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Author Topic: the old machine  (Read 2387 times)
1helios1
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United States United States


« on: October 04, 2007, 06:13:48 am »

he bends over the machine. his body is weak with age, and his site is going, but he manipulates the machines many levers and dials deftly. 'pit' 'pit' the machines well oiled parts drip. though it is as old as the man working it, it is still in top condition. it moves with accuracy to ten thousandths of an inch. the old man turns a crank, dialing in a tenth of an inch, and the cutter touches the spinning chunk of brass. small brass squiggles fly from the cutter, as it neatly turns the chunk into a perfect cylinder. he dials in a thousandth, and goes for a finish cut. it touches ever so slightly taking of a thin layer of metal, leaving the brass shining like it had just been polished. the man is old even beyond his years, though they are many. he has trouble getting in and out of bed, but when he works this machine, he does not show it. when he works this machine, he shines, like the brass he shapes. what is he making you ask? perhaps it is handle for his coffin. that would be poetic, but no it is the beginnings of a new device. a device he will never finish, but the plans are there, in blue and black, on the old machine.

is this fiction? no this is about my grandfather, a brilliant machinist with a million stories to tell. im forever glad i got to hear some of them.
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1helios1
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United States United States


« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2007, 08:55:57 am »

yeah, um, just to clarify in case there was confusion, i love comments.  Smiley
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anno
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****
United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2007, 07:10:13 pm »

I would recommend using proper grammar and doing a quick spell-check, but otherwise I liked it. It looks as if your grandfather will prove be a great source for stories.
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1helios1
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United States United States


« Reply #3 on: October 05, 2007, 10:22:40 pm »

I would recommend using proper grammar and doing a quick spell-check, but otherwise I liked it. It looks as if your grandfather will prove be a great source for stories.


the only thing i did wrong was not capitalize the beginning of each sentence. could you please point out the errors to which your refer?
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anno
Snr. Officer
****
United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2007, 04:45:09 pm »

Oh. Now I feel like a grammar Nazi. Ah well. The capitalisation was what I was referring to when it comes to grammar, and as for spellings:

he bends over the machine. his body is weak with age, and his site is going, but he manipulates the machines many levers and dials deftly. 'pit' 'pit' the machines well oiled parts drip. though it is as old as the man working it, it is still in top condition. it moves with accuracy to ten thousandths of an inch. the old man turns a crank, dialing in a tenth of an inch, and the cutter touches the spinning chunk of brass. small brass squiggles fly from the cutter, as it neatly turns the chunk into a perfect cylinder. he dials in a thousandth, and goes for a finish cut. it touches ever so slightly taking of a thin layer of metal, leaving the brass shining like it had just been polished. the man is old even beyond his years, though they are many. he has trouble getting in and out of bed, but when he works this machine, he does not show it. when he works this machine, he shines, like the brass he shapes. what is he making you ask? perhaps it is handle for his coffin. that would be poetic, but no it is the beginnings of a new device. a device he will never finish, but the plans are there, in blue and black, on the old machine.

is this fiction? no this is about my grandfather, a brilliant machinist with a million stories to tell. im forever glad i got to hear some of them.
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1helios1
Officer
***
United States United States


« Reply #5 on: October 08, 2007, 02:51:12 am »

Oh. Now I feel like a grammar Nazi. Ah well. The capitalisation was what I was referring to when it comes to grammar, and as for spellings:

he bends over the machine. his body is weak with age, and his site is going, but he manipulates the machines many levers and dials deftly. 'pit' 'pit' the machines well oiled parts drip. though it is as old as the man working it, it is still in top condition. it moves with accuracy to ten thousandths of an inch. the old man turns a crank, dialing in a tenth of an inch, and the cutter touches the spinning chunk of brass. small brass squiggles fly from the cutter, as it neatly turns the chunk into a perfect cylinder. he dials in a thousandth, and goes for a finish cut. it touches ever so slightly taking of a thin layer of metal, leaving the brass shining like it had just been polished. the man is old even beyond his years, though they are many. he has trouble getting in and out of bed, but when he works this machine, he does not show it. when he works this machine, he shines, like the brass he shapes. what is he making you ask? perhaps it is handle for his coffin. that would be poetic, but no it is the beginnings of a new device. a device he will never finish, but the plans are there, in blue and black, on the old machine.

is this fiction? no this is about my grandfather, a brilliant machinist with a million stories to tell. im forever glad i got to hear some of them.

ah, thank you
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cybele13
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United States United States



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« Reply #6 on: October 09, 2007, 06:01:11 pm »

Those would not have shown up in spell check as they are real words, just misplaced in context.

In my experience, it's always helpful to have a second set of eyes look at anything you write because you will miss mistakes...whether you've been writing for six months or sixty years.

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"Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft!"  ~ Theodore Roosevelt
1helios1
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United States United States


« Reply #7 on: October 09, 2007, 08:51:11 pm »

yes, i agree
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Augustus Dayafter
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United States United States

Chief Medical Officer ~ S.S. Seraph


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« Reply #8 on: October 10, 2007, 03:43:39 am »

Can't say that I could speak for your Grandfather, but I know that if you were my grandchild, I'd be damned proud of that homage.

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1helios1
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***
United States United States


« Reply #9 on: October 10, 2007, 08:23:16 am »

Can't say that I could speak for your Grandfather, but I know that if you were my grandchild, I'd be damned proud of that homage.



thank you
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iapryx
Deck Hand
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United States United States


« Reply #10 on: October 12, 2007, 07:25:38 pm »

Grammar Nazi, part 2.

Quote
that would be poetic, but no, it is the beginnings of a new device, one he will never finish, but the plans are there, in blue and black, on the old machine.

IMHO, at least.
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Airships: Most underestimated form of travel and entertainment since 1937.
1helios1
Officer
***
United States United States


« Reply #11 on: October 12, 2007, 10:22:34 pm »

Grammar Nazi, part 2.

Quote
that would be poetic, but no, it is the beginnings of a new device, one he will never finish, but the plans are there, in blue and black, on the old machine.

IMHO, at least.

im afraid i disagree with you there. thats the only way i could ever see myself saying it
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Buford Mathias, Esq. FRS
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****
Germany Germany



« Reply #12 on: October 13, 2007, 06:17:52 pm »

Grammar Nazi, part 2.

Quote
that would be poetic, but no, it is the beginnings of a new device, one he will never finish, but the plans are there, in blue and black, on the old machine.

IMHO, at least.

What's wrong with that, exactly?
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If you read this rather long and convoluted statement (and it is worthwhile, believe me) in the end you will find out (apart from the realization that I like overly long sentences but am severely limited by the maximal amount of characters allowed on signatures) that you have just lost
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Flynn MacCallister
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Australia Australia


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« Reply #13 on: October 13, 2007, 11:02:40 pm »

Grammar Nazi, part 2.

Quote
that would be poetic, but no, it is the beginnings of a new device, one he will never finish, but the plans are there, in blue and black, on the old machine.

IMHO, at least.

im afraid i disagree with you there. thats the only way i could ever see myself saying it
Yeah, I think that's almost more a question of style than of grammar.

That is a very beautiful tribute. Thankyou for sharing it.
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Dline
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United States United States


Keeping the Punk in SteamPunk


« Reply #14 on: October 13, 2007, 11:27:14 pm »

Good thing spelling and gramer don't appear on IQ tests. Good body of work, nice job.
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1helios1
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United States United States


« Reply #15 on: October 14, 2007, 07:38:55 am »

thank you
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