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Author Topic: Stoopid instrukshuns  (Read 9559 times)
Herr Döktor
Gadgeteer, Contraptionist, and Inventor, FVSS
Governor
Master Tinkerer
****
United Kingdom United Kingdom


Herr Döktor, and friend.


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« Reply #50 on: May 16, 2009, 05:05:37 pm »

Always amused and amazed me that back in the seventies Dr. Who U.N.I.T stories, the top secret U.N.I.T base always seemed to have a sign outside announcing who they were and what went on there...
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Von Gast
Zeppelin Admiral
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United Kingdom United Kingdom


Gentleman Racer and Explorer


« Reply #51 on: May 16, 2009, 05:24:40 pm »

Torchwood are similar. Buzzing around Cardiff in a very unique Range Rover with "Torchwood" stamped on the front wings. Yep, they won't have every Land Rover enthusiast in the area noticing them and posting it in the Spotted section of the forums!  Wink
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Dr cornelius quack
Rogue Ætherlord
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United Kingdom United Kingdom


Arrant Carney. Phmebian Cultural Attache.


« Reply #52 on: May 16, 2009, 05:50:20 pm »

What better way to hide an active secret nuclear bunker than to disguise it as a disused secret nuclear bunker?

Dr. Q.

(Currently giving guided tours of his "Disused" Mad Scientists laboratory.)


"No. No. The creature on the slab is just an animatronic model for display purposes."

Please leave all pitchforks and torches at the cloakroom by the entrance.

Visitors are advised to stay outside the safety barriers.

The proprietors accept no responsibility for damaged or lost property, limbs, brains etc.

The use of lethal force has been (enthusiastically) sanctioned.

Help support the museum by joining our organ doner scheme.

Why not round off your day with a visit to our gift shop?
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Such are the feeble bases on which many a public character rests.

Today, I am two, separate Gorillas.
Lucifargundam
Guest
« Reply #53 on: May 16, 2009, 05:53:16 pm »

I see new ones all the time... i just forget to remember them.
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Zwack
Zeppelin Admiral
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United States United States

And introducing the wonderful Irish (Mrs Z).


« Reply #54 on: May 16, 2009, 06:54:58 pm »

I love "Serving Suggestions" myself.  Usually they're something far fetched like "put them in a bowl with a sprig of mint" from a can of peas. 

Presumably they're trying to warn you that when you open the can there is no mint, nor are there any bowls. 

Z.
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"At least those oddballs are interesting" - My Wife.
I'm British but living in America.  This might explain my spelling.
akumabito
Immortal
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Netherlands Netherlands


Mundus Patria Nostra!


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« Reply #55 on: May 16, 2009, 07:34:28 pm »


Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Mrs. Sullivan
Zeppelin Captain
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United States United States



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« Reply #56 on: May 16, 2009, 08:55:18 pm »

I love "Serving Suggestions" myself.  Usually they're something far fetched like "put them in a bowl with a sprig of mint" from a can of peas. 

Presumably they're trying to warn you that when you open the can there is no mint, nor are there any bowls. 

Z.

Well, if they showed a photo of the actual congealed lump of foodstuff on the label, there would never be any sales. Smiley

My favorite stupid instructions came with a pair of pantyhose - showed how to put them on.  To those of you who have not read these instructions:  If you find yourself with pantyhose on your head, you're doing it wrong!
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I\\\'m in Darkshines\\\' Sewing Swap!
David Godfrey Esq.
Zeppelin Captain
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United Kingdom United Kingdom

Its probably best not to ask really...


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« Reply #57 on: May 16, 2009, 09:31:09 pm »

I once saw a road sign for a "Government Military Base", or something along those lines of Relatively Important To Keep Secret. Now fair enough, I don't think a whole load of terrorists are going to be driving along crammed into the back of a Toyota Yaris, but that still strikes me as a slightly silly road sign.

It may be an urban myth, but I seem to recall that the Post Office Tower was not included on maps during the Cold War. Given that until 1980 it had a revolving restaurant I'm not quite sure why they hid it.
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Reunite Gondwanaland!
The Kernel
Zeppelin Admiral
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England England


Nutty Scientist


« Reply #58 on: May 16, 2009, 10:22:58 pm »

Certainly many "sensitive" factories and similar were omitted from OS maps until reciently, eg nuclear fuel and reprocessing plants.
It was slightly surreal seeing open fields on a map, but a huge modern factory in reality.
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One for whom the terms GEEK and NERD are considered great compliments
Von Gast
Zeppelin Admiral
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United Kingdom United Kingdom


Gentleman Racer and Explorer


« Reply #59 on: May 16, 2009, 10:52:13 pm »

The OS is far from infallible. There are a couple of byways near me that are marked wrongly. One is shown spearing across the countryside where there is no visible track, the other is shown proceeding directly into a rock face. Generally we follow the obvious track around the outcrop!
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The Kernel
Zeppelin Admiral
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England England


Nutty Scientist


« Reply #60 on: May 16, 2009, 10:57:03 pm »

You mean you deviate from the published "Right-of-Way"

Horrors Shocked
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Von Gast
Zeppelin Admiral
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United Kingdom United Kingdom


Gentleman Racer and Explorer


« Reply #61 on: May 16, 2009, 11:20:19 pm »

You mean you deviate from the published "Right-of-Way"

Horrors Shocked

Only because I have yet to work out how to drive straight up a cliff!  Cheesy

I would imagine that some poor chap in their offices got a bit confused and dragged the route in the wrong direction. The one going into a rocky outcrop seems to make a 90 degree turn specifically in order to do so, as opposed to the track on the ground which is clearly visible skirting it.
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The Kernel
Zeppelin Admiral
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England England


Nutty Scientist


« Reply #62 on: May 16, 2009, 11:25:43 pm »

I believe this is traditionally attributed to a groove in the tabletop when the map is being drawn Cheesy
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Vienna Fahrmann
Zeppelin Admiral
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Austria Austria


« Reply #63 on: May 17, 2009, 03:49:49 am »


     This is a translation, rather than an instruction, but I was reading through the "how to ask for food" section of an American friends German-English phrase book & came across "I would like a piece of tasty whale".  Uhm, as far as I know, whale is not a staple item in modern German, Swiss, or Austrian cuisine.  There were some other pretty odd phrases in other sections, too, but I remember the whale one the best.

     Vienna
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David Godfrey Esq.
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United Kingdom United Kingdom

Its probably best not to ask really...


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« Reply #64 on: May 17, 2009, 08:23:31 am »

I have a 1960s English/French phrasebook which contains such useful lines as "Is the North Atlantic treaty as dead as a doornail?"
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