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Author Topic: The Leviathan  (Read 683 times)
AdrianFellspear
Swab

Canada Canada



« on: December 09, 2009, 05:28:08 pm »

Just something for school. Not that great, we had to make a story about a peice of mystery music.

This is just a start. I'll add later I'm completely open for some disscussion, and maybe something i could change.

The Leviathan

Nathaniel Archibald Leviticus, stood at the freshly-waxed down, dark-lacquered hardwood deck of his almost completed contraption, and surveyed the view that was available to him. Just one more day! He thought, his excitement was almost too much to bear, He leaned against the gold rail, looking that the impending sky.

Some people would call Leviticus eccentric, others, brave, but it didn’t really mater, because he was too rich, and too blissful to care about other’s thoughts on him.

“ENGINEERS!” Leviticus exclaimed, “IN JUST FEW, FLEATING HOURS, WE SHALL BE SURVEYING THE CLOUDS FORMING, WE SHALL BE THE FIRST GROUP OF SCIENTITIONS TO TRAVEL BY THE SKYLINE, YET THIS WORK WILL BE FOR NOT IF ITS NOT FINISHED, SO STEP TO!” the broad, rigid mountain of a man known as Nathaniel Archibald Leviticus, clad in journeyman’s clothes underneath his welder’s jacket
Was, indeed, excited as a child at Christmastime, but of course, he knew to contain it.

   The engineers, however, they’re excitement was not as broad as Leviticus’. Yet they still wanted this contraption to be completed, all of those years, figuring schematics, reasearching steam-tesla technology, and not to mention stabilizing the ramifications of plasma coil heating, they wanted to see this thing work, and come hell or high water, they would. So they flew through their work, like machines, they were.


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Amelia von Poopenmeiher
Gunner
**
United States United States

Inama nushif.


« Reply #1 on: December 20, 2009, 11:54:06 am »

While this is flooded with grammatical errors, and other painful flaws, I actually like it. It's a fine hook for a story, I think.

But the flaws....I'm biting my fingers right now to keep from explaining them all.
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Crime never pays; unless you're a mercenary. Or pirate. Or cat-burglar. Come to think of it, crime is quite profitable.
cyberjacques
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United States United States

Inventor, Member of the Van Helsing Society


« Reply #2 on: December 22, 2009, 10:23:02 pm »

Indeed, the spelling and grammar are somewhat painful, but it's still a decent start.  Though spelling is hardly an indicator of writing talent.  My sister is a professional writer, and through her I've met others, and almost all of them seem to be the worst spellers on the planet.  I guess that's what editors are for.

By the way, I love the term "scientitions".  Though maybe it should be "sciencetitions".
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"To mewl and blabber about a treasure map, in front of this particular crew, demonstrates a level of ineptitude that borders on the imbecilic.  And I mean that in a very caring way."
                                                     ~Captain Amelia of the RLS Legacy, Treasure Planet
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