEB super), at 3 x 220mg for the first dose and 2 x 220mg for the following doses.  At that dosage it's a powerful anti inflammatory, not just an analgesic. I first learned from it about 20 years ago, when I pulled a Pectoral muscle, and when I ran out of the prescription pills, the pharmacist pointed out that it was the same as Aleve.  It's good for any kind of inflammation anywhere in the body (and I mean any) . I'm taking it right now to alleviate Eustachian tube blocking due to allergies.  Otherwise I'd be near deaf for months after an allergy event.
« Last Edit: May 14, 2016, 07:39:15 am by J. Wilhelm » Logged

rovingjack
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« Reply #1401 on: May 17, 2016, 07:39:45 am »

I used to believe that everyone should take more active part in their healthcare. but seeing the complete foolishness that some people will spout has cured me of that affliction.

I read a post today that might well have had me yelling Alt-med buzzword bingo!!, if it wasn't so late and people weren't sleeping.

it depresses me that between the self diagnosing quackery and the assembly line doctors that don't know anything they didn't read in med school, that getting answers if about as likely as solving an algebra question by chewing bubble gum.
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Caledonian
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« Reply #1402 on: May 17, 2016, 12:32:38 pm »

sometimes i wish some accident would happen to me and I’d be out of the running for a while. crazy, how it feels like life can only come to a halt when forcefully slammed to pieces.
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J. Wilhelm
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« Reply #1403 on: May 17, 2016, 08:04:07 pm »

sometimes i wish some accident would happen to me and I’d be out of the running for a while. crazy, how it feels like life can only come to a halt when forcefully slammed to pieces.

That is a dangerous way of thinking, because it can lead to a self fulfilling prophecy. Have you thought about seeking counseling at college? There are many students under similar circumstances. Here at home the University of Texas has a comprehensive psychological services and counseling program.

Sometimes taking a break can help put things in perspective.  Perhaps a re-evaluation of your path? After all, you are young enough and you're just discovering what path to take. The first two years in college determine whether a student belongs or not, to a particular career.  But the worst thing to do is to is to press so hard so as to burn oneself out, and worse, ruin your academic records in the process. The way colleges are (at  least on this side of the pond), any mistake you make is in your record permanently. That puts a lot of pressure on students.
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CorneliaCarton
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« Reply #1404 on: May 19, 2016, 04:06:46 am »

I have been seriously let down by my circle of friends as of late concerning a very serious matter. Without going into too much detail, it involves an injunction against someone who hurt me in a very serious matter. Yes, the police are aware and investigating and have sufficient evidence in my favour.
However, there has to have been witnesses to this persons behaviour prior to his actions against me.
Apparently, none of any of my friend who regularly hung out with this person has witnessed the same behaviour towards other people.
It's very frustrating because I don't want a civil restraining order AFTER he has harmed me again!
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« Reply #1405 on: May 20, 2016, 09:53:37 am »

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
I have been seriously let down by my circle of friends as of late concerning a very serious matter. Without going into too much detail, it involves an injunction against someone who hurt me in a very serious matter. Yes, the police are aware and investigating and have sufficient evidence in my favour.
However, there has to have been witnesses to this persons behaviour prior to his actions against me.
Apparently, none of any of my friend who regularly hung out with this person has witnessed the same behaviour towards other people.
It's very frustrating because I don't want a civil restraining order AFTER he has harmed me again!

That's a facer.
Legal troubles amongs a group of friends/pals is a nasty one.
Have you spoken to each friend quite alone?

I remain yours,
Prof. Cecily
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CorneliaCarton
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« Reply #1406 on: May 20, 2016, 08:06:47 pm »

Yes, I have. Each have said they don't want to get involved/they haven't witnessed this behaviour prior to the incident involving me.
I genuinely wish I could cuss on this website because I am so absolutely frustrated and angry at the lack of support!
None of them are at risk if they come forward. They are not the ones making his life difficult. I am.
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« Reply #1407 on: May 30, 2016, 09:44:17 am »

having a minor panic attack. minor in the sense that I'm not a completely useless mess right now, but definately only able to hold on and let it run it's course.

the kitchen sink has been dripping quietly and unnoticed. doing long term water damage in a way that we didn't detect. all we noticed was an occasional musty smell around the kitchen. My panic mode had me pull everything out from under the sink today and feel around, there wer some minor wet spots on the drains, but so barely there I could almost wonder if it were my hands sweating. but directly below them the wood is warped and peeling back the stick plastic liner shows splotchy black discoloration.

I dosed it in bleach (no dilution with water, just bleach), enough to let it soak in to the wood. the spots darkened a bit and it's smelling heavily of mold for a bit. meanwhile one side of the drain has become loose and won't tighten anymore and using the other side brings the smell back to fill force.

