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Author Topic: Critique my writing, if you would be so kind...  (Read 1937 times)
Jake of All Trades
Zeppelin Admiral
******
United States United States


Brass addict, inventor, and scoundrel with a heart


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« on: February 28, 2007, 03:27:07 am »

As the couple of you who read my blog know, I sometimes like to write little stories and the like to give a bit of back-story to the things I build.  I try to do them in a Victorian manner, and would like some honest feedback as to whether or not I'm succeeding in this endeavor. 

The two I'd like looked at are the "Imaginary" portions of <a href="http://jakeofalltrades.wordpress.com/2007/02/04/brass-tracks/">Brass Tracks</a> and <a href="http://jakeofalltrades.wordpress.com/2007/01/23/test/">The Telecalculograph</a>.

Any pointers would be more than welcome!  Feel free to be harsh as well--I can handle it  Wink

Thank you all!

PS:  Do let me know if this type of request is out of line...
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"...it's a form of fiction, and as such, while there may be times when it's considered a worthy vehicle for pointing out some of society and individual flaws - I still want a side that will let there be lighthearted adventures in the clouds, on mars, or under the sea."
--Tinkergirl
Fantômas
Snr. Officer
****
Netherlands Netherlands


As many steps ahead of this claim as I want to be.


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« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2007, 04:58:55 am »

As the couple of you who read my blog know, I sometimes like to write little stories and the like to give a bit of back-story to the things I build.  I try to do them in a Victorian manner, and would like some honest feedback as to whether or not I'm succeeding in this endeavor. 

The two I'd like looked at are the "Imaginary" portions of <a href="http://jakeofalltrades.wordpress.com/2007/02/04/brass-tracks/">Brass Tracks</a> and <a href="http://jakeofalltrades.wordpress.com/2007/01/23/test/">The Telecalculograph</a>.

Any pointers would be more than welcome!  Feel free to be harsh as well--I can handle it  Wink

Thank you all!

PS:  Do let me know if this type of request is out of line...


Just read Brass tacks, and It has some great plot features. I thought continuity was a bit rigid though, and it made me realize that all the earmarks of the present definitive steampunk will quickly become cliches, and no doubt they shall do so directly under our noses. it's great stuff though Jake Smiley Keep it up, and consider making something you don't think of as steampunk at all part of the genre? I don't buy this steam punk is this but can never be that business really, no one can stop a really creative person, they are a force to be reckoned with 'Wink
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" 'I' Is For 'Infamy' "
Jake of All Trades
Zeppelin Admiral
******
United States United States


Brass addict, inventor, and scoundrel with a heart


WWW
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2007, 05:30:57 am »

I thought continuity was a bit rigid though

Hmm, I'm afraid I don't know what you mean by that.  Could you expand on it a bit?  Your genre suggestion has me a tad confused as well...

Thanks!
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Fantômas
Snr. Officer
****
Netherlands Netherlands


As many steps ahead of this claim as I want to be.


WWW
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2007, 09:51:48 am »

Well, now I am not sure I should have said anything because I am worried I will offend you and I certainly don't mean to do that since I like your writing.

What I meant was that without leaving you with the impression that in the strictly technical sense the defined space of each emphasized moment of time does not somehow flow well (when in fact it flows perfectly well) that it might be made to flow better perhaps?

I am not on the team of those without the courage to speak up, when I was learning this or that I'd have gotten no where without the folks who did have a word of advice or an idea, and I always despised encouragement without substance, so now I try to be one of those I appreciated .

hope it's worth it's salt, maybe take it with just a grain.  Wink
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Jake of All Trades
Zeppelin Admiral
******
United States United States


Brass addict, inventor, and scoundrel with a heart


WWW
« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2007, 09:35:57 pm »

No, no offense taken at all!  Your criticism is greatly appreciated--thanks!
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