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Author Topic: Great Literature which is updated at least every month (please take a look)  (Read 1022 times)
Cpt. Vanderstorme
Officer
***
Netherlands Netherlands


It's the Captain, Lilith Vanderstorme!


WWW
« on: October 29, 2013, 07:55:41 pm »




Dearest Fellow steampunks!

It has been hard work and it still is. It's an amazing Project growing out to be huge!
It's The tales of the Storme Witness!!


(So please check out http://www.thestormewitness.com/!!)

Our renewed website is Entirely filled with new picture supported text like this one:



It's clearer than ever, but still i feel like it is just not yet perfect. I'd like to ask you if you could check my website to see if you have anything to add eventually.

I really hope you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it!!

Logged

The Gunner
Deck Hand
*
Australia Australia

Ballistician Extraordinare


« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2013, 09:46:33 am »

I've only had time to skim through the site, but reading the story is a pain in the backside, due to the blog format. While I was skipping through it, I did find it hard to put things in order and make the storyline coherent. I think the storyline suffers from not all the relevant posts being on the main site (eg: Fluffington's first two journal entries), and it's hard to sympathise with Layla when we've seen such little interaction between her and Davey. More journal entries by all crew members and even a post or two containing pure prose would greatly help the coherence of the story you're building, in my opinion.
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Cpt. Vanderstorme
Officer
***
Netherlands Netherlands


It's the Captain, Lilith Vanderstorme!


WWW
« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2013, 10:29:49 pm »

I've only had time to skim through the site, but reading the story is a pain in the backside, due to the blog format. While I was skipping through it, I did find it hard to put things in order and make the storyline coherent. I think the storyline suffers from not all the relevant posts being on the main site (eg: Fluffington's first two journal entries), and it's hard to sympathise with Layla when we've seen such little interaction between her and Davey. More journal entries by all crew members and even a post or two containing pure prose would greatly help the coherence of the story you're building, in my opinion.

Thanks for your time. you have read the skybook from the beginning to end or did you start reading on page one?

again, thanks for taking a look at it!
Logged
The Gunner
Deck Hand
*
Australia Australia

Ballistician Extraordinare


« Reply #3 on: November 04, 2013, 07:56:13 pm »

Yeah, I started right from the start. I'm working on a more detailed critique, but I keep getting interrupted, so it's taking longer than it should :p .
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Cpt. Vanderstorme
Officer
***
Netherlands Netherlands


It's the Captain, Lilith Vanderstorme!


WWW
« Reply #4 on: November 05, 2013, 10:08:17 am »

Yeah, I started right from the start. I'm working on a more detailed critique, but I keep getting interrupted, so it's taking longer than it should :p .

That's no problem, Thank you for taking your time! I'd love to see your feedback!
Logged
GCCC
Zeppelin Admiral
******
United States United States


« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2014, 08:47:37 am »

@Cpt. Vanderstorme,

As with The Gunner, I have not yet had the time to completely peruse your stories, although I am enjoying the current format (epistolary) as this give it a sense of immediacy. However, I agree with The Gunner in that some sort of framing device might be in order, a way to tie the narrative into a more cohesive whole.

So far, the main thing that leaps out at me are the modern idioms (word usage). Now, this may be irrelevant, depending on the setting of your tale:  is it a Steampunk world set in the present or future, or is it a Steampunk world set in the 19th Century? For example, as in the introductory image you provided, "mom" would be inappropriate for someone of your (former) station in the 1900s (or, anyone's station, except for some lower classes using the term "mum"). Almost everyone would have used "mother" or their language's equivalent. Also, "zombie" as we use it today didn't come into popular usage until post Night of the Living Dead (1968), unless one is referring to the Haitian, non-flesh eating variety. (To describe the modern, popular culture version zombie, try "revenant" or "ghoul" instead.)

(An aside:  A completely non-literary giveaway that this is not written in the proper "voice" is the graphic at the top of the page...the pen shown is a modern "rollerball" {as opposed to ballpoint} pen. Try substituting a fountain pen, the kind with a nib, instead.)

My recommendation would be to immerse yourself in the literature of the time period you're trying to replicate, and even diaries and journals from then, and then emulate that voice. Modern idioms appearing in any work that is supposed to be evocative of an earlier era jerk the reader out of the required suspension of disbelief that is necessary in any form of fiction.

And again, all the preceding is completely moot if you're going for a modern or futuristic setting, so if that's the case...ignore me.  Wink

I remain, respectfully,
GCCC
Logged
Cpt. Vanderstorme
Officer
***
Netherlands Netherlands


It's the Captain, Lilith Vanderstorme!


WWW
« Reply #6 on: July 06, 2014, 07:46:27 pm »

@Cpt. Vanderstorme,

As with The Gunner, I have not yet had the time to completely peruse your stories, although I am enjoying the current format (epistolary) as this give it a sense of immediacy. However, I agree with The Gunner in that some sort of framing device might be in order, a way to tie the narrative into a more cohesive whole.

So far, the main thing that leaps out at me are the modern idioms (word usage). Now, this may be irrelevant, depending on the setting of your tale:  is it a Steampunk world set in the present or future, or is it a Steampunk world set in the 19th Century? For example, as in the introductory image you provided, "mom" would be inappropriate for someone of your (former) station in the 1900s (or, anyone's station, except for some lower classes using the term "mum"). Almost everyone would have used "mother" or their language's equivalent. Also, "zombie" as we use it today didn't come into popular usage until post Night of the Living Dead (1968), unless one is referring to the Haitian, non-flesh eating variety. (To describe the modern, popular culture version zombie, try "revenant" or "ghoul" instead.)

(An aside:  A completely non-literary giveaway that this is not written in the proper "voice" is the graphic at the top of the page...the pen shown is a modern "rollerball" {as opposed to ballpoint} pen. Try substituting a fountain pen, the kind with a nib, instead.)

My recommendation would be to immerse yourself in the literature of the time period you're trying to replicate, and even diaries and journals from then, and then emulate that voice. Modern idioms appearing in any work that is supposed to be evocative of an earlier era jerk the reader out of the required suspension of disbelief that is necessary in any form of fiction.

And again, all the preceding is completely moot if you're going for a modern or futuristic setting, so if that's the case...ignore me.  Wink

I remain, respectfully,
GCCC
Wauw thanks, This seems like a perfectly good tip to keep in mind. We're remastering the site, so I'll discuss your suggestion. thanks a lot!
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