I need to contact the landlord and get the sink fixed at least and then find out what we are going to do about the mold under the counter.

I worry that it's festered into the floor and wall and could require weeks of work to remove and replace whole sections of the kitchen. I worry that it may mean I have to move out if it cannot be resolved easily or the problem is far more widespread than we thought. I even worry that it could be part of why I've been so sick lately, and why the toddler who comes here 3 nights a week always seems to have a cold or ear infection.

and so I'm in a state of panic as I try to cope with this. and I'm hyper aware of anyplace in the house where the water flows and might be leaking and growing mold now. looking under and behind things with my flashlight.

edit: no water stains or visible mold under bathroom sink (with visibility through sloppy hole cut in bottom of cupboard for all pipes to go. Pulled up corner of carpet along kitchen adjoining wall in the empty third bedroom to look for signs of water damage and mold, none found, put carpet back. Pried up part of the base of the cupboard under the kitchen sink where the leak and mold are, it looks for now to be confined to the the board itself and maybe a backing board on the wall. the floor visible from the front mostly looks dust and undamaged. that leaves checking plumbing in upstairs roommates bathroom and around the attic for roof leaks tomorrow when people are awake. if that all comes out okay, we just have to fix the sink and replace the bottom board of the cupboard.
« Last Edit: May 30, 2016, 10:13:35 am by rovingjack » Logged
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« Reply #1408 on: May 30, 2016, 07:57:46 pm »

got 2 hours sleep, felt nausea all day, exhausted but every attempt to rest has me laying there jittery for hours.

Took a look at the upstairs roomates bathroom and all looks good. no obvious leaks or mold even around the backside into the attic. Even the attic looks good. Being over 100 years old the rafters look to be in good shape with only the darkening of aged wood and the only black areas are part og the wood grain. there are some areas of roof I can't get to or see but all looks good.

There is a stain in the ceiling edge above the sink that seems dry and may be from years ago before the roof was redone. we'll just have to watch it.

I showed all this to the landlord who will call his plumber and maybe replace the sink. that just leaves tearing out the moldy bottom of the cupboard to do.

That and these panic attacks need to be resolved. I just can't seem to get any peace this year and every week has some new problem that my panic attacks wind up into a total collapse of my life. I know by this point that I'm dealing with something that will leave a lasting mark on my personality. after almost six months of problems that threaten to leave me without transportation, home, job, or ability to eat; it will leave me feeling like there will always be an issue just about to ruin my life over which I have no control.
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« Reply #1409 on: May 30, 2016, 08:32:47 pm »

You sound like you are in the middle of a panic attack, remember you have friends here.  Inhaled mould can aggravate mood swings.  When it happens to me I can be jittery for up to two weeks afterwards. 
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« Reply #1410 on: May 30, 2016, 10:05:18 pm »

I wish I could hug you all... :/
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J. Wilhelm
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« Reply #1411 on: May 31, 2016, 06:43:41 am »

My two cents, dear Rovingjack:

Enough with the fear! It's eating you alive! Your panic attacks are NOT related to mold (mould) problems. You've had them before and you need to start addressing the panic attacks themselves, as they have become routine and are a common denominator for a very long time. And mold will NOT create too many problems beyond strictly respiratory issues for most people. Admittedly this is most people, not ALL people, but the likelihood you are one of those rare people direly affected in a non-respiratory manner by mold is actually very low, to be honest - there is no literature anywhere that will support the kind of symptoms that have besieged you for years (And I say years because I have read your posts) as being related to mold.
« Last Edit: May 31, 2016, 06:51:49 am by J. Wilhelm » Logged
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« Reply #1412 on: May 31, 2016, 10:21:27 am »

I didn't mean that panic attacks are caused by mould, they are not.  Almost anything that affects your breathing can add to the effect of a mood swing but it is in no way shape or form the cause of any form of anxiety.  It isn't the cause of the very real medical problems that we are dealing with on this thread.
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« Reply #1413 on: May 31, 2016, 05:45:42 pm »

My two cents, dear Rovingjack:

Enough with the fear! It's eating you alive! Your panic attacks are NOT related to mold (mould) problems. You've had them before and you need to start addressing the panic attacks themselves, as they have become routine and are a common denominator for a very long time. And mold will NOT create too many problems beyond strictly respiratory issues for most people. Admittedly this is most people, not ALL people, but the likelihood you are one of those rare people direly affected in a non-respiratory manner by mold is actually very low, to be honest - there is no literature anywhere that will support the kind of symptoms that have besieged you for years (And I say years because I have read your posts) as being related to mold.

