The Practical Fabricator's Magazine (Subscriber's letters.)

[Mercury Wells]

Dear Sir,

Did you know that the reason why the sky is blue...blame the vented instestinal gases of the Air-Kraken!

Yours &c

Major Kokups (Ret.)

[Dr cornelius quack]

Our resident Meteorologist writes.

That is somewhat contrary to the results of a series of tests carried out by me when I was Temporary professor of Wind at Uppsala.

During one of our experiments with a lab Kraken in the University's research chamber, all of the atmosphere was accidentally evacuated while my assistant, the late Mr. Ponsonby, was 'mucking out'.

From the observations of the rest of the team, we concluded that it is simply the lack of Oxygen that makes things turn blue.

[Dr cornelius quack]

A plaintive and all too common request.

"Sirs.

I was wondering if you might publish a notification in your next issue informing my husband that his tea's ready

Yours, resignedly.
Ethel Poodes. (Mrs.)"

[Dr cornelius quack]

A plaintive and all too common request.

"Sirs.

I was wondering if you might publish a notification in your next issue informing my husband that his tea's ready

Yours, resignedly.
Ethel Poodes. (Mrs.)"

Sirs.

I was wondering if you might publish the following in your next issue ?

"Be right there, Dear!"

Yours.
Cecil Poodes.

[Herr Döktor]

A plaintive and all too common request.

"Sirs.

I was wondering if you might publish a notification in your next issue informing my husband that his tea's ready

Yours, resignedly.
Ethel Poodes. (Mrs.)"

Sirs.

I was wondering if you might publish the following in your next issue ?

"Be right there, Dear!"

Yours.
Cecil Poodes.

Sirs,

I was wondering if you might publish the following in your next issue ?

Too late, Mr. Poodes, I've eaten it.

Yrs.,

George Cranke
(lodger)

[Cubinoid]

Sir,

I must congratulate you on a thoroughly informative and I must say nourishing edition last month. How unusual and refreshing to provide a recipe in the recycling pages!

However, I have discovered a drawback, which I feel I should write in and mention in case others may have been affected.

After consuming the delicious "Prickly magazine and hedgehog soup" as described, I realized too late that I hadn't gotten around to trying out the "DIY flintlock pistol that shoots backwards and forwards simultaneously".

It is such a shame, as I was really looking forward to attempting a build, once I recover from my forthcoming throat operation.

Could you supply me with another copy, please? My newsagent store told me all the other copies had been withdrawn.

Yours, as ever,
A. Paul Mackintosh

[Dr cornelius quack]

Our Canteen Manager writes.

Dear sir.

I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed the recipe. The addition of a couple of pages from our sister publication 'The Pepperbox Gunsmith's Journal' in the mix is an inspired twist to a tried and tested formula, adding just the right amount of spice.

Unfortunately, all remaining copies of the magazine have been pulped and tinned  as a part of our annual 'Food Drive' to provide much needed cellulose for those less fortunate.

However, I am pleased to be able to say that  the article you missed will shortly be made available in our twice yearly 'Digest' in a condensed form.

Yours.

Mulligatawny Tureen.

[Professor Obsidian Blaze]

By Telegraph

Sir .
Regarding article in latest edition . Entitled “Gorilla wrestling and other extant pastimes” . May I suggest final line “ match isn’t finished when you’re tired, but when Gorilla’s tired” . Could possibly have been better employed as first line .
Please advise on usual staying power of an average Gorilla . Don’t like the look in the brute’s eye at the moment .

Elsie the scullery maid on behalf of Sir Entwistle Sprocket (Bart)
Awaiting reply

[Dr cornelius quack]

Our Chief Sports reporter replies, on an Aldis Lamp.

"WWHA-YA-MEAN? ESHTANT?..... SHAYS 'ESHTINK!!"

" YAH!...ESHTINK!!....SHWATSHAYS!...ESHTINK!! ...HA..HA.. HA! (HIC!)

"YES?... WHAH-YO-WAN? ............ I AM NOT DRU...!!!"

"TAKE YOUR HANSH OFF ME!!!!!"