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Author Topic: Stoopid instrukshuns  (Read 9564 times)
vela
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United States United States

Ask me about BLOCK 616


« on: May 14, 2009, 08:24:09 pm »

I was idly reading the back of a shaving cream canister.  Directions:  "Use short strokes with a sharp clean razor"...Darn.  Just when I was going to have a go at the (leg) stubble with a dull, preferably rusty utensil...

What are the stupidest instructions you've ever received?

-vela 
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JingleJoe
Zeppelin Overlord
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United Kingdom United Kingdom


The Green Dungeon Alchemist


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« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2009, 08:31:14 pm »

It was on a bag of peanuts, something along the lines of:

1. open bag
2. eat peanuts
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The Abiliegh
Zeppelin Admiral
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United States United States


Wench with a Wrench

The_Abi
« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2009, 08:34:26 pm »

On my blowdryer and curling iron:

"Never use while sleeping" and "Do not use while bathing or in the shower"
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The Kernel
Zeppelin Admiral
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England England


Nutty Scientist


« Reply #3 on: May 14, 2009, 08:44:43 pm »

It was on a bag of peanuts, something along the lines of:

1. open bag
2. eat peanuts

I've seen that - I assumed it was tongue in cheek
I have however seen instructions on toothpicks!
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One for whom the terms GEEK and NERD are considered great compliments
Hägglund
Snr. Officer
****
Sweden Sweden

Ground-pirate, Smuggler, Moonshiner etc.


« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2009, 09:08:39 pm »

On a ATV with an extra seat mounted(in the store).
"Do not drive with a passanger, it's effect the balance..."
« Last Edit: May 14, 2009, 09:13:30 pm by Hägglund » Logged

99 square ångströmparsec of beer on the wall!
99 square ångströmparsec of beer!
take one down, and pass it around
98 square ångströmparsec of beer on the wall!
Aeryenne Tederich
Snr. Officer
****
United Kingdom United Kingdom


The Illusionist


« Reply #5 on: May 14, 2009, 09:14:53 pm »

On a pair of spurs and accompanying riding-crop (and this was in your average saddlery, I might add) -

"Do not use for fetish purposes."

Why I didn't think to take a photograph, I'll never know.
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"A civilized society is one which tolerates eccentricity to the point of doubtful sanity."
 - Robert Frost
Pnakotus
Zeppelin Captain
*****
United States United States



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« Reply #6 on: May 14, 2009, 09:15:57 pm »

"Hold stick near centre of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion." - how to use toothpicks from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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"Tie two birds together,
and although they have four wings,
they cannot fly."
Hägglund
Snr. Officer
****
Sweden Sweden

Ground-pirate, Smuggler, Moonshiner etc.


« Reply #7 on: May 14, 2009, 09:41:08 pm »


Crush the surprised gastropod with an wrench? Huh
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Von Gast
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Gentleman Racer and Explorer


« Reply #8 on: May 14, 2009, 09:45:19 pm »

On a pair of spurs and accompanying riding-crop (and this was in your average saddlery, I might add) -

"Do not use for fetish purposes."

Why I didn't think to take a photograph, I'll never know.

More to the point, why would it matter? I would imagine that anyone planning to use a crop in that way would know how to avoid doing serious damage with it, and in any case would have more sense than to use spurs...

Not sure about daft instructions but translations from Japanese are always fun:

"It is said to be very difficult the acquisition of the ticket to be popular.
In dinnertime, I seem to see the Sea of Japan of beautiful dusk from the car window."

I think it refers to an overnight train service!
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The Abiliegh
Zeppelin Admiral
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United States United States


Wench with a Wrench

The_Abi
« Reply #9 on: May 14, 2009, 09:54:24 pm »

I forgot my favorite warning label! ('ve got a picture of it on my photobucket, but i cant get to that from work). It's not stupid in the least, but it seems appropriate.

DANGER
Do Not Touch Tesla Coils
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Skinner
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United Kingdom United Kingdom


Captain Charlotte J. Skinner, Airship Scalleywag


« Reply #10 on: May 14, 2009, 11:45:28 pm »

"Hold stick near centre of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion."