I swear sometimes I think you and I are speaking different languages.

We do have mold growth (black frost on a warped board under the broken sink in the kitchen) which we can constantly smell now in this humid weather, I've also had it in the trunk of my car for at least this year possible two years. I've also had in growing on the back seats of my car after water damage six or seven years ago (I've resolved the water damage, dried out the interior and scrubbed the leather seats down, eventually I'd like to remove the carpeting and rear seats altogether). But my problem with this isn't that I it might be a cause of my other health issues, it's just one more problem that needs to be addressed.

That being said The panic attacks are in all likelihood due to my B vitamin defficiency and high homocysteine level which are a factor of both my genetics making me a poor processor of them and my digestive ailments which further impair uptake of b vitamins. B vitamins and their role in the homocystiene levels have been linked in studies to disruption of dopamine and serotonin and have been found to effect mood disorders and things like PTSD.

The panic attacks have been decreasing lately as I've been supplementing with a B complex, but by this point it's only partially chemical as the disruption of my life and health for this extended period of time has caused an existential crisis on my part and it's not helping at all that my sleep has been very disrupted.

It seems every time I get a week of decent sleep I manage to recenter but inevitably I have some urgent appointment I need to get to at hours that I would otherwise sleep, or something falls apart in my life, and it breaks my sleep patterns and disrupts my health. Once in a while it's something I can bounce back from, but several times a week leaves me completely disrupted for weeks. The longer I suffer nights of 5 hours of sleep or less (two hours the night before last) the more it effects my mood, and both effect my digestive system negatively.

My year since just this january has included: More than a month of cold symptoms, an allergic reaction to an antibiotic, ringing in ears, Trying to find a new housemate so I don't get evicted, sudden reactions to almost all foods, 3 weeks of near starvation, blood sugar in the 40s during one evening, muscle cramping and twitching, tongue and some facial numbing, B vitamin deficiency and elevated homocystiene levels found, being anemic, flooded trunk of car with massive mold growth, inability to wear dentures resulting in difficulty eating and talking, cortisol levels risen, doctor suspected lyme disease (took a while to get evidence that it's not), encountering a bed bug near me, seeing mice in the kitchen and my bedroom, trying to find another housemate after the new one had an emotional crisis and bailed on us, one of the worst sunburns I've ever had, discovering the mold under the sink, now making as many as 8-12 trips to the toilet each day for non-bladder related uses, and I spend an hour dry heaving yesterday for no obvious reason though it seemed to resolve after eating, and returned when it was time to eat again. Suggesting that this is now how my body tells me it's hungry.

Oh and occasional weeks of sleep deprivation.

I think I'm entitled to my stress responses and feel I've done remarkably well at holding on to my sanity given the circumstances. I'm not sure you understand what a panic attack is, if you think somebody can just decide not to have them. Maybe I don't talk about it enough but I've have talked in here about developing ways to handle them, and as time goes by and my neurochemistry gets rebalanced they should resolve, as I've not had any real panic attacks before this year since 2014.
« Last Edit: May 31, 2016, 05:51:13 pm by rovingjack » Logged
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« Reply #1414 on: May 31, 2016, 07:38:45 pm »

Roving Jack:
What I write is out of concern. Not out of criticism. But I guess we all hear what we want to hear. After this post, I will refrain from commenting again on your situation.

You wrote:
Quote
I think I'm entitled to my stress responses and feel I've done remarkably well at holding on to my sanity given the circumstances. I'm not sure you understand what a panic attack is, if you think somebody can just decide not to have them

I think I do have an idea what panic attacks are. Panic attacks are not a "choice" and I never suggested that unless you are pegging me as a religious/moralist neo conservative - which I'm not by ANY stretch of the imagination.

My comment come from this: While I don't suffer from that, I am a life ling diagnosed sufferer of OCD and Anxiety Disorder, which are not that far removed from Panic Attack disorder, as all predispositions are genetically related to one another at least as of DSM IV era knowledge is concerned (my experience studying this date back with my treatment with a psychiatrist and psychologist circa 2005). Perhaps your definition of Panic Attack has nothing to do with the DSM.

I apologize my comments bother you. That was not my intention, it's just that it pains me to see you suffer like this.

J. Wilhelm

Edited for typos (iPhone grammar)
« Last Edit: May 31, 2016, 07:48:46 pm by J. Wilhelm » Logged
CorneliaCarton
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« Reply #1415 on: June 01, 2016, 09:13:59 pm »

J.Wilhelm, the context of your post did make it appear as though you were telling Jack to not let his panic control him.
While that may not have been your intention, that is definitely what it came across as. That's just my two cents though.

Also, I am coming at you from the beautiful city of Reykjavík today.
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« Reply #1416 on: June 02, 2016, 12:08:45 am »

Roving Jack:
What I write is out of concern. Not out of criticism. But I guess we all hear what we want to hear. After this post, I will refrain from commenting again on your situation.

You wrote:
Quote
I think I'm entitled to my stress responses and feel I've done remarkably well at holding on to my sanity given the circumstances. I'm not sure you understand what a panic attack is, if you think somebody can just decide not to have them

I think I do have an idea what panic attacks are. Panic attacks are not a "choice" and I never suggested that unless you are pegging me as a religious/moralist neo conservative - which I'm not by ANY stretch of the imagination.

My comment come from this: While I don't suffer from that, I am a life ling diagnosed sufferer of OCD and Anxiety Disorder, which are not that far removed from Panic Attack disorder, as all predispositions are genetically related to one another at least as of DSM IV era knowledge is concerned (my experience studying this date back with my treatment with a psychiatrist and psychologist circa 2005). Perhaps your definition of Panic Attack has nothing to do with the DSM.

I apologize my comments bother you. That was not my intention, it's just that it pains me to see you suffer like this.

J. Wilhelm

Edited for typos (iPhone grammar)

don't be like that. I usually get through lifes odd interactions simply by assuming no insult intended, but it always seems your choice of words makes that harder. For example "But I guess we all hear what we want to hear." is usually intended as a passive aggressive dismissal of somebody who feels like you disrespected them or as a means of dismissal of somebodies reasons for their actions or choices as being the choices of the willfully ignorant. Both imply inferiority and wrong choices for not agreeing with you.

In general I would say you don't come off as a pompous ass, and you never seem to personally attack people, but the wording of many of your replies seem to key toward this tone in what I can only assume is an unintentional meaning doubly compounded by internet communication being a bit harder due to missing nuance.

as for my life, and it's current trials... that's just part of life for some of us. especially those of us with chronic health concerns. Sometimes life just curb stomps you, and all you can do is hold on until it's done and occasionally talk about it so you don't feel like you have to hide and be ashamed of struggling.

Additionally this is a topic thread specifically for being open about things haunting us and working those things out. This means you should expect to find such conversations here, and it also means that what is posted here is not the entirety of a persons day, you just don't see the bits that aren't here.
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J. Wilhelm
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« Reply #1417 on: June 02, 2016, 06:13:32 am »

Dear Roving Jack:

I'm not trying to be patronizing nor condescending here. We can't all perfectly compaginate with all other people on the Internet, and this is not the first time that I've been accused of "passing judgment" on others, when I wasn't trying to pass judgment at all. Somehow I'm coming across as a moralist of sorts. I'll admit sometimes I "lose grip" on my objectivity, such my discussion with Gerry Hunter on the Queer Geer thread 2-1/2 years ago. Somehow, you and I brushed shoulders that time.

You can't always have everyone agree with you, as well as ever being able to be 100% objective and have absolutely everyone like you all of the time. We all have our personalities and the two best people in the world can end up clashing, only to become best friends 10 years down the line.

I wouldn't ascribe too much weight to my perceived snobbery. I am a deeply obsessive and headstrong person, and I suspect much of the misunderstanding is related to how "permeable my skin is" when trying to read other's feelings. In other words, I can be the proverbial elephant in the glass shop. For that I apologize. I can be a bit autistic in reading other people's feelings.

But, having said that, right now, on this subject of your health, and your detailed descriptions over the Internet over last year, I am a feeling a bit frustrated. This may be the reason I was a bit rough on my posts. I just didn't know how to approach your posts. It seems all comments available on this and other threads are limited to give you encouraging words of support and make medical research suggestions that you can follow outside of the medical establishment.

Well, nothing wrong with that! All well and good, and nothing wrong with giving support! But sometimes you can't just agree blindly with the patient, and you have to give your opinion, even if it goes against the patient's opinion, if nothing else, out of sheer concern, and more importantly to open up more doors, so to speak, that would allow you to get out of the predicament you're in. Would you say that is that allowable in this situation?

Firstly, please understand that in writing this, I am not trying to pass judgment on you. What you are going through is perfectly understandable. By your own words, you have suffered the shock of your lifetime, and have continuously gone through hell for many years now. If I understand correctly, an in plain language to avoid any scientific lingo, you are trying to figure out why your body has betrayed you, and you are desperately trying to find answers as to what exactly is happening in your body right down to the genetic and metabolic levels of you body. All while not being a biomedical researcher yourself. Which by the way, I think is a commendable attitude. I wouldn't expect any less from somebody who is fighting for his life. I have know people who became medical doctors or biochemistry researchers because either they suffered from a fatal illness, or a loved one suffered from a fatal illness.