For a minute there...
« Last Edit: May 14, 2009, 11:57:17 pm by Skinner » Logged
Mechanic
Zeppelin Captain
*****
Canada Canada


« Reply #11 on: May 15, 2009, 12:47:59 am »

On a box of rat poison: Not for human consumption.
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alfa1
Zeppelin Captain
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Australia Australia



« Reply #12 on: May 15, 2009, 12:53:26 am »

Warning: Hot when heated.

Seriously.   I had this one on some kind of microwave food item many years ago.
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clockwork creation
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Rapscallion Smile


« Reply #13 on: May 15, 2009, 01:10:30 am »

It was on a bag of peanuts, something along the lines of:

1. open bag
2. eat peanuts

I had a bag of peanuts with a 'WARNING MAY CONTAIN NUTS'  label on the pack.....
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Francis Skinner
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United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #14 on: May 15, 2009, 01:58:25 am »

I found this at 4am in some god-forsaken petrol station. It was basically a meat stick (Chinese chicken to be exact)
Stick-o-chicken


Not suitable of vegetarians
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flimflam
Officer
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United States United States



« Reply #15 on: May 15, 2009, 02:03:25 am »

on a chainsaw
do not attempt to stop chain with face or testicles
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hola senoro
CapnHarlock
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WWW
« Reply #16 on: May 15, 2009, 02:07:41 am »

On a cheap knockoff of a tamagotchi-type toy:

"Do not be dismounted by kids"

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But better to have tripped than never danced at all."
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von Adler
Guest
« Reply #17 on: May 15, 2009, 06:27:20 am »

Just about all instructions on US Army equipment issued to infantry: a text instructing you not to use on open fire or on heater plates in a plastic canteen bottle; the near-legendary instruction of "This side towards enemy" on claymore mines (though to be honest, they might not be misplaced, given that the best way to stress test something is to give it to a soldier, no matter what army).
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lilibat
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gamer geek goth girl

lilibat
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« Reply #18 on: May 15, 2009, 06:34:16 am »


Crush the surprised gastropod with an wrench? Huh


That's turn counter clockwise slowly, with caution.
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Sir Nikolas Vendigroth
Captain Spice
Immortal
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United Kingdom United Kingdom



« Reply #19 on: May 15, 2009, 10:34:06 am »

It was on a bag of peanuts, something along the lines of:

1. open bag
2. eat peanuts

I had a bag of peanuts with a 'WARNING MAY CONTAIN NUTS'  label on the pack.....

I saw a lettuce with that warning on.

And on a can of propane I had once "Do not use while asleep."
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Quote from: elShoggotho
HE WRESTLES BEARS, HE DRINKS HIS ALE, HE LOVES HIS AUTUNITE! ON WEDNESDAYS HE GOES SHOPPING, THIS SONG IS UTTER SHI-

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_|¯¯|_
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James Harrison
Immortal
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Bachelor of the Arts; Master of the Sciences


« Reply #20 on: May 15, 2009, 10:39:52 am »

On a packet of silica gel:

Do Not Eat. 

That means somebody ate it once...
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Persons intending to travel by open carriage should select a seat with their backs to the engine, by which means they will avoid the ashes emitted therefrom, that in travelling generally, but particularly through the tunnels, prove a great annoyance; the carriage farthest from the engine will in consequence be found the most desirable.
markf
Goggleologist
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United States United States



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« Reply #21 on: May 15, 2009, 12:42:43 pm »

Part of the user warnings on my previous Direct TV remote control: "Not dishwasher safe".  markf
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jringling
Time Traveler
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convicted Rogue and Vagabond…long story…


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« Reply #22 on: May 15, 2009, 12:50:42 pm »

I love "reading" the instructions that come with any piece of furniture from Ikea...
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Icky
Zeppelin Captain
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United Kingdom United Kingdom


Yet another goth girl


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« Reply #23 on: May 15, 2009, 01:19:30 pm »

"Warning: slippery when wet" is one of my favourites.

Also, my hair straightener/iron has a "Do not use while sleeping" label. Huh
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Rowan of Rin
Zeppelin Admiral
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Australia Australia

~The Black Blood Alchemist~


« Reply #24 on: May 15, 2009, 01:40:01 pm »

This is the best I have ever seen. The instructions for a toy remote control aeroplane my friend bought in Japan...I think the scan of the instructions speaks for itself:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I would like to hear people's interpretations Wink
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