And I will not pretend to be a medical doctor or psychologist. I know physics, math, engineering, some history all mixed with a dab of art, woodworking and basic electronics. So I'm no authority on any of this, and clearly you have been reading medical literature that I would never touched, and for a very long time.

But by the same token, I have to tell you I feel this mental shock which your suffered from this "betrayal" by your body, is far greater than you realize. You may have to pay attention to this.

While you are fighting a -very real -medically speaking - monster, right inside your own house (rhetorically speaking about your body), there is another monster knocking at the door. Actually two monsters, the smaller of which has reared its ugly head in the form of panic attacks.  This is what prompted me to write my first post on this page above. I had already seen the bigger monster behind for as long as you have suffered your latest bout of gastrointestinal trouble (has it been a year now? Maybe less?).

Rovingjack, panic attacks are not a trivial condition. They actually mean something, well beyond "I'm scared." I'm not sure how aware you are of that. If you're getting panic attacks, it means that the stress from this (again very real) medical fight of yours is beginning to have a significant impact on your mind. Similar to PTSD.

The panic attacks are the second and smaller monster knocking on the door. But the other monster is much larger and much more dangerous.  

The stress from your years-long fight has left you somewhat paranoid in my opinion. Please forgive me for saying so. In the last year, just by reading your detailed descriptions, I feel that in your writing that you are micro, and nano-analyzing even the most trivial of bodily sensations, and then attributing those sensations to complicated and often fatal medical causes, and genetic conditions, which after several trips to specialists and some middle-of-the-night emergency room visits, apparently, no medical professional can pinpoint.

I'm not going to say that "this is all in your mind." Far from it. The fact that medical professionals don't want or can't pinpoint a diagnosis for you is not really surprising. It's very common actually. After all, there are many incompetent medical professionals out there. And even if they are not incompetent, no one said that your medical condition would have to come straight out of a medical textbook, so the medical intern, or the general practitioner who is diagnosing you actually knows what illness you have and how to treat you.

For all I know you may have the rarest of medical conditions, and some bright medical or bio-chemist researcher sometime in the near future will discover the cause for your gastrointestinal and metabolic conditions. It's not that I think your symptoms are false. That is not what I think , but rather what I fear is that said medical condition may in fact be much simpler than you imagined, with only a few of the symptoms being relevant, and you have to spend all this time worrying about "1001 ways to kill Rovingjack."  

And in the meantime all you have is dumbfounded medical professionals and yourself desperately scouring the Internet. Which puts an enormous amount of pressure over your shoulders. Too much pressure to bear alone on your own.

Rovingjack, to put it bluntly, I'm concerned that while some of the more serious gastrointestinal and metabolic issues you have are real, *not all* of your symptoms may be related to a physiological condition, but may in fact be related to something like Somatic Symptom Disorder (SOS).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_symptom_disorder

The brain is an extremely powerful organ which presides over the entire body. In some cases it can make you feel pain and sensations that are not there (pain is a well known Depressive Disorder symptom which often conflates with Anxiety Disorder and Panic Attack Disorder), or in extreme cases see and hear things that are no there (Like in Schizophrenia). It has been known for some time that the mind can in fact fake physiological symptoms (Pain Disorder, Conversion Disorder, and General Somatic Symptom Disorder).

I am not trying belittle you, patronize you, put you down, make you look bad or otherwise trivialize your research. But I am deadly scared that some of your latest medical trials in your life may in fact be compounded by a condition similar to SOS or any of it's variants. The SOS could have easily been triggered by the stress you suffered in dealing with your gastrointestinal and metabolic issues. It generally (like any other disorder) takes years to develop, and you have to be genetically pre-disposed to get it. The trigger is some event in your life, and without that event, it's possibble you never get it - the same process that triggers conditions such as Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety or OCD.

I'm sorry, Rovingjack. Please forgive me for writing this. If you don't want to talk to me again, and feel offended about what I wrote, it's OK. I'm actually very concerned about you, and it's been eating me all this time.

Another reason I'm telling you this is because I actually know a lady, a middle aged woman who lives here in Austin, who is facing a very very  similar situation to yours. I see her often at the local supermarket's Kosher Deli. We eat lunch often together, and has told me her story over the last few years. She has already been to many famous clinics, including the Mayo clinic, and through enormous resourcefulness on her part she's had many insurance companies and the government pay part of her treatment, and operations.

Unfortunately her body is more of a laboratory for researchers and specialists now, who have left her without some internal organs, and not necessarily because it was imperative that she lose those organs. She is now distracted by the end-of-life process affecting her mother, and it seems to me that taking care of her dying mother has distracted her attention to her own issues, so she' slowed down her visits to hospitals an specialists. Oddly, she seems happier and healthier now, taking care of another human being.

It is my humble opinion she herself has instigated much of the treatment and operations on medical professionals who would not turn her away and actually just follow her requests while collecting money for it.  And much of it sounds to me to be the product of SOS or some similar disorder. I really don't want to see this happen to you Rovinjack. It's a nightmare, and it scares the hell out of me.

I'd much rather have you be angry at me for writing all of this, than me just keeping quiet, or worse, just pat you in the back and say "it'll be alright," basically a form of hypocrisy. Or like that Christian lady customer who comes at my job says to me, "just pray and it'll all be alright."

I'd much rather give you a new diagnosis possibility, a new door for you to open and explore, which might actually help you understand what is happening to you. It's all I can do.



J.Wilhelm, the context of your post did make it appear as though you were telling Jack to not let his panic control him.
While that may not have been your intention, that is definitely what it came across as. That's just my two cents though.

Dear Cornelia:

And do you think he should allow his panic attacks to control him? I have Anxiety Disorder (since 16 months of age), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (since 13 years of age), and Major Depressive Disorder (since 35 years of age). I can't control my anxiety, or obsessive thoughts all the time, and every now and then you will see me fiddle something or make a strange gesture or stay behind somewhere in a "safe" area. Or refuse to dance, when I'm literally being pulled by three people, instead of going out and having fun. Or can just be saddled for weeks on end with suicidal thoughts every few hours.  

However, knowing what is happening in my head, the rest of my brain which is healthy, is powerful enough to recognize the symptoms, and can actually mitigate somewhat or break the hold such emotions have on me. I have the power to kick myself out of my room if I want to. I have the power to force myself to smile. I have tried and failed to date, but that doesn't stop me from trying. And if I can't do it alone, I can choose to talk to a professional who will help me to do it.

You can't choose when to suffer your symptoms, but you can choose to not become a slave of your symptoms.

And this is what we're talking about here. Control of pure unadulterated fear. It's not easy to fight, and there's a lot of pain involved. Psychiatrists and psychologists call this "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy." You face your fears and conquer them over time.

Note that Panic Attack Disorder is very much a close cousin of the three disorders I name above.  I'm not saying that Rovingjack should willfully make his panic attacks disappear outright, but his mind can fight the effects, and over time those panic attacks can diminish.
« Last Edit: June 02, 2016, 09:13:51 am by J. Wilhelm » Logged
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« Reply #1418 on: June 02, 2016, 09:53:41 am »

Not to swing a large hammer in a porcelin factory here, and definately don't take this the wrong way, but you're are playing a dangerous game here that I've seen you play with others before. You have developed a theory and left your own conditions run with them. It much like the dangers of self diagnosis only instead of letting your own anxiety disorder diagnose yourself, you are doing so by proxy.

You state this woman you have lunch with as if she is an example of Somatic symptom disorder, but hidden in the wording, if I do not misread it, is the fact that she has not been diagnosed with any such thing, and the only one who thinks it is the case is yourself. Again the implication is that you think you know what is going on with somebody else and you hold to that thought with your own anxiety.

You could be right in her case. Have you discussed it with her? But there is another possibility here, and it is that you are wrong in her case. Because if what you are doing is anything like what you apply to my own situation then it breaks down rather rapidly, and is much easier to hold as a belief, which is why I'm dissatisfied with your nonconfrontational approach of avoiding uncomfortable examination of your thoughts and beliefs about other peoples issues.

In case that is less than clear:
Is there a paranoia aspect to my current condition? Yes, it stems in large part from disruption of saratonin and dopamine levels which are regulated in some degree through the B12 methylation process, which I have genetic markers for a mutation that makes my body partially impaired in maintaining that balance, that we have blood tests demonstrating were seriously out of balance and are getting better through supplementation. They are also effected by absorbtion issues in the intestines, along with a similar issue with Vitamin D which we also have both genetic mutations data for, as wel as blood work confirmation of. These conditions can in fact be pathways for developing more effective treatments for conditions like depression, anxiety, PTSD, dissociative personality disorders and yes even schizophrenia. Studies ongoing right now find that for some portion of the people with these and other conditions a test of dopamine, saratonin, and B12/homocysteine levels are often greatly disrupted and the course of therapy actually benefits from supplementing with B vitamin complexes.

So yes I at the height of February into parts of April I did have paranoia. In direct response to actual actual encounters with real world problems, blowing them out of direct proportion, and in other cases based of doctors attempting diagnosis for other things.

Because you see this is where much of your worry is unfounded. I have studied psychology, it was my major for a long while before I abandoned it (mainly because I favored not relying on extrinsic managment of mental health through drug therapies when intrinsic methods might be better suited. ie rather than giving a man a fish every time he's hungry, teach him how to fish so that he can solve his own hunger), I'm well aware of the signs of my own paranoia, and also quite aware of the limitations of self awareness in mental state and have always made a point to maintain  a system of outside checks and consultants to which I will give more weight than my own thoughts when it comes to assessing how reasonable I am in my thought processes.

Quite literally the first question I ask in these situations is, "What are the odds that the cause of my current symptoms are origination from nuerochemistry and psychology?" and the answer is always the same: "Go to a couple of my outside checks to find out." After that process comes the secondary process of 'tricking myself'. Basically I know I'm not causing my reaction to carrots through some mind games with myself, because I arranged to cheat at any mind games. Get things set up almost like a shell game where I can both ingest carrots without being aware, or think I'm injesting them when I am not, with a three day wait before the reveal to myself of the facts, and weigh that against what I experience. And for the sake of due diligence repeat the process a couple weeks later to confirm repeatability.

But there is another point of your concern that should also be put to rest here. It's actually something I use to shut down panic and depression. I can stop everything for a second and state, almost like a mantra "In November I was building momentum toward greater things, and felt I was living in a way that is completely true to myself. I was not worried about what might happen, nor was I depressed about the limits placed on me by my digestive disorder (in fact I often saw it as an interesting challenge to find ways to work around it so that I can end up doing things that see impossible until I do them).

My digestive problems of the last 8 years are pretty much a relative non-issue for me. It's like a left handed person in a right handed world, it's just a personal feature about onesself that you are used to and have methods of managing when the world requires thing be righty.

My list of problems above that have happened to me this year, are all independantly verified as actual things that are occurring to me. The bed bug was witnessed by two other people before and after it was killed, the only aspect of that 'crisis' I can own, and do own is the degree to which it panicked me. To handle that I used several of my own mind hacks. Simply put collect evidence to either confirm or refute the case my mind puts forth. Same goes for the doctors suspecting Lyme disease. Or finding my car trunk growing more mold than a 30 year old cheese found in the back of your fridge. or the mold in the kitchen. And then it's just a matter of having a plan of action for whatever the results.

In the case of this year though there are thing that keep popping up one after the other, independent of each other and none of which could be self inflicted if I wanted to (aside from immune reactions to foods, as a thought experiment I do actually know methods to induce food allergies, not that I would).

All that is to say the current situation is not something that has a long history. It's a series of things that have a very definate origin less than six months ago some only a few weeks ago. Basically a series of unfortunate incidents all at once. The only one that relates to my more long term health, isn't actually related, just that the venn diagram of the two of them leaves me in the overlap of compounded issues. Much like a swarm of killer bees that you can only escape by jumping into water filled with agitated pirrahna. You could avoid either easily enough, but when both are the rules you are stuck in...

I'd finish this thought but the landlord woke me up to move my car for his roof and chimney guys to use the driveway for their equiptment, and hour after I fell asleep and by the time that was done I was awake so that I couldn't sleep anymore, so I'm nodding off now.
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« Reply #1419 on: June 02, 2016, 10:45:47 am »

Dear Roving Jack:

I'm not going to take it the wrong way. Feel free to swing the hammer in my porcelain shop. I just needed to get that off my chest. Honestly, I was worried about you. So having taken this action al least makes me feel I didn't just ignore the issue and gave you a false pat on the back or just ignored you. Just so no stone was left unturned and there was an extra exit for you.

I ignored you were a psychology student. That comes as a surprise. Perhaps my opinion is unjustified, and I was doing more harm that good to you. Like I wrote. I'm not a medical doctor, psychologist pr biomedical researcher. I'm sorry about that. No harm was done, and no hard feelings, I hope.


J. Wilhelm

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morozow
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« Reply #1420 on: June 02, 2016, 01:01:00 pm »

And you have not been to get drunk and laid. To get drunk and laid.

And in the morning slowly come to life looking Teletubbies.

Especially good if you smash the face in a fight.

It's kind of the point of Assembly puts in place.
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« Reply #1421 on: June 04, 2016, 07:18:40 am »

Update for those who didn't/couldn't read it elsewhere...

The shoulder and arm got better a mere several days (say about a week and a weekend or so) after I complained about them here. I credit the healing effects of heating pad therapy, and the "physical therapy," so to speak (or perhaps "occupational therapy" would be more apt a term), of just doing what I could when I could. Things such as simply driving, and also using the steering wheel - when parked, of course - to pull and push and haul the arm around and up, as well as playing my musical instruments; moving hand and arm inside the bodhran, and also raising the flute, fiddle, banjo and concertina to playing position and holding them in their positions (no, not all at the same time) while I finger or fret the notes (to say nothing of using both arms to move the bellows), respectively. Rebuilding strength, slowly.

Small, probably seemingly insignificant things to those on the outside looking in, but they hurt like hell at first, got better, and I was slowly able to raise my arm higher and higher and use the hand and shoulder more and more. Then, one day I had to swerve with both hands to avoid a speeding SUV piloted by an apparently-blind idiot - and after laying on the heating pad for about a half hour after I got home, I was suddenly able to raise my arm and hand above my head. Much of the pain had departed, and did not come back, and now it's all gone, with just an occasional twinge. Sadly, the twinges don't seem to be useful in predicting the wild weather we've been having.

Being without full use of one hand and arm is absolute hell for an ambidextrous person, so I was and am enormously relieved to have the old arm back again. One never realizes just how ambidextrous one really is, until one can't use one of one's hands...
« Last Edit: June 04, 2016, 07:21:58 am by MWBailey » Logged

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« Reply #1422 on: June 07, 2016, 12:16:17 pm »

*a tired figure slips through the french doors from the Garden,  hanging his dusty slouch hat upon the accustomed hook and, nodding familiarly to those resting in the alcoves, makes his way to the conveniently empty seat by the fireplace*

Evenin' all...

*one of the semi-sentient platters floats to rest beside his elbow bearing a chilled pint and a mixed fistful of hard cheese pieces*
 
Well, I'm home from the hills. Actually, I've been back a couple of months but have been wandering about in the Garden outside, neither driven enough to rush inside nor energised enough to head off elsewhere, just floating listlessly somewhere out amidst the trees.
It's not Winston's fault, after treading the dust of Alexandria Arachosia beneath his pads, and crossing what remains of Kipling's river ford, my canis familiaris negri has been rendered a mute little furball. Nor is it that malady of shell-shock, the Pathan hills are relatively quieter than they have been on previous expeditions... it's just that some vital spark is absent in my spirit. Reviewing my correspondences here on BG since my return I have noted with a sense of surprise that I have hardly contributed even the simplest of japes or repartee.
I trust that it will slowly re-kindle, but for the moment I shall sit here with an ale and cheeses, and watch the figures dance amidst the flaming logs.
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« Reply #1423 on: June 16, 2016, 09:05:39 am »

it's been a raw emotions kind of day.

woke up in a panic attack again. that settled into depression about how there are so few people in my life and the sense that many of them have left me and the fear that others will too.

Got up and did some projects to get myself going, also took some b vitamins that seem to benefit my mood. Ended up arguing with a family member whose turned other people lost loved ones into a podium for his agenda.

went through medical records to make a more concise account of my current and worked on another project. went to another forum where a bunch of armchair pedants making more podiums out of the lost. Kinda snapped that maybe people should show empathy and consider the human angle rather than spoiling for a fight about personal ideaologies shoehorned into tragedy so you can argue for a week and then wander off never improving the lot of anybody and offering no support or salve for the suffering of others.

Got some little prick taking a snipe at me, asking advice on how he could file for disability for the easy life too.

humans really are a pretty mixed bag as species go.
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CorneliaCarton
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« Reply #1424 on: June 20, 2016, 02:13:26 am »

Does anyone else ever feel like the Gods are deliberately screwing with their life sometimes?
Because that's how I feel right now.
For the entirety of my life I've been battling depression. I just didn't know it until five years ago. And in the last five years, things have gone from bad to worse.
People say these things that I've been through, that they're all "just a test". For what? I've had my Trial by Fire. Several Goddamn times now. And I'm sick of them.
But this last year... It's probably been the worst. Since August last year...
And just a few days ago, I took a decision from the DWP concerning my disability benefits (they'd declared me fit for work when my condition has actually worsened, not improved) to a Tribunal.
The tribunal said no. They focused on my physical capability to perform daily tasks. Not whether or not my serotonin-deprived brain would let me perform daily tasks. So now I'm stuck with ESA. After paying for gas and electricity, food and my saving bank, I'm left with £40 to last me two weeks (ESA is paid fortnightly). The only thing I can do now is re-apply and make an entirely new claim for PIP. that could however take months and I don't know how I'm going to keep going.
I was also recently diagnosed as having something called Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Basically, it's numerous traumas that have occurred since I was a child. I don't know how to deal with that.
I feel like I'm properly losing it.
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